THE 


MISCELLANEOUS  ESSAYS 


AND 


OCCASIONAL   WRITINGS 


O    F 


FRANCIS  HOPKINSON, 


VOLUME      I. 


PHILADELPHIA; 

PRINTED    BY   T.'DOBSOK,    AT    THE  STONE-HOUSE,    N° 

SECOND  STREET. 
MjDCCjXCII, 


£"":•?>    fm 

v-  •••'.'•  -F 
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Al 

vl 

£3-  THE  following  pieces  were 
copied  out  and  prepared  for  the  prefs 
by  the  author  before  his  death, 

THEY  are  now  publifhed  from 
his  manufcripts,  and  fub  mitted  to 
the  candor  of  the  public  in  the 
drefs  in  which  he  left  them* 


CONTENTS 


VOLUME       I. 


extraordinary  dream,  I 

An  improved  plan  of  education,  1 2, 

Confolatioxfbr  the  old  batcbelor,  2o 

The  old  batchelor,  JVb.  6,  29 

8,  35 

On  Motto's,  42 

On  the  ambiguity  of  the  Englijb  /angaegg,  47 

On  adver/ifyy  ro 

A  revery,  jg 

A  pretty  Jlory  ivtitten  in  1774>  65 

A  prophecy  -written  1776,  02 
A  Letter  -written  by  a  foreigner  (1776)  on  tie  cbaraSer 

of  the  Englifb  nation,  98 

Apolitical  catechifm,  "written  in  1 777,  III 

A  letter  to  Lord  Howe  (December  1776)  1 2 1 

A  letter  to  Jofeph  Galloivay,  Efq.  (puoli/bedin  1776),  127 

Tivo  letters  ly  a  tory  (publijhed  in  1 776)  132 
A  letter  to  the  editor  of  the  New  Jerfey  Gazette,  Jan.  (1778)142 


L   vi   1 

,j?age 

Ananfnaer  to  General  Burgoynis  proclamation^  146 

A  propofal  for  eftabli/fjing  a  high  Court  of  honour,  151 

Advertifemcnt  extraordinary,  by  James  Rivington,  icp 

A  reply  in  Mr.  Rivington' s  own Jlyle,  170 

Intelligence  extraordinary  on  the  removal  of  Congrefs from 

Philadelphia,  178 

Afummary  view  offome  late  proceedings  in  a  certain  great 

aj/embly,  1 84 

On  the  office  and  rights  of  a  grand  jury,  194 

To  the  people  on  the  fame  fubjecJ,  219 

Pve  a  thought — What  is  it  like  ?  228 

A  new  game  at  cards  for  the  improvement  of  orthography,  239 
Afample  of  good  writing  245 

Speech  of  a  poft  In  the  affembiy-room,  252 

Defcription  of  a  machine  for  mfafuring  a  flip's  ivay  affea,  274 
Improved  method  of  quilling  a  harpjichord,  286 

Defcription  of  a  candle  cafe,  293 

A  full  and  true  account  of  a  terrible  uproar  which  lately 

happened  in  a  very  eminent  family,  297 

A  remarkable  hiflorical  faff,  316 

Dialog  uss  of  the  dead  327 

Specimen  of  a  collegiate  examination,  340 

Addrefs  to  the  philofophical  fociety,  359 

Account  of  a  worm  in  a  horfis  eye,  372 

An  optical  problem  propsfed  to  Air.  Rittenhoufe  with  his 

Anfvjsr.  375 


MISCELLANEOUS     ESSAYS, 


(f^r  THE  author  ufedto  amufc  himfelf  with  writing,  occafioual- 
Iy,  little  effays  for  the  Pennfylvania  Magazine,  publiflied  at  Phila 
delphia  in  the  years  1775  and  1776,  by  Mr.  Robert  Aithn.  The 
following  are  feme  of  his  coatributions  to  that  work. 


To  THE  PUBLISHER  OF  THE  PENNSYLVANIA 
MAGAZINE. 

SIR, 

JL  WAS  much  pleafed  when  I  heard  of  your  in* 
tention  to  publiih  a  Magazine  or  Monthly  Mifcella- 
ny.  For  you  muft  know,  Mr.  Aitken,  that  I  have 
long  had  an  earned  delire  to  appear  as  an  author 
before  the  refpe&able  public.  When  I  walk  out  a- 
lone,  which  I  frequently  do,  obfervations  and  fenti- 
ments  arife  in  my  mind,  which  appear  to  me  as  wife 
and  important  as  many  of  thofe  which  the  prefs  is 
continually  obtruding  upon  the  public  notice. 

TRUE  it  is,  I  have  never  yet  been  able  to  collecb 
A  a  fuf- 


C     a      I 

a  fufficient  number  of  thefe  bright  ideas  to  form  a 
regular  piece  of  compofition:  but  I  had  great  hopes, 
that  if  a  proper  occalion  ftiould  offer,  I  might  be 
able  to  furniih  a  {hort  effay  upon  fome  fubje£t  or 
other. 

You  may  wonder,  perhaps,  why  I  have  not  tri 
ed  my  hand  in  fome  of  the  public  newfpapers ;  but 
the  truth  is,  that  what  with  your  Citizens,  your 
Philadelphia™ ,  your  Lovers  of  Liberty,  your  Mode 
rate  Men,  and  your  Immoderate  Men,  there  is  no 
getting  a  word  or  two  in,  edge-ways,  amongft 
them.  Now,  I  look  upon  your  propofed  magazine 
as  a  pleafont  little  path,  where  a  man  may  take  an 
agreeable  walk  with  a  few  orderly  and  agreeable 
friends,  without  the  danger  of  being  joftled  to  death 
in  a  crowd. 

I  DETERMINED,  therefore,  to  make  my  appear 
ance  in  your  firft  number;  and,  for  this  purpofe, 
I  fat  whole  hours  alone  in  my  chamber:  I  took 
folitary  walks,  and  implored  every  mufe  to  affift 
me. — But  all  in  vain. — Thofe  hard-hearted  god- 
deffes  were  deaf  to  my  earned  invocations,  and 
abfolutely  refufed  to  attend  me,  either  in  their  bet- 
termoft  fuits  of  flowing  rhyme,  or  in  their  common 

drefs  of  home-fpun  profe. 

•* 

THE 


C   3   3 

THE  firfl  important  difficulty  I  met  with  was 
the  choice  of  a  fubject;  much  fruitlefs  time  was 
wafted  in  this  purfuit.  The  whole  train  of  fciences 
patted  in  review  before  me  ;  I  chofe,  and  rejected, 
my  choke;  I  determined,  and  altered  my  determi 
nation;  fo  many  enticing  objects  courted  my  atten 
tion,  that  fancy  hovered  over  them  like  a  bird,  un 
determined  where  to  fettle. 

HAVING,  one  evening,  wearied  myfelf  with  this 
mental  exercife,  I  retired  to  reft.  During  the  fi- 
lent  hours  of  night,  when  the  powers  of  my  foul, 
no  longer  fubjected  to  the  directions  of  my  will, 
were  refigned  to  the  influences  of  the  fpiritual 
world,  I  was  entertained  with  the  following  very 

EXTRAORDINARY  DREAM. 

I  FOUND  myfelf  in  a  place  where  a  thick  fog 
furrounded  me,  and  fcreened  every  object  from  my 
view.  The  exerted  powers  of  vifion  could  extend 
no  farther  than  a  few  yards  round  me. 

AT  length  I  perceived  a  denfe  and  futty  cloud, 
gradually  defcend  and  reft  before  me.  I  attended  its 
motions  with  earned  application.  I  obferved  that 
it  boiled  in  circling  eddies,  and  laboured  with  in- 
tcftine  conflict  j  it  burft  with' a  peal  of  thunder,  and 
A  2  vanifked 


C     4     J 

rammed  in -thin  air:  and  I  faw  an  angelic  form  of 
exquilite  beauty  (landing  before  me.  She  was 
clad  in  flowing  robes,  white  as  the  new  fallen  fnow, 
and  was  invefted  with  an  atmofphere  of  lambent 
glory.  She  addrefled  me  in  words  to  this  effect  : 
"  Happy  art  thou,,  oh  mortal!  and  highly  favoured 
"  in  this  interview!  I  am  TRUTH;  and  as  thou  art 
"  in  the  earnefl  purfuit  of  knowledge,  I  am  come 
"  to  imprefs  upon  thy  mind,  by  fenfible  objefts,  a 
"  comprehenfive  view  of  human  wifdom."  Say 
ing  this,  {he  waved  her  right  hand,  and  the  fog 
difperfed.  I  then  perceived  that  I  was  {landing  on 
a  beautiful  eminence,  which  commanded  an  unin 
terrupted  view  of  a  very  extenfive  garden.  Three 
fides  of  this  garden  were  bounded  by  a  lofty  and 
fubflantial  wall ;  the  fourth  was  warned  by  the  wa 
ters  of  the  ocean. 

<e  WHAT  thou  feeft  before  thee,  (faid  my  divine 
"  companion,)  is  the  garden  of  human  knowledge.  It 
"  is  furrounded  by  a  high  wall,  becaufe  the  wif- 
"  dom  of  finite  beings  mufl  be  finite;  and  it  lies 
e<  on  the  banks  of  the  ocean  of  eternity.  You  may 
"  obferve,  that  it  has  but  one  gate,  leading  into  a 
"  long  and  narrow  path,  on  which  nothing  grows 
"  but  a  few  nutritious  fruits  and  falutary  herbs. 
<e  After  this,  innumerable  walks  and  alleys  branch 

"  out 


[    5    3 

"  out,  directing  to  the  feveral  departments  of  the 
"  garden. 

"I  SEE  your  eyes  are  fixed  upon  that  renarka- 
*e  ble  tree  in  the  middle  of  this  fpacious  garden. 
<c  It  does  indeed  make  a  very  fingular  appearance 
"  now;  but  it  was  once  the  glory  of  the  whole 
"  fcene.  It  is  the  tree  of  religion,  and  its  fruit  is 
"  the  mofl  delicious  and  falutary  that  can  be  found 
"  in  the  whole  garden.  The  folly  of  mankind  hath 
<e  reduced  it  to  the  deplorable  fituation  in  which 
"  you  now  fee  it.  Some  thought  its  branches 
e<  were  too  large,  and  fpread  too  far:  and  left  their 
"  made  mould  Hint  the  growth  of  the  paltry  weeds 
"  they  had  planted  under  them,  they  lopt  off  many 
<e  of  them  clofe  to  the  flock.  Others,  on  the  con- 
"  trary,  concluded  that,  as  it  was  fo  beneficial  a 
c<  tree,  there  could  not  be  too  much  of  it,  and 
"  therefore  permitted  the  fuckers  to  grow  round 
*'  its  roots;  and  moreover,  brought  cions  from 
"  other  trees  and  grafted  them  on  the  flock.  Some 
"  learned  botanifls  infilled  that  all  the  virtues  of 
"  this  tree  were  contained  in  the  fruit,  and  would 
<c  have  all  the  leaves  flripped  off,  as  being  of  no 
<e  ufe ;  whilfl  others,  as  learned,  contended,  that 
"  if  the  leaves  were  preferved,  it  fignified  nothing 
*'  whether  it  bore  fruit  or  not.  Thus  by  their  fe- 
"  veral  fyftems  and  improvements 3  they  would  re- 
A  3  "  duce 


L    6    ] 

"  duce  it  to  a  mutilated,  ufelefs,  and  deformed 
"  trunk. 

"  TURN  your  attention  now  to  yonder  labyrinth. 
"  That  is  the  LAW  department  in  the  garden  of 
"  knowledge.  In  the  centre  ftands  an  elegant 
"  flatue  of  Juftice:  but  the  ways  that  lead  to  it  arc 
"  fo  intricate,  and  the  paths  fo  narrow  and  inter- 
"  woven  with  each  other,  that  by  the  time  thofc 
"  who  reach  it  have  got  half  through  the  puzzle, 
"  they  become  more  anxious  to  find  their  way  back 
"  than  to  proceed.  For  you  muft  know,  that  the 
"  alleys  are  formed  by  (tone  wralls  and  wooden 
"  fences  ftuck  full  with  nails  and  tenter-hooks;  fo 
"  that,  if  the  bold  adventurer  ftiould  even  reach 
"  the  ftatue,  he  gets  there  in  a  moft  ragged,  and, 
"  fometimes,  naked  condition.  Moreover,  the  en- 
"  trances  to  all  thefe  paths  and  alleys  were  much 
"  encumbered  with  weeds,  brufli,  and  thorns;  but 
"  a  celebrated  hiodern  *  hath  taken  the  pains  to 
"  clear  away  a  great  deal  of  the  rubbifh,  and  has 
"  drawn  a  plan  of  the  feveral  windings  and  intrica- 
cc  cies  of  this  labyrinth  for  the  benefit  of  mankind, 
"  yet  the  tenter-hooks,  remain  in  the  walls  as  nume- 
<c  rous  as  ever. 

c<  YONDER   large  department  is  the  diftrict  of 

"  PHYSIC. 

*  Blackftone. 


E    7    J 

<e  PHYSIC.  It  abounds,  indeed,  with  a  great  varie- 
"  ty  of  medicinal  herbs  and  plants;  but  the  mif- 
"  fortune  is,  that  the  mifapplication  of  their  powers 
"  and  qualities  by  unfkilful  pretenders,  hath  been 
"  the  fource  of  much  mifery  to  mankind.  Add 
"  to  this,  that  the  affe&ation  of  pomp  and  myftery, 
<t  and  the  fopperies  of  faihion,  have  too  frequently 
"  rendered  this  important  branch  of  knowledge 
"  ridiculous  in  the  eye  of  truth. 

"  THAT  fecluded  corner, 

*  Dark  with  the  cedar  grove; 

*  Where  fragrant  fpices  bloom, 

*  And  amorous  turtles  love 

*  Beneath  the  pleafing  gloom/ 

cc  is  devoted  to  the  fine  arts,  PAINTING,  POETRY, 
"  MUSIC,  &c.  It  was  once  enriched  with  a  great 
"  profufion  of  fruits  and  flowers  of  exquifite  fcent 
"  and  varied  hues:  but  thefe  have  long  fince  been 
<c  gathered  by  the  artifts  of  former  days.  It  is 
'•  kept,  however,  in  neat  order,  and  furniihes  many 
"  §ay  garlands  and  agreeable  nofegays.  It  mufl 
**  be  owned  too,  that  a  modern  poet  *  cultivated 
*'  here  a  number  of  flowers  and  ^ ver-greens,  with 
"  uncommon  fuccefs." 

HERR 

.  *  Shakefpeare. 


L    *   3 

HERE  I  interrupted  my  kind  inftruftor,  by  Hik 
ing,  what  that  ftrange  looking  place,  near  the  walls 
of  the  garden,  might  fignify. 

"  THAT  place,  (faid  fhe)  is  a  fwamp,  overgrown 
^  with  briars  and.  thorns.  It  is  the  department  of 
"  LOGIC;  and  the  rnoft  ufelefs  and  untoward  fpot 
"  in  the  whole  garden  of  knowledge.  Neverthe- 
"  lefs,  there  are  not  wanting  fome  who  take  delight 
"  in  cultivating  it.  You  fee  what  odd  nooks  and 
"  angles  form  the  outward  boundaries ;  and  the  in- 
"  ternal  parts  are  alfo  cut  by  a  thoufand  crooked 
"  paths,  turning  and  winding,  dividing  and  fubdi- 
"  viding,  and  all  to  no  purpofe. 

"  THE  proprietors  of  this  fwamp  have,  in  vain, 
"  endeavoured  to  drain  it,  as  it  lies  lower  than  all 
t(  the  neighbouring  ground.  They  have,  however, 
<c  fomewhat  improved  it  by  fhutting  up  the  mod 
*c  ufelefs  paths,  and  throwing  bridges  and  caufe- 
66  ways  over  the  marftiy  places.  They  have  been 
"  pleafed  to  dedicate  their  labours  to  me  ;  but  I 
"  flibuld  be  forry  if  any  of  my  votaries  mould  fo  far 
"  mifpend  their  time,  as  to  feek  for  me  amidfl  the 
<f  trifling  intricacies  of  that  barren  place. 

ee  NEAR  to  this  fwamp  you  fee  METAPHYSICS; 
<{  but  this  department  lies  fo  clofe  to  the  wall 

"  which 


L   9   3 

<c  which  bounds  all  human  knowledge,  and  is  fo 
"  (hadowed  thereby,  that  it  produces  very  few 
<c  plants  whofe  virtues  can  be  depended  upon.  The 
"  labourers  in  this  ground  are  continually  endea- 
"  vouring  to  make  peep-holes  through  the  wall, 
"  by  which  they  may  difcover  the  adjacent  country: 
"  but  the  materials  of  which  that  wall  is  made  are 
"  too  hard  to  yield  to  any  tools  they  can  work 
«  with." 

HERE  my  divine  inftru&or  turned  to  me,  and 

faid:  "  I  would  willingly  point  out  to  you  the  fitu- 

"  ation  and  deftination  of  all  the  other  parts  of  the 

"  garden;  but   I   perceive  that   by  the   natural 

"  courfe  of  your  conftitution,  your  fpirit  will  foon 

"  be  again  fubjeft  to  your  will,  and  of  confequence 

"  plunged  in  the  vortex  of  the  bufy   world.     I 

"  haften,  therefore,  to  communicate  to  you  fome 

"  very  important  intelligence,  refpedting  both  the 

"  fpiriiual  and  material  kingdoms.     Truths  be- 

"  yond  the  reach  of  human  inveftigation,  which 

•l  will  tend  to  enlarge  your  mind,  and  give  you  the 

"  moft  exalted  ideas  of  the  Omnipotent  Author  of. 

"  nature. 

|C  ALL  that  extenfive  part  of  the  garden  which  n 
46  bounded  by  the  ocean,  is  affigned  for  the  feveral 
"  branches  of  NATURAL  PHILOSOPHY.  You  may 

"  obferve, 


"  obferve,  that  a  great  deal  of  it  is  beneficially  cul- 
"  tivated,  but  much  the  greateft  part  of  it  remains 
"  yet  unexplored.  By  the  ftudy  of  natural  philo- 
*'  fophy  and  aftronomy  men  acquire  fome  know- 
"  ledge  of  the  ceconomy  of  the  Great  Supreme. 
"  In  fome  inftances  demonftration  and  faft  confirm 
"  the  truths  difcovered;  but,  in  others,  fanciful 
"  hypothefes  are  fubflituted  for  truth,  and  errors 
"  become  fan&ified  by  fyftem,  and  habitual  by  edu- 
"  cation.  My  prefent  defign  is  to  remove  fome 
"  of  thefe  prejudices  from  your  mind,  and  to  en- 
"  rich  your  underftanding  with  true  phiiofophy. 

"  KNOW,  then,  and  obferve  it  well,  that" — 

At  this  inftant,  my  fervant  knocked  at  my 

chamber-door,  and  told  me  that  the  barber  waited 
for  me.  Think,  Mr.  Aitken,  what  a  mortifica 
tion  it  was  to  me  to  be  fo  unfeafonably  interrupted, 
when  I  was  juft  going  to  receive  the  fecrets  of  na 
ture  from  the  lips  of  truth.  Inftead  of  converfing 
further  with  that  divine  perfonage,  I  was  obliged 
to  attend  the  impatience  of  Monf.  le  Frifeur  ;  who, 
without  ceremony  began  to  fmeer  my  face  with 
nafty  foap-fuds.  I  heartily  wiflied  him  in  the  ocean 
of  eternity. 

I  MUST  not  forget,  however,  to  tell  you,  that 
in  a  plcafant  corner  of  the  garden  of  knowledge, 

Ifaw 


[    ii    3 

I  faw  a  neat  little  fountain  of  fimple  archite&ure, 
.from  which  iflued  feveral  flreams  of  pure  water. 
On  a  handfome  pediment  in  the  frorft  of  this  foun 
tain  I  faw  infcribed  THE  PENNSYLVANIA  MAGA 
ZINE. 

B. 


For 


[      12      ] 

For  the  Pennfylvania  Magazine. 
AN  IMPROVED  PLAN  OF  EDUCATION. 

I  HERE  are  few  objects  in  life  of  greater  im 
portance  than  the  proper  culture  and  inftruc- 
tion  of  thofe  who  mult  in  time  fupply  the  places 
of  the  prefent  generation. 

VERY  arduous  is  the  tafk  of  education,  both  to 
the  induftrious  teacher  and  his  affiduous  difciples. 
What  thanks  then  will  be  due  to  him  who  lhall 
contribute  any  thing  towards  rendering  the  road 
to  fcience  eafy  and  pleafant,  or  fliorten  the  tedious 
length  of  the  journey. 

MANY  fchemes  have  been  formed  by  ingenious 
men  for  this  good  purpofe,  in  which  they  have 
endeavoured  to  blend  the  utile  with  the  dulcey  in 
fo  intimate  a  connection,  that  the  pupil  becomes 
infenfibly  inftructed,  whilfl  he  thinks  he  is  only  a- 
mufmg  himfelf. 

As  I  am  quite  difpofed  to  allow  every  perfon 
the  praife  due  to  his  ingenuity,  I  readily  acknow 
ledge  the  ufefulnefs  of  their  feveral  devices :  fuch 
4  as 


C    '3   3 

as  teaching  geography  by  maps  patted  on  thin 
boards,  and  cut  into  pieces,  according  to  the  divi- 
fions  of  counties  or  kingdoms:  commerce,  by  a 
te-to-tum:  h'iftory  and  chronology ',  by  a  pack  of 
cards :  and  Euclid's  elements,  by  figures  cut  out  of 
box-wood,  with  many  other  limilar  inventions,  by 
which  fcience  is  planted  in  the  minds  of  youth  by 
the  fair  hand  of  innocent  pleafure. 

THE  improvement  I  have  made  on  this  idea,  ap 
pears  to  me  fo  important,  that  I  cannot  forbear  of 
fering  it  to  the  public  for  general  ufe;  heartily  re 
commending  my  plan  to  the  truflees  of  our  college, 
and  to  the  patronage  of  the  legiilature.  I  have,  here 
in,  not  only  united  inftru&ion  with  delight,  but 
added  alfo  the  invaluable  bleiTmg  of  health;  making 
thefe  defireable  acquifitions  to  go  hand  in  hand, 
mutually  improving  and  ftrengthening  both  mind 
and  body,  by  one  amufing  procefs. 

IN  order  to  execute  my  plan,  it  will  be  neceffary 
to  purchafe  about  twenty  acres  of  level  ground, 
which  muft  be  well  cleared  of  all  incumbrances  ; 
and,  if  laid  out  in  a  circular  form,  it  may  be  called 
the  whole  circle  of  fciences. 

To  begin  with  grammar,  which  cofts  the  poor 
boys  much  trouble  and  painful  attention:  I  beg 

leave 


L    14    J 

leave  to  quote  a  paffage  from  a  late  humorous  no 
vel;  from  which,  I  mud  in  jufhice  acknowledge,  I 
took  the  hint  of  my  improved  plan  of  education. 
The  paffage  I  allude  to  is  this. 

"  HERE,  Jackey,  let  the  gentleman  fee  you  de 
cline  the  pronoun  article  hie,  h&c,  hoc.  Matter 
Jackey  immediately  began  hopping  about  the  room, 
repeating  hie,  hgc,  hoc  ;  genitive,  hujus,  dative, 
hide  ;  accufative,  hum,  hac,  hoc  ;  vocative,  caret ; 
ablative,  hoc,  htec  hoc.  There  now,  fays  Selkirk, 
in  this  manner  I  teach  him  the  whole  grammar.  I 
make  eight  boys  reprefent  the  eight  parts  of  fpeech. 
The  noun  fubft  ant  ive  {lands  by  himfelf ;  the  adjec 
tive  has  another  boy  to  fupport  him;  the  nomina 
tive  cafe  carries  a  little  wand  before  the  verb  ;  the 
accufative  cafe  walks  after  and  fupports  his  train  ; 
I  let  the  four  conjugations  make  a  party  at  whift, 
and  the  three  concords  dance  the  hay  together,  and 
fo  on." 

BY  this  contrivance,  the  common  exercife  of 
hop-Jicp  and  jump  is  rendered  truly  grammatical, 
and  the  head  and  the  heels  are  improved  by  one 
operation. 

IN  like  manner,  may  the  young  fcholar  be  in- 
ftrufted  in  arithmetic,  by  the  healthful  play  of 

hop-fcot ; 


r  -5  ] 

hop-fcot  ;  wherein  certain  fquares  are  delineated  on 
the  ground,  and  each  fuperfcribed  with  numerical 
figures:  the  dexterity  confifts  in  hopping  about  on 
one  foot,  and  kicking  apiece  of  polfherd  or  oyiler- 
fliell  into  fuch  fquares  as  {hall  produce  the  greateil 
amount  of  figures. 

IT  is  eafy  to  fee  that  in  fuch  a  commodious  piece 
of  ground  the  feveral  branches  of  mathematics,  as 
trigonometry,  fitrveying,  navigation,  &c.  may  be  ac 
quired  by  actual  exercife,  in  a  mode  very  amufing 
to  the  Undent. 

NATURAL  philofophy  may  alfo  be  taught  by  the 
{ports  in  common  ufe  amongil  boys.  The  vis  iner 
tia  of  matter,  elafticity,  and  the  general  laws  of 
motion  may  be  evidenced  in  pluying  marbles.  Jives, 
and  bandy-wicket.  The  doctrine  of  projectiles,  the 
accelerated  velocity  of  falling  bodies,  and  the  pa 
rabolic  curve,  the  centrifugal  force,  and  the  laws  of 
gravitation,  may  be  unclerilood  by  (hooting  arrows, 
flinging  ftones,  and  throwing  mow-bulls.  Pneu 
matics  will  be  taught  in  the  ufe  of  the  pop-gun, 
flying  of  kites,  blowing  bladders,  and  lifting 
flones  with  a  piece  of  wet  leather  and  ftring:  and 
kydroftatits  may  be  illuilrated  by  the  J 'quirt  and 
other  aquatic  ainufements. 

A  SUF- 


r  16  j 

A  SUFFICIENT  knowledge  of /cgvV  may  be  acqui 
red  by  the  fame  healthful  and  entertaining  means. 
Let  a  large  boy  reprefent  the  major  proportion  ;  a 
fmall  boy  the  minor  ;  and  a  middle  fized  lad  the 
conclufion  :  and  let  thefe  three  play  at  hide  and  feck. 
A  forties  may  be  very  aptly  reprefented  by  thread 
my  needle  nan;  and  a  dilemma  by  blind  buck  and 
Davy.  Every  fpecies  of  fyllogifms  may  be  exem 
plified  by  devices  of  the  like  kind. 

THUS  far  the  common  fports  of  boys  may  be 
made  the  vehicles  of  inftruction ;  but  fome  ingenu 
ity  on  the  part  of  the  tutor  will  be  requhlte  to 
teach  them  moral philofophy  and  aftronomy.  In  order 
to  the  firft,  I  would  propofe  that  the  feveral  pajjlons 
and  affections  of  the  mind  be  reprefented  by  as 
many  boys,  each  of  whom  Ihould  have  his  deflined 
courfe  and  diftance  affigned  by  the  tutor,  who 
fliould  himfelf  reprefent  reafon.  Thefe  boys  fliould 
all  be  blindfolded,  and  darted  as  for  a  race;  and 
whilft  they  are  running,  helier-Jkdter^  in  full  ca 
reer,  the  tutor  ftiould  exert  himfelf  with  great 
vociferation  to  dire£c  them  to  keep  in  their  feveral 
courfes:  calling  out  to  one  to  flop,  to  another  to 
to  pum  forward,  and  to  all  of  them  not  to  joftle  or 
interfere  with  each  other.  It  would  be  proper  that 
the  ftouteft  and  moil  active  boys  fhould  perfonate 
afltonsi  and  that  the  cooler  ajfeflhns  of  the 

mind 


r  17  ] 

mind  mould  be  affigned  to  the  young,  weak,  and 
tardy.  Large  flumbling-blocks  fhould  alfo  be  pla- 
.ced  at  the  end  of  their  refpective  courfes,  which 
will  probably  break  the  fhins  of  thofe  who  attempt 
to  pafs  their  limits,  and  will  give  fome  idea  of  the 
office  of  conference  :  and  it  would  be  better  ftill,  if 
an  impetuous  difciple,  blundering  over  his  flum- 
bling-block,  ihould  find  himfelf  eatangled  amongft 
briars  and  thorns,  previouily  difpofed  for  the  pur- 
pofe.  The  hcad-fcholar  fliouid  be  feated  on  high 
as  judge  of  the  race,  reprefenting  the  underjiand- 
ing  :  and  the  ftrongeft  lad  (tart  the  racers,  emble 
matical  of  the 


To  teach  ajlronomy^  it  will  be  neceflary.to  make 
ufe  of  the  whole  twenty  acres  of  ground:  which 
muft  be  divided  by  concentric  circles,  at  proportio 
nal  diilances,  for  the  orbits  of  the  planets.  Let 
the  tutor  place  himfelf  as  the  fun,  in  the  cent-re  : 
the  larger  boys  reprefenting  the  primary  planets, 
and  the  fmall  ones  attending  them  as  fatellites. 
The  tutor,  by  the  help  of  a  fpeaking  trumpet,  mud 
direft  them  how  to  perform  their  feveral  revolutions 
in  due  order  of  time  and  place;  which  cannot  fail 
giving  thefe  peripatetic  philosophers  a  competent 
idea  of  the  folar  fyflem. 

B  THIS 


C    18    ] 

THIS  is  my  propofcd  plan  of  education,  and  I 
hope  I  fhall  foon  have  the  pleafure  of  feeing  it  put 
in  pra&ice. 

WHAT  a  glorious  entertainment  muft  it  be  to 
fee  a  whole  fchool  of  boys  praftifing  and  aftually 
performing  their  feveral  exercifes.  Some  hopping 
over  a  grammar  leflbn;  Jiepping  by  mood  and 
tenfe,  a&djumping  over  nouns  and  pronouns,  verbs 
and  adverbs  ?  If  the  young  ftudent  fliould  happen 
to  lean  too  much  on  one  fide,  he  may  be  faid  to  be 
declining ;  and  if  he  fhould  aftually  fall,  he  will 
probably  be  in  the  vocative.  There  is  no  lover  of 
learning  but  mufl  be  delighted  with  fuch  an  ex 
hibition. 

As  a  proof  of  my  own  public  fpirit,  I  am  deter 
mined  to  give  a  confiderable  part  of  the  fum  which 
our  legiflature  fhall  order  me  as  the  reward  of  my 
ingenuity,  towards  purchafmg  the  aforefaid  twenty 
acres  of  ground  for  the  ufe  of  the  college. 

IT  may  be  obje&ed,  that  this  plan  is  calculated  for 
fair  weather  only;  but  I  am  now  preparing  for  the 
prefs  the  completion  of  my  fcheme,  by  a  variety 
of  in-door  exercifes ;  wherein  I  fhall  fhew,  that 
laws  and  government  may  be  taught  by  the  play  of 

break 


r  '9  : 

break  the  friar's  neck  ;  trade  and  commerce,  by  I 
am  a  Spanijh  merchant ;  the  occult  fciences,  by 
hide  the  Jlipper :  and  fo  on.  But  I  will  not  by 
anticipation  IclTen  the  pleafure  my  readers  will 
have  in  perufmg  the  fecond  part  of  education 
improved. 


B  2  CONSO- 


CONSOLATION  FOR  THE  OLD   BACHELOR.* 

\ 

Mr.  Aitken, 

Y  OUR  Old  Bachelor  having  pathetically  re- 
prefented  the  jniferies  of  his  folitary  fituation,  fe- 
verely  reproaching  himfelf  for  having  negle&ed 
to  marry  in  his  younger  days ;  I  would  fain  alle 
viate  his  diftrefs,  by  {hewing  that  it  is  pojfible  he 
might  have  been  as  unhappy — even  in  the  honour 
able  (late  of  matrimony. 

I  am  a  ilioemaker  in  this  city,  and  by  my  induf- 
try  and  attention  have  been  enabled  to  maintain 
my  wife  and  a  daughter,  now  fix  years  old,  in 
comfort  and  refpeft  ;  and  to  lay  by  a  little  at  the 
year's  end,  againft  a  rainy  day. 

MY  good  wife  had  long  teafed  me  to  take  her 
to  New  York,  in  order  to  vifit  Mrs.  Snip,  the  la 
dy  of  an  eminent  taylor  in  that  city,  and  her  cou- 
fin ;  from  whom  {he  had  received  many  preffing 
invitations. 

THIS 

*  A  paper,  under  the  title  of  The  Old  Bachel»rt    had  been  infti- 
tuted  in  the  Pennfylvania  Magazine. 


r  si  3 

THIS  jaunt  had  been  the  daily  fubjeft  of  difcuf- 
fion  at  breakfafl,  dinner,  and  fupper  for  a  month 
before  the-  time  fixed  upon  for  putting  it  in  execu 
tion.  As  our  daughter  "Jenny  could  by  no  means 
be  left  at  home,  many  and  great  were  the  prepa- 
tions  to  equip  Mifs  and  her  Mamma  for  this  impor 
tant  journey ;  and  yet,  as  my  wife  allured  me, 
there  was  nothing  provided  but  what  was  abfolute- 
ly  necejfary,  and  which  we  could  not  poffibly  do 
without — My  purfe  fweat  at  every  pore. 

AT  laft,  the  long  expected  day  arrived,  preceded 
by  a  very  reftlefs  night.  For,  as  my  wife  could  not 
fleep  for  thinking  on  the  approaching  jaunt,  nei 
ther  would  {he  fuffer  me  to  repofe  in  quiet.  If  I 
happened  through  wearifomenefs  to  fall  into  a 
ilumber,  (lie  immediately  roufed  me  by  fome  un- 
feafonable  queflion  or  remark :  frequently  afk- 
ing  if  I  was  fure  the  apprentice  had  greafed  the 
chair-wheels,  and  feen  that  the  harnefs  was  clean 
and  in  good  order ;  often  obferving  how  furprifed 
her  coufin  Snip  would  be  to  fee  us  ;  and  as  often 
wondering  how  poor  dear  Mifs  Jenny  would  bear 
the  fatigue  of  the  journey — Thus  pail  the  night 
in  delightful  difcourfe,  if  that  can  with  propriety 
be  called  a  difcourfe,  wherein  my  wife  was  the 
only  fpeaker — my  replies  never  exceeding  the  mo- 
B  3  nofyllables 


22 


nofyllables  yes  or  no9  murmured  between  fleeping 
and  waking. 

No  fooner  was  it  fair  day-light,  but  up  ftarted 
my  notable  wife,  and  foon  roufed  the  whole  fami 
ly.  The  little  trunk  was  fluffed  with  baggage,  even 
to  burfting,  and  tied  behind  the  chair,  and  the 
chair-box  was  crammed  with  trumpery  which  wff 
could  not  poffibly  do  without.  Mifs  "Jenny  was 
dreft,  and  breakfafl  devoured  in  hade  :  the  old  ne 
gro  wench  was  called  in,  and  the  charge  of  the 
houfe  committed  to  her  care  ;  and  the  two  appren 
tices  and  the  hired  maid  received  many  whole- 
fome  cautions  and  inftruftions  for  their  conduct 
during  our  abfence,  all  which  they  moil  liberally 
promifed  to  obferve  ;  whilft  I  attended,  with  infi 
nite  patience,  the  adjuflment  of  thefe  preliminaries. 

AT  length,  however,  we  fet  off,  and,  turning 
the  firft  corner,  loft  fight  of  our  habitation,  with 
great  regret  on  my  part,  and  no  lefs  joy  on  the 
part  of  Mifs  "Jenny  and  her  Mamma. 

WHEN  we  got  to  Poole's  Bridge,  there  hap 
pened  to  be  a  great  concourfe  of  waggons,  carts, 
&c.  fo  that  we  could  not  pafs  for  fome  time  — 
Mifs  "Jenny  frightened  —  my  wife  very  impatient 
and  uneafy  —  wondered  I  did  not  call  out  to  thofe 

impudent 


C    23    j 

impudent  fellows  to  make  way  for  us ;  obfcrving 
that  I  had  not  the  fpirit  of  a  loufe.  Having  got 
through  this  difficulty,  we  proceeded  without  ob- 
ftruftion — my  wife  in  good  humour  again — Mifs 
yenny  in  high  fpirits.  At  Kenfington  frefli  trou 
bles  arife — Blefs  me,  Mifs  Jenny,  fays  my  wife, 
where  is  the  band-box  ?  I  don't  know,  Mamma  ; 
the  laft  time  I  faw  it,  it  was  on  the  table  in  your 
room — What's  to  be  done  ?  the  band-box  is  left 
behind — it  contains  Mifs  Jenny's  new  wire-cap — 
there  is  no  poffibility  of  doing  without  it — As 
well  no  New  York  as  no  wire-cap — there  is  no 
alternative,  we  muil  e'en  go  back  for  it.  Teafed 
and  mortified  as  I  was,  my  good  wife  adminifter- 
ed  confolation  by  obferving,  "  That  it  was  my 
"  bufinefs  to  fee  that  every  thing  was  put  into  the 
"  chair  that  ought  to  be,  but  there  was  no  depend- 
"  ing  upon  me  for  any  thing  ;  and  that  fhe  plainly 
"  faw  1  undertoook  this  journey  with  an  ill-will, 
"  merely  becaufe  flie  had  fet  her  heart  upon  it." 
Silent  patience  was  my  only  remedy.  An  hour  and 
an  half  reflored  to  us  this  eflential  requifite — the 
wire-cap,  and  brought  us  back  to  the  place  where 
we  firfl  miffed  it. 

AFTER  innumerable  difficulties  and  unparalleled 
clangers,  occafioned  by  ruts,  flumps,  and  tremen 
dous  bridges,  we  arrived  at  Neihamony  ferry  :  but 

how 


r  24  3 

how  to  crofs  it  was  the  queftion.  My  wife  pro- 
tefled  that  neither  (lie  nor  Jenny  would  go  over  in 
the  boat  with  the  horfe.  I  allured  her  that  there 
was  not  the  lead  danger  ;  that  the  horfe  was  as 
quiet  as  a  dog,  and  that  I  would  hold  him  by  the 
bridle  all  the  way.  Thefe  affurances  had  little 
weight :  the  mod  forcible  argument  was  that 
{he  muft  go  that  way  or  not  at  all,  for  there  was 
no  other  boat  to  be  had.  Thus  pcrfuaded,  {he 
ventured  in — The  flies  were  troublefome — the 
horfe  kicked — my  wife  in  panics — Mifs  Jenny  in 
tears. — Ditto  at  Trenton-ferry. 

As  we  flarted  pretty  early,  and  as  the  days  were 
long,  we  reached  Trenton  by  two  o'clock.  Here 
we  dined.  My  wife  found  fault  with  every  thing  ; 
and  whilil  {he  difpofed  of  what  I  thought  a  tolera 
ble  hearty  meal,  declared  there  was  nothing  fit  to 
eat.  Matters,  however,  would  have  gone  on  pret 
ty  well,  but  Mifs  Jenny  began  to  cry  with  the 
tooth-ach — fad  lamentations  over  Mifs  Jenny — all 
my  fault,  becaufe  I  had  not  made  the  glazier  re 
place  a  broken  pane  in  her  chamber  window. 
N.  B.  I  had  been  twice  for  him,  and  he  promifed 
to  come,  but  was  not  fo  good  as  his  word. 

AFTER  dinner  we  again  entered  upon  our  jour 
ney — my  wife  in    good  humour — Mifs   Jenny's 

tooth- 


[    *5     J 

tooth-ache  much  eafier — various  chat — I  acknow 
ledge  every  thing  my  wife  fays  for  fear  of  dif- 
compofmg  her.  We  arrive  in  good  time  at 
Princetoivn.  My  wife  and  daughter  admire  the 
College.  We  refreili  ourfelves  with  tea,  and  go 
to  bed  early,  in  order  to  be  up  by  times  for  the 
next  day's  expedition. 

IN  the  morning  we  fet  off  again  in  tolerable 
good  humour,  and  proceeded  happily  as  far  as 
Rocky-hill.  Here  my  wife's  fears  and  terrors  re 
turned  with  great  force.  I  drove  as  carefully  as 
poffible  ;  but  coming  to  a  place  where  one  of  the 
wheels  muft  unavoidably  go  over  the  point  of  a 
fmall  rock,  my  wife,  in  a  great  fright,  feized  hold 
of  'one  of  the  reins,  which  happening  to  be  the 
wrong  one,  file  pulled  the  horfe  fo  as  to  force  the 
wheel  higher  up  the  rock  than  it  would  otherwife 
have  gone,  and  overfet  the  chair.  We  were  all 
tumbled  hickledy-pickledy,  into  the  road — Mifs 
yenny's  face  all  bloody — the  woods  echo  to  her 
cries — my  wife  in  a  fainting  fit — and  I  in  great  rai- 
fery  ;  fecretly  and  mofl  devoutly  wifhing  coufm 
Snip  at  the  devil.  Matters  begin  to  mend — my 
wife  recovers — Mifs  "Jenny  has  only  received  a 
flight  fcratch  on  one  of  her  cheeks — the  horfe  ftands 
quite  dill,  and  none  of  the  harnefs  broke.  Mat 
ters  grew  worfe  again  j  the  twine  with  which  the 

band- 


C    26    i 

band-box  was  tied  had  broke  in  the  fall,  and  the 
aforefaid  wire-cap  lay  foaking  in  a  nafty  mud- 
puddle — grievous  lamentations  over  the  wire-cap 
— all  my  fault  becaufe  I  did  not  tie  it  better — no 
remedy — no  wire-caps  to  be  bought  at  Reeky-hill. 
At  night  my  wife  discovered  a  fmall  bruife  on  her 
hip — was  apprehenfive  it  might  mortify — did  not 
know  but  the  bone  might  be  broken  or  fplintered — 
many  inflances  of  mortifications  occafioned  by  fmall 
injuries. 

AFTER  paffing  unhurt  over  the  imminent  dangers 
of  Paffayack  and  Hackenfack  rivers,  and  the  yet 
more  tremendous  horrors  of  Pawlas-hook  ferry, 
we  arrived,  at  the  clofe  of  the  third  day,  at  cou- 
fin  Snip's  in  the  city  of  New  York. 

HERE  we  fojourned  a  tedious  week  ;  my  wife 
fpent  as  much  money  as  would  have  maintained 
my  family  for  a  month  at  home,  in  purchafmg  a 
hundred  ufelefs  articles  which  ive  could  not  pojjlbly 
do  'without ;  and  every  night  when  we  went  to 
bed  fatigued  me  with  encomiums  on  her  coufm 
Snip  ;  leading  to  a  hiflory  of  the  former  grandeur 
of  her  family,  and  concluding  with  infmuations 
that  I  did  not  treat  her  with  the  attention  and  re- 
/peel  I  ought. 


r  *7  i 

ON  the  feventh  day  my  wife  and  coufm  Snip 
had  a  pretty  warm  altercation  refpefting  the  com 
parative  elegancies  and  advantages  of  New  York 
and  Philadelphia.  The  difpute  ran  high,  and  ma 
ny  aggravating  words  paft  between  the  two  advo 
cates.  The  next  morning,  my  wife  declared  that 
my  bufmefs  would  not  admit  of  a  longer  abfence 
from  home — and  fo  after  much  ceremonious  com- 
plaifance,  in  which  my  wife  was  by  no  means  ex 
ceeded  by  her  very  polite  coufin,  we  left  the  fa 
mous  city  of  New  York ;  and  I  with  heart-felt 
fatisfa&ion  looked  forward  to  the  happy  period  of 
our  fafe  arrival  in  Water-ftreet,  Philadelphia. 

BUT  this  bleflmg  was  not  to  be  obtained  with 
out  much  vexation  and  trouble — but  left  I  fhould 
feem  tedious  I  fhall  not  recount  the  adventures  of 
our  return — how  we  were  caught  in  a  thunder 
ftorm — how  our  horfe  failed,  by  which  we  were 
benighted  three  miles  from  our  ftage — how  my 
wife's  panics  returned — how  Mifs  Jenny  howled, 
and  how  very  miferable  I  was  made.  Suffice  it 
to  fay,  that,  after  many  diftrefling  difafters,  we 
arrived  at  the  door  of  our  own  habitation  in  Wa- 
ter-ftreet. 

No  fooner  had  we  entered  the  houfe,  but  we 
were  informed  that  one  of  my  apprentices  had 

ran 


L   *8    ] 

ran  away  with  the  hired-maid,  no  body  knew 
where  ;  the  old  negro  had  got  drunk,  fallen  into 
the  fire,  and  burnt  out  one  of  her  eyes ;  and  our 
bed  china-bowl  was  broken. 

MY  good  wife  contrived,  with  her  ufual  inge 
nuity,  to  throw  the  blame  of  all  thefe  misfortunes 
upon  me.  As  this  was  a  confolation  to  which  I 
had  been  long  accuftomed  in  all  untoward  cafes,  I 
had  recourfe  to  my  ufual  remedy,  viz.  filent  pa 
tience.  After  fincerely  praying  that  I  might  ne 
ver  more  fee  coufm  Snip,  I  fat  induftrioufly  down 
to  my  trade,  in  order  to  retrieve  my  manifold 
loffes. 

THIS  is  only  a  miniature  pifture  of  the  married 
ftate,whichl  prefent  to  your  Old Bachelor^'m  hopes 
it  may  abate  his  choler,  and  reconcile  him  to  a 
Jingle  life.  But,  if  this  opiate  fhould  not  be  fuffi- 
cient  to  give  him  fome  eafe,  I  may,  perhaps,  fend 
him  a  ftronger  dofe  hereafter. 


THI 


C   "9   3 


THE    OLD    BACHELOR,    N°    VI. 

C_JH,  that  I  had  been  made  an  oyfter !— 
that  I  had  been  flationed  in  the  bottom  of  the  fea 
— the  winds  might  have  blown  and  fwelled  the 
waves  mountains  high;  I  fhould  not  have  heeded 
them.  Mankind  might  have  fatiated  themfelves 
with  folly,  iniquity  and  deceit;  it  would  not  have 
troubled  me.  But,  what  is  better  than  all,  I  Ihould 
have  propagated  my  fpecies  by  a  numerous  off- 
fpring,  without  the  cares,  without  the  plagues, 
without  the  expences  of  a  female  afliflant. 

HERE  fome  journeyman  philofopher  would 
interrupt  me  with  a  learned  diiTertation  on 
fexes  ;  and  prove,  by  a  chain  of  irrefragible  fup- 
polhions,  that  oyfters  are  male  and  female. — 
What's  that  to  you,  fir  ?  Who  aiked  your  opinion? 
The  deuce  is  in  thefe  coxcombs,  that  they  cannot 
let  a  man  go  on  in  his  own  way,  but  they  muft  be 
throwing  draws  acrofs  his  path. — Go,  Mr.  Philo 
fopher,  go,  catch  butterflies,  and  fearch  for  the 
pineal  gland  of  a  mufketoe. 

OH,  that  I  had  been  an  oyfter! — 'Tis  true 
I  fhould  not  have  known  what  are  called  the 

joys 


r  30  j 

joys  of  life  j  that  is,  I  fhould  not  have  eaten  turtle- 
foup  and  venifon  till  I  naufeated  both,  nor  have 
drank  Madeira  till  I  loathed  it. — True, — neither 
fhould  I  be  tormented  with  the  treachery  of  fer- 
vants,  the  hypocrify  of  relations,  or  the  infults 
and  farcafms  of  my  fellow  oyfters. 

You  fhould  have  heard  from  me  before  this, 
Mr.  Aitken,  but  I  have  been  fick,  very  fick, — al- 
moft  at  the  point  of  death  ;  I  caught  cold  by  put 
ting  on  a  damp  fhirt. — If  I  had  been  married,  my 
wife,  perhaps,  would  have  taken  care  that  my  linen 
fhould  have  been  \vell  aired — perhaps  not.  Be 
this  as  it  may,  I  caught  cold,  and  was  very  fick. 
Nobody  troubled  their  heads  about  me;  I  lay 
helplefs,  languifhing  and  neglefted  above ;  my 
fervants  rioted  and  plundered  below  ;  every  thing 
ran  into  confufion.  The  common  comforts  of  the 
fick  were  not  adminiftered  to  me;  I  lay  many  hours 
alone,  brooding  over  my  own  melancholy  refle&i- 
ons.  I  thought  I  fhould  die — I  fuppofed  myfelf 
dead — I  faw  my  own  funeral — Not  a  fmgle 
tear  to  embalm  my  memory.  A  few  ftrag- 
gling  neighbours  attend  the  fcanty  proceffion, 
converfmg  on  politics,  or  the  current  news  of 
rhe  day,  as  they  follow  me  to  the  grave.  The 
day  after  the  funeral,  fome  perfon  of  the  next 
£treet  afks  one  of  my  near  neighbours,  "  Pray, 

how 


C    3'     1 

how  does  the  Old  Bachelor  ?  I  hear  he  is  fick." 
'*  He  was  fick,  but  he  is  well  enough  now — he 
was  buried  yefterday." — "  Dear  me !  I  never 
heard  of  it — and  how  has  the  old  curmudgeon 
left  his  eftate? — "  To  the  Pennfylvania  Hofpital." 
No  more  is  faid  about  me — they  pafs  on  to  other 
chat.  After  three  days,  I  am  no  more  thought  of 
than  if  I  had  never  exifted,  except  by  the  managers 
of  the  Pennfylvania  Hofpital.  No  widow  to  be 
vifited  and  comforted  for  the  lofs  of  me — no  chil 
dren  to  keep  my  name  and  memory  alive  in  the 
world,  and  to  talk  of  their  dear  father,  fome  ten  or 
a  dozen  years  after  my  deceafe.  No  elegy  in  verfe 
or  profe  to  celebrate  the  virtues  I  never  poffeiTed, 
or  palliate  the  faults  I  really  had.  Not  even  a  para 
graph  in  the  newfpaper  to  announce  my  departure 
— Yes — I  had  fome  comfort  in  fuppofmg  that  my 
name  might  creep  into  the  fag-end  of  your  Maga 
zine,  under  the  lift  of  deaths,  with  a  declaration 
that  I  had  charitably  left  my  eflate  to  the  Pennfyl 
vania  Hofpital. 

SUCH  was  the  difmal  train  of  ideas  that  prefent- 
ed  to  my  imagination.  My  diforder  encreafed,  my 
life  was  defpaired  of.  Some  half  a  dozen  fecond 
and  third  coufins  came  to  fee  me.  They  difgufted 
me  with  their  officious  and  overafted  kindneffes. 
"  Why  did  you  sot  fend,  my  dear  coufin,  to  let 
4  me 


[     32     ] 

me  know  you  was  fick?"  "  I  never  heard  a  word 
of  it  till  this  morning,  and  I  came  the  moment  I 
was  informed  of  your  danger."  Says  another, — 
"  Do  take  this."—"  Pray  try  that."-—"  There 
is  nothing  better  for  a  fever,  I  have  known  it  to 
do  wonders."  Another  of  my  v^ry  loving  couilns 
fat  down  by  my  bedfide,  and  with  a  doleful  coun 
tenance  began  a  lefture  upon  the  uncertainty  of 
life,  and  the  certainty  of  death.  After  a  few  com 
mon  place  obfervations  he  came  to  the  point  he 
had  in  view.  "  I  hope,  my  dear  coulin,  (faidhej 
that  you  have  fettled  your  worldly  affairs ;  your 
loving  relations  expect  it  of  you  ;  I  hope  you 
have  made  your  will ;  thefe  things  had  better  not 
be  delayed  ;  it  will  be  an  eafe  to  your  mind  when 
that  neceifary  bufmefs  is  over,  and  you  will  not 
die  an  hour  the  fooner  for  having  completed  it. 
We  all  hope  you  may  recover ;  God  grant  you 
may  !  But,  as  we  arc  all  mortal,  and  know  not  how 
foon  we  may  be  called  upon,  it  is  prudent  to  pro 
vide  againft  the  word."  I  told  him  that  my  will 
was  already  made,  and  that  I  h:\d  no  inclination  to 
alter  it.  My  coufins  continued  to  teafe  me  with 
unremitting  cruelty  ;  my  flrength  was  fo  exhaufted 
that  I  could  not  fcold,  ftorm  and  fwear,  as  I  wiih- 
cd  to  do.  I  fretted  inwardly  ;  my  phyfician,  too, 
was  in  league  with  my  coufins  ;  he  denied  me 
every  thing  I  defired,  and  forced  upon  me  every 
2  thing 


[    33     ] 

thing  I  loathed  and  abhorred ;  my  fituation  was 
truly  deplorable.  I  earneftly  longed  for  a  draught 
of  cold  water ;  I  requefted  it  in  terms  of  the  mod 
pathetic  felicitation ;  but  to  no  purpofe. — At 
length  I  prevailed  upon  an  old  negro  wench,  who 
is  not  worth  a  farthing,  and  yet  the  mod  valuable 
fervant  I  have  got,  to  bring  me,  privately,  a  tan 
kard  of  water  freili  from  the  pump.  I  drank  it  off 
greedily.  It  threw  me  into  a  profufe  fweat  and 
deep  fleep — it  faved  my  life — I  began  to  recover. 
No  fooner  was  I  out  of  danger,  but  my  loving  cou- 
fms,  whom  I  had  not  feen  for  four  years  before  my 
illnefs,  left  me  witH  one  confent :  and  it  is  more 
than  probable,  that  they  will  not  vifit  me  again. 
for  four  years  to  come — Heaven  grant  they  may 
not !  But  I  fancy  I  need  be  under  no  apprehenfions 
on  that  account,  as  they  will  difcover  by  this  pa 
per  that  I  mean  to  leave  my  eilate  to  the  Pennfyl- 
vania  Hofpital. 

SUCH  is  the  forlorn  ftate  of  an  Old  Bachelor. 
Sick  or  well  there  is  none  will  do  him  a  fervice, 
or  even  an  aft  of  charity,  but  from  interefled  mo 
tives.  I  fometimes  wifh  I  had  married  when  I  was 
young  ;  but  when  I  look  round  amongft  my  ac 
quaintance,  and  fee  a  tyrannical  and  extravagant 
wife,  a  reprobate  fpendthrift  fon,  and  a  daughter, 
running  off  with  the  firft  vagabond  that  offers,  I 

C  hug 


[    34    ] 

hug  myfelf  in  my  folitary  ftate,   and  blefs  my  ftars 
that  I  did  not  marry  when  I  was  young. 

UPON  the  whole,  I  find  fo  many  reafons  to  wilh 
myfelf  a  married  man  ;  andifee  fo  many  reafons  to 
rejoice  that  I  am  not ;  that  my  mind  is  like  the 
pendulum  of  a  clock  hanging  in  fufpenfe,  and  per 
petually  vibrating  between  two  opinions. 

NOTWITHSTANDING  all  the  fine  things  that  have 
been  faid,  time  out  of  mind,  about  the  married 
flate,  I  am  perfuaded  that  he  who  marries  muft 
venture  boldly.  It  is  not  a  fubjeft  that  will  bear 
much  reafoning  upon.  Ninety-nine  times  out  of 
a  hundred  it  is  pajfion^  or  intereft^  not  reafon^  that 
points  to  matrimony.  Should  a  man,  before  he 
engages,  call  up  to  view  all  the  difafters,  troubles, 
and  inconveniences,  fome  of  which  probably  may, 
and  others  certainly  will,  occur  in  the  married  ftate, 
he  would  never  have  the  courage  to  engage  in  it. 
In  my  youthful  days  I  fancied  myfelf  in  love  two 
or  three  times ;  I  even  made  fome  advances  to 
wards  a  courtfliip  :  but  I  reafoned  too  much  on  the 
confequences,  and  therefore  I-  remain,  as  you  fee, 
a  fretful  Old  Bachelor. 


THS 


C    35    3 


THI     BACHELOR,     N?  VIII. 

— 1  MIGHT  have  fat  in  my  elbow  chair  till  doomf- 
day,  and  revolved  the  matter  over  and  over  again, 
till  my  brain  had  become  as  dry  as  a  box  of  Scotch 
fnuff.  I  might  have  wafted  the  midnight  lamp ;  read 
all  the  works  of  the  learned,  and  of  the  unlearned, 
upon  the  fubjeft ;  and  even  out-ftudied  Duns 
Scotus,  without  being  able  to  determine  the  point. 
'Tis  very  ftrange,  faid  I,  that  any  fpeculation  what 
ever,  fhould  be  fupported  and  contradicted,  efla- 
blifhed  and  confuted  by  reafons  fo  exactly  balancing 
each  other  as  to  leave  the  judgement  hanging  in 
lufpence  like  Mahomet's  coffin.  The  hundred- 
thoufandth  part  of  a  grain  would  fet  all  agoing  ; 
and  yet  I  cannot  throw  that  hundred-thoufandth 
part  of  a  grain  into  one  fcale,  but  I  find  jufl  as 
much  hath  dropped  into  the  oppofite.  In  a  word, 
I  found  it  impoflible  to  determine,  whether  I  had 
better  marry  or  not. 

AT  laft,  an  accident — who  would  have  thought 
it ! — an  accident  fettled  this  important  queftion  ; 
broke  down  the  dam  which  I  had  been  fo  many 
years  building  up,  ftrengthening  and  repairing,  and 
let  out  all  my  objections  at  once  in  a  torrent.  It 
C  2  would 


[     36    ] 

would  have  furprifed  any  body*  to  fee  how  many 
prudential  motives,  felf-love,  avarice,  pride,  pecu 
liarities  of  opinion,  &c.  tumbled  out,  helter  fkel- 
tcr,  head-over-heels,  in  the  gufhing  dream.  Here 
layPr/W<?,bouncing  and  flouncing  indignant  through 
the  foaming  tide  ;  there  lay  Avarice,  wriggling  and 
twitting  in  mud  and  flime — On  one  fide,  Self-love, 
like  a  tortoife,  collected  within  its  own  unfocial 
fhell ;  on  the  other,  thoufands  of  odd  notions 
and  peculiarities  of  opinion  crawling  about  like 
(hails,  tad-poles,  and  unformed  vermin. 

BUT  the  accident,  which  occafioncd  this  ex 
traordinary  revolution,  is  worth  relating — 

I  acquainted  you  in  a  former  letter,  with  my  ill- 
nefs  and  recovery.  For  the  better  eftablifhment 
of  my  health,  exercife  and  air  were  much  recom 
mended.  I  made  it  a  practice,  therefore,  when 
ever  the  weather  was  fuitable,  to  walk  two  or  three 
miles  before  dinner.  One  day,  as  I  was  taking 
my  ufual  excurfion  along  the  road  that  leads  to 
the  lower /erry  on  Schulkyl,  two  women  paffed  me 
in  a  chair.  The  youngeft  of  the  two  drew  the 
attention  of  a  momentary  glance.  I  thought  I  faw 
fomething  in  her  that  made  me  wifli  for  a  longer 
view.  They  had  not  proceeded  above  an  hun 
dred  yards  when  their  horfe  took  fright,  ran  up 

againft 


[    37    ] 

againft  the  fence,  and  overfet  the  chair.  I  made 
all  poffible  hafte  to  the  affiftarice  of  the  unfortu 
nate  ladies.  The  elder  feemed  to  have  received 
no  great  injury  ;  but  the  young  lady,  either  from 
the  force  of  the  fall,  or  through  fear,  had  fainted 
away.  I  took  her  in  my  arms ;  her  head  reclined 
upon  my  bofom — fhe  was  delicate — Hie  was  lovely: 
1  felt  an  anxiety  I  never  felt  before.  Love,  though 
I  knew  it  not,  flole  into  my  heart  under  the  difguife 
of  companion.  I  chafed  her  temples,  herwrifts, 
and  the  palms  of  her  hands.  The  foft  touch 
thrilled  through  every  vein,  and  awakened  unufual 
fenfibilities.  She  recovered,  and,  obferving  her 
fituation,  with  a  gentle  effort,  difengaged  herfelf 
from  my  arms,  and  thanked  me  for  my  care  with 
graceful  eafe  and  a  languifhing  voice.  The  el 
der  lady,  who  was  her  mother,  joined  in  acknow 
ledgements.  The  horfe  and  broken  chair  were  left 
at  a  neighbouring  houfe,  and  I  infilled  on  conduft- 
ing  the  ladies  home. 

LITTLE  paffed  during  this  walk  but  thankful 
expreffions  on  the  part  of  the  ladies,  and  polite  af- 
furances  on  mine.  I  did  not  fail,  however,  to 
examine  the  young  lady's  perfon  and  deportment 
with  great  attention,  and  the  more  I  obferved  the 
more  I  was  pleafed  with  her.  As  they  were  both 
much  difcompofed  by  the  accident^  I  did  not  think 
C3  it 


[     38     ] 

it  proper  to  intrude  upon  them  at  that  time  ;  but 
took  my  leave  at  the  door,  with  a  promife  to  wait 
upon  them  the  next  day  to  enquire  after  their 
health. 

WHEN  I  returned  home,  this  adventure  engroff- 
ed  all  my  thoughts ;  I  fecretly  wiftied  myfelf  fome 
twenty  years  younger,  that  I  might  with  proprie 
ty  make  this  aimable  young  woman  all  my  own. 
What  a  treafure,  faid  I,  mufl  ftie  be  to  a  man  of 
fenfe  and  delicacy  :  How  happy  fhould  I  be  at  this 
time  if  I  had,  in  the  earlier  part  of  my  life,  con- 
nefted  myfelf  with  fuch  a  fweet  companion — but 
I  have  miffed  the  golden  opportunity,  and  mufl 
e'en  fret  out  the  remainder  of  my  days  as  well  as 
I  can. 

THE  day  was  long — the  night  longer.  The 
next  morning  was  chiefly  fpent  in  preparations  for 
my  afternoon's  vifit.  I  was  uncommonly  particu 
lar  about  my  drcfs,  although  I  had  no  deter 
mined  objeft  in  view.  The  barber  had  exprefs 
orders  refpe&ing  the  dreffing  of  my  wig  ;  my  beft 
fuit  of  broad-cloth  was  taken  out  of  the  prefs,  and 
my  new  beaver  neatly  and  carefully  brulhed.  In 
fliort,  I  was  more  attentive  to  my  preparations  for 
this  vifit  than  I  had  been  for  many  years.  But  I 

placed 


r  39  3 

placed  all   to  the  account  of  politenefs  and   ci 
vility. 

WHEN  all  was  ready,  I  went  to  the  glafs  to  ad- 
juft  my  wig.  1  thought  I  looked  uncommonly 
well — at  leaft  I  obferved  a  neatnefs  in  my  drefs  and 
a  vivacity  in  my  countenance  to  which  I  had  long 
been  unaccuftomed.  Certain  reflections  arofe  in 
my  mind  which  I  could  not  then  fupprefs.  And 
thus  I  reafoned  with  myfelf.  Few  men  carry  their 
age  better  than  I  do — this  mud  be  owing  to  the 
temperance  and  regularity  of  my  pafs'd  life.  A 
difcreet  man  of  fifty  hath  the  powers  of  life  in 
greater  vigour  than  a  debauchee  of  twenty-five. 
Who  knows  what  may  happen  ? — perhaps — Oh  ! 
the  enchanting  idea  ! — flranger  things  have  come 
to  pafs — my  fortune  is  unexceptionable — my  per- 
fon,  I  think,  not  difagreeable,  and  my  conilitu- 
tion  rather  better  fmce  my  late  illnefs  than  be 
fore.  At  this  inflant  I  took  up  my  hat  which  lay  on 
the  table  clofe  by  an  old  quarto  Family  Bible,  the 
corner  of  my  hat,  in  lifting  it,  took  hold  of  the 
upper  cover  of  the  Bible  and  threw  it  back — when 
behold  !  on  the  firft  leaf  of  the  aforefaid  Bible, 
thefe  words,  in  very  legible  characters,  faluted  my 
eye — "  George,  the  fon  of  Thomas  and  Alice  San- 
"  by,  was  born  in  the  city  of  London,  on  the  ioth^ 
"  day  of  Oftober  anno  Domini  ****" — I  need 

not 


[     40     ] 

not  give  you  the  figures — fuffice  it  to  fay,  that 
this  malicious  accident  had  a  great  effeft  on  my 
mind.  It  flruck  the  top-fails  of  my  vanity  in  a  mo 
ment,  and  difperfed  all  the  gay  ideas  I  had  conju 
red  up.  I  left  home  fomewhat  difconcerted  ;  and 
manyjarring  fenfibilities  diftracted  my  mind  till  I 
got  to  the  houfe  where  I  was  to  make  my  vifit. 

IT  is  time  to  inform  you  that  the  mother  of  this 

young  lady  keeps  fhop  in ftreet :  upon  the 

profits  of  which,  and  the  interefl  of  a  thoufand 
pounds  left  her  by  her  deceafed  hufband,  {he  fup- 
ports  herfelf  and  her  only  daughter — Her  hufband 
had  been  a  merchant  of  fome  •  note  ;  but  partly 
by  lofes  in  trade,  and  chiefly  by  living  too  expen- 
fively  for  his  income,  had  it  not  in  his  power  to 
leave  any  thing  considerable  to  his  family.  This 
intelligence  I  artfully  obtained  from  an  acquain 
tance  in  the  common  way  of  chat. 

I  was  received  by  my  new  friends  with  great 
cordiality.  The  mother  was  all  complaifance  and 
civility,  the  daughter  all  fweetnefs  and  innocence. 
Our  difcourfe  firfl  turned  upon  the  accident  of  the 
preceding  day.  I  was  happy  in  finding  it  attended 
with  no  bad  confequences ;  and  happier  flill  (as  I 
took  occafion  to  obferve)  it  had  been  the  means  of 
introducing  me  to  fuch  an  agreeable  family  j  declar 
ing 


[     41      ] 

ing  my  intention  to  take  advantage  of  it  by  occafi- 
nal  vifits.  To  this  a  reply  was  made  quite  to  my 
fatisfaction.  I  fpent  the  afternoon  and  a  good  part 
of  the  evening  mofl  agreeably.  I  returned  homa 
in  high  fpirits,  and  much  enamoured  with  the 
young  lady.  I  thought  no  more  of  the  accident 
of  the  family  Bible,  but  indulged  myfelf  for  the  re 
mainder  of  the  night  in  a  thoufand  golden  dreams. 

Now,  if  ever  you  expect  to  hear  from  me  a- 
gain,  I  infifl  that  you  do  not  entitle  this,  or  any 
fubfequent  letter  from  me,  The  Old  Bachelor.  I 
am  not  fo  old  perhaps  as  you  may  imagine.  I  dare 
fay  Methufelah  was  in  leading-firings  at  my  age,  or 
juft  beginning  to  cut  his  teeth.  A  man  fo  hearty 
and  ruddy  as  I  am,  cannot  with  any  propriety  be 
called  Old — 0/^philofopher,  Old  hermit,  Old  mar 
ried  men.  Old  widower,  may  be  well  enough — but 
old  (hould  never  be  applied  to  a  bachelor  until  he 
is  a  great  deal  older  than  I  am  yet — thank  God  ! 
You  may  alledge  that  in  fome  of  my  letters  I  have 
called  myfelf  an  Old  Bachelor — but  I  was  not  wrell 
then,  and  fomewhat  low  fpirited — I  did  myfelf 
great  injuflice,  and  have  a  right  to  recall  the  ex- 
preffion — which  I  now  do — Indulge  me  in  this  par 
ticular,  and  perhaps  you  may  hear  from  me  again. 


ON 


L    42    J 


ON     M  O  T  T  O  S. 

JL  WAS  much  entertained  by  your  friend's  expla 
nation  of  the  devices  and  mottos  which  diftinguifli 
our  continental  bills  of  credit.  When  a  motto  ac 
companies  a  device,  there  mould  be  fuch  a  connec 
tion  between  them  that  the  one  mould  be  explana 
tory  of  the  other,  fo  that  a  little  knowledge  of  the 
language  from  which  the  motto  is  felefted,  mould 
be  fufficient  for  a  difcovery  of  the  author's  fen- 
timent.  But  I  have  often  puzzled  my  brains  to 
no  purpofe  to  tranflate  fome  of  the  mottos  in  he 
raldry  ;  there  being  feldom  any  connection  between 
the  device  and  the  infcription.  And  as  the  gram 
mar  of  the  motto  is  almoft  always  incomplete,  I 
have  been  inclined  to  think  that  the  words  were 
only  intended  as  ornamental,  in  filling  up  the  va 
cant  fpace  of  a  handfome  fcroll. 

YOUR  writers  of  elTays  and  pamphlets  are  gene 
rally  very  fond  of  mottos — as  well  no  title-page  as 
no  motto.  The  perfon  amongft  the  Indians  who 
a6ts  in  the  capacity  of  phyfician  and  magician  (for 
they  always  unite  thefe  characters)  wears  a  leaf  of 
fome  plant  on  his  forehead  or  bread,  to  indicate 

his 


[    43     1 

his  knowledge  in  the  medicinal  qualities  of  herbs; 
juft  fo  a  fragment  from  Virgil  or  Horace  is  fre 
quently  iluck  in  the  title-page  of  a  pamphlet,  mere 
ly  to  (hew  that  the  author  underflands  Latin. 

IT  is  curious  to  obferve  how  the  works  of  the 
ancients  have  been  frittered  into  fcraps  for  this 
ufe,  and  how  ftrangely  they  have  been  mifapplied. 
Three  or  four  detached  words,  having  the  leafl 
feeming  analogy  with  the  fubjeft  in  hand,  are  ea 
gerly  feized  upon  for  a  motto  :  whereas,  perhaps, 
upon  examining  the  paflage  from  which  thefe 
words  have  been  plundered,  and  obferving  what 
precedes  and  what  follows,  we  may  find  a  fenti- 
ment  very  different  from  that  to  which  the  modern 
author  hath  applied  them,  if  not  directly  contrary 
to  it. 

BY  the  fame  management  paflages  in  Holy  Writ 
may  be  adduced  as  authorities  for  every  fpecies  of 
immorality  and  wickednefs.  For  example,  if  I 
wanted  a  motto  in  favour  of 

THEFT. 

:e  Stolen  waters  arefweet." — Prov.  ix. 
"  Deceit  is  fweet  to  a  man." — Prov.  xx. 

COVETOUSNESS. 

"  Wealth  makethmany  friends." — Prov.  x-x. 

"  Thr 


C     44     J 

*e  The  rich  man  is  wife." — Prov.  xxviii. 
"  Money  anfwereth  all  things.5' — Ecc.  x. 

FOLLY. 

"  Inherit  folly — folly  is  joy." — Prov.  xiv.  xv. 
*e  In  much  wifdom  is  much  grief." — Ecc.  i. 
"  Lay  hold  on  folly." — Ecc.  ii. 
"  Folly  is  fet  in  great  dignity." — Ecc.  x. 

TATTLING. 

"  Hold  not  thy  peace." — Pfa.  cix» 
INJUSTICE. 

"  Puniih  the  juft." — Prov.  xvii. 

"  A  juft  man  falleth." — Prov.  xxiv. 

"  There  is  not  a  juft  man  upon  earth  that  doth 

"  good." — Ecc.  vii. 

SUICIDE. 

"  Put  a  knife  to  thy  throat."— Prov.  xxiii. 
REVENGE. 

"  Heap  coals  of  fire  upon  his  head,  and  the  Lord 
"  lhall  reward  thee." — Prov.  xxv. 

UNCLEANNESS. 
"  Caufe  thy  flefli  to  fin."— Ecc-  v. 

D  R  U  N- 


[    45    ] 

DRUNKENNESS. 

"  Tarry  long  at  the  wine."— Prov.  xxiii. 

"  Give  ftrong  drink.*' — Prov.  xxxi. 

"  There  is  nothing  better  for  a  man  than  that  he 

"  mould  eat  and  drink." — Ecc.  ii. 
"  A  man  hath  no  better  thing  under  the  fun  than 

"  that  he  fliould  eat,  drink,  and  be  merry." — 

Ecc.  viii. 

COWARDICE. 

"  Happy  is  the  man  that  feareth  always." — Prov. 
xxviii. 

SlN      IN      GENERAL. 

"  Be  not  righteous  over-much." — Ecc.  vii. 

"  Though  a  fmner  doth  evil  an  hundred  times,  yet 

"  furely  I  know  it  fhall  be  well  with  him."— 

Ecc.  viii. 
"  As  is  the  good,  fo  is  the  finner." — Ecc.  ix. 

ATHEISM. 
"  There  is  no  God."— Pfa.  liii. 

ABSURD  as  thefe  applications  of  fcripture  may 
appear,  I  have  known  learned  preachers  almoil  as 
much  out  of  the  way  in  handling  a  text.  A  text  is 
a  motto  of  the  firft  rank,  as  it  is,  or  ought  to  be, 
the  fole  bufmefs  of  the  fubfequent  difcourfe  to  ex 
plain 


[     46     1 

plain  and  enforce  it  to  the  improvement  of  the  hear 
ers.  How  many  fermons  fall  fhort  of  this  end  ? 
How  frequently  is  a  text  to  a  fermon,  what  a  motto 
is  to  a  coat  of  arms — mere  matter  of  decoration  ? 
Or,  which  is  much  worfe,  how  often  do  preachers 
diflort  and  mifapply  texts  of  fcripture  to  favour 
fome  new  do&rine  or  erroneous  dogma  ? 

THERE  is  no  doubt  but  that  mottos  may  be  ufed 
to  advantage,  when  they  are  fele&ed  with  judg 
ment,  and  applied  as  an  authority  or  elucidation  of 
the  fubjeft  in  hand.  They  are  with  more  propriety 
prefixed  to  fhort  efTays  than  to  prolix  and  elaborate 
works;  becaufe  the  general  fenfe  of  a  concife  per 
formance  may  be  condenfed  into  a  few  words  more 
eafily  than  can  be  expe&ed  of  a  diifufe  and  volu 
minous  work. 


THE 


C    47 


THE    AMBIGUITY    OF    THE    ENGLISH    LANGUAGE. 

1.  AM  by  birth  a  foreigner,  have  been  fome  years 
in  the  mercantile  way,  and  by  a  fuccefsful  attention 
to  bufmefs  have  acquired  a  handfome  fortune  for 
a  fmgle  man.  Content  with  my  acquifitions  I 
clofed  all  accounts,  and  refolved  to  travel,  and  fet 
tle  wherever  my  inclination  ftiould  determine.  This 
city,  for  manyreafons,  became  the  place  of  my 
choice.  I  found  it  abfolutely  neceffary  to  devote 
fome  time  to  the  ftudy  of  the  English  language  ; 
and  for  this  purpofe  I  purchafed  grammars,  dictio 
naries,  and  fome  of  the  mod  approved  authors  in 
profe  and  verfe;  all  which  I  fludied  with  no  fmall 
affiduity.  I  thought,  at  length,  that  I  had  made  a 
confiderable  proficiency  ;  but  either  I  was  deceiv 
ed,  or  the  language  itfelf  mufl  be  in  the  fault. 

PRECISION  in  terms,  is  certainly  an  important 
perfection  in  any  language:  but,  in  this,  the  En- 
glifh  tongue  feems  to  be  very  deficient;  witnefs  the 
opportunity  it  affords  to  your  demi-witlings  to 
quibble  and  pun  upon  every  occafion  ;  owing,  as 
I  apprehend,  to  the  ambiguity  of  the  language  : 
many  words  having  the  fame  pronunciation,  but 
2  widely 


C   48   j 

widely  differing  in  fignification;  and  many  of  which 
are  both  pronounced  and  fpelt  precifely  alike,  are 
made  to  anfwer  to  very  different  ideas  ;  hence  the 
noble  art  of  punning,  to  which  the  Englifli  are  more 
addicted  than -any  other  nation. 

THIS  want  of  precifion  in  a  language  may  fome- 
times  be  productive  of  real  inconveniences  and 
ferious  miflakes,  as  I  know  by  woeful  experience. 
I  will  relate  a  few  of  the  grievances  I  have  fuffered 
on  this  account;  which  may  amufe  you,  but  were, 
at  the  time  they  happened,  truly  vexatious  to  me. 

HAVING  a  defire  that  my  beft  room  fliould  be 
genteely  furnifhed,  I  wrote  to  my  correfpondent  in 
London  for  the  purpofe  ;  and  amongil  other  arti 
cles,  requefted  him  to  fend  me  a  handfome  pair  of 
dogs,  and  half  a  dozen  of  the  mofl  falhionable 
chairs.  He  replied,  that  he  had  endeavoured  to 
comply  with  my  orders.  Th.at  the  dogs  he  had 
fhipped  were  of  an  excellent  breed,  and  were 
thought  to  be  very  great  beauties,  and  that  he 
had  fent  me  as  handfome  a  fed  an  as  could  be 
made  ;  apologizing  that  the  other  five  could  not  be 
got  ready  in  time  for  that  conveyance,  but  mould 
be  forwarded  as  foon  as  completed.  Judge  of  my 
difappointment  when  a  pair  of  beagles  came  yelp 
ing  up  from  the  fhip.  Befides  the  firft  purchafe,  I 
4  had 


r  49  ] 

had  two  guineas  to  pay  for  their  paiTage,  when  I 
would  not  have  given  five  Ihillings  for  their  whole 
race.  And  then,  to  add  to  my  mortification,  whilil 
I  was  unpacking  my  fedan  chair,  one  of  my  witty 
neighbours  obferved,  that  I  was  determined  to 
have  good  cheer,  let  the  world  go  as  it  would  j  and 
then  making  three  loud  huzzas,  faid  there  were, 
three  cheers  more  at  my  fervice.  I  wifhed  the 
chair  at  the  devil,  and  curfed  the  language  thai 
Was  liable  to  fo  much  ambiguity.  I  fold  this  chair 
for  lefs  than  it  cod  me,  and  had  juft  time  to  coun 
termand  the  five  others  my  correfpondent  was 
preparing  to  forward. 

HAVING  accidentally  broke  a  lady'sjW,  I  ordered 
my  fervant,  the  next  morning,  to  look  for  and  pur- 
chafe  the  beft  and  handfomefL/tf/z  he  could  get,  and 
carry  it  to  the  lady  with  my  compliments.  My  fer 
vant  returned,  after  an  abfence  of  two  hours, 
and  told  me  that  the  lady  refufed  to  receive  the 
fan ;  faying,  that  he  muft  certainly  be  miftaken  j 
that  it  could  not  be  intended  for  her;  and  that  flie 
had  no  ufe  for  fuch  a  thing.  I  was  furprifed,  and 
afked  my  fervant  what  he  had  done  with  it. — 
"  Sir,  I  have  brought  it  home  with  me."—"  Well, 
and  where  is  it?" — "  At  the  door  in  a  cart." — 
"  In  a  cart ! — A  fan  in  a  cart !" — I  ran  to  the  win- 
D  dow, 


C   5°   ] 

,  and  faw  a  huge  Dutch  fan  for  winnowing 
corn. 

AT  another  time,  I  wanted  to  rack  offfomc 
wine,  and  fent  my  blundering  fervant  to  buy  a 
crane  for  the  purpofe.  After  a  long  flay,  he  came 
back  and  told  me  he  could  not  find  one  in  the 
whole  market,  but  had  bought  a  turkey  worth  half 
a  dozen  cranes ;  very  wifely  obferving,  that  cranes 
were  but  poor  eating.  In  like  manner,  when  I 
once  fent  him  to  buy  a  goofe,  he  brought  home  a 
taylor's  iron  goofe  for  my  dinner.  There  is  no  end 
to  my  vexations  of  this  kind.  Having  an  inclination 
to  ride  out,  I  ordered  him  to  faddle  and  bridle  the 
horfe  :  but  he  came  into  me,  fome  time  after,  with 
the  bridle  in  his  hand,  and  with  an  embarraffed 
countenance  declared  he  did  not  know  how  to  put 
it  on  the  horfe.  I  called  him  a  blockhead,  and 
went  out  to  (hew  him  how  it  fhould  be  done ; 
when,  behold,  he  had  contrived  to  faflen  my  fad- 
die  on  the  wood-borfe9  and  had  been  puzzling  him- 
felf  with  the  bridle,  not  knowing  where  to  fix  it. 
At  laft  I  got  myfelf  properly  equipt;  and  intending 
to  vifit  a  friend  a  few  miles  out  of  town,  I  flopped 
a  man  on  the  road,  and  aiked  for  directions  to  my 
friend's  houfe.  He  told  me  that  I  mufl  go  on 
about  a  mile  farther,  and  I  fhould  fee  a  large  houfc 
on  the  left  hand,  and  mufl  go  in  at  a  great  gate. 

Accord* 


C   s«   1 

Accordingly,  as  foon  as  I  came  in  fight  of  the 
houfe,  I  put  fpurs  to  my  horfe,  and  rode  full  gal 
lop  up  to  the  door.  The  family  were  all  greatly 
alarmed,  as  I  had  like  to  have  ran  over  one  of  the 
children  in  my  way,  and  they  were,  moreover,  ap- 
prehenfive  of  fudden  bad  news.  I  told  them  that 
I  had  only  obferved  the  directions  that  had  been 
given  me,  viz.  to  go  in  at  a  great  gait;  but  they 
informed  me,  that  the  gate  at  the  end  of  the  lane 
was  meant,  and  not  the  gait  of  my  horfe. 

ONE  of  my  friends  having  bought  a  fine  mare 
for  me,  I  told  my  fervant  to  go  and  fetch  the  mare. 
By  and  by  comes  the  worlhipful  the  mayor  of  the 
city  to  know  what  particular  bufinefs  I  had  with 
him.  I  was  confounded  with  Ihame,  and  had  a 
thoufand  apologies  to  make. 

BUT  it  would  be  too  tedious  to  recount  all  the 
blunders,  miftakes,  and  croffes  that  have  occurred 
to  me  in  confequence  of  the  duplicity  of  the  En- 
gliih  tongue. 

To  render  a  language  precife  and  determinate, 

every  thing  fliould  have  its  proper  name  ;  which 

fliould  differ  from  all  other  names  as  really  as  the 

thing  to  which  it  belongs  differs  from  all  other 

D  2  things. 


C   5*   3 

things.  By  applying  die  fame  appellation  to  differ 
ent  fubjech,  we  are  under  the  neceflity  of  adding 
Ibme  explanatory  word  for  the  fake  of  diftin&jon  : 
which  is  not  only  a  troublefome 'multiplication  ot 
words,  but  a  clog  to  the  language,  and  greatly 
diminimes  its  force  and  elegance.  Thus,  we  arc 
obliged  to  fay,  a  bottle-crane^  a  •mtedrhirfa  -*.jire- 
etrgine,  £c.  &c.  Would  it  not  be  much  better  if 
each  thing  had  a  name  peculiar  to  itfelf,  by 
which  it  might,  in  one  word,  be  known  and  dif- 
tinguiilied  from  all  ether  things  ? 


ON 


On     ADVERSITY. 

J.  HE  lead  attention  will  fatisfy  the  enquiring 
mind,  that  the  prefent  ftate  of  man  is  not  final,  but 
preparatory  to  a  future  exiflence  ;  the  happinefs 
or  mifery  of  which  will  not  be  determined  by  the 
unalterable  decree  of  the  omnipotent  Creator,  but 
will  more  probably  depend  on  the  temper  and  ca 
pacity  of  the  foul  of  each  individual  to  become  an 
angel  of  light,  or  a  fiend  of  darknefs.  We  cannot 
reafonably  fuppofe  that  God  will  forcibly  compel 
any  man  to  be  either  happy  or  miferable.  Good 
and  evil  are  fet  before  us,  and  our  own  wills  irmft 
determine  the  choice.  Such,  indeed,  are  the  in 
firmities  of  our  nature,  that  without  divine  aiTifl- 
ance  we  are  unable  to  perfevere  in  the  paths  of 
righteoufnefs.  This  afliftance,  however,  is  gra- 
cioufly  promifed  to  thofe  who  fmcerely  defire  it. 
To  'will,  or  not  io  will,  to  be  good  and  happy  is 
in  our  own  power ;  but  really  to  be  fo,  is  the 
gift  of  God.  He  doth  indeed  continually  incite 
men  to  a  happy  choice  by  the  various  difpenfations 
of  his  Providence  :  either  by  an  accumulation  of 
benefits,  which  ought  to  engage  their  love  and 
gratitude  j  or  by  fullering  them  to.  experience 

D  3  the 


C     54     ] 

the  trials  of  advcrfity,  that  they  may  fee  the  va« 
nity  of  temporal  enjoyments,  and  turn  their  views 
to  more  fubftantial  happinefs.  Yet  fo  entirely 
free  is  man,  that  he  too  often  fuffers  neither  of 
thefe  powerful  inducements  to  influence  his  mind 
as  they  ought.  The  fmiles  of  profperity  frequent 
ly  producing  arrogance,  felf-fufficiency,  immora 
lity,  an4  excefs  :  and  the  wholefome  chaftifements 
qf  an  affe&ionate  Father  frequently  creating  mur- 
murings  and  difcontent. 

IN  the  early  periods  of  life,  our  fenfes  alone  arc 
the  touch-ftones  of  good  and  evil.  Whatever  is 
grateful  and  pleafant  to  them  we  denominate  good  ; 
whatever  is  painful  and  uneafy,  we  denominate 
evil.  This  fimple  diflin&ion  is  fufficient  for  the 
ftate  of  infancy,  when  the  nurture  and  fecurity  of 
the  body  is  the  chief  concern  :  but  when  the  mind 
comes  to  be  enlightened  by  rcafon  and  religion,  it 
will  eafily  perceive,  that  an  undue  attention  to 
prefent  enjoyments,  or  a  mifapplication  of  them, 
may  be  productive  of  much  future  inifery ;  and 
that  temporal  crofles  and  afflictions  fit  the  foul 
for  eternal  happinefs  and  glory. 

HUMAN  nature  hath  a  ftrong  abhorrence  of 
pain,  grief,  and  care.  Were  it  otherwife  they 

would 


C    55    1 

would  be  of  no  ufe  in  weaning  the  affe&ions  from 
the  vanities  of  the  world.  Moft  medicines  arc 
naufeous  to  the  palate  and  fevere  in  their  operation. 
In  this  their  virtue  confifls.  Affii&ion  is  the  me 
dicine  of  the  foul.  It  foftens  the  obdurate  heart, 
and  renders  it  fufceptible  of  good  impreffions. 
When  we  are  in  pain  and  forrow,  we  learn  to  feel 
for  the  diftrefs  of  others,  and  are  prompted  to  afts 
of  charity.  When  we  find  that  the  pleafures  of  the 
world  cannot  give  folid,  permanent  fatisfa&ion — 
cannot  gratify  all  our  defires,  we  are  induced  to 
turn  to  that  only  Being  who  is  the  fource  of  true 
felicity,  and  in  whom  alone  there  is  fulnefs  of  joy. 
In  the  time  of  diftrefs  w e  feel  and  know  what  we 
only  had,  perhaps,  a  tranfient  idea  of  before,  that 
the  Chriftian  graces  and  virtues  are  the  only  true 
fourccs  of  happinefs ;  and  will  be  our  comfort  in 
the  laft  inevitable  hour  :  when  all  the  palliating 
vanities  of  the  world,  and  the  anodynes  of  plea- 
fure,  mud  entirely  lofe  their  effect.  The  fenfibi- 
lities  attendant  on  affliction  and  diftrefs,  are  too 
ilrong  to  be  continued  through  the  common  courfc 
of  life.  The  wounds  of  the  mind  will  heul  as  well 
as  thofe  of  the  body.  But  if  afflictions  produce 
their  proper  effect,  the  mind,  ever  remembering 
that  thofe  things  may  be,  will  acquire  a  calm  and 
Heady  adherence  to  the  dictates  of  confcience  and 
the  practice  of  virtue  :  not  as  a  talk  impofed  by 


c  55  i 

a  fuperior 'power  whofe  wrath  he  would  deprecate; 
but  as  the  higheft  gratification  to  himfelf.  He  will 
become  habituated  to  ck>  good  ;  and  what  is  duty 
in  others  will  be  nature  in  him. 

THUS  it  is  that  the  calamities  of  life  may  become 
real  bleffings,  if  a  right  ufe  be  made  of  them.  If 
the  fmiles  of  profperity  do  not  fill  the  foul  with  gra 
titude,  Jove,  and  religious  joy  ;  they  will  produce 
arrogance,  felf-fufficiency  and  pride  :  If  pain,  dif- 
trefs,  and  difappointment,  the  lofs  of  thofe  we  love, 
and  injuries  from  thofe  who  love  not  us,  do  not 
wean  the  heart  from  too  ftrong  an  attachment  to  the 
tranfitory  pleafures  of  Mfe,  and  direft  our  views  to 
better  hopes  ;  they  will  either  plunge  us  in  the  gid 
dy  eddies  of  vicious  enjoyments,  to  drown  every 
painful  fenfibility,  or  will  throw  the  mind  into  a 
wicked  defpondency,  and  occafion  profane  mur- 
murings  againfl  the  Author  of  our  exiflence,  or  fix 
us  in  a  grofs  and  fmful  infidelity* 

f 

I  may,  perhaps,  in  fome  parts  of  this  paper,  have 
left  open  a  door  for  controverfy.  But  I  (hall  not 
enter  the  lifts  with  any  one.  I  would  rather  fpend 
my  time  in  the  moft  unmeaning  amufements,  than 
corrupt  my  heart  with  the  pride  and  obftinacy  of 
what  is  called  religious  difputation. 

PLACED 


r  57  3 

PLACED,  as  we  are,  in  a  tranfitory  fcene  of  proba 
tion  ;  drawing  nigher  {till  and  nigher,  day  by  day, 
to  that  interefling  crifis  which  muft  introduce  us 
into  a  new  fyftem  of  things ;  ought  it  not  to  be  our 
principal  concern  to  ufe  every  means  that  may  have 
a  tendency  to  fit  us  for  that  heaven  we  hope  to 
enjoy  ?  This  cannot  be  done  by  fpeculative  opi 
nions  or  ingenious  theories ;  but  by  habituating 
the  heart  to  devout  legibilities,  and  making  that, 
rather  than  the  bead,  the  feat  of  virtue. 

DRY  and  unfruitful  reafonings,  on  the  one  hand, 
and  the  enthufiaftic  rambles  of  unbridled  imagina 
tions  on  the  other,  have  been  the  fources  of  much 
error  to  mankind  in  religious  matters.  We  are 
not  all  capable  of  underfhmding  the  cafuiftical  re-* 
finemems  of  the  book-learned,  neither  can  we  a/I 
follow  the  extravagant  fallies  of  over-heated  brains ; 
but  we  all  know,  or  may  know,  the  unqueftion- 
able  path  of  virtue.  Let  us  purfue  that  path 
with  unremitting  diligence :  performing  the  du 
ties  of  our  refpeclive  Rations  in  life  with  a  cheerful 
activity  ;  enjoying  the  world  without  being  wedded 
to  its  follies,  and  prepared  to  leave  it  when  the 
awful  fummons  {hall  arrive. 


A   RE- 


C   5« 


A      REVERT. 


1  ACCIDENTALLY  opened  the  35th  No.  of  the 
Guardian,  wherein  a  correfpondent  informs  the 
Author,  that  fome  learned  men  having  determined 
the  pineal  gland  to  be  chief  feat  of  the  foul's  refi- 
dence,  he  had  procured  from  a  great  philofopher 
a  box  of  muff,  which  had  this  remarkable  pro 
perty,  that  a  pinch  of  it,  duly  adminiftered,  would 
fo  affect  his  pineal  gland  as  to  enable  his  foul  to 
leave  her  refidence  for  a  while,  and  enter  that  of 
any  other  perfon  ;  where  me,  in  a  moment,  be- 
come  acquainted  with  all  the  ftranger's  ideas, 
knowledge,  and  purfuits,  by  mere  intuition. 

AFTER  reading  the  paper,  I  clofed  the  book,  and 
reflecting  on  the  fmgularity  of  the  thought,  I  fell 
into  one  of  thofe  deep  reveries  in  which  the  mind 
is  entirely  abforbed,  and  rendered  for  a  while  to 
tally  inattentive  to  the  objects  of  the  fenfes  ;  form- 
ing  a  kind  of  waking  dream. 

I  fancied  myfelf  poffeffed  of  fome  of  this  ex 
traordinary  fnuff,  and  enabled  thereby  to  examine 
a  variety  of  characters,  diverted  of  all  diffimula- 

tion. 


C    59    ] 

«ion.  My  heated  imagination  led  me  a  long  chace 
through  the  intricate  windings  of  the  human  heart. 
The  rapidity  of  my  progrefs  made  it  impoffiblc  to 
delineate  my  obfervations  on  paper  :  for  it  take* 
a  great  deal  more  time  to  write  than  to  think. 
But  I  will  try  to  recolleft  two  or  three  of  my  ex- 
curfions  for  your  amufement. 


AFTER  taking  a  view  of  many  capricious 
racters,  I  entered  the  pineal  gland  of  a  mifer.  I 
found  his  foul  feated  on  her  throne,  with  a  large 
family  of  domeftics  around  her  :  fome  waiting 
the  orders  of  her  will,  and  others  executing  her 
purpofes  with  the  utmoft  attention  and  afliduity. 

"  You  fee,  (faid  (lie)  with  what  induftry  I  am 
"  labouring  to  fulfil  the  defigns  of  our  great  Cre* 
"  ator.  You  know  that  he  has  affigned  us  our  re- 
*'  fpe&ive  little  dominions  here,  that  by  a  proper 
*'  direction  of  the  will,  left  free  for  that  purpofe, 
"  we  may  attain  happinefs.  I  cannot  indeed  fay 
"  that  I  have  as  yet  quite  anfwered  this  benevolent 
"  end;  but  I  am  ftriving  for  it  with  all  poffible  af- 
"  fiduity.  I  have,  by  unremitting  care  and  atten- 
"  tion,  acquired  a  large  portion  of  wealth,  which 
"  would,  I  believe,  make  me  very  happy,  were  it 
"  not  for  two  terrible  apprehenfions.  One  is,  left, 
^  by  fome  unforefeen  accident,  I  fhould  be  de- 

"  prived 


r  «°  i 

"  prived  of  the  fruit  of  my  long  labour ;  and  thff 
"  other  is,  left  an  awful  fummons  fliould  remove 
"  me  from  this  government, and  compel  me  to  leave 
"  all  my  hard  earned  acquifitions  behind-  I  en- 
"  deavour  to  guard  againft  the  firfl  of  thefe  evils  by 
"  continually  making  fuch  additions  to  my  ftock  as 
"  to  render  it  improbable  that  any  one  cafualty 
"  (hould  deprive  me  of  the  whole :  and  as  the 
"  other  is  without  remedy,  I  endeavour  to  think 
*'  of  it  as  little  as  poffible." 

I  now  took  a  view  of  her  family,  which  I  found 
in  a  deplorable  condition  indeed — and  no  wonder — 
fmce  Avarice  was  prime  minifter,  and  had  gain 
ed  an  entire  afcendency  over  the  foul.  I  faw  Ho- 
nefty  languifhing  under  an  incurable  hectic  :  Con- 
fcience  dying  of  her  wounds  :  and  Honour  lay  gaf- 
ping  for  breath,  and  as  cold  as  a  ftone  5  all  the  noble 
pallions  were  benummed  m&fr  oft-bitten ;  and  as  for 
Religion,  (lie  was  clofe  confined  under  a  fufpicion 
of  difaffecticn  to  the  prefent  government,  and  of 
having  formed  a  traitorous  defign  to  obftrucl  the 
foul  in  her  purfuit  of  happinefs.  I  enquired  for 
Charity ;  but  was  told  that  flie  died  an  em 
bryo  :  her  body,  however,  had  been  preferved  in 
fpirit,  and  was  Ihown  to  me  as  a  great  curiofity—1- 
Natural  afFeclion,  fympathy3compalTion,  and  all  the 
focialfeeling-5  were  crawling  about  naked  and  almoft 
ftarved  to  death.  In  the  midft,  fat  the  foul  herfelf, 

fuilen, 


fallen,  fearful,  and  deeply  anxious.  She  wr.s  nei 
ther  clothed  with  the  robes  of  knowledge,  nor  de 
corated  with  the  jewels  of  fancy.  In  vain  did  Me* 
mory  ftrive  to  footh  her  melancholy,  by  recounting 
the  tranfactions  of  former  times  ;  and  Hope,  who 
fliould  have  fung  of  joys  to  come,  had  got  fo  bad 
a  cold  that  flie  could  not  ling  at  all.  Her  palace 
was  in  no  better  condition  than  her  family.  The 
neceifary  repairs  were  refufed  01;  neglected — deco 
rations  it  had  none*  Within  and  without  it  exhi 
bited  the  appearances  of  extreme  poverty.  Num- 
berlefs  fine  aqueducts  were  entirely  dried  up  and  in 
a  ruinous  condition  :  others  were  choaked  up  with 
undigefted  crudities,  and  the  animal  fpirits  were  in- 
fpifiated  by  long  inactivity,  and  lazily  crept  through 
their  rufty  channels — Even  the  throne  itfelf,  the  pi 
neal  gland,  had  (Iirunk  into  lefs  than  ordinary  fize; 
from  whence  it  had  been  concluded,  that  ths  man 
had  a  little  foul — but  erroneouily,  for,  in  fact,  fouls 
are  of  no  fize  at  all. 

FROM  this  odious  habitation  I  flew  on  the  wings 
of  thought  to  a  character  the  very  reverfc.  I  en 
tered  the  pineal  gland  of  a  Libertine.  Here  all 
was  uproar  and  ccnfufion  :  the  foul  feemed  to 
have  lofr  her  command.  Her  unruly  pafilons 
bad  w  reded  the  government  from  her  hand,  and 
tynmnifcd  over  her  donieftics  with  unlimited  Avuy  ; 

whilfl 


C   62   3 

the  foul  fat  upon  her  throne  in  ftupid  a- 
mazement.  Religion  lay  in  a  deep  trance  ;  Confdence 
was  dofmg  under  repeated  anodynes  \  and  the 
the  voice  of  Charity  could  not  be  heard  in  the  tu 
mult.  Hope  was  wafting  in  a  deep  conftimption  ; 
and  Fear  lay,  with  her  throat  cut,  a  ghaftly  fight, 
but  as  the  wound  was  not  mortal,  fhe  made  fre 
quent  and  dreadful  flruggles  for  life.  Ambition 
was  in  a  ftate  of  infanity,  and  played  off  a  thoufand 
ridiculous  gambols ;  Love  lay  groveling  in  the 
mire,  with  his  wings  dipt,  and  all  his  fine  feathers 
fullied  with  mud  and  filth ;  and  Honour  had  be 
come  fo  whimfical  and  captious,  that  (he  was  per 
petually  embroiled  in  quarrels  and  difputes.  As 
to  the  palace  itfelf,  it  was  fo  filled  with  combufti- 
bles  that  I  expected  every  minute  it  would  take  fire 
and  be  entirely  confumed.  I  left  it  therefore  as 
fpeedily  as  poffible,  and  by  an  eafy  tranfition, 
found  myfelf  in  the  pineal  gland  of  a  fot. 

HERE  I  found  the  foul  fitting  folitary  on  her 
throne,  abridged  of  almoft  all  her  domeftics,  and 
diverted  of  almoft  all  her  powers.  She  was  af- 
fli&ed  with  a  deep  and  incurable  lethargy,  near 
ly  approaching  to  abfolute  annihilation.  She 
might  have  found  fome  degree  of  fatisfa&ion  even 
in  her  infenfibility,  but  that  Trut/.',  whofe  voice 
{he  could  not  filence,  frequently  reminded  her,  that 

the 


C   «3   ] 

the  diflblution  of  her  dominion  was  near  at  hand, 
when  the  domeftics  (lie  had  now  difmhTed  would 
return,  and  become  her  perpetual  tormentors,  I 
obferved,  with.great  furprifc,  that  fhe  had  loft 
much  of  the  fpirituality  of  her  nature,  and  feemed 
to  be  condenfed  into  an  almoft  palpable  and  vifible 
mafs  of  matter.  I  fcarcely  knew  her  to  be  one  of 
us — her  habitation,  for  it  could  not  be  called  a  pa 
lace,  was  in  a  moft  alarming  condition.  An  inun 
dation,  highly  corrofive,  had  infinuated  itfelf  into 
every  department,  defiled  the  very  feat  of  majefty, 
and  undermined  the  foundation  of  the  building,  fo 
that  it  tottered  on  its  bafe,  and  feemed  juft  ready 
to  fall  in  ruins. 

HAVING  gone  thus  far,  I  had  an  inclination 
to  vifit  a  body  after  the  foul  had  left  it.  By  an 
effort  of  imagination,  I  pierced  the  grave,  and 
entered  the  pineal  gland  of  a  corpfe  newly  inter 
red.  But  defcription  would  here  be  highly  dik 
gufting.  Every  thing  I  faw  infpired  averfion  and 
horror.  The  hiffings  of  putrid  fermentation — 
the  cracking  of  the  cordage,  and  the  burfting  of 
catarafts,  founded  through  the  hollow  fabric,  and 
filled  me  with  inconceivable  terror  and  difmay. 
But  what  alarmed  me  mod,  I  perceived  a  gentle 
ofcillation  beginning  in  the  heart,  and  felt  inyfelf 
oonftrained  by  a  potent  influence,  like  a  perfon  op- 
3  prefl 


C   64    1 

preft  with  an  Incubus.  Thefe  fymptoms  were  the 
effects  of  rny  prefence,  and  fearing  Idl  a  con 
nection  fhould  be  formed,  I  broke  the  charm  by 
a  violent  exertion,  and  with  pleafure  returned  to 
my  own  body. 

MY  eiforts  were  affifted  by  the  noife  of  a  fife 
and  drum  which  jufl  then  palled  by  ray  windows, 
and  raifed  me  from  this  ftrange  r every. 


A   PRETTY 


A      PRETTY      STORY; 

Written  in  the  year  1774. 


CHAP.     I. 

ONCE  upon  a  time,  a  great  while  ago,  there 
lived  a  certain  nobleman,  who  had  long  pofleffed 
a.  very  valuable  farm,  and  had  a  great  number  of 
children  and  grand-children. 

BESIDES  the  annual  profits  of  his  farm,  which 
were  very  confiderable,  he  kept  a  large  ihop  of 
goods  ;  and  being  very  fuccefsful  in  trade,  he  be 
came  in  procefs  of  time  exceeding  rich  and  power 
ful,  infomuch  that  all  his  neighbours  feared  and 
refpefted  him. 

HE  had  examined  all  the  known  fyftems  o£ 
oeconomy,  and  felefted  from  them,  for  the  govern 
ment  of  his  own  family,  all  fuch  parts  as  appeared 
to  be  equitable  and  beneficial,  and  omitted  thofe 
which  experience  had  (hown  to  be  inconvenient  or 
prejudicial :  or  rather,  by  blending  their  feveral 
conflitutions  together,  he  had  fo  ingenioufly  coun 

K  ter- 


C     66     ] 

tcr-balanced  the  evils  of  one  by  the  benefits  of 
another,  that  the  advantages  were  fully  enjoyed, 
and  the  inconveniences  fcarcely  felt. 

HE  never  exercifed  any  undue  authority  over 
his  children  or  fervants;  neither  indeed  could  he 
greatly  opprefs  them,  if  he  was  ever  fo  difpofed;  for 
it  was  particularly  covenanted  in  his  marriage  arti 
cles,  that  he  ihould  never  impofe  any  tafk  or  hard- 
ihips  upon  his  children  without  the  confeht*6f  His 
wife. 

Now  the  cuftom  in  his  family  was  this  :—  that 
at  the  end  of  every  feven  years  his  marriage  be 
came  null  and  void,  at  which  time  his  children  and 
grand-children  met  together  and  chofe  another 
wife  for  him,  whom  the  old  gentleman  was  oblig 
ed  to  marry  under  the  fame  articles  and  reftriftions 
as  before.  By  this  means  the  children  had  always  a 
great  intereft  in  their  mother-in-law,  and  through 
her  a  reafonable  check  upon  their  father's  temper. 
For,  befides  that  he  could  do  nothing  material  re- 
fpecling  them  without  her  approbation,  {he  was  fole 
miflrefs  of  the  purfe-flrings,  and  gave  him  from 
time  to  time  fuch  Aims  as  Jhe  thought  neceflary 
for  the  expences  of  his  fatnily. 


one  day  in  a  very  extraordinary  good 

humour, 


C   67   ] 

humour,  he  gave  his  children  a  writing  under 
'hand  and  feal,  by  which  he  releafed  them  from 
many  badges  of  dependence,  and  confirmed  to 
them  fevenal  very  important  privileges.  The 
chief  .of  ^thefe  were,  that  none  of  his  children 
fhould  be  punHhed  for  any  offence,  or  fuppofed 
offence,  until  twelve  of  his  brethren  had  examined 
thefafts,and  declared  him  fubjeft  to  fuch  punifli- 
ment ;  and,  fecondly,  he  renewed  his  alfurances 
that  no  tafks  or  hardlhips-  fhould  be  impofed  upon 
them  without  the  confent  of  their  mother-in-law. 

THIS  writing,  on  account  of  its  fingular  impor 
tance,  was  called  THE  GREAT  PAPER.  After  it 
was  executed  with  the  utmoft  folemnity,  he  caufed 
his  chaplain  to  publifti  a  dire  anathema  againft  all 
who  fliould  attempt  to  violate  the  articles  of  the 
Great  Paper,  in  the  words  following : 

"  IN  the  name  of  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy 
Ghoft,  Amen  !  Whereas  our  Lord  and  Mailer,  to 
the  honour  of  God,  and  for  the  common  profit  of 
this  farm,  hath  granted  for  him  and  his  heirs  for 
ever,  thefe  articles  above-written  ;  :I  his  chaplain 
and  fpiritual  paftor  of  all  this  farm,  do  admonifli 
the  people  of  this  farm,  once,  twice,  and  thrice.—- 
Becaufe  that  fhortnefs  will  not  fuffer  fo  much  delay 
as  to  give  knowledge  to  the  people  of  thefa  pre- 

E  2  fenti 


[     68     ] 

fents  in  writing :  I  therefore  enjoin  .all  perfons, 
of  what  eftate  foever  they  be,  that  they,  and 
every  of  them,  as  much  as  in  them  is,  {hall  uphold 
and  maintain  thefe  articles,  granted  by  our  Lord 
and  Mailer,  in  all  points.  And  all  thofe  that  in 
any  point  do  refill,  or  break,  or  in  any  manner, 
hereafter  procure,  counfel,  or  any  ways  aflent  to, 
refift,  or  break  thefe  ordinances,  or  go  about  it  by 
word  or  deed,  openly  or  privately,  by  any  manner 
of  pretence  or  colour;  I,  the  aforefaid  chaplain, 
by  my  authority,  do  excommunicate  and  accurfe  ; 
and  from  the  body  of  our  Lord  Jefus  Chrift,  and 
from  all  the  company  of  heaven,  and  from  all  the 
facraments  of  holy  church,  do  fequefter  and  ex 
clude." 

p  H  A  p.     u. 

NOW  it  came  to  pafs,  that  this  nobleman  had, 
by  fome  means  or  other,  acquired  a  right  to  an 
immenfe  tracl:  of  wild,  uncultivated  country,  at  a 
vaft  diftance  from  his  manfion-houfe.  But  he  fet 
little  ftore  by  this  eftate,  as  it  yielded  him  no  pro 
fit,  nor  was  it  likely  fo  to  do  ;  being  not  only  dif 
ficult  of  accefs  on  account  of  the  diftance,  but  was 
inhabited  by  numerous  wild  beafts,  very  fierce  and 
favage,  fo  as  to  render  it  very  dangerous  to  at 
tempt  taking  pofleffion  of  it. 


IN 


t  69  ] 

IN  procefs  of  time,  however,  fomc  of  his  chil 
dren,  more  flout  and  enterprifing  than  the  reft, 
requefted  leave  of  their  father  to  go  and  fettle  in 
this  diftant  country.  Leave  was  readily  obtained  : 
but  before  they  fet  out,  certain  articles  were  ftipu- 
lated  between  them.  The  old  gentleman  engaged 
on  his  part  to  protect  the  adventurers  in  their  new 
fettlement ;  to  affift  them  in  chafing  away  the  wild 
beafts  ;  and  to  extend  to  them  all  the  effential  pri 
vileges  and  benefits  of  the  government  under  which 
they  were  born :  alluring  them,  that  although 
they  would  be  removed  fo  far  from  his  prefence, 
they  {hould  always  be  confidered  as  the  children 
of  his  family.  At  the  fame  time  he  gave  each  of 
them  a  bond*  for  the  faithful  performance  of  thefe 
promifes  :  in  which  it  was  moreover  covenanted, 
that  they  {hould  have  the  privilege  of  making  fuch 
rules  and  regulations  for  the  good  government  of 
their  refpeftive  families  as  they  (hould  find  moft 
convenient :  provided  only,  that  thefe  rules  and 
regulations  {hould  not  be  contradictory  to,  or  in- 
confiftent  with,  the  general  eftabliftied  orders  of  his 
houfliold. 

IN  return,  he  infifted  that  they,  on  their  parts, 
fhoufd'at  all  times  acknowledge  him  to  be  their 

E  3  father: 


[     7°     1 

father ;  that  they  iliould  not  deal  with  others  with 
out  his  leave,  but  fend  to  his  {hop  for  what  they 
might  want,  and  not  fell  the  produce  of  their  lands 
to  any  but  tho'fe  he  (hould  point  out. 

THESE  preliminaries  being  duly  adjufted,  our 
adventurers  bid  adieu  to  the  comforts  attd  conve 
niences  of  their  father's  houfe.  Many  and  great 
were  the  difficulties  and  dangers  they  encounter- 
red  on  the  way;  but  many  more,  and  much  grea 
ter,  on  their  arrival  in  the  new  country.  There  they 
found  mountains  covered  with  impervious  forefts, 
and  plains  fteeped  in  ftagnated  waters — no  friend 
ly  roof  to  fhelter  them  from  the  roarhlg  tern* 
peft — ; — no  fortrefs  to  protect  them  from  furroun- 
ding  dangers — many  funk  under  ficknefs  and  dif- 
eafe,  and  others  fell  a  prey  to  the  barbarous  ac 
tives  of  the  country. 

THEY  began,  however,  under  all  difadvantages 
to  clear  the  land.  The  woods  refound  with  the 
ftfokes  of  the  ax — they  drain  the  waters  from  the 
fedged  morafs,  and  pour  the  fun  beams  on  the  reek 
ing  foil.  They  are  compelled  to  exert  all  the 
powers  of  induftry  and  ceconomy  for  bare  fubfi- 
ftence  ;  and,  like  their  firft  parents,  when  driven 
from  paradife,  to  earn  their  bread  with  the  fweat 

of 


r  %i  } 

of  th$r.  b,r.ow.$.  IB  tjiis  work  they  were  frequent}^ 
ifl|err.ijpted  by  the  incurfions  of  the  favages,  a- 
gainft  whom  they  defended  themfelves  with  great 

LJ  II  ;.  »  ,. Itt   rfJ  itO 

magnanimity. 

AFTER  foretime.,  however,  J>y  their  indefati 
gable  perfeverance  they  found  themfelves  comfor- 
ta]))y.  fcttled,  and  had  the  delightful  profpeft  of 
fields  waving  wifh  luxuriant  harvefts,and  orchards, 
glowing  with  the  fruits  of  their  labour. 

IN  the  mean  \vhije  they  kept  up  a  conftant  cor- 
refpondence  with  their  father*s  family;  and  provid 
ed,  at  a  great  expence,  the  means  of  procuring  from 
ius  $}pp'  fuch  goods  and  merchandizes  as  they 
Yf^ted,  for  which  they  duly  paid  out  of  the 
produce  jpf  iheir  lands,  and,  the  fruits  of  their 
induftry. 

c  H  A  P.    in. 

NOW  the  new  fettlers  had  adopted  a  mode  of 
government  in  their  feveral  families  fimilar  to  .that 
to  -which  they  liad  been  acuftomed  in  their  father's 
houfe  :  particularly  in  .taking  a  new  wife  at  the  end 
of  certain  periods  of  time,  without  whofe  confent 
they  could  do  nothing  material  in  the  conduct  of 
their  affairs.  -Under  thele  circurnftances,  they 

thrived 


[    v   3 

thrived  exceedingly,  and  became  very  numerous, 
living  in  great  harmony  with  each  other,  and  im 
«ionftitutional  obedience  to  their  father's  wife. 

To  protect  them  againft  the  incurlions  of  the  bar 
barous  natives,  and  the  attacks  of  fome  of  their 
neighbours,  the  old  nobleman  fent  a  number  of  hit 
fervants,  but  then  he  required  that  they  iliould 
reimburfe  him  for  the  trouble  and  expence  he  was 
at  in  furniming  this  affiftance  ;  and  this  they  cheer 
fully  did,  •  by  applying  from  time  to  time  to  their 
refpeftive  wives  for  the  necefTary  cadi. 

THUS  did  matters  go  on  for  a  confiderable  time, 
to  the  mutual  benefit  of  the  old  and  new  farms. 
But  at  laft  the  nobleman's  wife  began  to  look  with 
an  avaricious  eye  towards  the  new  fettlers ;  faying 
to  herfelf,  if  by  the  natural  confequence  of  their 
friendly  intercourfe  with  us,  and  conftitutional  de 
pendence  on  me  our  wealth  and  power  are  fo  much 
encreafed,  how  much  more  would  they  accumu 
late,  if  I  can  perfuade  them,  that  all  they  poflefs 
belonged  originally  to  me,  and  that  I  may,  in  right 
of  my  prerogative,  demand  of  them  fuch  por 
tions  of  their  earnings  as  I  pleafe.  At  the  fame 
time,  being  well  aware  of  the  promifes  and  agree 
ments  her  huiband  had  made,  and  of  the  tenor  and 
force  ©f  theGm//  Paper, ihe  thought  it  beft  to  pro 
ceed 


[     73     ] 

seed  with  great  caution,  and  determined  to  gala 
her  point,  if  poflible,  by  fubtile  and  impercep 
tible  fleps. 

FOR  this  purpofe,  fhe  firft  iflued  an  edi&,  fet- 
ting  forth  —  That  whereas  the  taylors  of  her  fami 
ly  were  greatly  injured  by  the  people  of  the  new 
farm,  inafmuch  as  they  undertook  to  make  up  their 
own  clothes,  whereby  the  faid  taylors  were  depri 
ved  of  the  benefits  that  fliould  arife  from  their  trade  : 
it  was  ordained,  that  for  the  future,  the  new  fettlers 
fhould  not  be  permitted  to  have  znyjhears  *  or  fcif- 
fars  in  their  families,  under  fevere  penalties.  In  con- 
fequence  of  this,  our  adventurers  were  obliged  to 
have  their  clothes  made  up  by  the  taylors  of  the  old 
farm,  although  they  were  well  able  to  make  them 
up  themfelves.  Neverthelefs,  out  of  refpect  to  the 
old  gentleman,  they  patiently  fubmitted  to  this  im- 
poiition. 

OBSERVING  alfo,  that  the  new  fettlers  were  ve 
ry  fond  of  a  kind  of  cyder,  which  they  purchafed 
of  a  perfon  in  friendfhip  with  their  father  (the  fruit 
proper  for  making  this  cyder  not  growing  on  their 
own  grounds),  Ihe  iffued.  another  ediclf,  obliging 
them  to  pay  her  a.  certain  ilipcnd  on  every  barrel 


*  Prohibition  of  fpliuin°-rrvi!'.--. 
t  Duty 


f      74     1 

of  this  cyder  ufed  in  their  famines—To  this  they 
likewife  fubmitted ;  not  yet  feeing  the  fcope  of  her 
defigns  againft  them* 

THUS  (he  gradually  proceeded  in  her  plan,  im- 
pofmg  internal  taxes  on  the  new  fettlers,  under 
various  pretences,  and  receiving  the  fruits  of  their 
toil  with  both  hands :  moreover  fhe  perfua4e4  her 
hufband  tq  fend  amongft  them,  from  time  to  time, 
a  number  of  the  moft  lazy  and  worthlefs  of  J)is 
fervants,  under  the  fpecious  pretext  of  defending' 
them  in  their  fettlements  ;  but,  in  faft,  to  rid  his. 
houfe  of  their  company,  not  having  employment 
for  them  at  home  :  and  more  efpecially  to  be  a 
watch  and  a  check  upon  the  people  of  the  new 
farm.  He  had  alfo  ordered  that  thefe  protec 
tors,  as  they  were -called,  {hould  be  fupplied  by  the 
new  fettlers  with  bread  and  butter,  cut  in  a  parti 
cular  form.  But  the  head  of  one  of  the  families, 
refufed  to  comply  with  this  whimfical  order.  He 
engaged  to  give  the  guefts,  thus  forced  upon  him, 
bread  and  butter  fufficient,  but  infifted  that  his 
wife  {hould  cut  it  in  what  fliape  (lie  pleafed.  This 
put  the  old  nobleman  in  a  violent  paffion,  info- 
much  that  he  had  his  foil's  wife  put  into  jail  *,  for 

prefuming 


*  Sufpenfion  of  the  legiflature  of  New  York,  far  .fujiplying  ths 
army  with  pepper  and  vinegar,  by  a«5t  of  affembiy. 


r  75  1 

£>reiumiqg  to  cut  her  own  loaf  according  to  h<?r 
own  mind* 

CHAP.    iv. 

AS  the  old  nobleman  advanced  in  years,  he  ne- 
glefted  the  affairs  of  his  family;  leavingthem  chiefly 
to  the  management  of  his  fteward.  Now  the 
fteward  had  aftually  debauched  his  wife,  and 
gained  an  entire  afcendcncy  over  her.  She  na 
longer  deliberated  upon  meafures  that  might  beft 
promote  the  profperity  of  the  old  farm  or  the 
new  ;  but  faid  and  did  whatever  the  fteward  put 
into  her  head.  Nay,  fo  entirely  was  fhe  under 
his  influence,  that  flie  could  not  utter  even  aye  or  nv- 
b«t  as  he  directed  her.  For  he  had  cunningly 
.perfuaded  her,  that  it  was  very  falhionable  for  wo 
men  of  quality  to  wear  padlocks  on  their  lips  ;  and 
he  accordingly  fattened  a  fmall  padlock  to  each  cor 
ner  of  her  mouth  :  when  the  one  was  open  Ihe 
could  only  cry  aye  ;  and  when  the  other  was  un 
locked  ihe  could  only  fay  no.  And  he  took  care 
to  keep  the  keys  of  thefe  padlocks  in  his  own 
pocket ;  fo  that  her  words  were  the  expreffions  of 
his  will  rather  than  of  her  own. 

Now  the  old    lady   and  the  tteward  had   fet 

themfelves  ftrenuoufly  againft  the  people  of  the 

i  new 


r  76  ] 

new  farm  ;  and  began  to  devife  ways  and  mcaas 
for  their  total  and  unconditional  fubje&ion.  And 
to  this  end  they  prevailed  on  the  nobleman  to  lign 
an  edi£t  againft  the  new  fettlers  ;  in  which  it  was 
declared,  that,  as  children,  it  was  their  duty  to 
contribute  towards  fupplving  their  father's  table 
with  provifions,  and  towards  the  lupport  of  the 
dignity  of  his  family  ;  for  which  purpofes  it  was 
ordained,  that  all  their  fpoons,  knives  and  forks, 
plates  and  porringers,  Ihould  be  marked  *  with 
a  certain  mark  by  officers  he  fliould  appoint  for 
the  purpofe  ;  for  which  marking  they  iliould  pay 
certain  fees  into  his  ftrong  box :  and  it  was  or 
dained,  that  they  fliould  not,  under  fevere  penal 
ties,  prefume  to  ufe  any  fpoon,  knife,  fork,  plate 
or  porringer  before  it  had  been  fo  marked  by  the 
officer,  and  the  fees  paid. 

THE  inhabitants  of  the  new  farm  began  now 
to  fee  that  their  father's  affe&ions  were  alienated 
from  them  ;  and  that  their  mother  was  but  a  bafc 
mother-in-law,  governed  by  their  enemy  the  ftew- 
ard.  They  were  thrown  into  great  confuiion  and 
diftrefs  by  this  difcovery.  They  wrote  the  mod: 
fupplicating  letters  to  their  father  ;  in  which  they 
acknowledged  their  dependence  upon  him  in  terms 

of 

*  The  Stamp  aft. 


r    77  i 

o£  the  moft  fmcere  affeftion  and  refpeft.  They 
reminded  him  of  the  difficulties  and  hardihips  they 
had  fuffered  in  fettling  this  new  farm  ;  and  point 
ed  ont  the  great  addition  oC  wealth  and  power 
his  family  had  acquired  by  their  improvement  of 
an  unprofitable  wildernefs  ;  and  ill  owed  him  that 
all  the  fruits  of  their  labour  muft,  by  a  natural  cir 
culation,  finally  enrich  his  money-box.  They 
mentioned,  in  terms  of  humility,  his  promifes  and 
engagements  to  them  when  they  left  home,  and 
the  bonds  *  he  had  given  them  ;  and  held  up  in  a 
ftrong  point  of  view,  the  folemnity  and  impor 
tance  of  the  Great  Paper.  They  acknowledged 
that  he  ought  to  be  re-imburfed  the  expences  he 
had  incurred  upon  their  account ;  and  that  it  was 
their  duty  to  ailifl  in  fupporting  the  dignity  of 
the  family.  All  this  they  declared  they  were 
willing  and  ready  to  do  ;  but  requeued  that  they 
might  do  it  in  the  manner  pointed  out  by  the  Great 
Paper  ;  by  applying  to  their  refpeftive  wives  for 
the  keys  of  their  money-boxes,  and  furnifhmg  him 
from  thence  :  but  earneftly  prayed  that  they  might 
not  be  -fubjefted  to  the  caprice  and  tyranny  of  an 
avaricious  mother-in-law,  whom  they  had  never 
chofen,  and  of  a  fteward,  who  was  their  declared 
enemy. 

SOMS 
*  Charters. 


r  ?s  ] 

SOME  of  'thefe  letters  were  intercepted  by  the 
ileward  4  others  indeed  were  delivered  to  the  no- 
frleman  :  but  he  was  perfuaded  not  only -to  treat 
them  with  contempt,  but  to  infift  the  ^more  ftre- 
mioiifly  on  the  right  his  wife  claimed  TO  mark  the 
knives  and  forks,  plates  and  porringers.,  of  the 
fi'ew  'fewter  s. 

WHET*  the  people  of  the  new  farm  heard  of 
the  ill  fuccefs  of  their  letters,  and  underftood 
how  matters  were  conducted  in  their  father's  fa 
mily,  they -were  exceedingly  alarmed  and  diftreffeeL 
They  confulted  together  on  the  fituation  of  affairs-, 
and  determined  that  they  would  no  longer  fubinit 
to  the  arbitrary  impofitions  of  their  mother-in-law,, 
and  of  their  enemy  the  fteward :;  that  they  confi- 
dered  the :new  decree  as  a  direft  violation  of  the 
Great  Paper ,-  and  would  not  pay  obedience  to  it, 
but  would  fup  their  broth  and  eat  their  pudding 
as  ufual,  without  having  their  fpoons,  knives  and 
forks,  plates  or  porringers,  marked  by  the  new 
ofEcers. 

THE  old  nobleman  and  his  wife,  findingrthat 
the  new  decree  could  not  be  eftabHihed  without 
actual  force,  and  fearing  the  confequences  of  ati 
open  conteft,  thought  lit  to  annul  the  offenfive 

edift, 


r  79  j 

edift,imderthe  pretence  tftnerc  expediency-*  de 
claring 'and  protecting,  ait  the  fa'me  tfifie,  'that  he 
imd  hi*  \vife  had  an  undoubted  right  to  mark  ;all 
i?he  furniture 'of  the  new  fettlers,  if  they  pleafed, 
from  the  filver  tarfkard  in  the  clofet  to  'the  chktti- 
TDer-.pot  orider  the'bed:  'that,  with  refpect  to  them, 
he  was  not  bound  by  the'fhacldes  of  the  Great  Pa 
yer  ;  '^nrd  in  a  worH,  that  he  and  wife  'had, -and 
ought  to  have,  an  unControled  power  ovdr  them, 
their  lives,  liberties,  and  prdpdrpy. 

THE  people,  however,  took  little  riOti<5e  of 
thefe  pompous  declarations.  They  were  glad 
that  the  'marking  decree  was  'annulled  ;  and  were 
in  hopes  'that  rby  degrees  things  would  fettle  in 
their  former  cotirfe,  -and  mutiml  affeftion  be 
i  reftored. 

fc  'k  A  h\    v. 

IN  the  mean  time  the  new  fettlers  en creafed  ex 
ceedingly,  their  dealings  at  their  father's  {hop  be 
came  proportionably  enlarged,  and  their  partia 
lity  for  their  brethren  of  the  old  farm  was  fmcere 
and  manifeft.  They  fuffered,  indeed,  fome  in 
conveniences  from  the  protcftors  which  had  been 
ftationed  amongil  them,  who- became  very  trou- 

blefomc 

'*' Declaratory' Aft. 


[     8o     1 

blefomc  in  their  houfes.  They  introduced  riot  and 
intemperance  into  their  families,  debauched  their 
daughters,  and  derided  the  orders  they  had  made 
for  their  own  good  government.  Moreover,  the 
old  nobleman  had,  at  different  times,  fent  over  to 
them  a  great  number  of  thieves,  murderers,  and 
robbers,  who  did  much  mifchief  by  praftiling  thofe 
crimes  for  which  they  had  been  banifhed  from  the 
old  farm.  But  they  bore  thofe  evils  with  as  much 
patience  as  could  be  expe&ed ;  not  chufmg  to 
trouble  their  old  father  with  complaints,  unlefs  in 
cafes  of  important  neceffity. 

Now  the  ileward  began  to  hate  the  new  fettlers 
with  exceeding  great  hatred,  and  determined  to 
renew  his  attack  upon  their  peace  and  happinefs. 
He  artfully  infmuated  to  the  nobleman  and  his 
foolifh  wife,  that  it  was  very  mean,  and  unbecom 
ing  their  preatnefs,  to  receive  the  contributions  oi 

O  O  3 

the  people  of  the  new  farm  through  the  confent 
of  their  refpe&ive  wives :  that  upon  this  footing 
they  might  Come  time  or  other  refufe  to  comply 
with  his  reqnifitions,  if  they  fhould  take  into  their 
heads  to  think  them  oppreffive.and  unreafonable  ; 
and  that  it  was  high  time  they  fhould  be  compelled 
to  acknowledge  his  unlimited  power  and  his  wife's 
wmipQiencS)  which,  if  not  enforced  now,  they 
would  foon  be  able  to  refift,  as  they  were  daily 
encrcafing  in  numbers  and  ftrength. 

3  ANOTHER 


r  8<  3 

ANOTHER  decree  was,  therefore,  prepared  and 
published,  directing  that  the  people  of  the  new 
farm  fliould  pay  a  certain  ftipend  upon  particular 
goods,*  which  they  were  not  allowed  to  purchafe 
any  where  but  at  their  father's  (hop  ;  fpecifying 
that  this  impofition  fhould  not  be  laid  as  an  ad 
vance  upon  the  original  price  of  thefe  goods,  but 
fhouid  be  paid  as  a  tax  on  their  arrival  in  the  new 
farm ;  for  the  exprefs  purpofe  of  fupporting  the 
dignity  of  the  nobleman's  family,  and  for  re-im- 
burfmg  the  expences  he  pretended  to  have  been  at 
on  their  account. 

THIS  new  decree  occafioned  great  uneafinefs. 
The  people  faw  plainly  that  the  fleward  and  their 
mother-in-law  were  determined  to  enflave  and  ruin 
them.  They  again  confulted  together,  and  wrote, 
as  before,  the  mod  dutiful  and  perfuafive  letters  to 
their  father — but  to  no  purpofe — a  deaf  ear  was 
turned  againft  all  their  remonilrances,  and  their 
humble  requefts  rejected  with  contempt. 

FINDING  that  this  moderate  and  decent  conduct 
brought  them  no  relief,  they  had  recourfe  to  ano 
ther  expedient :  they  bound  themfelves  to  each 
other  in  a  folemn  engagement,!  not  to  deal  any 

F  more 

*  Painter's  colours,  glafs,  &c. 
f  .Non-importation  agreement. 


[       82      J 

more  at  their  father's  fhop,  until  this  unconftitu- 
tional  decree  fhould  be  repealed,  which  they  one 
and  all  declared  to  be  a  direft  violation  of  the 
Great  Paper. 

THIS  agreement  was  fo  ftriftly  obferved,  that  in 
a  few  months  the  clerks  and  apprentices  in  the  old 
gentleman's  ftiop  began  to  raife  a  terrible  outcry. 
They  declared,  that  their  mailer's  trade  was  de 
clining  exceedingly,  and  that  his  wife  and  fleward 
would  by  their  mifchievous  machinations  ruin  the 
whole  farm.  They  lharpened  their  pens,  and  at 
tacked  the  fleward,  and  even  the  old  lady  herfelf, 
with  great  feverity  :  infomuch,  that  it  was  thought 
proper  to  withdraw  this  attempt  alfo,  upon  the 
rights  and  liberties  of  the  new  fettlers.  One  part 
only  of  the  decree  was  left  Hill  in  force,  viz.  the 
tax  upon  water-gruel.* 

Now  there  were  certain  men  f  in  the  old  farm, 
who  had  obtained  anexclufive  right  of  felling  wa 
ter-gruel.  Vaft  quantities  of  this  gruel  were  vend 
ed  amongfl  the  new  fettlers,  as  they  were  extreme 
ly  fond  of  it,  and  ufed  it  univerfally  in  their  families. 
They  did  not,  however,  trouble  themfelves  much 
about  the  tax  on  water-gruel ;  they  were  well 

pleafed 

*  Tea.  f  The  India  company. 


C   83   J 

pleafed  with  the  repeal  of  the  other  parts  of  the 
decree,  and  fond  as  they  were  of  this  gruel,  they 
confidered  it  as  not  abfolutely  neceffary  to  the 
comfort  of  life,  and  determined  to  give  up  the  ufe 
of  it  in  their  families,  and  fo  avoid  the  eifefts  of 
that  part  of  the  decree. 

THE  fteward  found  his  deligns  again  fruftrated  : 
but  was  not  difcouraged  by  the  difappointment. 
He  devifed  another  fcheme,  fo  artfully  contrived, 
that  he  thought  himfelf  fure  of  fuccefs.  He  fent 
for  the  perfons  who  had  the  fole  right  of  vending 
•water-gruel ;  and  after  reminding  them  of  the  o- 
bligations  they  were  under  to  the  nobleman  and 
his  wife  for  the  exclufive  privilege  they  enjoyed,  he 
requefted  that  they  would  fend  fundry  waggons  la 
den  with  gruel  to  the  new  farm;  promifmg  that  the 
accuftomed  duty  which  they  paid  for  their  exclufive 
right  fhould  be  taken  oif  from  all  the  gruel  they 
fhould  fo  fend  amongft  the  new  fettlers ;  and  that 
in  cafe  their  cargoes  fhould  come  to  any  damage, 
the  lofs  fhould  be  made  good  to  them  out  of  his 
mailer's  coffers. 

THE  gruel-merchants  readily  confented  to  this 
propofal ;  confidering  that  if  their  cargoes  were 
fold,  their  profits  would  be  very  great ;  and  if 
they  failed,  the  fteward  was  to  pay  the  damage. 

F  2  On 


r  84  ] 

On  the  other  hand,  the  fteward  hoped  that  the 
new  fettlers  would  not  be  able  to  refift  a  tempta 
tion,  thus  thrown  in  their  way,  of  purchafmg 
their  favourite  gruel,  to  which  they  had  been  fo 
long  accuftomed  ;  and  if  they  did  ufe  it,  fubjeft  to 
the  tax  aforefaid,  he  would  confider  this  as  a  vo 
luntary  acknowledgement  that  the  nobleman  and 
his  wife  had  a  right  to  lay  upon  them  what  impofi- 
tions  they  pleafed,  and  as  a  refignation  of  the  pri 
vileges  of  the  Great  Paper. 

BUT  the  new  fettlers  were  well  aware  of  thii 
decoy.  They  faw  plainly  that  the  gruel  was 
not  fent  for  their  accommodation  ;  and  that  if 
they  fa  rered  any  part  of  it  to  be  fold  amongfl 
them,  fubjcft  to  the  tax  impofed  by  the  new  de 
cree,  it  would  be  confidered  as  a  willing  fubmif- 
fion  to  the  afiumed  omnipotence  of  their  mother- 
in-law,  and  a  precedent  for  future  unlimited  impo- 
iitions.  Some,  therefore,  would  not  permit  the  wag 
gons  to  be  unladen  at  all  ;  but  fent  them  back  un 
touched  to  the  gruel-merchants  ;  and  others  fuf- 
fered  them  to  unload,  but  would  not  touch  the 
dangerous  commodity  ;  fo  that  it  lay  neglefted  a- 
bout  the  roads  and  high-ways  till  it  was  quite 
fpoiled.  But  one  of  the  new  fettlers,  whofc  name 
was  JACK,  either  from  a  keener  fenfe  of  the  in 
juries  intended,  or  from  the  neceffity  of  his  fitua- 

tion, 


t    »5     J 

tion,  which  was  fuch  that  he  could  not  fend 
back  the  gruel,  becaufe  of  a  number  of  mercena 
ries  *  whom  his  father  had  ftationed  in  his  houfc 
to  be  a  watch  over  him — he,  I  fay,  being  almoft 
driven  to  defpair,  flove  -f-  to  pieces  the  calks  o^  ^ru- 
c.1  which  had  been  fent  him,  and  utterly  deilroyed 
the  whole  cargo. 

CHAP.      VI. 

THESE  violent  proceedings  were  foon  known 
at  the  old  farm.  Great  was  the  uproar  there. 
The  old  nobleman  fell  into  a  furious  paffion,  de 
claring  that  the  new  fettlers  meant  to  throw  off  all 
dependence  upon  him, and  rebel  againft  his  authori 
ty.  His  wife  alfo  tore  the  padlocks  from  her  lips, 
and  raved  and  ftormed  like  a  Billingfgate,  and  the 
fteward  loft  all  patience  and  moderation— fwearing 
mod  pt-ofanely,  that  he  would  leave  no  Jlone  un 
turned^  till  he  had  humbled  the  fettlers  of  the  new 
farm  at  his  feet,  and  caufed  their  father  to  tread 
upon  their  necks.  Moreover,  the  gruel- merchants 
roared  and  bellowed  for  the  lofs  of  their  gruel ; 
and  the  clerks  and  apprentices  were  in  the  utmoft 
condensation  left  the  people  of  the  new  farm  ihould 
again  agree  to  have  no  dealings  with  their  father's 

(hop. 

F  3  YEN- 

*  Board  of  CommifTioners. 

t  Deftru&ion  of  the  tea  at  Bofton. 


r  8<5  J 

VENGEANCE  was  forthwith  prepared,  efpecially 
againft  Jack.  With  him  they  determined  to  be 
gin  ;  hoping  that  by  making  a  fevere  example  of 
him,  they  mould  fo  terrify  the  other  families,  that 
they  would  all  fubmit  to  the  power  of  the  ftew- 
ard  and  acknowledge  the  omnipotence  of  the 
great  Madam. 

A  very  large  padlock  *  was  fent  over  to  be 
fattened  on  Jack's  great  gate  ;  the  key  of  which 
was  given  to  the  old  nobleman,  who  was  not 
to  fuffer  it  to  be  opened  until  Jack  had  paid  for 
the  gruel  he  had  fpilt,  and  refigned  all  claim  to 
the  privileges  of  the  Great  Paper — nor  even 
then,  unlefs  he  fhould  think  fit.  Secondly,  A 
decree  was  made  to  new  model  the  regulations 
and  ceconomy  of  Jack's  family,  in  fuch  manner 
that  they  might  in  future  be  more  fubjecled  to 
the  will  of  the  fteward .  And,  thirdly,"  A  large 
gallows  was  erected  before  the  manfion-houfe  in 
the  old  farm,  that  if  any  of  Jack's  children  mould 
be  fufpe&ed  of  mifbehaviour,  they  (hould  not  be 
convicted  or  acquitted  by  the  voice  of  their  bre 
thren,  according  to  the  purport  of  the  Great 
Paper,  but  he  tied  neck  and  heels,  and  fent  over 
to  be  hanged  on  this  gallows. 

ON 

*  The  Bofton  Port-bill. 


r  87  i 

ON  hearing  of  thefe  feverities,  the  people  were 
highly  enraged.  They  were  at  a  lofs  how  to  aft, 
or  by  what  means  they  {liquid  avoid  the  threat 
ened  vengeance.  But  the  old  lady  and  the  fteward 
perfifted.  The  great  padlock  was  fattened  on 
Jack's  gate,  and  the  key  given  to  the  nobleman 
as  had  been  determined  on  ;  without  waiting  to 
know  whether  Jack  would  pay  for  the  gruel,  or 
allowing  him  an  opportunity  to  make  any  apology 
or  defence. 

POOR  Jack  was  now  in  a  deplorable  condition 
indeed  :  The  great  inlet  to  his  farm  was  entirely 
fhut  up  ;  fo  that  he  could  neither  carry  out  the 
produce  of  his  land  for  fale,  nor  receive  from 
abroad  the  neceiTaries  for  his  family. 

BUT  this  was  not  all — The  old  nobleman,  a- 
long  with  the  padlock  aforefaid,  had  fent  an  over- 
feer  *  to  he&or  and  domineer  over  Jack  and  i.-is 
family,  and  to  endeavour  to  break  his  fpirits  by 
every  poflible  feverity;  for  which  pnrpofe,  this 
overfeer  was  attended  by  a  great  number  of  mer 
cenaries,  and  armed  with  more  than  common  au 
thorities. 

WHEN 

*  General  Gage,  made  Governor  of  the  province. 


C     8S     ] 

WHEN  the  overfeer  firft  arrived  in  Jack's  fa 
mily,  he  was  received  with  great  refpeft,  becaufc 
he  was  the  delegate  of  their  aged  father.  For, 
notwithftanding  all  that  had  paft,  the  people  of 
the  new  farm  loved  and  revered  the  old  nobleman 
with  true  filial  afFeftion  :  and  attributed  his  un- 
kindnefs  entirely  to  the  intrigues  of  the  fteward. 

BUT  this  fair  weather  did  not  laft  long.  The 
new  ovcrfeer  took  the  firft  opportunity  to  ftiow 
that  he  had  no  intention  of  living  in  harmony  and 
friendihip  with  the  family — Some  of  jfack's  do- 
meftics  had  put  on  their  Sunday  clothes,  and  waited 
on  the  overfeer  in  the  great  parlour,  to  pay  him 
their  compliments  on  his  arrival  * ;  and  to  requefl 
his  affiftance  in  reconciling  their  father  to  them, 
and  reftoring  peace  and  cordiality  between  the  old 
and  new  farms.  But  he,  in  a  moft  abrupt  and  rude 
manner,  (lopped  them  fliort  in  the  midft  of  their 
addrefs;  called  them  a  parcel  of  difobedient  fcoun- 
drels  ;  bid  them  go  about  their  bufmefs  ;  and  tur 
ning  round  on  his  heel,  left  the  room  with  an 
air  of  contempt  and  difdain. 


Addrefs  to  General  Gage. 


CHAP. 


CHAP.      VII. 

THE  people  of  the  new  farm  feeing  the  im 
portance  of  their  fituation,  had  appointed  a  grand 
committee,  confiding  of  fome  of  the  mod  refpect- 
able  characters  from  each  family,  to  manage  their 
affairs  in  this  difficult  crifis.  Jack.,  thus  opprefled 
and  infulted,  requefted  the  advice  *  of  the  grand 
committee  as  to  his  conduct.  This  committee  in  their 
anfwer,  fympathized  cordially  with  him  in  his 
afflictions — they  exhorted  him  to  bear  his  fuifering 
with  fortitude  for  a  time  ;  affuring  him,  that  they 
looked  upon  the  infults  and  punilhments  inflicted  on 
him  with  the  fame  indignation  as  if  they  had  been 
inflicted  on  themfelves  ;  and  promifed  to  {land  by 
and  fupport  him  to  the  laft  — They  recommended 
it  to  him  to  be  firm  and  fleady  in  the  caufe  of 
liberty  and  their  juft  rights,  and  never  to  acknow 
ledge  the  omnipotence  of  their  mother-in-law,  nor 
fubmit  to  the  machinations  of  their  enemy  the 
fteward. 

IN    the  mean  time,  left  Jack's   family  fhould 
fufFer  for  want  of  neceflaries,  his  great  gate  being 
fad  locked,  contributions  were  raifed  for  his  re 
lief 

*  Bofton  confults  the  congrds  of  the  ftates. 


[    9°      ] 

lief  amongft  the  other  families  *,  and  handed  to 
him  over  the  garden  wall. 

THE  new  overfeer  Hill  perfifted  in  his  hoftile  be« 
haviour,  taking  every  opportunity  to  mortify  and 
infult  Jack  and  his  family — obferving  that  fome  of 
the  children  and  domeftics  held  frequent  meetings 
and  confultations  together,  fometimes  in  the  garret, 
and  fometimes  in  the  liable,  and  understanding  that 
an  agreement  not  to  deal  with  their  father's  {hop, 
until  their  grievances  fhould  be  redreffed,  was  a- 
gain  talked  of,  he  wrote  a  thundering  prohibition!, 
much  like  a  pope's  bull,  which  he  caufed  to  be 
parted  up  in  every  room  of  the  houfe — In  which 
he  declared  and  protefted,  that  fuch  meetings 
were  treafonable,  traitorous,  and  rebellious, 
contrary  to  the  dignity  of  his  matter,  the  no 
bleman,  and  inconfiftent  with  the  duty  they 
owed  to  his  omnipotent  wife  :  and  threatened  that 
if  two  of  the  family  fhould  be  found  whifpering 
together,  they  (hould  be  fent  over  in  chains  to  the 
old  farm,  and  hanged  upon  the  great  gallows  be 
fore  the  manfion-houfe. 

THESE 


*  Money  raifed  by  the  ftates  for  the  relief  of  the  poor  of  Boflon. 
f  Proclamation  at  Bofton  forbidding  town  meetings. 


C   91   3 

THESE  harfli  and  unconftitutional  proceedings 
of  the  overfecr,  fo  highly  irritated  Jack,  and  the 
other  families  of  the  new  farm,  that  ******. 


Cetera  defunU 


A  PRO- 


A       PROPHECY* 

Written  in  1776. 


]N  O  W  it  (hall  come  to  pafs  in  the  latter  days, 
that  a  new  people  lhall  rife  up  in  a  far  country, 
and  they  {hall  increafe  exceedingly,  and  many 
{hall  flock  unto  them  ;  and  they  (hall  build  cities 
in  the  wildernefs,  and  cultivate  their  lands  with  the 
hand  of  induftry,  and  the  fame  of  them  {hall 
fpread  far  and  near. 

AND  it  {hall  be  that  the  king  of  iflands  mall 
fend  over  and  plant  in  the  midft  of  them  a  certain 
tree.  Its  bloflbms  {hall  be  delightful  to  the  eye  ; 
its  fruit  pleafant  to  the  tafte,  and  its  leaves  {hall 
heal  them  of  all  manner  of  difeafes.  And  the 
people  mall  cultivate  this  tree  with  all  poflible  care, 
and  they  {hall  live  under  the  fhadow  of  its  bran 
ches,  and  mall  wormip  it  as  a  God. 

BUT  in  procefs  of  time,  there  mall  arife  a 
North  wind,  and  {hall  blaftthe  tree,  fo  that  it  mall 
no  longer  yield  its  fruit,  or  afford  fhelter  to  the 

people 


t    93    ] 

people,  but  it  fhall  become  rotten  at  the  heart ; 
and  the  North  wind  will  break  the  branches 
thereof,  and  they  (hall  fall  upon  the  heads  of  the 
people,  and  wound  many. 

THEN  a  prophet  *  {hall  arife  from  amongft  this 
people,  and  he  {hall  exhort  them,  and  inftruft 
them  in  all  manner  of  wifdom,  and  many  {hall  be 
lieve  in  him  ;  and  he  {hall  wear  fpe&acles  upon  his 
tiofe  ;  and  reverence  and  efteem  {hall  refl  upon  his 
brow.  And  he  will  cry  aloud,  and  fay — Seeing 
that  this  tree  hath  no  ftrength  in  it,  and  that  it 
can  no  longer  flicker  us  from  the  winds  of  the 
North,  but  is  become  rotten  in  the  heart  ;  behold 
now,  let  us  cut  it  down  and  remove  it  from  us  :  And 
in  its  place  we  will  plant  another  tree,  young  and 
vigorous  ;  and  we  will  water  it,  and  it  fliall  grow, 
and  fpread  its  branches  abroad.  And  moreover, 
we  will  build  an  high  wall  to  defend  it  from  the 
winds  of  the  North',  that  it  may  be  well  with  us, 
and  our  children,  and  our  children's  children. 

AND  the  people  {hall  hearken  to  the  voice  of 
their  prophet,  for  his  fayings  fliall  be  good  in  their 
eyes.  And  they  fliall  take  up  every  man  his  fpade 
and  his  ax,  and  fliall  prepare  to  dig  up  and  cut 

away 

»  Dr.  F n. 


C     94     ] 

away  the  fluttered  remains  of  the  blafted  and  rot 
ten  tree,  according  to  the  words  of  their  prophet. 

THEN  a  certain  wife  man  {hall  arife,  and  (hall 
himfelf  CATO*;  and  he  {hall  flrive  to  perfuade  the 
peeple  to  put  their  truft  in  the  rotten  tree,  and  not 
to  dig  it  up,  or  remove  it  from  its  place.  And  he 
{hall  harangue  with  great  vehemence,  and  {hall  tell 
them  that  a  rotten  tree  is  better  than  a  found  one  ; 
and  that  it  is  for  the  benefit  of  the  people  that  the 
North  wind  mould  blow  upon  it,  and  that  the  bran 
ches  thereof  {hould  be  broken  and  fall  upon  and 
crufli  them. 

AND  he  {hall  receive  from  the  king  of  the  if- 
lands,  fetters  of  gold  and  chains  of  filver  j  and  he 
fhall  have  hopes  of  great  reward  if  he  will  fatten 
them  on  the  necks  of  the  people,  and  chain  them 
to  the  trunk  of  the  rotten  tree.  And  this  he  {hall 
ftrive  to  do  by  every  infinuating  art  in  his  power. 
And  (hall  tell  the  people,  that  they  a^e  not  fetters 
and  chains,  but  mall  be  as  bracelets  of  gold  on  their 
wrifts,  and  rings  of  filver  on  their  necks,  to  orna 
ment  and  decorate  them  and  their  children.  And 
his  words  mall  be  fweet  in  the  mouth,  but  very 
bitter  in  the  belly. 

MOREOVER 
Dr.  s h. 


C    95    J 

MOREOVER,  he  will  threaten  them,  that  if  they 
will  not  obey  his  voice,  he  will  whittle  with  his 
lips,  and  raw-head  and.  bloody-bones  fliall  come  out 
of  France  to  devour  them  and  their  little  ones ; 
and  he  will  blow  with  his  horn,  and  the  wild  bull 
of  Spain  will  come  and  gore  them  with  his  horns, 
and  trample  upon  them  with  his  hoofs,  even  until 
they  die.  And  he  fhall  ftand  upon  Mount-feir^ 
and  fhall  pun  upon  Mount-feir  in  the  face  of  all 
the  people.  And  all  the  people  lhall  laugh  him  to 
fcorn. 

AND  it  fliall  come  to  pafs  that  certain  other  wife 
men  fliall  alfo  ftand  up  and  oppofe  themfelves  to 
Cato  ;  and  fliall  warn  the  people  not  to  truft  in  the 
allurements  of  his  voice,  nor  be  terrified  with  his 
threats,  and  to  hearken  to  his  puns  no  more.  And 
they  fhall  encourage  the  people  to  go  on  with  the 
work  they  had  taken  in  hand,  according  to  the 
words  of  their  prophet.  And  they  fhall  earneftly 
exhort  the  people  to  defpife  and  reject  the  fetters 
of  gold  and  the  chains  of  filver,  which  the  king  of 
the  iflands  would  fatten  upon  them. 

AND  one  of  thefe  wife  men  fhall  call  himfelf 

CASSANDRA,  and  the  other  fliall  call  himfelf  THE 

FORESTER:  and  they   fliall  fall  upon  Cato.,  and 

3  {hall 


I  96  ] 

ftiall  ftrip  him  of  every  difguife,  and  flicw  him  fla 
ked  before  all  the  people.  And  Caffhndra  {hall 
tic  him  up,  and  the  Forefter  fhall  fcourge  him 
until  he  fliall  become  exceeding  fore.  Never- 
thelefs,  Cato  fliall  not  repent,  but  fhall  harden  his 
heart,  and  become  very  ftubborn,  and  {hall  be 
vexed  till  he  die.  And  when  he  {hall  be  dead,  his 
funeral  oration  fliall  be  pronounced.  And  the 
heads  of  the  people  fhall  order  that  his  funeral 
oration  be  printed  ;  that  all  men  may  know  of  his 
death.  Howbeit,  in  thofe  days,  it  fhall  not  be 
cuftomary  for  the  heads  of  the  people  to  defire 
that  funeral  orations  fhould  be  printed  ;  yet  that 
all  men  may  know  of  Cato's  death,  and  that  the 
people  may  be  delivered  from  the  fear  of  the  raw- 
head  and  bloody-bones  of  France,  and  the  wild 
bull  of  Spain  9  his  funeral  oration  fhall  be  printed. 

AND  in  procefs  of  time,  the  people  fliall  root  up 
the  rotten  tree,  and  in  its  place  they  fhall  plant  a 
young  and  vigourous  tree,  and  fhall  effe&ually 
defend  it  from  the  winds  of  the  North  by  an  high 
wall.  And  they  fhall  drefs  it,  and  prune  it,  and 
cultivate  it  to  their  Own  good  liking.  And  the 
young  tree  fhall  grow  and  flourifli  and  fpread  its 
branches  far  abroad :  and  the  people  fliall  dwell 
under  the  fliadow  of  its  branches,  and  fliall  become 
.3  an 


[    97    ] 

an  exceeding  great,  powerful,  and  happy  nation. 
And  of  their  encreafe  there  fhall  be  no  end. 

AND  Cato  and  his  works  fhall  be  no  more  re 
membered  amongft  them.  For  Cato  (hall  die,  and 
his  works  {hall  follow  him. 


TRANS- 


TRANSLATION    or    A    LETTER, 

WRITTEN     BY     A     FOREIGNER     OM    HIS     TRATKtS. 


London,  Dec.  3,  1776. 
DEAR  COUNT, 

J.  HAVE  now  been  fix  months  in  England,  and 
eight  weeks  in  this  metropolis.  You  fliould  have 
heard  from  me  before ;  but  my  frequent  avoca 
tions,  as  well  as  the  want  of  a  fuitable  opportunity, 
have  prevented.  Agreeably  to  my  promife, 
however,  I  now  fit  down  to  give  you  fomc  ac 
count  of  the  character  and  politics  of  this  flrange 
people.  So  copious  a  fubjecT:  cannot  be  difcufTed 
in  one  letter  ;  but  you  {hall  hear  from  me  again, 
when  further  obfervation  fliall  have  enabled  me 
to  be  more  particular. 

THE  general  character  of  the  Englifh  is  certain 
ly  the  moil  fantaftic  and  abfurd  that  ever  fell  to 
the  lot  of  any  known  nation.  As  they  are  made 
up  of  contradiftions,  it  would  be  unjufl  to  give 
them  any  uniform  defignation.  There  is  fcarce  a 

virtue 


[    99    ] 

virtue  that  adorns  the  mind,  or  a  vice  that  difgraces 
human  nature,  but  may  be  afcribed  to  them  as 
part  of  their  national  character.  But  the  former 
are  often  rendered  ineffectual  by  mifapplication, 
and  the  latter  qualified  by  a  levity  of  manners, 
which  (hews  them  not  to  be  conftitutionally  preva 
lent.  An  Englilhman  will  treat  his  enemy  with 
great  generofity,  and  his  friend  with  ingratitude 
and  inhumanity.  He  will  be  lavifh  of  his  wealth 
when  he  has  but  little  of  it,  and  become  a  miferly 
wretch  when  fortune  pours  her  favours  into  his  purfe. 
He  will  brave  the  utmoft  hardfhips,  and  encounter 
the  fevered  trials  with  heroic  fortitude  ;  and  will 
drown  or  hang  himfelf  becaufe  the  wind  is  in  the 
eaft.  He  will  lend  large  fums  to  a  ftranger  on  the 
flighted  fecurity,  and  refufe  his  neareft  relation  the 
means  of  fubfiftence.  To-day,  his  heart  expands 
with  focial  benevolence ;  to-morrow,  he  is  cold, 
fullen  and  morofe — To-day,  he  poffefles  the  wealth 
of  a  nabob  ;  to-morrow,  he  refufes  a  fix-pence  to 
a  beggar,  left  he  fliould  himfelf  be  reduced  to  the 
want  of  that  fix-pence.  In  a  word,  contradiction 
and  abfurdity  make  an  Englifhman. 

DURING  the  laft  century,  this  people  hath  rifen 
in  wealth,  power,  and  profperity  ;  but  the  infta- 
bility  of  their  temper  will  not  permit  them  to  en 
joy  with  content  any  bleffing  in  pofleilion — At 

G  2  peace 


peace  with  all  the  world — feared  and  refpe&ed  by 
their  neighbours — an  eflabliilied  policy,  reformed 
religion,  and  extenfive  commerce,  are  circum- 
ftances  fufficient,  one  would  fuppofe,  to  render  any 
people  happy.  But  the  thirft  of  lawlefs  ambi- 
bition  can  never  be  fatisfied.  The  Englifh  afTumc 
to  themfelves  the  character  of  being  the  moft  juft, 
generous,  and  humane  nation  in  the  world,  and 
yet  they  encourage  the  African  trade — a  trade 
attended  with  circumflances  of  injuftice,  cruelty, 
and  horror,  that  difgrace  human  nature  ;  where 
by  they  faften  for  life,  the  chains  of  fervitude  the 
moft  abjeft,  and  mifery  the  moft  complete,  on 
many  hundreds  of  their  fellow  creatures  every 
year. 

THIS  jufl  and  humane  nation  alfo  fent  one  Clivf 
to  the  Eaft  Indies,  to  fecure  a  dominion  for  them 
there.  A  country  which,  it  {hould  feem,  the 
Creator  never  intended  for  the  Englifh,  becauic 
he  had  placed  it  on  the  oppoflte  fide  of  the  globe, 
and  made  the  inhabitants  of  a  quite  different  com 
plexion.  This  dive,  however,  arrived  with  his 
forces  in  the  Eafl  Indies,  and  under  the  fanction 
of  his  moft  gracious  Britannic  majefty  and  a  free 
parliament,  put  to  death  fome  hundred  thoufands 
of  the  inoffenfive  inhabitants,  by  the  fword,  by  fa 
mine,  and  the  moft  attrocious  cruelties — After 

which 


[       101       ] 

which  he  retured  to  England  with  immenfe  ri 
ches,  and  a  wife  fet  in  diamonds,  and  was  made  a 
Lord — and  then  cut  his  throat  with  a  penknife. 

You  will  be  furprifed  at  this  ;  but  the  people 
here  were  not  fnrprifed  at  all.  It  is  no  uncommon 
thing  to  fpend  an  evening  with  a  man,  in  all  the 
eafy  gaiety  of  focial  life,  and  to  hear  next  morning 
that  he  hanged  himfelf  in  a  ftable,  or  pra&ifed 
phlebotomy  on  his  own  jugular  vein  with  a 
razor. 

THE  Englifh  now  govern  in  the  Eafl  Indies 
with  a  tyranny  fo  pure,  fo  unadulterated  with  any 
mixture  of  juftice  or  humanity,  as  could  not 
have  been  exceeded  in  the  reigns  of  the  twelve 
Caefars. 

THIS  beft  of  all  kings  has  now  turned  his  at 
tention  to  AMERICA.  There  he  had  three  mil 
lions  of  fubje&s,  who  loved,  honored,  and  obeyed 
him.  He  governed  them  by  officers  of  his  own  ap 
pointment  :  he  had  the  whole  regulation  of  their 
commerce  ;  and  the  over-flowings  of  their  wealth 
were  conduced,  by  eafy  channels,  into  his  coffers, 
and  into  the  purfes  of  the  merchants  and  manu- 
fafturers  of  his  kingdom.  But  he  has  quarrelled 
with  thefe  loyal  and  beneficial  fubjefts,  becaufe  they 
G  3  are 


r  102  j 

are  fo  obftinate  that  they  will  not  acknowledge  that 
two  and  two  make  five.  Whole  volumes  have  been 
written  on   this  fubject,  and  all  the  force  of  rea- 
fon  and  eloquence  exerted  to  convince  this  wife 
king   that  he  is  in  an  error.     The  Americans 
have  mod  emphatically  befeeched  him  to  accept 
of  the  undiffembled  loyalty  of  their  hearts  ;  de 
claring  that  they  are  fatisfied  that  the    fruits  of 
their   induftry   fhould    center  with    him  and   his 
people,   as  heretofore,  to  enrich   and  aggrandife 
them  ;  but  humbly  pray   that  they  may   not  be 
compelled  to  acknowledge  that  two  and  two  make 
Jive,  which  would  be  to  them  a  moil  dangerous 
and  diflreffing  violation  of  truth.     But  this  wife 
and  humane  monarch  is  far  from  being  difpofed 
to  give  up  the  point.     He  has  rejected  their  pe 
titions  with  fcorn,  and  fpurned  at  their  oilers  of 
affeftion  and  fidelity  ;   and  declares,  that  he  will 
even  rillc  the  crown  of  his  anceftors,  but  he  will 
make  the  obftinate  Americans  fubfcribe  to  his  new 
dogma. 

To  this  end  he  hath  fent  over,  not  only  his  own 
fleets  and  armies,  but  has  hired  a  banditti  of 
foreign  mercenaries  from  a  petty  prince,  who  fup- 
ports  the  fpleridor  of  his  court  by  felling  the  blood 
of  his  fubjects  ;  and  he  has  alfo  employed  negroes 
and  wild  Indians  to  perfecute  the  poor  A.mericans 

without 


C    103    1 

•without  mercy,  until  they  {hall  acknowledge  that 
two  and  two  make  Jive. 

AMERICA  is  at  this  time  a  fcene  of  defolation 
and  diftrefs  ;  a  theatre  whereon  is  a&ed  a  real 
tragedy,  exhibiting  every  fpecies  of  cruelty  and 
injuftice.  The  royal  army  of  this  moil  enlight 
ened  of  all  nations  are  raviming  the  women,  mur 
dering  the  men,  and  laying  waile  that  fertile  and 
beautiful  country,  under  the  conduct  of  Lord  and 
General  Howe;  who  are  executing  their  bloody 
mandate,  with  all  the  compofure  in  the  world. 
His  moft  gracious  majefty  receives,  from  time  to 
time,  fuch  accounts  of  their  proceedings  as  they 
pleafe  to  give  him,  and  is  as  happy  as  fuch  a  mo 
narch  can  be. 

WHO   would   have  thought  that  the  peaceful 

plains  of  America  would  be  defolated  becaufe  the 

inhabitants  will  not  believe  that  two  and  two  make 

jive,  when  their  good  king  and  his  wife  parliament 

require  them  fo  to  do. 

ON  the  contrary,  the  Americans,  highly  refent- 
ting  this  treatment,  have  declared,  that  they  will 
no  longer  be  penfioners  of  the  fmiles  of  fuch  a 
king,  or  fubmit  to  a  government  in  which  they 
have  no  (hare,  and  over  which  they  have  no  con 
trol, 


C    104   ] 

trol,  and  which  is  therefore,  with  refpc&  to 
them,  a  government  of  mere  will  and  pleafure. 
They  have  determined  to  be  henceforth  2.  free  peo 
ple  ;  and  have  publicly  avowed  that  they  will  en- 
oy  the  ineftimable,  privileges  of  believing,  and  fay 
ing,  that  tivo  and  two  make  only  four,  according 
to  the  common  fenfe  of  mankjnd. 

How  this  affair  will  terminate,  God  only 
knows  :  but  it  feems  very  probable,  that  the  king 
of  England  will  lofe  the  moll  valuable  jewel  of 
his  crown,  in  the  purfuit  of  his  prefent  views. 

You  will  fay,  perhaps,  that  the  king  could  not 
aft  fo  abfurdly  were  he  not  countenanced  and 
fupported  in  his  folly  by  the  affent  of  his  people. 
But  the  truth  is  that  the  king,  by  means  of  his 
miniflers  hath  gained  fuch  an  afcendency  over  the 
parliament,  which  is  the  conftitutional  voice  of  the 
people,  that  he  can  obtain  their  fanftion  for  any 
projeft  in  which  their  rights  are  not  openly  and 
dire&ly  attacked.  As  to  the  people  at  large,  they 
do  not  trouble  themfelves  about  the  right  or  wrong 
of  the  matter  in  conteft.  America  is  a  great 
way  off,  and  they  have  no  feelings  for  what  is  paf- 
fmg  there.  They  grumble,  indeed,  about  the  dimi 
nution  of  their  trade  in  confequence  of  this  war, 
but  leave  the  difcuflion  of  national  politics  to  their 

parliament. 


L 

parliament.  The  crown  hath  imperceptibly  ex 
tended  its  prerogative  fo  as  to  deftroy  the  boafted 
balance  of  the  Britifli  conftitution  ;  and  if  the 
king's  power  fhould  be  further  ftrengthened  by 
the  fubjugation  of  America,  the  people  of  England 
may  bid  adieu  to  their  conftitutional  freedom. 
Some  of  the  wifefl  amongft  them  fee  this,  and 
have  openly  declared,  that  the  falvation  of  Eng 
land  depends  upon  the  fuccefs  of  the  Americans  in 
the  prefent  war. 

THIS  infatuated  people  have  wearied  the  world, 
for    thefe   hundred    years  with  loud   eulogiums 
liberty  and  their  conftitution;    and  yet  they  fee 
that  conftitution  languifhingin  a  deep  decay,  with 
out  making  any  efforts  for  its  recovery.     Amufed 
Jwith  trifles,  and  accuflomed  to  venality  and  cor 
ruption,  they  are  not  alarmed  at  the  confequences 
of  their  fupinenefs.     They  love  to  talk  of  their 
glorious  conftitution,   becaufe  the  idea  is  agree 
able,  and  they  are  fatisfied  with  the  idea,  and  they 
honour  their  king, becaufe  it  is  the  fafhion  to  honour 
the  king.     Half  the  loyalty  of  the  nation  is  fup- 
ported   by   two    popular    fongs.    viz.     "  Britons 
Jlrlke  home  ;  and  Godfave  the  king.  Thefe  are  vo 
ciferated  at  taverns,  over  porter,  punch  and  wine, 
till  the   imagination  is  heated,  and    the  blood   in 
a  ferment,  and  then  thefe  pot-valiant  patriots  fal- 


3 

• 
ly  forth  and  commit  all  manner  of  riot  and  cxcefs 

in  honour  of  their  king  and  country. 

THERE  are  fanatics  in  politics  as  well  as  in  re 
ligion,  and  both  are  managed  in  the  fame  way, 
viz.  by  keeping  up  the'  delufion  in  which  they 
delight.  The  men  in  power  well  know  the  weak- 
nefs  of  the  multitude,  and  when  they  obferve 
them  to  grow  uneafy  under  the  too  barefaced  en 
croachments  of  prerogative,  they  get  half  a  do 
zen  of  court  fcribblers  to  expatiate  on  the  glories 
of  the  Britifh  conftitution,  and  to  fing  the  fweet 
Lullaby  of  Liberty  to  the  people — and  all  is  well. 
Juft  fo  a  nurfe  rattles  three  pieces  of  tin  in  a  little 
rum  baiket  to  amufe  her  crying  child.  The  poor 
infant  thinks  it  has  the  world  in  poffeffion,  and  is 
fatisfied. 

THE  extreme  ignorance  of  the  common  peo 
ple  of  this  civilized  country  can  fcarce  be  cre 
dited.  In  general  they  know  nothing  beyond  the 
particular  branch  of  bufmefs  which  their  parents  or 
the  parim  happened  to  chufe  for  them.  This,  in 
deed,  they  praftife  with  unremitting  diligence  ; 
but  never  think  of  extending  their  knowledge 
farther. 

A  ma- 


A  manufacturer  has  been  brought  up  a  maker 
of  pin-heads:  He  has  been  at  this  bufmefs  forty 
years,  and  of  courfe  makes  pin-heads  with  great 
dexterity;  but  he  cannot  make  a  whole  pin  for 
his  life.  He  thinks  it  is  the  perfection  of  hu 
man  nature  to  make  pin-heads.  He  leaves  other 
matters  to  inferior  abilities.  It  is  enough  for 
him,  that  he  believes  in  the  Athanafian  Creed,  re 
verences  the  fplendor  of  the  court,  and  makes 
pin-heads.  This  he  conceives  to  be  the  fum-total 
of  religion,  politics,  and  trade.  He  is  fure  that 
London  is  the  fined  city  in  the  world;  black- 
friars  bridge  the  mod  fuperb  of  all  poffible  brid 
ges  ;  and  the  river  Thames,  the  largeft  river  in 
univerfe.  It  is  in  vain  to  tell  him  that  there  arc 
many  rivers  in  America,  in  comparifon  of  which 
the  Thames  is  but  a  ditch  ;  that  there  are  fmgle 
provinces  there  larger  than  all  England  ;  and  that 
the  colonies,  formerly  belonging  to  Great-Britain, 
now  independant  ftates,  are  vaftly  more  exten- 
five  than  England,  Wales,  Scotland  and  Ireland, 
taken  all  together — He  cannot  conceive  this.  He 
goes  into  his  bed  parlour,  and  looks  on  a  map  of 
England,  four  feet  fquare  ;  on  the  other  fide  of  the 
room  he  fees  a  map  of  North  and  South  America, 
not  more  than  two  feet  fquare,  and  exclaims — 
How  can  thefe  things  be  !— It  is  altogether  impoffi- 
ble  !  He  has  read  the  Arabian  Nights  Entertain 
ment 


[     roS     ] 

rncnt,  and  he  hears  this  wonderful  account  of 
America — he  believes  the  one  as  much  as  the 
other — That  a  giant  fliould  rife  out  of  the  fea, 
or  that  the  Delaware  (hould  be  larger  than  the 
Thames,  are  equally  incredible  to  him.  Talk  to 
him  of  the  Britifh  constitution,  he  will  tell  you  it 
is  a  glorious  conftitution — Alt  him  what  it  is, 
and  he  is  ignorant  of  its  firft  principles  ;  but  he  is 
fure  that  he  can  make  and  fell  pin-heads  under  it. 
Mention  the  freedom  of  elections,  and  he  will  tell 
that  he  does  not  meddle  in  thefe  matters  ;  that  he 
lives  in  a  borough  ;  and  that  it  is  impoffible  but 
that  fquire  Goofc-Cap  muft  reprefent  that  borough 
in  parliament — becaufe  Squire  Goofe-Cap  is  ac 
quainted  with  the  prime  minifter,  and  his  Lady 
comes  every  Sunday  to  the  pariih  church  in  a 
brocaded  gown ;  and  fits  in  a  pew  lined  with 
green  cloth — How  then  can  it  be  otherwife — but 
thefe  are  things  in  which  he  is  not  concerned. 
He  believes  in  the  Athanafian  Creed,  honours  the 
king,  and  makes  pin-heads — and  what  more  can 
be  expefted  of  man. 

IT  is  not  fo  in  America.  The  lowed  tradefman 
there  is  not  without  fome  degree  of  general  know 
ledge.  They  turn  their  hands  to  every  thing  ;  their 
fituation  obliges  them  to  do  fo.  A  farmer  there 
cannot  run  to  an  artifl  upon  every  trifling  occa- 
flon — lie  mufl  make  and  mend  and  contrive  for 

himfelf. 


himfelf.  This,  I  obferved  in  my  travels  through 
that  country.  In  many  towns,  and  in  every  city, 
they  have  public  libraries.  Not  a  tradefman  but 
will  find  time  to  read.  He  acquires  knowledge 
imperceptibly.  He  is  amufed  with  voyages  and 
travels,  and  becomes  acquainted  with  the  geogra 
phy,  cuftoms,  and  commerce  of  other  countries. 
He  reads  political  difquifitions,  and  learns  the  great 
out-lines  of  his  rights  as  a  man  and  as  a  citizen — 
He  dips  a  little  into  philofophy,  and  knows  that 
the  apparent  motion  of  the  fun  is  occafioned  by 
the  real  motion  of  the  earth — In  a  word,  he  is  fure 
that,  notwithstanding  the  determination  of  king, 
lords,  and  commons  to  the  contrary,  two  and  two 
can  never  make  five. 

SUCH  are  the  people  of  England,  and  fuch  the 
people  of  America.  Thefe  nations  are  now  at 
daggers  drawn.  At  firft,  the  Americans  knew 
little  or  nothing  of  the  art  of  war,  but  they  im 
prove  daily.  The  Britim  troops  are  teaching 
them  how  to  conquer  ;  and  they  find  them  very 
apt  fcholars.  The  probable  confequence  is,  that 
England  will  lofe,  and  America  gain,  an  empire. 
If  George  the  Third  ihould  fubjugate  America  on 
his  prefent  principles,  all  good  men  will  abhor 
him  as  a  tyrant  ;  if  he  (hould  fail  in  his  project,  all 
wife  men  will  defpife  him  for  riiking  the  immenfe 

advantages 


[        "0       I 

advantages  he  derived  from  a  friendly  connection 
with  that  country. 

BUT  it  is  time  to  conclude  this  long  Letter — 
for  the  prefent,  therefore  adieu  !  and  believe  me 
ever, 


Your,  &c.  &c.  &c. 


A    PO- 


[  III  1 

A     POLITICAL     CATECHISM 

Written  i*  1777. 


$ueftion.  "WHAT  is  WAR  ? 

Anfwer.  The  curfe  of  mankind  ;  the  mother 
of  famine  and  peftilence  ;  the  fource  of  compli 
cated  miferies ;  and  the  undiftinguifhing  deftroy- 
er  of  the  human  fpecies. 

J£.  How  is  war  divided  ? 

A.  Into  offenfi've  and  de/en/lvc. 

J^  What  is  the  general  objeft  of  an  ofFenfivc 
war  ? 

A.  Sometimes  it  is  to  regain  by  the  fword 
what  had  been  unjuftly  taken  from  the  rightful  pof- 
fefibr:  Sometimes  to  prevent  impending  dangers, 
which  cannot  be  avoided  by  other  means :  But, 
for  the  molt  part,  it  is  undertaken  to  gratify  the 
ambition  of  a  prince,  who  wifhes  to  fubjecl  to  his 
arbitrary  will  a  people  whom  God  created  free, 
r  and 


r  "2  ] 

and  to  gain  an  uncontrouled  dominion  over  their 
rights  and  property. 

j^.  Are  there  any  inftances  of  fuch  princes  ? 

A.  Yes,  many.  Hiflory  is  filled  with  the  wick 
ed  lives  and  miferable  deaths  of  tyrants.  The 
prefent  king  of  Great  Britain,  whofe  hiftory  is 
not  yet  completed,  is  a  living  example  of  fuch  a 
prince.  He  carried  an  offenfive  war  into  the  Eajl 
Indies,  and  deprived  many  thoufands  of  thofe  in 
nocent  people  of  their  lives  and  property  :  and  he 
is  now  carrying  on  an  offenfive  war  in  America, 
without  one  fpecious  plea  of  juftice  for  fo  doing  : 
Moft  wickedly  aiming  at  the  abfolute  difpofal  of 
that  extenfive  country,  and  its  numerous  inhabi 
tants.  For  this  purpofe  he  has  fpread  defolation 
and  death  amongft  thf  ir  friendly  habitations,  and 
profecutes  his  wicked  defign  with  aggravated  cru 
elty  and  horror. 

J^.  What  may  juftly  be  faid  of  fuch  a  prince  ? 

A.  That  he  looks  on  his  fellow-creatures  as 
created  only  for  his  ufe,  and  makes  their  mifery 
his  fport.  That  the  fpirit  of  thoufands,  who  have 
fallen  a  facrifice  to  his  ambition,  flutter  round  the 
poliihed  points  of  his  imperial  crown,  and  cry  to 
i  heaven 


r  »3  3 

heaven  for  juftice — that  his  throne  refls  on  the 
fculls  of  the  {lain—- that  his  unhallowed  feafls  arc 
defiled  with  blood — and  that  the  curfes  of  widows 
and  orphans  are  poured  out  againft  him  at  every 
rifmg  fun. 

THAT  hiftory  will  do  juftice  to  his  memory, 
and  record  his  crimes  with  his  name,  for  the  ab 
horrence  of  posterity — and  that  the  blood  he  has 
wantonly  fpilt  in  unjuft  purfuits  will  moft  affuredly 
be  required  of  his  hands. 

^  WHAT  is  defenfwe  war  ? 

A.  IT  is  to  take'up  arms  in  opposition  to  the  in- 
vafions  of  ufurped  power,  and  bravely  fuffer  pre- 
fent  hardfhips,  and  encounter  prefent  dangers,  to 
fecure  the  rights  of  humanity,  and  the  bleflings  of 
freedom,  to  generations  yet  unborn. 

J^.  Is  even  defenfive  war  juftifiable  in  a  reli 
gious  view  ? 

A.  THE  foundation  of  war  is  laid  in  the  wick- 
cdnefs  of  mankind.  Were  all  men  juft  and  good, 
there  would  be  no  caufe  of  contention  amongft 
them  ;  but  as  the  cafe  is  far  otherwife,  war  is  be 
come  abfolutely  neceffary,  as  many  other  infti- 

H  tutions 


r  "4  ] 

tutions  are,  which  derive  their  origin  from  the 
weaknefs  or  wickednefs  of  men.  Even  laws  and 
government  would  be  ufelefs  encumbrances  were 
there  no  open  violence  or  fecret  treachery  to  be 
guarded  a.-^aind.  God  has  given  man  wit  to  con 
trive,  power  to  execute,  and  freedom  of  will  to  di 
rect  his  condnft.  It  cannot  be  but  that  fome, 
from  a  depravity  of  will,  will  abufe  thefe  privi 
leges,  and  exert  thefe  powers  to  the  injury  of  o- 
thers :  and  the  opprefTed  would  have  no  fafety  or 
redrefs  but  by  exerting  the  fame  powers  in  their 
defence  :  and  it  is  our  duty  to  fet  a  proper  value 
upon,  and  defend  to  the  utmoft,  our  juft  rights, 
and  the  bleffings  of  life  :  other  wife  a  few  mif- 
creants  would  tyrannife  over  the  reft  of  mank'nd, 
and  make  the  paiHve  multitude  the  flaves  of  their 
power.  Thus  it  is  that  defen/ive  is  not  only  jufli- 
fiable,  but  an  indifpenfable  duty. 

^  Is  it  upon  thefe  principles  that  the  people  of 
America   are  refilling   the    arms  of   Great-Bri 
tain,  and  oppofmg  force  with  force  ? 

A.  STRICTLY  fo — The  Americans  had  nothing 
in  view  but  to  live  peaceably  and  dutifully  under  a 
conftitutional  fubjeftion  to  their  acknowledged  fo- 
vereign.  They  patiently  fubmitted  to  many  un- 
juft  encroachments  of  power.  They  were  not  te 
nacious 


r  "s  j 

tiacious  of  every  right;  But  at  laft  the  ddigns  of 
Great-Britain  became  too  manifeft  tobemiftaken: 
and  the  Americans  were  urged  on  to  the  diftref- 
fing  ncceffity  of  chufing  one  of  two  great  evils  j 
either  to  enlift  themfelves,  and  their  unborn  pofte- 
rity^  the  unconditional  flaves  of  a  corrupt  and 
wicked  adminiftration  ;  or  to  brave  the  horrors  of 
war,  under  every  difadvantage,  in  a  noble  ftruggle 
for  the  rights  of  mankind.  They  have  refolutely 
determined  on  the  latter  ;  and  after  folemnly  ap 
pealing  to  God  and  the  world  for  the  juftice  of 
their  caufe,  are  profecuting  the  war  with  promifing 
hopes  of  fuccefs.  Supported  by  the  rectitude  of 
their  principles,  they  have  furmounted  the  greateft 
difficulties,  and  have  exhibited  inilances  ofperfon- 
al  bravery  and  military  conduct  not  exceeded  by 
the  heroes  of  antiquity — And  may  Heaven  profper 
their  virtuous  undertaking ! 

^  BUT  it  has  often  been  faid,  that  America  is 
in  a  ftate  of  rebellion.  Tell  me,  therefore,  what 
is  REBELLION  ? 

A.  IT  is  when  a  great  number  of  people,  headed 
by  one  or  more  factious  leaders,  aim  at  depofmg 
their  lawful  prince,  without  any  juft  caufe  of  com 
plaint,  in  order  to  place  another  on  his  throne. 

Ha  Is 


C 

£.  Is  this  the  cafe  of  the  Americans  ? 

A.  FAR  otherwife. — They  have  repeatedly  de 
clared  j  with  the  mod  folemn  protections,  that 
they  were  ready  to  fupport,  with  their  lives  and 
fortunes,  the  prefent  king  of  Great-Britain,  on  the 
throne  of  his  anceftors ;  and  only  requefted,  in 
return  the  enjoyment  of  thofe  rights^  which  the 
Britifh  conflitution  confirms  to  all  his  fubjefts;  and 
Without  which,  the  boafted  freedom  of  that  confti- 
tution  is  but  a  folertm  mockery  and  an  empty 
flame. 

^.  To  whom  has  the  king  of  England  commit 
ted  the  conduft  of  this  war  ? 

A*  To  Lord  and  General  How** 
£>±  WHO  are  thefe  gentlemen  ? 

A.  THEY  are  the  brothers  of  a  Colonel  HOWE, 
who  fought  bravely  along  with  the  Americans  in 
a  former  war  between  the  Englilh  and  French,  and 
fell  in  battle.  The  Americans  loved  and  honoured 
this  Colonel  Howe  :  they  lamented  his  fate,  and  at 
their  own  expence  erefted  a  monument  to  his  me 
mory  in  the  town  of  Bofton.  But  thefe  gentlemen, 
Xvith  unrelenting  hearts,  and  facrilegious  hands, 

have 


r  «•?  * 

have  defiled  their  brother's  tomb  with  the  blooel 
of  thofe  whofe  affe&ion  had  raifed  it  to  his  ho 
nour;  and  have  plunged  their  hoflile  fwords  into 
bofoms  glowing  with  love  and  efleem  foi  their  mo 
ther's  fon. 

J^  WHAT  progrcfs  have  they  made  in  fubdu- 
ing  America  ? 

A.  VERY  little. — They  got  pofleflion  of  the 
town  of  Bofton  ;  but  could  not  hold  it.  They 
were  but  tenants  at  will  there,  ftri&ly  fpeaking^ 
for  their  landlords  ejected  them  without  any  warn 
ing,  and  diftrained  for  rent  upon  certain  military 
ftores. 

Q  What  did  they  next  ? 

A.  THEY  took  Staten-IJland,  where  there  was 
nothing  to  oppofe  them,  and  a  part  of  Long-  I/land^ 
and  fo  ferried  themfelves  over  to  the  city  of  New* 
York.  From  thence  they  crept  into  Jerfey,  and 
taking  advantage  of  a  critical  period,  when  the  A- 
merican  troops  were  difbanded  by  the  expiration 
of  their  enliftments,  and  before  a  new  army  could 
be  raifed,  they  advanced  to  the  banks  of  the  De 
laware^  well  knowing  that  there  was  nothing  to 
oppofe  their  progrefs.  On  the  banks  of  the  De 
ll  laivare 


[     "8     ] 

faivare  they  fat  themfelvcs  down,  and  fell  to  plun 
dering  the  adjacent  country.  In  the  mean  time 
they  publifhed  an  enticing  proclamation,  offering 
pardon  and  protection  to  all  thofe  who  would  ac 
cept  of  it,  upon  the  eafy  terms  of  unconditional 
fubmiffion.  But  the  Americans  did  not  defpair  : 
they  foon  found  a  fpirited  militia  to  fupply  the 
place  of  their  difbanded  troops  until  a  new  army 
could  he  raifed.  This  militia,  with  a  fmall  remain 
der  of  the  regular  troops,  croiTed  the  Delaware  at 
midnight,  in  a  fnow-ftorm,  and  following  their  gal 
lant  general  through  the  mod  fevere  and  inclement 
weather,  unexpectedly  attacked,  and  drove  the 
enemy  from  their  ftation  in  the  utmoft  confufion, 
and  made  twelve  hundred  of  their  men  prifoners 
of  war,  and  then  re-croiTcd  the  river  to  their  for 
mer  encampment.  The  Britifh  then  rallied,  and 
returned  to  their  poft,  knowing  that  a  large  rein 
forcement  was  on  the  way  to  their  relief.  But  the 
American  general,  having  a  range  of  fires  along 
the  banks  of  the  river  to  deceive  the  enemy, 
marched  his  army  in  the  night,  re-croffed  the  De 
laware^  and  by  a  circuitous  rout,  furprifed,  attack 
ed,  and  defeated  the  enemy's  expected  reinforce 
ment.  The  royal  army  is  now  lying  in  Brunfwick., 
mortified  and  creft-fallen. 


J^»  WHAT 


r  "9  ] 

^  WHAT  are  the  ftriking  outlines  of  the  king 
of  England's  character  ? 

A.  Injujtice^  obftinacy,  and  folly.  He  is  unjuft, 
becaufe  he  endeavours  to  get  by  force  what  is  de 
nied  him  by  the  laws  of  the  realm  over  which  he 
prefides,  and  in  direft  violation  of  his  coronation 
oath  :  he  is  obftinate^  becaufe  he  refufes  to  hear 
the  humble  petitions  of  an  opprefled  people  :  and 
his/o///  is  confpicuous  in  quarrelling  with  the  A- 
mericans  who  loved  and  honoured  him — who 
were  the  faithful  and  zealous  contributors  to  the 
fupport  of  his  crown  and  dignity,  and  a  never  fail 
ing  and  encreafmg  fource  of  wealth  to  him,  and  to 
the  merchants  and  manufacturers  of  his  country. 

^  WHO  has  the  chief  command  of  the  Ame 
rican  army  ? 

A.  His  Excellency  GENERAL  WASHINGTON. 
£^  WHAT  is  his  character  ? 

A.  To  him  the  title  of  Excellency  is  applied  with 
peculiar  propriety.  He  is  the  bell  and  the  great- 
eil  man  the  world  ever  knew.  In  private  life, 
he  wins  the  hearts  and  wears  the  love  of  all  who 
are  fo  happy  as  to  fall  within  the  circle  of  his  ac 
quaintance  : 


quaintancc.  In  his  public  character,  he  com 
mands  univerfal  refpeft  and  admiration.  Confci- 
ous  that  the  principles  on  which  he  a6h  are  indeed 
founded  in  virtue  and  truth,  he  fleadily  purfues 
the  arduous  work  with  a  mind  neither  deprefled 
by  difappointment  and  difficulties,  nor  elated  with 
temporary  fuccefs.  He  retreats  like  a  General, 
and  attacks  like  a  Hero.  Had  he  lived  in  the  days 
of  idolatry,  he  had  been  worihipped  as  a  God. 
One  age  cannot  do  juflice  to  his  merit ;  but  a 
grateful  pofterity  {hall,  for  a  fucceffion  of  ages,  re 
member  the  great  deliverer  of  his  country. 


A  LET- 


A     LETTER     rp     LORD     HOWE. 
[December   1776.] 


Mr  LORD, 

WHATEVER  errors  the  court  of  Great  Britain 
might  have  fallen  into  in  the  commencement  of  the 
prefent  unhappy  conteft  with  America,  it  was  at 
lead  a  politic  ftep  to  commit  the  conduct  of  this 
important  affair  to  your  Lordfhip,  and  the  Ge 
neral  your  brother. 

THE  name  of  Howe  is  dear  to  America  ;  and 
amongft  the  many  diftreffing  difficulties  we  have 
to  encounter,  it  is  no  inconfiderable  one  to  over 
come  the  predilection  we  feel  for  your  family.  The 
exalted  virtues  of  your  heroic  brother  *,  whofe 
bones  are  embraced  by  that  foil  you  are  now 
.drenching  with  blood,  often  rife  in  painful  re 
membrance. 

WE 

*  Colonel  Lord 'Htnue,  was  in  Gen.  Abercombie's  army  at  the  battle 
•f  Ticonderoga,  and  was  there  killed  by  a  random  (hot.  The  tow* 
of  Bofton  erected  a  Monument  to  his  memory. 


L    I22    1 

WE  arc  ready  to  acknowledge  the  good  difpo. 
fitions  that  diftinguifh  your  private  character,  and 
whilft  we  feel  the  fmart  of  the  wounds  you 
inflict,  wifh  they  had  been  adminiftered  by  another 
hand.  We  would  fondly  confider  you  as  the  ex^- 
cutioner  of  another'ii  wrath — not  your  own  :  and 
forgive  with  as  much  fmcerity — pardon  the  allu- 
fion  ! — as  the  condemned  wretch  forgives  the  ap 
pointed  officer  who  is  about  to  torture  him  into 
another  ftate  of  exiftcnce. 

THE  idea  we  have  of  your  Lordfhip's  character 
compels  us  to  fuppofe,  that  before  you  undertook 
this  cruel  talk  your  confcience  was  fully  convin 
ced,  that  the  inflexible  rules  of  right  and  ho 
nour,  and  the  fpirit  of  the  Britifh  conftitution, 
fully  authorifed  the  prefent  war  :  and  that  the 
refinance  of  America  to  the  claims  of  the  Bri- 
tifli  legiflature  is,  and  ought,  to  be,  deemed  rebelli 
on.  Under  fuch  a  fuppofition,  can  we  blame 
your  Lordfhip  for  averting  and  enforcing  what  you 
may  believe  to  be  the  rights  of  your  fovereign. 

' 

LET  the  fame  candour  be  extended  to  the 
poor  Americans.  They  think  and  are  fully  per- 
fuaded,  that  neither  the  rules  of  honour  or  e- 
quity,  the  fpirit  of  the  Britifh  conftitution,  or  the 
rights  of  mankind,  can  authorife  the  views  of  Bri 
tain 


t     "3     J 

tain  in  the  profecution  of  the  prefent  war  :  on 
the  contrary  they  believe,  that  is  an  indifpenfable 
duty,  which  they  owe  to  themfelves  and  their  un 
born  pofterity,  to  oppofe  to  the  utmoft  the  troops 
you  have  brought  into,  their  country,  and  to  re- 
fufe  fubmiffion  to  the  yoke  that  is  prepared  for 
them.  Ought  they  not  then  to  be  refpe&ed  as  ac 
ting  upon  the  beft  principles,  however  ill-founded 
you  may  fuppofe  thefe  principles  to  be  ?  And  ought 
you  not  at  leaft  to  pity,  wuilit  you  think  you 
juftly  puniihf 

THE  prefent  difpute  is,  what  the  rights  of  the 
crown  and  parliament  are  with  refpeft  to  Ameri 
ca,  and  what  they  are  not — Great  Britain  would 
have  us  acknowledge  her  claims  of  unlimited  pow 
er  ;  and  that  too,  without  reafoning  on  the  fub- 
jeft —  (he  will  not  conddcend.  to  reafon  with  us — 
(he  will  not  receive  our  humble  petitions,  or  even 
hear  what  we  have  to  fay  in  our  own  behalf — we 
muft  implicitly  acknowledge  her  claims  to  be  juft. 
And  when,  my  Lord,  were  acknowledgements  of 
this  kind  ever  forced  upon  mankind  with  fuccefs  ? 
To  own  the  fupremacy  of  the  Britim  parliament 
over  the  lives  and  properties  of  the  people  of  A- 
merica,  or  own  the  fupremacy  of  his  holinefs  over 
our  immortal  fouls,  are  doctrines  which  can  only 
be  eflabliflied  by  the  fword  and  the  faggot  amongft 

men 


r  i*4  3 

men  who  have  the  free  ufe  of  their  reafon.  But  I 
am,  perhaps,  going  too  far — j[  mean  not  to 
offend,  nor  would  I  be  wanting  in  the  refpeft  due 
to  your  character  and  ftation.  Should  ray  zeal  on  fo 
interefUng  a  fubjeft  appear  fomewhat  intemperate, 
I  trufl  your  Lordlhip  will  make  a  proper  allow 
ance,  yet  fuflfer  me  to  fhed  a  few  tears  over  the 
mangled  limbs  of  my  bleeding  country. 

KNOW  then,  that  devaluation,  infult,  murder, 
and  ruin  mark  the  way  of  your  favage  troops 
through  this  cultivated,  hofpitable,  and  once  happy 
land.  It  is  not  enough  that  the  manly  youth,  with 
a  heart  high-beating  in  his  country's  caufe,  is  cal 
led  forth,  and  cut  down  in  the  field  of  battle,  an 
early  facrifice  at  the  fhine  of  Liberty;  but  the 
voice  of  the  helplefs  virgin  cries  aloud  to  Heaven 
againft  the  brutal  force  of  the  falacious  raviiher. 
Take  a  view  of  the  country  before  you — villages 
in  ruin,  cities  abandoned,  and  the  miferable  in- 
habitants  driven  from  their  comfortable  homes, 
and  all  the  endearing  fweets  of  domeftic  felicity, 
to  feek  for  flicker  in  this  inclement  feafon— 
they  know  not  where — leaving  their  property 
a  prey  to  unpitying  foreigners,  who  deflroy, 
witnout  remorfe,  what  they  cannot  immediately 
ufe  or  conveniently  take  away.  This  is  no  ex 
aggerated  pi&ure,  over-charged  in  the  colouring 

—fate 


[     '25    1 

**~ fafts  have  juftified  the  drawing,  and  the  mourn 
ful  occasion  prompts  the  ftile. 

SUCH  is  the  nature  of  the  commiiTion  you  have 
come  to  execute  amongft  us.  Cruel  as  it  is,  I 
Would  fain  hope  that  you  think  you  are  only  bran- 
difhing  the  fword  of  juftice,  not  inflifting  the  rod 
of  oppreffion — but  how  you  can  think  fo,  it  is  hard 
for  an  American  to  conceive. 

THE  unpardonable  fault  of  America  now  is  the 
declaration  of  Independence.  When  our  faults 
were  lefs  they  were  as  hardly  thought  of.  Our 
modeft  complaints  were  called  prefumption — our 
humble  petitions  difmifTed  with  contempt — no  le 
nient  hand  was  held  out — no  friendly  meafures 
propofed  to  footh  the  griefs  we  thought  we  fuffer- 
ed,  and  prevent  the  horrors  that  now  furround  us 
— independence  was  not  the  wifh  of  America,  but  a 
hard  and  cruel  neceflity  has  forced  us  to  this  defpe- 
rate  determination — we  truft  in  the  juftice  of  our 
caufe,  and  leave  to  the  God  of  battles  the  great 
•vent. 

IN  the  mean  time,  though  you  carry  on  your 
mafter's  work,  let  not  the  lawlefs  hand  of  rapine 
fpread  unnereflary  defolation  through  our  bleeding 
•ountry — Arreft  the  plunderer's  greedy  grafp, 

and 


and  fuffer  not  the  cries  of  the  defpoiled  vir7m  to 
call  to  Heaven  for  vengeance  on  thofe  who  regard 
not  God,  and  trample  on  the  facred  rights  of  hu 
manity.  Wrongs  like  thefe,  tarnifh  the  luflre  of 
victory,  and  blaft  the  laurels  of  the  brave. 


A    LET- 


I27 


[Publiftied  in  1778  ] 


JN  O  W  that  you  have  gained  the  fummit  of  your 
ambitious  hopes,  the  reward  of  your  forfeited  ho 
nour,  that  dear  bought  gratification,  to  obtain 
which  you  have  given  your  name  to  infamy,  and 
your  foul  to  perdition — now  that  you  fit  in  Phila 
delphia,  the  nominal  governor  of  Pennfylvania, 
give  me  leave  to  addrefs  a  few  words  of  truth  to 
your  corrupted  heart.  Retire  for  a  moment  from, 
the  avocations  and  honours  of  your  new  fuperin- 
tendency,  and  review  the  fteps  by  which  you  have 
mounted  the  flage  of  power — fteps  reeking  with 
the  blood  of  your  innocent  country. 

WHEN  the  ftorm  was  gathering  dark  and  drea 
ry  over  this  devoted  country — when  America 
flood  in  need  of  all  the  exertions  which  her  bed 
patriots  and  mod  confidential  citizens  could  make, 
you  ftepped  forward — you  offered  yourfelf  a  can 
didate,  and  with  unwearied  diligence  folicited  a 

feat 


feat  in  the  American  congrefs.  Your  feeming 
fincerity,  and  your  loud  complaints  againft  the  un- 
jufl  ufurpations  of  the  Britiih  legiflature,  gained 
the  confidence  of  your  country.  You  were  elect- 
cd — you  took  your  feat  in  congrefs — and  let  pof- 
terity  remember,  that  while  you  were  yehemently 
declaiming  in  that  venerable  fenate  againft  Britiih 
tyranny,  and  with  hypocritical  zeal  urging  a  noble 
{land  in  behalf  of  the  liberties  of  your  country, 
you  were  at  the  fame  time  betraying  their 'fecrets, 
ridiculing  their  ceconomy,  and  making  fport  of 
their  conduft,  in  private  letters  to  your  friend  go 
vernor 


BUT  your  abilities  were  not  equal  to  your  trea 
chery.  Your  character  became  fufpecled.  You 
were  left  out  of  the  delegation,  and  fearing  the 
juft  refentment  of  your  injured  country,  you  took 
refuge  under  the  banners  of  General  Howe.  You 
well  knew  that  profeflions  alone  would  not  recom 
mend  you  to  his  notice  :  actual  fervices  muft  be 
rendered  to  raife  you  above  neglect,  and  even  con 
tempt  of  your  new  patron.  The  general  knowing 
your  conduct  to  have  been  fuch  as  to  render  all  re 
conciliation  with  your  country  impoilible,  and 
thinking  that  from  your  knowledge  of  the  people 
he  meant  to  ruin,  you  might  be  a  ufeful  tool  in  his 
hands,  took  you  into  his  fervice.  You  found  it 

3  no 


r  1*9  1 

no  hard  talk  to  come  into  his  views ;  to  baniih 
every  virtuous  fcnfibility,  and  even  fteel  your  heart 
againft  the  cries  of  fuffering  humanity,  and  wade 
through  the  blood  of  your  fellow-citizens  to  your 
promifed  reward.  Is  there  a  curfe  denounced  a- 
gainft  villainy  that  hangs  not  over  your  head  ? — It 
was  owing  to  your  poifonous  influence  that  * — * 
took  part  againft  his  country's  caufe,  and  involved 
his  family  in  mifery  and  diftrefs.  Let  their  misfor 
tunes  fit  heavy  on  your  foul !  It  was  owing  to  your 
feduftions  that  a  hopeful  young  man  was  cut  off 
with  infamy  in  the  prime  and  vigour  of  life. — Let 
the  blood  of  Molefworth  *  fit  heavy  on  your  foul ! 
You  attended  the  Britifh  army  from  the  Head  of 
Elk  to  the  city  of  Philadelphia — you  rode  in  the 
rear  of  that  army  in  your  triumphant  carriage — you 
feafted  your  eyes  with  fcenes  of  defolation — the 
cries  of  ruined  families,  and  the  curfes  of  the  diftrefT- 
ed,  compofed  the  mufic  of  your  march,  and  your 
horfes  hoofs  were  wet  with  the  blood  of  your  flaugh- 
tered  countrymen  and  former  friends. — Is  there  a 
curfe  denounced  againft  villainy  that  hangs  not 
over  your  head  ? — Let  thefe  things  fit  heavy  on 
your  foul ! 

I  BUT 


*  He  was  dete&ed  in  endeavouring  to  procure  pilots  to  conduct 
the  Britift  fleet  up  the  Dekwarc;  was  tried,  omvifted,  and hangtd. 


BUT  you  are  now  in  the  feat  of  power  in  the 
city  of  Philadelphia.  The  glow  of  gratified  am 
bition  burns  on  your  cheek,  whilft  like  a  bafhaw 
of  the  eafl,  you  order  this  or  that  fellow-citizen  to 
prifon  and  punifliment.  You  fit  down  daily  to  a 
board  fpread  with  more  than  plenty,  and  know, 
with  unconcern,  that  numbers  of  your  country 
men,  even  fome  of  your  former  acquaintance,  are 
fuffering  all  the  lingering  anguifli  of  abfolute  fa 
mine  in  the  jails  of  the  city — within  your  reach — 
within  your  power  to  relieve.  You  well  know 
that  under  the  difcipline  of  that  arch-fiend,  Citn- 
ningham,  they  have  plucked  the  weeds  of  the  earth 
for  food,  and  expired  with  the  unchewed  grafs  in 
their  mouths  * — yet  you  pity  not  the  mifery  to 
which  you  have  yourfelf  been  inftrumcntal,  nor 
will  you  fuffer  their  torture  to  touch  your  heart — 
Oh!  let  this  too,  fit  heavy  on  your  foul ! 

THE 

*  Cunningham  had  deferted  from  the  Americans  to  the  Britifli, 
and  was  made  keeper  of  the  provoft  prifon,  The  fhtte-houfe  in 
Philadelphia  was  made  ufe  of  for  this  purpofe;  and  the  author  was 
allured,  by  fome  who  made  their  efcape  from  thence,  that  they  had 
feen  bodies  lying  in  the  yard  of  prifoners,  who  had  died  of  mere 
famine,  with  unchewed  grafs  hanging  out  of  their  mouths.  Some 
of  the  citizens  had  one  day  fent  a  bucket  full  of  broth  to  the  prifon 
ers  of  the  provoft — the  infernal  Cunningham  took  it  into  the  fiate- 
houfe  yard,  and  when  the  ftarving  wretches  had  gathered  eagerly 
round,  he  kicked  over  the  bucket  with  his  foot,  and  then  laughed  to 
fee  them  lie  on  their  bellies  and  lap  the  flop  from  the  ground,  like 
dogs,  with  their  tongues. 


r  '3'  J 

THE  time  is  at  hand  when  the  army  on  which 
you  build  your  fupport  muft  withdraw,  and  aban 
don  their  vain  attempt.  When  this  fhall  happen, 
then  fly — fly  to  England,  for  you  will  not  be  fafe 
here — your  life  and  eftate  are  both  forfeited — and 
both  will  be  but  a  poor  atonement  for  the  wrongs 
you  have  done. — Fly  to  England,  and  if  you  fhould 
find  yourfelf  defpifed  and  negle&ed  there,  as  will 
moft  probably  be  the  cafe,  for  the  Englifli  hate  a 
traitor,  even  though  they  benefit  by  the  treafon — 
then  fly  thence,  with  the  mo-nft.cYCunmngham,to  the 
barren  defert,  and  herd  with  hungry  beafts  of  prey. 

THE  temporary  reward  of  iniquity  you  now 
hold  will  foon  flirink  from  your  grafp ;  and 
the  favour  of  him  on  whom  you  now  depend  will 
ceafe,  when  your  capacity  to  render  the  nereflary 
Tervices  fliall  ceafe.  This  you  know,  and  the  re- 
fle£Hon  muft  even  now  throw  a  gloom  of  horror 
over  your  enjoyments,  which  the  glittering  tinfel 
of  your  new  fuperintendency  cannot  illumine.— 
Look  back,  and  all  is  guilt — look  forward,  and  all 
is  dread. — When  the  hiftory  of  the  prefent  times 
fliall  be  recorded,  the  names  of  Galloway  and  Cun 
ningham  will  not  be  omitted  j  and  poflerity  will 
wonder  at  the  extreme  obduracy  of  which  the  hu 
man  heart  is  capable,  and  at  the  unmeafurable  dif- 
.  tance  between  a  traitor  and  a  WASHINGTON. 

I  2  TWO 


TWO       LETTERS 

[Publifhed  in  1776.) 


MR.  PRINTER, 

A  AM  a  Tory,  the  fon  of  a  Tory,  born  and  bred 
in  the  pure  principles  of  unconditional  fubmif- 
fion,  and  a  true  friend  to  the  Hanoverian  family- 
right  or  wrong  and  at  all  events.  The  king  of 
England,  is  in  my  humble  opinion,  entitled,  jure 
divino,  to  govern  abfolutely,  not  only  the  Britiflj 
empire,  but  the  Eaft  and  Weft  Indies — not  only 
the  Eafl  and  Weft  Indies,  but  the  continent  of 
North  America — not  only  thefe,  but  even  the 
whole  of  this  paltry  world. 

BUT  the  infatuated  people  of  this  moft  vile 
portion  of  this  moft  vile  planet,  have  been  moved 
by  the  inftigation  of  the  Devil  to  oppofe  the  ear- 
neft  defire  of  George  III. — God  blefs  his  Maje- 
fly  ! — to  govern  them  in  all  cafes  whatever,  accor 
ding  to  his  good  will  and  pleafure.  Fpr  my  own 

part,. 


r  133  1 

jpart,  I  truly  abominate  and  abhor  their  rebelli 
ous  obflinacy.  His  Majefty  hath  been  pleafed,  in 
his  great  goodnefs,  and  to  my  unfpeakable  fatif- 
Fa&ion,  to  fend  over  his  fleets  and  armies  to  con 
quer  and  fubdue  this  horrible  country.  Now,  it  is 
the  indifpenfable  duty  of  all  thofe  who  would  be 
called  the  friends  of  arbitrary  government  and  of 
the  faid  George  III.  to  render  all  the  affiilance  in 
their  power  to  the  aforefaid  fleets  and  armies, 
and  to  the  worthy  Lords  and  Generals,  whom 
this  juft  and  benign  monarch  hath  commiffioned 
to  direft  and  manage  them; 

AMONGST  the  implements  of  war,  the  Pen 
and  the  printing  Prefs  are  not  the  moft  infignifi- 
cant.  It  is  true,  they  can  break  no  bones — can 
fhed  no  blood — but  they  can  inftigate  men  to  do 
both :  and  by  their  influence  over  the  minds  of 
the  multitude,  can,  perhaps,  do  more  towards 
gaining  a  point,  or  oppofing  a  piirpofe,  than  the 
fword  or  the  bayonet.  For  this  reafon,  I  have 
anxioufly  defired  to  fee  a  printing  prefs  in  this  ci 
ty  fubfervient  td  the  purpofes  of  Lord  and  Ge 
neral  Howe ;  and  it  is  with  great  fatisfa&ion  I 
find  they  have  at  laft  got  a  printer  to  their  mind — 
one  perfectly  difpofed  to  forward  their  humane 
defigns.  I  was  boafting,  in  the  fulnefs  of  my 
heart,  of  The  Pennfyhania  Ledger ',  printed  by  Mr 

I  3  Humphreys^ 


C     '34    3 

Humphreys,  to  a  friend  whom  I  fuppofcd  to 
be  a  tory  like  myfelf :  but  1  had  quite  mif- 
taken  my  man.  He  had  the  aflurance  to  addrefs 
me  on  the  fubjeCt  in  the  following  manner.  I 
will  give  it  nearly  in  his  own  words,  that  you  may 
fee  what  dangerous  characters  we  have  amongft 
us. 

"  IT  has  been  the  policy  of  every  government, 
"  (faid  he)  from  the  beginning  of  time  to  this 
"  day,  when  the  honour,  fafety,  and  exiftence  of 
"  that  government  depended  on  the  fate  of  war, 
"  to  ufe  every  poffible  means  to  forward  and 
"  ftrengthen  the  efforts  of  its  citizens  and  friends, 
"  and  to  counteract  the  force  and  fubtlety  of  its 
"  enemies. 

"  FOR  this  end,  even  under  the  moft  popular 
'•  constitutions,  many  of  the  facred  rights  of  the 
"  people  have  been  hard  preifed,  and  even  fufpen- 
"  ded,  and  that  without  endangering  the  confti- 
"  tution,  provided  fuch  extraordinary  exertions 
"  of  government  be  manifeftly  fan&ioned  by  the 
*'  neceffity  of  the  cafe.  The  Britiih  king,  with- 
"  out  even  the  plea  of  neceffity  impreffes  men 
"  for  fupplying  his  navy  in  time  of  war  ;  a 
e<  praClice  not  authorifed  by  the  court itution,  and 

a  high 


[     '35    ] 

te  a  high  infringement    of  the  pcrfonal  rights 
«  of  the  fubjeft. 

"  THE  liberty  of  the  prefs  has  ever  been  juftly 
"  efteemed'as  one  of  the  moft  important  popular 
"  privileges  in  a  free  government.  It  is  indeed 
"  highly  reafonable  that  the  channels  of  informa- 
"  don  mould  be  kept  open  and  uncorrupted — and 
"  no  man  holds  this  right-in  more  facred  eftimation 
"  than  I  do.  But  when  this  privilege  is  manifeft- 
"  ly  abufed,and  the  prefs  becomes  an  engine  in  the 
"  hands  of  an  enemy  for  fowing  dangerous  diffen- 
"  tions,  fpreading  falfe  alarms,  and  undermining 
"  the  defenfive  operations  of  government  in  an 
"  hour  of  danger,  ought  not  that  government 
"  upon  the  undeniable  principles  of  felf-preferva- 
"  don,  to  filence,  by  its  own  authority,  fuch  an  in- 
"  ternal  enemy  to  its  peace  and  fafety  ? — I  have  now 
"  in  view  The  Pennfyl-vanla  Ledger,  a  paper  mani- 
"  feftly  in  the  inierefls  of  the  enemy:  whether 
"  we  confider  the  complexion  of  the  paper  itfelf, 
"  or  the  known  political  character  of  the  editor. 
"  Why  mould  a  dangerous  lenity  proteft  a  man 
"  in  the  abufe  of  that  very  lenity  which  is  his 
"  only  fecurity,  and  on  which  he  fo  ungratefully 
4i  prefumes  ?  or  why  {hould  he,  under  the  fanftion 
"  of  one  right,  be  permitted  to  aim  at  the  fubver- 
"  fion  of  all  the  other  rights  of  his  country  ? 

"  Would 


r  136  ] 

**  Would  not  our  council  of  fafcty  be  very  juftifi- 
"  able  in  filencing  a  prefs,  whofe  weekly  prochicti- 
"  ons  infult  the  feelings  of  the  people,  and  are  fo 
"  openly  inimical  to  the  American  caufe?" 

DID  you  everliear  fuch  a  fellow  ?  For  my  part 
I  was  fo  {hocked  at  his  principles,  that  I  left  him 
abruptly,  and  am  determined  to  have  no  more 
communication  with  him. 


Mr 


'37 


MR.  PRINTER, 

IT  is  not  cafy  to  conceive  how  much  I  was  fur- 
prifed  and  difappointed  at  the  difcourfc  of  my 
friend,  as  communicated  to  you  in  my  laft.  There 
are  indeed  fome  whom  we  confide  in  with  fafety  in 
thefe  precarious  times :  and  people  fliould  be  very 
cautious  in  opening  their  minds  before  perfons  of 
a  doubtful  political  character. 

IT  is  a  rule  in  our  tory  fociety  to  be  very  cir- 
cumfpeft  in  this  particular — But  I  confefs  that,  in 
this  inftance,  I  was  not  as  prudent  as  I  (hould  have 
been  ;  and  I  have  had  the  mortification  of  be 
ing  reprimanded  for  my  indifcretion  before  a  full 
meeting. 

You  can  hardly  imagine  what  regularity  pre 
vails  in  our  board  of  tories.  We  are  all  formed 
into  committees  of  various  denominations,  and 
appointed  to  various  duties.  I  have  myfelf  the 
honour  to  belong  to  the  committee  of  wiles  andftra- 
tagems.  It  was  I,  Mr.  Printer,  who  planned  the 
fchemc  for  dealing  the  mail  fent  byGeneral  Wafh- 

ington 


C     '3"     "1 

ington  to  congrefs  *. — And  my  defigu  was  fo 
fuccefsfully  executed,  that  whilfl  the  committee  of 
congrefs  were  fearching  Briftol  for  thofe  letters, 
they  were  then  on  their  way  to  our  friend  General 
Howe ;  where  they  fafely  arrived,  as  we  have 
been  fince  informed.  You  may  be  fure  that  I 
gained  great  applaufe  for  this  manoeuvre* 

WE  have  alfo  a  committee  of  falfe  reports ; — 
whofe  duty  is  to  fabricate  and  publifh  fuch  articles 
of  intelligence  as  may  tend  to  alarm  and  terrify 
timid  whigs,  and  diftraft  the  minds  of  the  people. 
Thefe  are  circulated  at  fuch  times  as  the  fituation 
of  public  affairs  may  make  them  moft  probable. 
Sometimes  they  are  thrown  out  in  whifpers,  in  fo 
dark  and  fecret  a  manner  that  their  origin  cannot 
be  traced  ;  and  at  other  times  openly,  by  means 
of  the  Pennfyfoania  Ledger. 

WE  have,  moreover  a  committee  of  true  intelligence; 
whofe  bufmefs  it  is  to  employ  a  number  of  fpies, 
who  are  dire&ed  to  mix  amongft  the  people  in  the 
aifumed  character  of  zealous  whigs  ;  to  hire 

themfelves 

*  By  this  Mail  (which  was  ftole  from  off  the  exprcfs  horfe, 
whilft  he  was  refrefliing  fiimfelf  at  Briftol)  Gen.  Howe  was  infor 
med  of  the  fituation  of  the  American  army,  and  of  the  day  on 
which  m/>ft  of  the  troops  would  be  difbanded  by  the  expiration  of  their 
enliftments.  He  accordingly  came  into  Jerfey  with  his  whole  force 
at  tiie  critical  time  and  drove  Gen.  Wafiiinjjton  over  tjte  Dulawafe. 


[     '39    1 

themfelves  as  fervants  and  waiters  in  houfes  and 
taverns  frequented  by  members  of  congreis. 
This  committee  holds  a  regular  correfpondencc 
with  our  friends  in  the  Britifli  army  ;  fo  that  we 
are  certainly  informed  of  what  paffes  on  both 
iides,  from  the  beft  authority,  and  are  thereby 
enabled  to  take  all  advantages.  Happily  for  us, 
the  feveral  ferries  and  ftages  have  as  yet  been  left 
free  and  open,  fo  that  our  rneffengers  pafs  and  re- 
pafs  without  examination,  and  of  confequence  this 
department  has  been  attended  with  little  or  no 
•difficulty. 

AN  OTHER  committee  is  called  the  committee  sf 
lies:  whole  duty  differs  from  that  offalfe  reports  in 
this— the  latter  is  to  circulate  mifreprefentations 
of  fa&s  refpe&ing  the  armies,  and  things  of  a 
public  nature,  on  the  large  fcale:  whilft  the  former 
only  frame  temporary  lies  for  the  ufe  of  this  city  : 
particularly  refpe£ting  the  deliberations  and  in 
tentions  of  congrefs.  Thefe  lies  muft  be  frelh. 
and  frefh  every  day ;  and  always  fupported  by  a 
ftrong  affertion  that  the  information  came  from 
fome  leaky  member  of  congrefs;  generally  without 
mentioning  the  name  of  any  individual  member  ; 
yet,  in  cafes  of  urgency,  the  real  name  of  fome 
leading  chafafter  may  be  adduced  ;  when  the  lie 

in  ay 


[     14*     ] 

fhay  have  had  its  operation  before  it  can  be  confrzu 
difted. 

THERE  is  likewife  a  committee  of  extortion; 
thefe  are  wealthy  men,  who  monopolize,  as  far  as 
they  can,  the  articles  mofl  wanted  for  the  rebel 
army  ;  buy  up  the  necefTaries  of  life,  and  put  on 
them  the  higheft  prices  they  can  with  any  appear 
ance  of  propriety,  in  order  to  make  the  people 
difcontented  and  uneafy. 

THE  laft  committee  I  {hall  mention  is  the  com* 
mittee  of  depreciation — as  important  as  any — they 
are  to  take  all  poffible  pains,  and  to  exercife  every 
fubtile  art  to  run  down  and  depreciate  the  Conti 
nental  currency.  This  committee  is  very  large., 
and  compofed  chiefly  of  brokers  and  monied  men. 
They  get  fome  of  this  money,  and  run  with  it  to 
difcharge  any  debts  they  may  have  contra&ed,  with 
a  feeming  anxiety  to  get  rid  of  it  as  faft  as  pofliblc. 
If  they  have  goods  for  fale,  they  openly  avow 
three  prices  :  one,  if  the  purchafer  will  agree  to 
pay  in  hard  money;  an  higher  price,  if  in  pro 
vincial  paper,  under  the  old  government ;  and  a 
flill  higher,  if  in  the  prefent  continental  bills  of 
credit.  But  we  have  many  other  ways  of  bring 
ing  that  currency  into  difrepute,  which  I  am  not 
at  liberty  to  mention. 

3  I  would 


I  would  give  a  lift  of  the  men  of  moft  influence 
in  our  fociety— at  prefent  this  would  be  impro 
per  :  but  I  will  be  more  explicit  hereafter,  when 
ttryifm  may  be  more  fafely  and  openly  avowed. 

SOME  narrow  minded  people  fay,  that  we  are  do 
ing  all  we  can  to  ruin  our  country,  and  entail  a  mi- 
ferablc  flavery  on  our  unborn  pofterity.  We  believe 
we  are  doing  the  befl  we  can  for  ourfelves — and 
pray  what  has  pofterity  done  for  us,  that  we  Ihould 
0  run  the  rifk  of  confifcation  and  a  halter  for  them  ? 
Our  fixed  opinion  is,  that  the  Britifh  army  muft  e- 
yentually  fubdue  this  country— ~andfetting  the  right 
pr  wrong  of  the  thing  out  of  the  queftion,  we 
think  we  may  as  well  have  the  reputation  and  ad 
vantage  of  affifting  them  in  their  defigns  as  not. 
'Tis  true,  if  the  Britiih  Generals  fhould  fucceed  in 
their  enterprife  we  may  fee  our  neighbours  and 
friends  imprifoned  by  hundreds,  and  hanged  by 
dozens  j  their  eftates  confifcated,  and  their  chil 
dren  turned  out  to  beggary  and  want ;  but  then 
we  (hall  ourfelves  efcape,  and  enjoy  in  fafety  our 
lives  and  eftates — and,  perhaps,  be  even  promoted, 
for  our  prefent  fervices,  to  places  of  honour  and 

emolument. 

I  am,  &c. 

A    TORY. 
-       A    LET- 


A       LETTS 


[January  1778.] 


MR.  COLLINS, 

WliEN  neceffity  firft  compelled  us  to  take  up 
arms  in  defence  of  our  country,  we  thought  our 
only  bufmefs  would  be  to  oppofe  ftrength  to 
ftrength,  in  the  ufua.1  courfe  of  war  :  and  accord 
ingly,  we  provided  ourfelves  with  guns,  bayonets, 
powder,  ball,  &c. 

BUT  experience  fhews  that  we  were  miftaken. 
Other  weapons  of  lefs  mortal,  but  not  lefs  dan 
gerous  effect,  are  exercifed  againft  us  by  the  ene 
my,  and  we  are  very  deficient  on  our  parts.  It  is 
now  high  time  that  congrefs  fhould  enable  us  to 
meet  the  foe  with  equal  arms.  In  fliort,  Mr.  Col 
lins,  we  want  men  of  abilities  to  ferve  the  United 
States  in  the  capacity  of  public  Liars. 

HOWEVER, 


t     143     3 

HOWEVER  ftrange  fuch  an  appointment  may 
appear  at  firft  view,  we  find  that  the  experienced 
commanders  of  the  Britifh  army  have  not  thought 
it  unworthy  of  their  attention.  It  is  manifeft  that 
our  enemies  depend  much  on  their  fuperiority  in 
the  art  of  lying.  In  the  very  commencement  of 
the  war,  the  Britiih  minifter  was  at  the  trouble  and 
expence  of  fending  over  a  whole  fliip  load  of  lies 
in  a  pamphlet,  entitled  An  Addrefs  to  the  People  of 
America^  to  be  difperfed  among  the  people.  After 
this,  many  other  lying  pamphlets  and  papers  were 
difcharged  from  the  royal  batteries.  Lord  Howe 
fent  a  lie  to  congrefs  by  Gen.  Sullivan,  requeft- 
ing  a  conference  for  the  eftabliftiment  of  peace — 
knowing,  at  the  fame  time,  he  had  neither  the  in 
tention  nor  the  power  to  make  peace,  But 
this  was  only  priming  the  cannon — his  principal 
aim  was  to  fend  a  thundering  lie  to  Europe,  and 
particularly  to  France.,  informing  that  congrefs 
was  about  to  fubmit,  and  had  actually  entered  up 
on  a  treaty  with  the  Britifh  generals  for  that  pur- 
pofe.  And  Sir  William  Howe  let  off  another  //>, 
not  long  fmce,  by  means  of  the  unfortunate  John 
Brown — but  that  miffed  its  aim. 

As  foon  as  the  Howes  got  to  New  York,  they 
appointed  their  liar  general,   who  played  off  in 
numerable  lies  from  the  batteries   of  Rivington 
i  and 


[      '44     ] 

and  Game  *  to  our  great  annoyance.  They  have 
now  an  able  officer  of  this  kind  in  Philadelphia, 
who  has  taken  charge  of  Fort  Humphreys  *  and 
Fort  Town  *.  For  it  cannot  be  fuppofed  that 
MelT.  Humphreys  and  Town  are  the  original  au 
thors  of  thofe  elegant  and  well  conflrufted  lies 
which  they  publifh  every  week. 

I  have  heard  of  a  man  in  England,  fome  years 
ago,  called  a  Ventriloquift,  who  had  the  extraor. 
dinary  faculty  of  making  his  voice  feem  to  come 
from  where  he  pleafed.  This  man  kept  a  great 
dog,  and  for  the  entertainment  of  his  vifitors, 
would  throw  his  voice  into  the  dog's  belly  ;  and 
then  wagging  the  poor  bead's  jaws  with  his  hands, 
made  him  fecm  to  fay  any  thing  he  pleafed.  Thus 
it  is  with  Humphrey*  and  Town.  The  liar 
general  is  the  man  with  a  wonderful  voice,  and 
they  are  only  his  dogs,  whom  he  caufes  to  utter 
what  he  thinks  proper.  Thus,  in  a  late  Evening 
Pod,  Mr.  Town  feems  to  addrefs  the  public,  in 
propria  perfo?ia,  in  a  long  declamation  on  con- 
greflional  tyranny  and  Britifli  clemency — All 
Hes — in  order  to  introduce  two  greater  lies,  fanc- 
tified  by  the  name  of  Jofeph  Galloway— ^whom, 
to  tell  the  truth,  I  do  fufpeft  to  be  the  very  liar 

general  himfelf. 

NOTHING. 

*  Pi-inters  of  Newfpapers. 


[     '45     ] 

NOTHING  woul'l  L--  :nore  vain  than  to  attempt 
to  counteract  thefe  produ&ions  of  the  Brkilli  I/ing 
offices  in  New  Yo.-k  and  Philadelphia,  with  fe- 
rious  anfwers  of  truth  and  reafon  :  like  muft  be 
oppofed  to  like — and  therefore  I  hope  that  con- 
grefs  will  no  longer  delay  to  eftablilh  lying  offices 
on  our  fide  of  the  queftion,  with  handfome  falaries 
annexed  :  and  would  earneflly  recommend  this 
my  project  to  their  ferious  confederation.  Let 
there  be  an  advertifement  forthwith  published  by 
authority,  to  the  following  effecT: : 

"  WANTED,  for  the  continental  fervice,  a 
"  perfon  well  qualified  for  the  office  of  liar 
"  generally  the  United  States:  Alfo  three afliftants 
"  or  petit-liar -s9  in  faid  office.  Thofe  who  arc 
"  willing  and  able  to  ferve  their  country  in  this  de- 
"  partment,  are  requefted  to  fend  in  their  names  to 
"  ****  on  or  before  the  ftrfl  day.  of  March  next. 

"  As  it  is  fuppofed  there  may  be  a  number  of 
"  perfons  well  verfed  in  this  art  amongft  the  tones ^ 
"  free  pardon  and  good  encouragement  will  be  gi- 
"  ven  to  fuch  as  will  exert  their  lying  faculties  in 
"  favour  of  their  country. 

"  N.  B.  Specimens  of  ability  will  be  required  of 
"  the  candidates." 

K  AN 


AM  ANSWER  TO  GENERAL  BURGOYNE'» 
PROCLAMATION.* 


To  John  Burgoyne,  efq.  lieutenant-general  of  bis 
majefty's  armies  In  America;  colonel  of  the  queen's 
regiment  of  light  dragoons ;  governor  of  Fort- 
William  in  North- Britain  ;  one  of  the  reprefenta- 
tives  of  the  commons  of  Great- Britain;  and  com 
manding  an  army  and  fleet  employed  on  an  expedi 
tion  from  Canada,  &c.  &c.  &c. 

Moft  high  !  moft  mighty  !  moft  puiiTant,  and  fub- 
lime  lieutenant-general ! 

WHEN  the  forces  under  your  command  arriv 
ed  at  Quebec,  in  order  to  act  in  concert  and  upon  a 
common  principle  with  the  numerous  fleets  and  armies 
•which  already  difplay  in  every  quarter  of  Ameri 
ca* 


*  When  General  Burgoyne  undertook  his  unfuccefsful  expedition 
from  Canada,  he  addreffed  the  inhabitants  of  the  country  through 
v.'hich  he  was  to  march  in  a  moft  ablurd  and  ridiculous  proclamation : 
thinking  to  over-awe  them  by  a  pompous  parade  of  his  titles  and 
honours,  and  to  terrify  them  by  an  inflated  and  bombaftic  ftile.  In 
this  ironical  anfwer,  the  lines  diftinguifhed  by  Italics  are  literal  quo 
tations  from  the  general's  famous  proclamation. 


C     147     ] 

ta,  the  jujiice  and  mercy  of  your  king  ;  We  the  rep 
tiles  of  America,  were  feized  with  unufual  trepi 
dation  and  confounded  with  difiiiay.  But  what 
words  can  exprefs  the  plenitude  of  our  horror 
when  the  colonel  of  the  queen's  regiment  of  light 
dragoons  advanced  towards  Ticonderoga.  The 
mountains  trembled  before  thee,  and  the  trees  of 
the  foreft  bowed  their  lofty  heads :  the  vaft  lakes  of 
the  weft  were  chilled  at  thy  prefence,  and  the  ftu- 
pendous  cataraft  of  Niagara  bellowed  at  thy  ap 
proach. — Judge  then,  oh  !  ineffable  governor  of 
Fort-William  in  North-Britain !  what  muft  have 
been  the  confternation,  terrorj  and  defpair  of  us 
miferable  Americans,  whilft  in  your  irrefiftible  ad 
vances  you  laid  all  wafte  with  fire  and  fword,  more 
fully  to  difplay  the  juftice  and  mercy  of  your  king. 
Dark  and  dreary  was  the  profpeft  before  us,  till, 
like  the  fun  in  the  eaft,  your  moft  generous,  mofl 
fublime,  and  inimitable  proclamation  ftied  abroad 
the  cheering  rays  of  prote&ion  and  mercy,  and 
fhone  upon  the  only  path  that  could  lead  us  from 
the  pit  of  annihilation; 

WE  foolifhly  thought,  ignorant  as  we  were,  that 
your  gracious  matter's  fleet  and  armies  were  come 
to  deftroy  us  and  fubdue  our  country ;  but  we 
are  moft  happy  in  hearing  from  you — and  who  can 
doubt  what  one  of  the  reprefentatives  of  the  com- 

K  2  mons 


inons  of  Great-Britain  afferts  ?  that  they  were  cal 
led  forth  for  the  folepurpsfe  of  rejloring  the  rights 
of  the  conjlitution  to  afroward  andjiubborn  gene 
ration. 

AND  is  it  for  this,  oh,  fublime  lieutenant-general 
of  his  majefty's  armies  in  America !  that  you  have 
left  the  commons  of  Great-Britain  to  fhift  for 
themfelves,  and  croffed  the  wide  Atlantic  j  and 
{hall  we  mod  ungratefully  decline  the  profered 
bleflmg?  To  reft  ore  the  rights  of  the  conjlitution^ 
you  have  colle&ed  an  amiable  hoft  of  favages,  and 
turned  them  loofe  to  fcalp  our  wives  and  children, 
and  to  defolate  our  country.  This  they  have  ac 
tually  performed  with  their  ufual  Ikill  and  clemen 
cy  ;  and  we  yet  remain  infenfible  of  the  benefit — 
^we  yet  remain  unthankful  for  fuch  unparalleled 
goodnefs. 

OUR  congrefs  hath  declared  independence — 
and  our  affemblies,  as  your  fublimity  juftly  ob- 
ferves,  have  moft  wickedly  imprifoned  fome  of  the 
avowed  friends  of  that  power  with  which  we  arc 
at  war.  If  we  continue  thus  obftinate  and  ungrate 
ful,  what  can  we  expeft,  but  that  you  fliould  in 
your  wrath  give  aftretch  to  the  Indian  forces  under 
your  dircttion^  amounting  to  thoufands,  to  overtake 
mnd  dejlroy  us  5  or  which  is  ftill  more  terrible,  that 

you 


C     149    ] 

you  fhould  withdraw  your  fleet  and  armies,  and 
leave  us  to  our  own  mifery  j  without  completing 
the  benevolent  talk,  of  reftoring  to  us  the  rights  of 
the  conftitution. 

WE  fubmit — we  fubmit — moft  puiflant  colonel 
ef  the  queen's  regiment  of  light  dragoons,  and  go 
vernor  of  Fort- William  in  North-Britain  !  We 
humbly  offer  our  heads  to  the  tomahawk,  and  our 
bellies  to  the  bayonet — For  who  can  refift  the 
power  of  your  eloquence  ?  Who  can  withftand  the 
terror  of  your  arms  ? 

THE  invitation  you  have  given,  in  the  confciouf- 
nefs  of  €hri/t!anity,your  royal  mqftcr's  clemency,  and 
the  honour  of  foldierjhip,  we  thankfully  accept. 
The  blood  of  the  flain — the  cries  of  violated  virgi 
nity,  and  flaughtered  infants — the  never-ceafmg 
groans  of  our  ilarving  brethren  now  languiihing 
in  the  jails  and  prifon-fhips  of  New- York,  call  upon 
us  in  vain,  whilfl  your  fublime  proclamation  i» 
founding  in  our  ears.  Forgive  us,  oh,  our  coun 
try  !  Forgive  us,  dear  pofterity !  Forgive  us,  all 
ye  nations  of  the  world,  who  are  watching  our 
conduct  in  this  important  flruggle  for  the  liberty 
and  happinefs  of  unborn  millions,  if  we  yield  im 
plicitly  to  the  fafcinating  eloquence  of  one  of  the 
reprefentatives  of  the  commons  of  Great-Britain. 
K  3  Forbear 


Forbear  then,  thou  magnanimous  lieutenant-gene 
ral — forbear  to  denounce  vengeance  againft  us.— 
Give  not  ajiretch  to  thofe  reilorers  of  conftituti- 
onal  rights — the  Indian  forces  under  your  direction. 
— Let  not  the  me/fencers  ofjuftice  and  wrath  await 
us  in  the  field :  and  defolation,  famine,  and  every 
concomitant  horror  bar  our  return  to  the  allegiance 
of  a  prince  who  has  taken  fo  much  pains  for  our 
reformation.  We  are  domejiic — we  are  indu/lrious 
— we  are  infirm  and  timid— we  fliall  remain  quietly 
at  home,  and  not  remove  our  cattle,  our  corn,  or  fo 
rage,  in  anxious  expectation  that  you  will  come  at 
the  head  of  troops  in  the  full  powers  of  health,  difci- 
fline,  and  valour ,  and  take  pofTeffion  of  them  for 
yourfelves. 

BEHOLD  our  wives  and  daughters,  our  flocks 
and  herds,  our  goods  and  chattels,  are  they  not  at 
the  mercy  of  our  lord  the  king,  and  of  his  lieute 
nant-general,  member  of  the  houfe  of  commons, 
and  governor  of  Fort- William  in  North-Britain, 
Sec.  &e.  &c. 

A.  B. 
C.  D. 
E.  F. 

Cum  multis  aliis. 

Saratoga,  July  1777. 

For 


For  the  Pennfylvania  Packet.* 

MR.  PRINTER, 

.F1.AVING  obferved  with  real  concern,  that  our 
newfpapers  have  for  a  long  time  paft  been  filled 
with  private  contefls  and  perfonal  calumny,  to  the 
great  abufe  of  the  liberty  of  the  prefs,  and  difho- 
nour  of  our  city  ;  I,  who  have  ever  been  ambitious 
of  devifing  fomething  far  the  public  good,  never 
before  devifed  or  thought  of  by  any  fchemer  what 
ever,  fet  my  wits  to  work  to  remedy  this  growing 
evil,  and  to  reflore  our  gazettes,  advertifers,  jour 
nals,  and  packets  to  their  original  defign,  and  make 
them  the  vehicles  of  intelligence,  not  the  common 
fewers  of  fcandal. 

To  convince  you  that  I  am  not  altogether  un 
qualified  for  this  purpofe,  you  muft  know  that  I 
have  had  a  tolerable  education  in  the  charity -fchooJ 
belonging  to  our  univerfity.  My  parents  being 

poor 

*  A  long  and  malignant  conteft  in  the  public  papers,  of  too  per 
fonal  a  nature  to  be  generally  interefting,  and  continued  to  a  moft 
unreafonable  length,  occafioned  this  publication  j  which  was  fuccefs- 
ful  in  putting  an  immediate  end  to  that  difagreeable  altercation. 


L    is»    1 

poor  bound  me  to  a  fcrivener.  My  mafter  foon 
difcovered  in  me  an  aptitude  for  bufmefs ;  and  as 
I  wrote  a  good  hand,  he  took  me  from  the  menial 
labours  of  the  kitchen  to  affift  him  in  his  office  j 
where  I  engroffed  deeds,  leafes,  wills,  £c.  and  af 
ter  a  little  pra&ice,  was  able  to  do  the  chief  part  of 
his  bufmefs  for  him. 

WHEN  I  had  completed  my  apprenticefhip,  I 
left  the  fcrivener  and  fet  up  for  myfelf.  I  ferved 
as  clerk  in  the  offices  of  feveral  fucceffive  mayors, 
aldermen,  and  juflices  of  the  peace — and,  to  my 
honour  be  it  recorded,  my  employers  frequently 
applied  to  my  judgement  in  difficult  cafes> — and  I 
venture  to  fay — but  with  all  due  deference — that 
my  advice  contributed  not  a  little  to  fupport  their 
worfhip's  official  reputation. 

Now  for  my  project — which  after  much  labo 
rious  fludy  I  have  completed,  and  generoufly  give 
to  the  public  without  any  profpeft  of  reward  j  favc 
only  the  reputation  of  being  the  author  of  fo 
ingenious  and  falutary  a  fcheme. 

LET  there  be  a  new  court  of  juflice  eflablifhed, 
under  the  name  and  flile  of  The  High  Court  of 
Honour  :  To  confift  of  twelve  impartial  and  judi- 
eious  men,  annually  eletfed  by  the  freemen  of  the 

{late. 


C     "53    J 

(late.  In  which  ele&ion  all  perfons  of  what  degree 
or  quality  foever  (flaves  excepted)  lhall  be  en 
titled  to  vote — ftrangers  alfo  excepted,  who  have 
not  refided  one  year  in  the  city  or  county  where 
they  would  vote.  This  court  when  met  {hall 
chufe  one  of  their  body  for  prefident,  and  alfo 
appoint  forae  fuitable  perfon  to  ferve  as  clerk : 
and  (hall  have  jurifdiction  in  all  matters  of  contro- 
verfy  between  man  and  man,  of  what  kind  foever 
they  be,  provided  no  property  real  or  perfonal 
lhall  come  in  queftion,  fo  as  to  be  affefted  by  the 
final  judgment  of  the  faid  court.  It  fhall  deter 
mine  on  differences  in  opinion — points  of  honour 
— ceremony — rank  and  precedence  in  all  cafes  of 
affronts — flights — abufe — fcandal,  flander,  and  ca 
lumny — and  in  all  other  matters  of  conteft  ;  ex 
cept  as  before  excepted.  Nine  judges  fhall  make 
a  quorum,  and  a  majority  of  voices  fhall  deter 
mine  the  judgment  of  the  court — and  from  their 
decifion  there  {hall  be  no  appeal. 

THE  clerk  fha.ll  keep  a  large  bound  book,  to 
be  entitled  The  Rafcal's  Record.  In  which  mall 
be  fairly  entered,  in  alphabetical  order,  the  names, 
occupations,  and  places  of  refidence  of  thofe  on 
whom  the  judgment  of  the  court  fhall  fall ; 
which  book  mail  at  all  times  be  open  to  infpeclion, 
on  paying  the  dtrkjixpenw  fpecie  for  every  fearch, 

and 


[     '54    ] 

and  one  fhilling  for  a  certified  extraft.  And  if 
after  the  eftablifhment  of  this  court,  any  perfon 
or  perfons  {hall  prefume  to  decide  any  point  of 
honour,  conteft,  or  fquabble,  by  duel,  or  by  ap 
peals  to  the  public,  in  any  newfpaper,  hand-bill, 
or  pamphlet,  fuch  offence  (hall  be  deemed  a  con 
tempt  of  the  high  court  of  honour  :  and  the  par 
ty  or  parties  fo  offending  fhall  be  rendered  infa 
mous,  by  having  their  names  refpeftively  entered 

in  the  Rafcal's  Record. 

i 

AND  the  form  or  procefs  of  the  court  fhall  be 
as  follows — If  any  man  hath  caufe  of  offence  a- 
gainft  another,  he  fhall  apply  to  the  clerk  of 
the  court  for  a  declaration.  Thefe  declara 
tions  fhall  be  fairly  printed  on  good  paper,  with 
fuitable  blanks  for  the  names  of  the  parties, 
dates,  &c.  And  the  plaintiff  applying  fhall  pay 
eighteen  pence  for  the  blank  and  fix  pence  for  fill 
ing  it  up,  attefting  it,  and  entering  the  aftion  on 
the  docket.  And  the  party  {hall,  in  the  prefencc 
of  the  clerk,  fign  the  faid  declaration  with  his  own 
hand ;  or  if  that  cannot  be,  fhall  make  his  mark. 
After  which  the  clerk  fhall  number  and  file  the 
faid  declaration. 

ON  notice  from  the  clerk  that  fuch  a  declara 
tion  hath  been  filed,  the  judges  fhall  meet  and 

agree 


[     i55    3 

agree  on  a  time  and  place  for  hearing  the  caufe  j 
to  which  the  accufers  and  accufed  {hall  be  fum- 
rnoned  to  attend,  with  their  refpeftive  witneffes. 
No  council  fliall  be  admitted  in  this  court ;  but 
the  parties  {hall  perfonally  plead  their  own  caufes. 
After  a  full  hearing,  the  court  {hall  give  their  final 
fentence  or  decree.  If  judgment  ftiall  'be  againfl 
the  accufee,  his  name,  &c.  {hall  be  entered  on  the 
rafcal's  record,  with  a  number,  in  a  column  for 
the  purpofe,  referring  to  the  number  of  the  de 
claration  filed.  But  if  the  accufer  (hall  fail  to 
make  good  his  charge  or  charges  againfl:  the  ac- 
cufee,  his  name,  even  the  name  of  the  accufer, 
fhall  be  entered  as  aforefaid,  on  the  rafcal's  re 
cord.  And  thus  fliall  all  controverfies  be  infti- 
tuted,  conducted,  and  determined  in  the  high 
court  of  honour. 

AND  the  form  of  the  declaration  fliall  be  as 
follows,  viz. 

"  KNOW  ALL  MEN,  by  thefe  prefents,  that  I 

*'  A.  B.  of  the   city  of   Philadelphia do 

"  announce,  pronounce,  atteft,  and  declare,  that 
"  my  friend  and  fellow  citizen  C.  D.  of  the  fame 
"  city  -  -  -  -  -  is  a  rogue,  a  rafcal,  a  villain,  a 
"  thief,  and  a  fcoundrcl :  that  he  is  a  tory,  a 
"  traitor,  a  confpirator,  and  a  rebel :  That  he  is 
3  "a  fore- 


E    156   1 

"  a  foreftaller,  a  rcgrator,  a  monopolizer,  a  fpc- 
tc  culator,  and  a  depreciator :  That  he  is  a  back- 
**  biter,  a  flanderer,  a  calumniator,  and  a  liar. 
"  That  he  is  a  mean,  dirty,  ftinking,  fniveling, 
"  fneaking,  pimping,  pocket-picking-d — d  fon  of 
"  a  bitch.  And  I  do  further  declare,  that  all 
"  and  every  of  the  above  appellations  are  intended, 
"  and  ought  to  be  taken,  conflrued,  and  under- 
**  flood  in  the  mofi  opprobrious  fcnfc  of  the  words.* 

"  IN   teflimony  whereof,  I  have  hereunto  fet 

"  my  hand  at  Philadelphia  this day  of 

"  in  the  year . 

*'  Now  THE  CONDITION  of  the  above  declara- 
"  tion  is  fuch,  that  if  the  aforefaid  A.  B.  the  ac- 
"  cufer,  {hall  well  and  truly  fupport,  maintain,  and 
"  verify  before  the  judges  of  the  high  court  of 
"  honour ,  any  one  or  more  of  the  aforefaid  charges 
"  againft  his  friend  and  fellow  citizen  C.D.  accufec 
"  as  aforefaid,  then  the  faid  A.  B.  fhall  be  faved 
"  harmlefs,andremainju{lifiedinhisprocedure.But 
"  and  if  the  faid  A.  B.  fhall  fail  to  make  proof  as 
"  aforefaid,  then  he,  the  faid  A,  B.  doth,  by  thefe 
"  prefents,fubmit,  admit, and  permit  that  his  name, 
"  that  is  to  fay,  the  name  of  him  the  faid  A.  B.  ac- 

cufer 

*  An  expreflion  ufed  by  one  of  the  writers  in  the  quarrel  al- 
lided  to. 


C     »S7    1 

K  cufer  as  aforefaid,  fhall  be  entered  in  the  book  of 
<<;  record  of  the  faid  honourable  court,  called1  the 
"  rafcaPs  record  ;  there  to  remain  from  genera- 
"  tion  to  generation.  World  without  end.  Amen  • 

61  SIGNED  and  attefted  the  day  and  year  aforc- 
fcid."  &c.  &c.  &c. 

SUCH,  Mr.  Printer,  are  the  out  lines  of  my 
fcheme  ;  which  I  acknowledge  may  admit  of  con- 
fiderable  improvement.  It  would  ill  become  me 
to  expatiate  on  the  many  and  great  advantages 
that  would  accrue  to  my  country  from  fuch  an  ef- 
tablifhment.  How  much  bloodlhed  —  how  much 
inkflied,  would  be  fpared?  How  many  difficult 
points  of  honour,  and  nice  queftions  of  ceremony 
would  be  judicially  determined  ?  How  many  pri 
vate  animofities  would  be  checked  in  the  firft 
ftage  ,  and  brought  to  iiTue  before  the  blood  be 
came  heated  by  argument  and  altercation  ?  Thefc 
fources  of  panegyric  I  leave  to  the  judicious  pens 
that  will  doubtlefs  be  employed  hereafter,  if  my 
projeft  fhould  be  adopted,  in  diflertations  on  the 
rights,  limits,  and  advantages  of  the  high  court 

honour, 


I  cannot,  however,   forbear  pointing  out  one 

benefit  that  will  arife  from  my  pro]  eel:,  which  is, 

i  that 


[     '58     1 

that  when  a  gentleman  finds  himfelf  fo  difpofedi, 
he  may  vilify  and  abufe  his  friend  and  neigh 
bour  at  the  very  reafonable  expence  of  two  /hil 
lings ;  whereas  it  cofts  the  Lord  knows  what  to 
get  a  column  or  two  of  fcandal  inferted  in  your 
paper  :  but  modefty  forbids  my  faying  any  thing 
more  on  the  fubjeft. 


CALAMUS, 

December  1780. 


AMES 


£3-  JAMES  RIVINGTON,  printer  of  the  Royal  Gazette  at 
New  York,  whilft  the  Britifti  troops  were  in  pofleflionof  that  city, had 
been  exceedingly  virrulcnt,  abufive,  and  illiberal  in  his  publications 
againft  ihe  Americans,  their  congreis,  their  army,  their  officer?, 
and  their  meafures :  Every  paper  abounded  with  the  grofleft  fal- 
fities,  miireprefentations,  and  infults  ;  till  at  laft,  facts  repeatedly 
contradicting  his  politive  intelligence,  the  Royal  Gazette  loft  all 
credit,  even  in  Europe,  where  his  accounts  of  the  events  of 
the  war  were  chiefly  intended  to  operate.  This  conduct  of  Mr. 
Rivington,  and  of  thofe  who  countenanced  and  afiifted  him,  pro 
voked  Ibrne  farcafms  in  return — amongft  which  were  the  follew- 
ing  publications. 


AD  VE  RTISEMEN.T, 


New  York,  No v  j ,  1781. 

"  1  HE  late  furrender  of  Lord  Corn-wallis  and 
"  his  army,  together  with  a  variety  of  other  cir- 
"  cumftances,  having  rendered  it  convenient  for 
"  the  fubfcriber  to  remove  to  Europe,  all  thofe 
"  who  are  indebted  to,  or  have  any  demands  againft 
"  him,  are  earneftly  requefled  to  make  as  fpeedy 
"  a  fettlement  of  their  accounts  as  poflible. 

e*  NOTICE 


r 

"  NOTICE  is  alfo  hereby  given,  that  tlic  fubfcriber 
"  will  difpofe  of  his  remaining  flock  in  trade  by 
"  public  au&ion.  The  fales  to  begin  at  his  (tore 
•e  on  Monday,  the  i9th  inftant,  and  will  be  con- 
"  tinued  from  day  to  day  (Sundays  excepted)  from 
"  the  hours  of  ten  to  one  in  the  forenoon,  until 
"  the  whole  {hall  be  difpofed  of. 

"  IT  is  well  known  that  his  {lore  is  furniflied  with 
"  not  only  an  extenfive  library  of  the  moil  ap- 
"  proved  authors,  but  alfo  a  greater  variety  of 
"  curious  and  valuable  articles  than  hath  ever 
"  been  exhibited  in  one  collected  view  on  this 
"  fide  of  the  Atlantic.  The  fcanty  limits  of  an 
<c  advertifement  are  by  far  infufficient  to  admit 
"  of  an  adequate  difplay  of  his  extraordinary  and 
<e  mifcellaneous  collection.  The  fubfcriber  muft, 
"  therefore,  content  himfelf  with  felefting,  for 
"  the  prefent,  a  few  articles  for  public  atten- 
"  tion  :  but  a  complete  catalogue  is  now  under 
"  the  prefs,  and  will  be  diftributed  at  the  time 
c<  and  place  of  fale. 


BOOKS. 


[     i6z 


BOOKS. 

THE  Hiftory  of  the  American  War  :  or,  The 
glorious  exploits  of  the  Britilh  Generals,  Gage, 
Howe,  Burgoyne,  Corwallis,  and  Clinton. 

The  Royal  Pocket  Companion:  being  a  New  Sy- 
ftem  of  Policy ,  founded  on  rules  deduced  from 
the  nature  of  man,  and  proved  by  experience  : 
whereby  a  prince  may  in  a  fliort  time  render  him- 
felf  the  abhorrence  of  his  fubje£h,  and  the  con 
tempt  of  all  good  and  wife  men. 

SelecJ  Fables  of  £fop,  with  fuitable  Morals  and 
Applications — Amongft  which  are,T^<?  Dog  and  the 
Shadow — The  Man  and  his  Goofe,  which  laid  a  gol 
den  Egg,  &c.  &c. 

A  New  Syjtem  of  Cruelty  ;  containing  a  variety 
of  Modern  Improvements  in  that  Art.  Embelli- 
ihed  with  an  elegant  Frontifpiece,  reprefenting  an 
Infide  View  of  a  Prifon  Ship. 

The  Right  of  Great  Britain  to  the  Dominion  of  the 
Sea — a  poetical  Fi&ionu 

L  THE 


[       162       3 

THE  State  of  Great  Britain  in  O&ober  1760  and 
O&ober  1781,  compared  and  contrafted. 

A  Geographical,  Hiftorical,  and  Political  Hi/lory 
of  the  Rights  and  Poffeffions  of  the  Crown  of 
Great  Britain  in  North  America.  This  valuable 
Work  did  confift  of  thirteen  Volumes  ia  Folio: 
but  is  now  abridged  by  a  royal  Author  to  a 
fingle  Pocket  Duodecimo ;  for  the  greater  con 
venience  of  himfelf,  his  fucceflbrs,  and  fubje&Se 

The  Law  of  Nations,  revifed  and  amended.  To 
which  is  added,  by  way  of  Appendix,  a  full 
and  true  account  of  the  Capture  of  the  Ifland  of 
St.  Euftatia,  by  Admiral  Rodney. 

The  Conqueft  of  the  four  Southern  rebel  Colo 
nies,  with  Notes  critical  and  explanatory  by  Earl 
Cornwallis. 

A  narrative  of  the  Ship-wreck  of  LordRawdon, 
in  his  voyage  from  Charleftown,  South  Caroli 
na,  to  London. 

Miracles  not  ceafed :  or,  an  inftance  of  the  re 
markable  Interpofition  of  Providence  in  caufmg 
the  Moon  to  delay  her  fetting  for  more  than  two 

hours, 


r  163  ] 

hours,  to  favour  the  retreat  of  General  Jqfhua 
and  the  Britifh  Army  after  the  battle  ofMonmouth. 

"Tears  of  Repentance :  or,  the  prefent  flate  of  the 
of  the  loyal  Refugees  in  New  York,  and  elfe- 
where. 

The  political  Liar  :  a  weekly  Paper,  publiflied 
by  the  Subfcriber,  bound  in  Volumes. 


PLAYS. 

WEST  Point  Preferred:  or,  The  Plot  difco- 
vered. 

Mifs  M'Crea :  A  Tragedy. 

Burgoyne's  Addrefs  to  the  people  of  Saratoga. 
The  Jleevelefs  Errand :  or,  the  Commiflioners 
of  Peace.  The  march  to  the  Valley  Forge ;  or 
much  ado  about  nothing.  The  unfuccefeful  at 
tempt  by  Gov.  Johnfon.  The  amorous  Hero  and 
contented  Cuckold,  by  Gen.  Howe  and  Mr  Loring 
— Comedies. 

The  Mefchianza  :   a  pantomime. 

L  2  The 


C    164   1 

The  Battle  df  the  Keggs  :  a  Farce. 

Who'd  have  thought  it  ?  or,  the  Introduction 
of  24  Standards  to  the  rebel  Congrefs.  A  pro- 
ceiEon. 

MAPS  AND   PRINTS. 

AN  elegant  Map  of  the  Britifli  empire  in  North 
America,  upon  a  very  fmall  fcale. 

AN  accurate  Chart  of  the  coaft  of  North  Ame 
rica  from  New  Hampfhire  to  Florida  ;  with  the 
Soundings  of  all  the  principal  Inlets,  Bays,  Har 
bours,  and  Rivers.  This  work  was  undertaken 
and  completed  by  his  Majefty's  fpecial  command  ; 
and  at  a  national  cxpence  of  many  millions  of 
Guineas,  thoufands  of  Men,  and  hundreds  of  Mer 
chantmen  and  royal  Ships  of  War. 

A  Survey  of  Lord  Cornwallis's  Rout  through 
the  Southern  Colonies  :  beginning  at  Charlef- 
town,  in  South  Carolina,  and  terminating  at  York 
in  Virginia.  As  the  preceding  Chart  gives  an 
accurate  defcription  of  the  Sea  Coaft,  fo  it  was  in 
tended  to  form  a  correct  Map  of  the  interior 
parts  of  this  Country  j  but  the  rude  Inhabitants 

grew 


r  165  ] 

grew  jealous  of  the  operation,  and  actually  oppo- 
fed  his  Lordfhip's  progrefs. 

The  Battle  of  Saratoga,  and  the  Surrender  at 
Tork;  two  elegant  Prints,  cut  in  Copper,  and  dedi 
cated  to  the  King. 

Briti/h  Reprefentations  of  the  principal  Tranf- 
actions  of  the  prefent  War,  highly  coloured  \>y  e- 
minent  hands.  Thefe  pieces  are  fo  ingenioufly 
contrived,  that  by  reverfing  any  one  of  them,  it  will 
exhibit  an  American  or  a  French  view  of  the  fame 
fubjeft  uncoloured. 

A  very  humorous  Reprefentation  of  the  me 
morable  Proceflion  of  Brigadier  General  AR 
NOLD  ;  with  his  Friend  and  Counfellor,  through 
the  flreets  of  Philadelphia  *. 


The 


*  After  the  Difcovery  and  Failure  of  General  Arnold's  treafon- 
able  defign  to  betray  the  whole  garrifon  ef  Weft-point,  with  the  per- 
fon  of  Gen.  Wafhington,  the  minifter  of  France,  Baron  Stuben, 
and  other  principal  Charafters,  into  the  hands  of  the  Enemy  ;  an 
effigy  of  the  General,  as  large  as  the  life,  wasconftruftedby  an  able  ar- 
tift  at  Philadelphia,andfeatedin,a  cart,  with  the  figure  of  the  Devil,  at  his 
elbow,  hold  ing  a  Lanthorn  up  to  the  face  of  Arnold  to  fhow  him  to  the 
people.  The  cart  was  paraded  a  whole  evening  through  the  ftreets  of 
the  City,  with  Drums  and  Fifes  playing  the  Rogue's  march,and  other 
marks  of  Infamy,  and  attended  by  a  vaftconcourfeof  People. 


The  Times  :  A  fatyrical  Print,  reprefenting  the 
Britifti  Lion  blind  in  both  Eyes,  thirteen  of  his 
Teeth  drawn,  and  his  Claws  pared  off;  with  Lord 
North,  in  the  character  of  a  Farrier,  bleeding  him 
in  the  Tail  for  his  recovery. 

PHILOSOPHICAL  APPARATUS. 

A  curious  new  invented  magic  Lanthorn  :  very 
ufeful  for  thefe  who  are  at  the  head  of  affairs. 
This  Machine  was  conftructed  by  an  able  Artift, 
under  Lord  North's  immediate  direction,  for  the 
amufement  of  the  good  people  of  England.  The 
Spectators  are  gratified  with  an  illuminated  view 
of  the  fictitious  objects  prefented,  but  kept  totally 
in  the  dark  with  refpect  to  the  real  objects  around 
them. 

Multiplying  Glaffes;  whereby  the  numbers  of  an 
Enemy  may  be  greatly  encreafed  to  cover  the  dif- 
grace  of  a  Defeat,  or  enhance  the  glory  *of  a 
Victory. 

Microfcopes,  for  magnifying  fmall  objects,  fur- 
nifhed  with  a  felect  fet  ready  fitted  for  ufe.  Amongft 

thefe 


C   167   ] 

thcfe  are  a  variety  of  real  and  fuppofed  Succeffes 
of  the  Britifh  Generals  in  America. 

A  complete  Electrical  Apparatus,  with  improve 
ments,  for  the  the  ufe  of  the  King  and  his  Mi- 
nifters.  This  Machine  fhould  be  exercifed  with 
great  caution  ;  otherwife,  as  experience  hath 
Ihown,  the  operator  may  unexpectedly  receive  the 
fhock  he  intends  to  give — Pocket  glaffes  for  fhort- 
fighted  Politicians. 


PATENT  MEDICINES. 

Aurum  Potabile.  This  preparation  was  for 
merly  fuppofed  to  be  a  never  failing  Specific  ;  but 
has  been  found  not  fo  well  adapted  to  the  American 
Climate,  having  been  frequently  tried  here  with 
out  effecl: :  But  its  reputation  is  again  rifing, 
as  it  has  lately  been  admint/teredytiih.  fuccefs  in 
the  cafe  of  General  Arnold. 

Vivifying  Balfam  :  excellent  for  weak  Nerves, 
Palpitations  of  the  Heart,over  Balhfulnefs  and  Dif 
fidence.  In  great  demand  for  the  Officers  of  the 
Army. 


Sp. 


r  168  i 

Sp.  Mend.  :  Or  the  genuine  fpirit  of  Lying,  cx- 
tra&ed  by  diftillation  from  many  hundreds  of  the 
Royal  Gazette  of  New  Tork.  Other  papers  have 
been  fubjected  to  the  fame  procefs,  but  the  fuc- 
cefs  did  not  anfwer  the  Expence  and  Trouble 
of  the  operation,  the  produce  being  of  an  inferi 
or  quality — Therefore  beware  of  Counterfeits.  The 
Ink  and  Paper  of  the  Royal  Gazette  can  alone  fur- 
nifh  this  excellent  Sp.  Mend,  in  its  greatefl  per 
fection.  By  administering  due  proportions  of 
this  admirable  Medicine,  Lies  may  be  formed 
which  will  operate  for  a  day,  a  week,  a  month  or 
months ;  near  at  hand  or  at  a  diftance  ;  in  Ame 
rica,  or  in  Europe  ;  according  to  the  defign  of 
the  party.  N.  B.  The  true  Sp.  Mend,  is  au 
thenticated  by  the  Seal  of  the  Subfcriber,  who 
is  the  Inventor  and  Patentee  thereof. 

Cordial  Drops  for  low  fpirits,  prepared  for  the 
fpecial  ufe  of  the  Honorable  the  Board  of  loyal 
Refugees  at  New  York. 

Anvdyne  Elixir,  for  quieting  Fears  and  Appre- 
henfions  :  very  neceffary  for  Tories  in  all  parts  of 
America. 

I 

WITH  a  great  variety  of  other  Articles  too  te 
dious  to  enumerate. 

N.  B. 


C    '69   1 

N.  B.  To  every  Purchafer  to  the  value  of  five 
Pounds,  will  be  delivered  gratis,  One  Quire  of 
counterfeit  Continental  Currency.  Alfo  two 
Quires  of  Proclamations,  offering  Pardon  to 
Rebel;, 


JAMES   RIVINGTON. 


A  REPLY 


A        REPLY: 


MR  RIVINGTON's  own  STILE. 


To  the  printer  of  the  Fennfylvania  Packet. 

SIR, 

1  OUR  paper  of  the  loth  inftant,  No.  805, 
reached  this  city,  and  an  Advcrtifement  therein  in- 
ferted,  and  figned  with  myfignature,  hath  attracted 
univerfal  notice  and  particular  attention,  and  hath, 
moreover,  rendered  me  the  fubjecl:  of  much  faty- 
rical  flricture. 

THE  author  of  this  moft  wicked  forgery,  who 
ever  he  is,  hath  moft  nefarioufly,  and  with  ma 
lice  aforethought,  made  ufe  of  my  name  as  a  ve 
hicle  to  impofe  on  the  judicious  public  the  nuga 
tory  productions  of  his  own  flimfy  brain,  as  the 
genuine  offspring  of  my  prolific  pen.  But  I  do 
afTure  you,  upon  the  word  of  a  gentleman,  that 

faid 


C     '7'     ] 

faid  advertifement  is  in  toto  fpurious  and  fictitious. 
Was  the  ultimatum  of  the  jejune  performance 
nothing  more  than  a  little  rifible  fatire,  I  had 
borne  the  indignity  with  taciturn  patience  :  But  it 
is  mofl  patent  to  fenfe,  that  an  emphatic  injury 
is  intended  by  this  attrocious  calumniator.  The 
manifefl  defign  is  to  draw  upon  me  the  refentment 
of  a  people  for  whom  I  have  the  moil  profound 
veneration,  and  whole  virtuous  and  heroic  ftrug- 
gles  for  conftitutional  liberty  I  have  beheld  with  a- 
ftoniihment  and  fecret  admiration. 

You  may  perhaps,  Mr  Printer,  be  furprifed  at 
this  manifefto,  and  exclaim,  that  there  is  no  con 
catenation  between  fuch  a  declaration  and  the  uni 
form  tenor  and  tendency  of  the  Royal  Gazette  of 
New  York.  In  anfwer — you  are  to  confider, 
that  it  was  my  lot  to  remain  with  a  people  who 
had  power  in  their  hands,  and  money  in  their 
purfes.  In  fuch  a  fituation,  you  mull  concede, 
it  was  the  part  of  a  wife  man  to  evade  the  power, 
and  to  poffefs  as  much  of  the  money  as  he  could. 
This  I  have  done  :  I  have  written  and  publifhed  for 
them  to  the  extremeft  verge  of  invention — the 
Englifh  language  hath  been  tortured,  and  truth 
expired  on  the  rack,  in  their  behalf.  By  this  I 
have  gained  their  confidence  and  blinded  the  Ar 
gus  eyes  of  power — As  to  money,  let  the  falary  I 

enjoy 


[        17*       1 

€njoy,  and  the  baubles  I  have  fold  at  extortionate 
prices,  evince  that  my  labour  hath  not  been 
in  vain.  Have  I  done  this  to  the  injury  of  A- 
merica  and  advantage  of  her  enemies? — by  no 
means — By  overacting  my  part,  I  defeated  the 
very  purpofes  I  feemed  to  intend  :  and  the  poli 
tical  lies  I  daily  fabricated,  only  ferved  to  gull 
for  a  time,  the  fools  who  thought  I  was  ex 
erting  myfelf  in  their  fervice ;  till,  by  repeat 
ed  confutations  they  loft  all  credit,  even  in 
the  cities  of  New  York  and  London — In  the 
mean  time  my  hopes  were  rivetted  to  an  event 
which  I  forefaw  muft  fooner  or  later  take  effect ; 
and  I  felicitate  myfelf  in  the  profpect  of  fpending 
in  America,  amongft  heroes  and  patriots,  the  cafh. 
which  I  have  feduced  from  the  unbuttoned  pock 
ets  of  cockaded  coxcombs — in  America,  the  land 
of  liberty,  when  the  ftorm  of  war  {hall  ceafe, 
and  every  man  may  enjoy  the  fruits  of  his  inge 
nuity  under  his  own  vine  and  his  own  fig-tree. 

I  am  well  aware,  Mr  Printer,  that  the  voice 
of  your  multitude  is  againft  me.  They  judge 
from  appearances  only,  and  appearances  are  gene 
rally  delufive — They  fuppofe  that  I  am  the  fole 
author  of  the  inveterate  falfehoods,  grofs  mif- 
reprefentations,  and  ftigmatic  appellations  which  I 
fo  frequently  publifh  againft  them  and  their  caufe 

—Alas ! 


— Alas  !  I  am  but  a  poor  printer  *  \  fubje&ed  by 
my  vocation  to  the  execrable  tafk  of  bringing  into 
the  world  the  monftrous  conceptions  of  weak  and 
difordered  minds.  But  I  am  deemed  a  tory — male 
volent  tory — and  why  ?  truly  becaufe  I  have  publi- 
fhed  tory  news,  tory  lies,  and  tory  effays  in  my  ga 
zette.  Granted.  But  will  any  one  pretend  to  fay  that  I 
have  ever  refufed  to  publiftiwhig  news, whig  lies,or 
whig  effays;  Ichallenge  all  Philadelphia  to  produce 
a  {ingle  writer  who  ever  fent  me  a  whig  piece  for 
publication  which  I  refufed  or  neglected  to  print — 

I  am  confident  no  fuch  inftance  can  be  found 

The  truth  is,  1  am  a  great  friend  to  liberty  ;  and 
have  aftually  felt  the  facred  flame  glow  in  my 
bread — firft,  about  the  time,  or  rather  juft  after 
the  affair  of  Saratoga  ;  and  now  again  on  the  fur- 
render  of  Lord  Cornwallis  and  his  army.  And 
if  the  brave  Americans  ftiould  purfue  their  fuc- 
cefs,  and  confirm  their  independance,  of  which 
indeed  there  now  feems  to  be  little  doubt,  you 
may  depend  upon  it,  there  is  not  a  flaming  patriot 
in  the  Thirteen  United  Sates  that  will  garrulate 
the  charms  of  liberty  with  more  loquacious  zeal 
than  myfelf. 

IT  is  moft  undubitably  the  duty  of  every  good 
citizen  to  ferve  his  king  and  country.  I  am  deiirous 

to 

*  His  own  words. 


C    174    ] 

to  fulfil  this  duty  to  the  point  of  punctuality.  I 
have  already  ferved  my  king — my  fovereign 
GEORGE  III. — God  blefs  him  !  to  the  beft  of  my 
poor  abilities ;  and  now  I  am  ready  to  wheel  to 
the  right-about  and  ferve  my  country ;  for  I  call 
this  my  country,  wherein  I  have  partook  of  the 
viands  of  luxury,  and  rifen  to  a  height  of  opulent 
importance,  which  I  had  no  hopes  of  attaining 
in  England,  that  land  of  debts,  creditors,  and  into 
lerable  oppreifion. 

FINALLY,  Mr.  Printer,  I  reft  the  evidence  of 
my  whiggifm  on  two  immoveable  pillars.  Firfl, 
the  declaration  I  'voluntarily  figned,  and  which  was 
published  in  the  newfpapers  of  the  year  1776: 
wherein  I  folemnly  aflerted  my  attachment  to  the 
American  caufe,  and  engaged  my  facred  honour 
that  I  would  do  nothing  inimical  thereto  :*  and, 
fecondly,  my  addrefs  to  congrefs  lately  forwarded 
by  Mr.  John  Moody  ;  f  a  copy  of  which  I  fubjoin, 
for  your  fatisfaclion. 

"  THE 

*  The  mob  had  taken  him  in  hand  in  1776,  and  to  pacify  them 
he  publifhed  fuch  a  declaration. 

f  A  fpy  fent  from  New-York ;  detected,  and  hanged  at  Philadel 
phia. 


r  175  j 

To  the  honourable  the  congrcfs  of  die  United 
"  States  of  America : 

THE  petition  of  Barnes  Rivmgton,  of  the  city  of 
"  New- York,  printer,  and  nick-nack  feller : 


<f  THAT  your  petitioner,  under  the  facred  influ- 
"  ence  of  the  moft  exalted  predilection  for  the  glo- 
"  rious  caufe  of  liberty,  in  which  you  have  fo  nobly, 
c<  fo  wifely,  and  fo  effectually  contended ;  begs 
C£  leave,  with  all  due  fubmiffion,  to  throw  him- 
*e  felf  at  the  feet  of  the  moft  venerable,  moft  auguft 
"  body  on  the  furface  of  the  earth. 

**  THAT  your  petitioner  hath,  from  a  moft  un- 
"  fortunate  arrangement  of  circumftances,  been 
"  compelled,  moft  unwillingly  compelled,  to  rc- 
<c  main  with  the  enemies  of  your  virtuous  caufe, 
"  and  even  aflift  in  the  promotion  of  their  unjuft 
"  defigns.  But  lie  moft  foleranly  affures  your  ho- 
"  nours,  that  he  hath  done  this  with  ineffable  com- 
"  punction  and  forrow  of  heart :  having  often  ex- 
"  claimed,  in  private,  with  the  royal  poet :  Woe  if 
*'  me  that  I  am  conftralned  to  dwell  with  Mefech^ 
*e  and  to  have  my  habitation  among  the  tents  ofKedar! 


To 


I  176  ] 

"  THAT  your  petitioner  having  given  unqucfti- 
"  enable  proofs  of  his  eminent  abilities  in  the  art 
"  of  political  deviation  from  truth  in  fupport  of  a 
"  bad  caufe^  humbly  conceives  that  the  fame  talents 
"  may  be  of  fingular  utility  in  defending  a  good 
"  one :  and  therefore  offers  himfelf,  with  all  his 
tc  rare  and  fuperior  accompliftiments,  to  the  con- 
"  grefs  of  the  free  and  United  States  of  America  ; 
"  only  praying  fuch  protection  and  rewards  a3  his 
"  future  fervices  may  juftly  merit. 

*'  SUBMITTING  the  premifes  to  the  candid  con- 
"  fideration  of  your  honours,  he  only  waits  a  fa- 
"  vourable  anfwer  to  appear  a  firft  rate  whig  in 
"  the  city  of  Philadelphia.  And,  in  the  mean  time, 
"  has  the  honour  to  fubfcribe  himfelf,  with  all  pof- 
"  fible  veneration,  humility,  and  refpecV'  &c. 
&c.  &c. 

SUCH,  Mr.  Printer,  is  my  addrefs  to  congrefs. 
I  have  only  to  requeft  that  you  will  not  admit  into 
your  paper  any  more  of  the  falfe  and  wicked  infi- 
nuations  of  the  author  of  the  aforefaid  advertife- 
ment. 

I  flatter  myfelf  with  an  agreeable  anfwer  from 
congrefs ;  and  hope  Mr.  Thorn  fan  will  not  be  dila 
tory  in  forwarding  it.  Soon  after  which  I  ftiall  ex- 


L    '77    1 

peft  to  take  you  by  the  hand,  and  falute  you  with 
the  endearing  names  of  brother  whig,  and  brother 
puff. 

J.  RIVINGTON, 

New- York,  Nov.  17,  1781. 


M 


C     '7»     L 


03-  CONGRESS  had,  from  feme  difguft,  fuddenly  removed  from 
Philadelphia  to  Princetown  in  New-Jerley  :  but,  finding  themlelves 
but  ill  accommodated  there,  they  rook  into  confideration  the  fixing 
upon  iomefiiitable  place  for  their  permanent  refidence  in  canvafling 
this  quefiion,  the  eaftern  and  fouthern  delegates  could  not  agree 
on  a  lituation  equally  convenient  for  both.  On  motion  of  Mr.  G — 
it  was  at  length  determined,  that  congrefs  fliould  have  two  places  of 
alternate  refidence :  one  on  the  banks  of  the  Potowmack,  and  the  o- 
ther  on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware :  and  it  was  refolved,  that  congrefs 
fliould  not  remain  lefs  than  fix  months,  nor  more  than  two  years  at 
either  of  thefe  places  at  one  time.  But  as  there  was  no  town  on  the 
Potowmack  fit  for  their  reception,  they,  for  the  prefent,  adjourned  to 
Annapolis.  Thiscircumftance  gave  occafion  for  the  following  publi 
cation. 


INTELLIGENCE   EXTRAORDINARY. 

JL  HE  great  revolution  that  hath  taken  place  in 
America,  will  undoubtedly  involve  many  circum- 
flances  of  confiderable  importance  and  curious  fpe- 
culation.  None,  perhaps,  more  remarkable  than 
this,  that  the  philofophical  world  may  expeft  to  be 
entertained  with  a  phenomenon  in  mechanics,  alto 
gether  new,  and  which  cannot  fail  to  engage  uni- 
verfal  attention. 

THE  Americans  having  obferved  the  great  irre 
gularities  to  which  the  political  fyflems  of  Europe 

are 


are  liable,  have  invented  a  method  of  regulating 
theaffairs  of  their  empire  by  ACTUAL  MECHANISM. 
For  this  purpofe  an  immenfe  pendulum  hath  been 
conftru&ed,  of  which  the  point  of  fufpenfion  is 
fixed  fomewhere  in  the  orbit  of  the  planet  Mars, 
and  the  Bob  is  compofed  of  certain  heterogeneous 
matter  of  great  fpecific  gravity,  called  the  Ameri 
can  Congrefs. 

THIS  miraculous  pendulum  is  to  vibrate  between 
Annapolii,  on  the  Chefapeak,  and  Trenton,  on 
the  Delaware  j  a  range  of  about  180  miles. 

IT  will  require  the  moft  fubtle  mathematical  in- 
vefligations  to  afcertain  the  true  path  of  this  poli 
tical  bob  :  for  it  is  pretty  certain  that  it  will  not 
move  in  a  ftraight  line,  nor  in  a  cycloid,  nor  in  a 
parabola,  nor  in  an  hyperbola,  nor  in  any  other 
known  curve ;  but  will  have  a  motion  peculiar  to 
itfelf,  forming  a  crooked  line,  the  properties  of 
which  cannot  be  reduced  to  any  of  the  rules  with 
in  the  prefent  fyftem  of  mathematics. 

ALTHOU'GH  the  ofcillations  of  this  pendulum  will 
not  be  performed  in,  yet  they  will  average  equal 
times.  Two  vibrations  mud  be  made  in  two  years : 
but  thefe  vibrations  may  bear  no  determatine 
proportion  to  each  other  j  for  their  relative  propor- 
M  2  tions 


r  180  : 

tions  will  depend  entirely  upon  the  fpecific  gravity 
of  the  bob  :  which  being,  from  the  nature  of  its 
compofition,  very  variable,  will  render  the  ofcil- 
lations  equally  variable  with  refpeft  to  each 
other  :  and,  which  is  very  extraordinary,  al 
though  in  all  other  inflances,  the  more  ponderous 
a  body  is,  the  more  it  is  difpofed  to  reft,  and 
the  (horter  and  flower  will  its  vibrations  be 
when  fufpended,  it  will  be  the  reverfe  in  the 
prefent  cafe  ;  for  the  bob  will  be  inclined  to  moti 
on  more  or  lefs,  in  proportion  as  the  matter  of 
which  it  may  be  compofed  {hall  Happen  to  be  more 
or  lefs  dull  and  heavy. 

BY  the  ofcillations  of  this  pendulum  and  its  hea 
vy  bob,  are  thirteen  wheels  of  the  American  ma 
chine  to  be  regulated.  And,  it  is  expefted,  that 
the  different  combinations  of  motions,  the  a&ings, 
and  counter-agings,  the  checks,  and  counter 
checks  of  the  moving  parts,  will  fo  correft  and 
ballance  each  other,  as  to  produce,  in  the  final 
refult,  a  movement  fo  perfectly  equable,  that  the 
great  deftderata,  viz.  the  perpetual  motion,  and  the 
difcovery  of  longitude,  will  no  longer  puzzle  the 
brains  and  drain  the  purfes  of  feekers  in  fcience. 

BUT  the  mod  entertaining  confequence  of  this 
improvement  in  politics  will  be,  that  it  will  render 

vifible 


vifible  the  locomotive  faculties  of  the  feveral  na 
tions  in  Europe  ;  fo  far  at  leaft  as  the  fame  may 
be  afcertained  by  their  refpeclive  ambaffadors  and 
envoys.  For,  as  they  muft  all  follow  the  move 
ments  of  the  American  bob,  they  will  do  this  ac 
cording  to  the  genius  of  the  countries  to  which 
they  refpectively  belong.  The  volatile  and  active 
will  always  keep  within  reach  of  the  object  of  pur- 
fuit :  the  carelefs  and  indolent  will  loiter  by  the 
way  ;  and  the  dull  and  phlegmatic  be  fo  diflanced, 
that  by  the  time  they  (hall  have  arrived  at  one  of 
the  limits  of  ofcillation,  they  will  find  it  necelfary 
to  tack  about  and  follow  the  pendulum  in  its  return 
to  the  other. 

IN  order  to  render  this  alternate  peregrination 
as  convenient  as  may  be  to  their  minifters,  the  fe 
veral  governments  of  Europe  are  to  raife  by  con 
tribution  the  fum  of  four  hundred  thoufand  guineas 
for  the  purpofe  of  levelling  the  roads  between 
Annapolis  and  Trenton,  building  bridges,  and 
erecting  houfes  of  refidence  in  each  of  thofe  towns, 
if  thofe  can  properly  be  called  houfes  of  refidence 
wherein  the  inhabitants  are  to  have  no  reft. 

SOME  have  thought  that  when  this  mwftrous 

pendulum  fliall  be  once  fet  in  motion,  it  \vill  not 

be  poffible  to  confine  it  within  the  propofed  limits; 

M  3  but 


r  182  ] 

but  that  it  will  by  its  great  weight  (contrary  to 
the  ufual  laws  of  gravitation)  enlarge  its  field  of 
aftion,  and  acquire  a  velocity  which  *wHl  caufe  it 
to  fwing  from  New-Hamplhire  to  Georgia. 

A  further  improvement  hath  alfo  been  fuggeft- 
cd ;  which  is  this — Many  philofophers  flave  been 
of  opinion,  that  the  mod  regular  and  proper  mo 
tion  of  a  pendulum  would  be  to  caufe  it  to  fwing 
in  a  horizontal  circle,  and  not  in  a  vertical  plane, 
as  the  common  practice  is,  fo  that  the  firing  or  rod 
may  defcribe  a  cone,  of  which  the  apex  will  be  in 
the  point  of  fufpenfion,  and  the  bafe  formed  by  the 
circumference  of  the  circular  plane  in  which  the 
bob  moves. 

SHOULD  this  idea  prove  juft  (which  Mr.  Rit- 
tenhoufe  has  been  directed  to  afcertain)  the  revo 
lutions  of  America  will  be  performed  in  a  circle, 
whofe  diameter,  north  and  fouth,  will  be  from  a 
point  in  St.  John's  river,  Nova-Scotia,  to  the 
mouth  of  the  great  river  Miffifippi,  and  wefl  and 
eaft,  from  the  Lake  in  the  Woods,  to  an  unknown 
diftance  in  the  Atlantic  ocean.  The  only  incon 
venience  will  be  the  cutting  a  circular  road 
through  mountains  and  forefts  for  the  accommo 
dation  of  foreign  miniflers  and  the  officers  of 

con- 


C    "83   1 

congrefs  ;  and  the  providing  fufficient  ftiips  at  the 
point  where  the  the  faid  line  of  circumvolution 
Ihall  leave  ^he  continent,  and  enter  on  the  waters 
of  the  Atlantic,  in  order  that  their  excellencies, 
and  their  honours,  may  be  attendant  oil  this  fub- 
lunary  planet  in  every  part  of  its  orbit. 

A.  B. 
Oft.  1783. 


A  SUM- 


C    184    ] 


A  SUMMARY  OF  SOME  LATE 

IN  A  CIRTAIN   GREAT    ASSEMBLY. 


— A  Member,  in  the  courfe  of  debate,  took  oc- 
cafion  to  mention  the  refolve  refpedling  the  alter 
nate  rcfidence  of  the  houfe  in  two  federal  cities, 
and  two  hundred  miles  diftant  from  each  other ; 
and  although  he  acknowledged  himfelf  out  of  or 
der,  as  the  refolve  had  already  been  debated,  and 
the  votes  thereupon  taken  ;  yet  he  begged  leave 
to  draw  their  attention  to  a  circumftance  which 
had  probably  efcapcd  notice  at  the  time,  which 
was  this :  that  the  houfe  had,  fome  months  be 
fore,  folemnly  refolved,  that  a  certain  equeflrian 
flame  fhould  be  ere&ed  in  the  place  where  the 
houfe  fhould  fix  its  permanent  reiidence.  *  And 
he  requefled  to  know  in  what  manner  the  Houfe 
propofed  to  execute  this  determination  under  the 

prefent 

*  Congrefs  had  before  refolved  that  an  equeftrian  fiatue,  in  ho 
nour  of  General  Wafliington,  fhculd  be  erected  in  the  place  where 
their  refidence  fliould  be  fixed. 


C    '»5   ] 

prefent  fyftem  of  a  peregrinating  inflead  of  a  per 
manent  relidence. 

THIS  flruck  the  houfe  with  great  force,  and 
many  looked  upon  it  as  an  invincible  difficulty  ; 
thinking  that  the  two  refolves  were  altogether  ir- 
reconcileable  with  each  other.  But  the  ingeni 
ous  -member,  who  had  planned  the  fcheme  of  the 
two  federal  towns,  foon  relieved  them  from  their 
embarraffment  by  declaring — That  he  had  been 
well  aware  of  this  objection,  and  looked  for  it 
at  the  time  the  refolve  in  queftion  was  under  de 
bate,  when  indeed  he  fhould  not  have  been  fo 
ready  to  anfwer  as  at  prefent :  That  he  was  now 
prepared  to  obviate  the  objection  that  had  been 
flatted,  and  mould  in  a  day  or  two  propofe  his 
fcheme  at  large,  as  he  only  waited  for  certain 
drawings  to  be  completed,  which  were  already  in 
great  forwardnefs. 

THE  attention  of  the  houfe  being  ftrongly 
drawn  to  the  fubjecl:  of  this  promife,  he  was 
earneftly  requefted  to  give  Injianter^  fome  idea  of 
his  defign. 

THE  ingenious  member,  thus  urged,  faid  that 
he  was  fenfible  his  fcheme  muft  greatly  fuffer  in 
opinion  by  being  exhibited  in  a  partial,  imperfect 

manner. 


C     186    1 

manner.  Neverthelefs  he  could  not  refufe  to  gra 
tify  the  impatience  of  the  houfe,  trading  in  their 
candour  that  they  would  not  form  too  hafly  a 
judgment  of  his  delign,  but  wait  till  they  mould  fee 
the  drawings,  which  would  elucidate  the  whole. 

His  defign,  he  faid,  was  this — not  only  to  com 
ply  with  the  refolve  refpe&ing  the  equeftrian 
ftatue,  but  to  make  that  very  refolve  condu 
cive  to  the  fcheme  of  the  two  federal  towns. 
Thefpirit  and  intention  of  the  refolve  refpefting  the 
equeftrian  ftatue,  he  obferved,  was  no  more  than 
this,  that  the  faid  ftatue  fhould  always  be  where 
the  houfe  fhould  fit.  To  effeft  which,  nothing 
more  was  neceiTarythan  to  adjourn  the  ftatue  when 
ever  and  wherever  they  ftiould  adjourn  the  houfe, 
which  might  eafily  be  done  by  mounting  it  on 
wheels.  But  this  was  not  all ;  for  if  the  horfe 
fhould  be  conftrufted  of  a  fuitable  fize,  and  fra 
med  with  timbers,  like  the  hull  of  a  fhip,  it  might 
be  made  a  moft  convenient  vehicle  to  tranfport  the 
members  themfelves,  with  their  books,  papers,  &c. 
from  one  federal  town  to  the  other :  and  added, 
that  the  drawings  he  had  mentioned  were  defigned 
to  exhibit  fuch  a  conftruction  of  the  body  of  a 
horfe,  as  might  moft  conveniently  anfwer  this 
purpofe :  whereby  would  be  mown  the  feats  intend 
ed  for  the  refpeclive  members,  the  places  for  the 

prefjdent 


prefidcnt  and  fecretary,  and  a  little  clofet  in  the 
inteftinum  reflum,  for  the  fecret  papers  of  the 
houfe  :  provifion  being  alfo  made  for  light  and 
air,  and  every  other  convenience  fuitable  to  fo 
great  a  defign. 

HE  confeffed  he  had  taken  his  idea  from  the  fa 
mous  Grecian  horfe,  ufed  at  the  fiege  of  Troy  ;  and 
had  been  fearching  Homer  with  all  his  commen 
tators,  annotators,  and  translators,  in  hopes  of 
finding  forne  defcription  of  the  internal  conftruc- 
tion  of  that  memorable  machine  ;  but  receiving 
no  afliftance  from  thefe  fources,  he  had  been  ob 
liged  to  depend  upon  his  own  ingenuity,  and  the 
advice  of  an  able  fhip-wright,  who  was  now  ma 
king  the  drawings  he  propofed  to  lay  before  the 
houfe. 

THIS  device  of  the  ingenious  member  was  recei 
ved  with  great  applaufe — but  zjl ill  more  ingenious 
member  rofe  up,  and  faid — that  the  gentleman 
who  fpoke  lail,  had  in  fome  meafure  anticipated  a 
project  he  had  conceived,  and  was  preparing  to 
offer.  But  as  the  defign  he  had  formed  was  upon 
a  much  larger  fcale  than  that  which  had  been 
fuggefted,  he  fhould  not  with-hold  it  from  the 
houfe,  although  he  confeffed  it  was  planned  on 
much  the  fame  principles. 

THE 


C     188     J 

THE  difficulty  refpe&ing  the  flatue,  he  faid, 
had  not  indeed  occured  to  him ;  but  one  of  at 
lead  equal  importance  had — which  was  the  enor 
mous  '  expence  of  building  two  federal  towns, 
when  one  might  be  fufficient  for  all  purpofes. 

To  obviate  this,  he  would  propofe  that  there 
ihould  be  two  places  of  alternate^  permanent  refi- 
dence,  agreeably  to  the  late  refolve,  and  but  ont 
federal  town  ;  which  town  (hould  be  built  upon 
a  large  platform,  mounted  on  a  great  number  of 
wheels,  and  be  drawn  by  a  great  number  of 
horfcs. 

THIS,  he  obferved,  would  be  produ&ive  of 
many  great  conveniences.  It  would  render  the 
immence  expence  of  building  two  federal  towns 
unneceifary — It  would  fpare  the  trouble  and  con- 
fufion  of  packing  and  unpacking,  deranging  and 
arranging  their  books  and  papers  at  every  ad 
journment — and  it  would  fave  much  precious 
time,  inafmuch  as  there  would  be  no  inter 
ruption  in  their  proceedings  ;  for  the  bufmefs  of 
the  houfe  might  be  going  on,  whilft  the  houfe 
itfelf  was  going  on ;  and  motions  not  only  be 
made  in  the  houfe,  but  the  houfe  \tk\fmake  motions 
— fo  that,  with  the  motions  of  the  members,  the 
motions  of  the  houfe,  and  the  motions  of  the 

whole 


whole  federal  town,  all  the  powers  of  govern 
ment  would  be  in  conftant  aftion  for  the  good  of 
the  empire. 

HE  then  proceeded  to  fhow  that  fuch  a  fcheme 
was  neither  abfurd  in  itfelf,  nor  impracticable  in 
in  faft.  It  was  not  abfurd,  he  faid,  becaufe  nature, 
who  does  nothing  improper,  had  furnifhed  many 
inflances  of  the  kind — as  in  the  fnail,,the  tortoife, 
and  feveral  other  animals — neither  was  it  imprac- 
tible,  as  he  could  fully  prove.  He  aflerted  that 
he  had  himfelf  feen  in  England  an  ingenious  tin 
ker,  who  had  mounted  a  finall  houfe  upon  wheels, 
which  contained  a  bed,  fome  neceffary  furniture, 
and  the  utenfils  of  his  trade,  and  was  drawn  about 
by  a  fingle  horfe  :  fo  that,  when  he  had  exhaufted 
the  cuflom  of  one  village,  he  removed,  cum  omni 
bus  appurtenantibus,  to  another ;  and  by  that 
means  fecured  a  conftant  circulation  of  employ. 

BUT  I  have  an  inflance,  faid  he,  more  dire&ly 
in  point — I  mean  that  of  the  emprefs  of  Ruffia  ; 
who,  when  (he  removes  her  court  from  Peterf- 
burgh  to  Mofcow,  is  accommodated  with  ele 
gant  apartments,  built  on  fleds,  and  drawn  by 
fifty  horfes,  over  a  traft  of  foow  many  hundred 
miles  in  extent. 

BUT 


BUT  it  may  be  obje&ed,  continued  this  more  in 
genious  member,  that  thefe  are  only  examples  of  a 
lingle  room,  or  two  or  three  apartments  being  ren 
dered  moveable  by  machinery  ;  but  to  make  a 
whole  town — a  federal  town — an  imperial  city — 
thus  tranfitory,  muft  be  totally  impracticable,  un- 
lefs  by  the  help  of  art  magic — I  am  not  unpre 
pared,  faid  he,  to  anfwer  this  objection.  It  is  cer 
tainly  a  mark  of  great  weaknefs  to  conclude  eve 
ry  principle  falfe  of  which  we  cannot  conceive, 
and  every  purpofe  impoffible,  which  we  know  not 
how  to  effect.  A  fool  often  wonders  improper 
ly.  He  fees  a  jack- weight  defcend  without  fur- 
prife,  but  exclaims  with  admiration  at  the  move 
ments  of  an  orrery  :  whereas,  in  truth,  there  is  in 
finitely  more  myftery  in  the  .defcent  of  a  jack- 
weight  than  in  the  moft  complicated  movements 
of  an  orrery. 

I  {hall  not  now  undertake  to  defcribe  minutely 
the  means  by  which  our  federal  town  may  be  ren 
dered  itinerant.  This  I  referve  for  a  future  day  ; 
but  to  {hew  that  the  thing  is  at  lead  not  impoilible, 
I  beg  leave  to  read  a  paffage  from  a  book  I  have 
in  my  hand.  It  is  entitled,  A  Voyage  to  the  Moon, 
by  Cerano  de  Bergerac,  p.  1 12  &  1 14.  "At  this 
"  our  young  hoil  enquired  from  his  father,  What 

"  was 


"  was  the  hour  ?  Who  replying  it  had  already 
*c  ftruck  eight,  he  very  angrily  aiked  him,  how 
"  he  dared  to  neglect  calling  him  at  feven,  as  he 
"  had  ordered ;  when  he  knew  very  well  the 
"  houfes  were  to  begin  their  journey  next  day, 
"  the  walls  of  the  town  being  already  gone  ?  The 
61  good  man  told  him,  that  fmce  his  fitting  down 
"  at  table,  a  proclamation  had  been  made,  for- 
*  bidding  the  houfes  to  fet  out  before  the  day  af- 
"  ter  to-morrow." 

t- 

**  IN  order  to  turn  the  difcottrfe,  I  intreated 
*e  him  to  inform  me,  what  was  meant  by  the  re- 
<c  moval  of  the  town,  and  if  the  houfes  and  walls 
<c  really  travelled  ?  Dear  ftranger,  faid  he,  our 
"  buildings  are  of  two  forts,  the  moveable  and 
"  thcfedentary.  The  moveable,  in  one  of  which 
"  you  are  now,  I  am  about  to  defcribe.  They  are 
"  compofed,  as  you  fee,  of  very  light  wood  :  and 
"  at  the  building  of  them,  the  architect  places 
"  four  ftrong  wheels  under  the  foundations  of  the 
"  walls.  Six  large  pair  of  bellows  are  placed,  with 
"  their  nofes  horizontal  to  the  wings  of  the  up- 
"  per  (lory  ;  fo  that  when  a  town  is  to  be  re- 
."  moved  (which  is  always  done  as  the  feafons 
"  change)  feveral  large  fails  are  unfolded  before 
"  the  nofe  of  thefe  bellows,  which  being  fet  at 

"  work 
i 


r  192  3 

"  work,  difcharge  the  wind  fo  very  forcibly  upon 
"  them,  that  the  houfes  are  fet  in  motion,  and  by 
"  the  violence  of  the  guft  which  drives  them  for- 
"  ward,  are  enabled  to  travel  upwards  of  an  hun- 
"  dred  leagues  in  eight  days." 

THE  very  ingenious  member  quoted  this  autho 
rity  with  no  fmull  marks  of  triumph,  and  obferved, 
in  clofing  the  book,  that  what  had  been  done 
might  be  done  again.  That  he  fliould,  however, 
improve  upon  this  device  of  his  lunatic  brethren, 
by  caufmg  his  town  to  move  bodily,  with  all 
its  rights,  privileges,  and  appurtenances,  and 
not  by  fingle  houfes,  which  he  apprehended 
would  be  apt  to  occafion  much  confufion  on  the 
road. 

HE  concluded,  with  faying,  that  the  only 
thing  he  mould  alk  of  the  houfc  would  be  to 
proclaim  a  two  days  faft  previous  to  every  ad 
journment  ;  not  only  with  a  view  to  render  the 
burden  of  fo  vaft  a  machine  as  light  as  poffible, 
but  alfo  to  avoid  too  great  a  complexity  of  motions 
during  the  journey. 

THE  houfe  was  aftonifhed  at  the  extenfive  ge 
nius  of  the  projefting  member ;   and  immediately 
3  adjourned 


[     193    3 

adjourned  ;  having  firft  recommended  it  to  each 
other  to  confider  againft  the  next  meeting,  if  any 
objections  could  poflibly  to  be  made  to  the  laft 
propofed  fcheme. 


Nov.    1783, 


N 


r  194  ] 


(Cf*  MR.  OSWALD,  the  printer  of  the  Independent  Gazeieer, 
having  published  fome  free  ftrictures  on  the  conduct  of  the  fupreme 
court,  the  judges  ordered  him  to  be  indicted  for  a  libel.  The 
grand  jury,  after  a  full  enquiry,  returned  the  bill  ignoramus.  The 
judges,  enraged  at  this  refufal,  attempted  to  overawe  them  by  fe- 
vere  reproofs  in  open  court,  and  fent  them  back  for  reconfideration  : 
but  the  jury  adhered  to  their  verdicl;  and  juftified  themfelvesin  n 
public  addrefs  in  the  papers.  Some  effays  on  the  fubjeil  of  grand 
juries  appeared  in  anfwer,  generally  believed  to  be  written  by  the 
judges  themfelves,*  under  the  fignatures  of  JURISPERITUS  and 
ADRIAN.  And  thefe  occafioned  the  following  obfervations in  return. 

*  Chief  Juftice  M'Kean  and  Judge  Bryan. 


FOR    THE    PENNSYLVANIA    PACKET. 

January  1783. 

£  ROM  what  hath  appeared  in  the  public  papers 
refpefting  the  late  conteft  between  the  judges  of 
the  court  of  oyer  and  terminer,  and  the  grand  jury 
for  the  city  and  county  of  Philadelphia,  this  fub- 
ject  hath  claimed  the  general  attention  of  the  coun 
try,  andthe  rights  and  duties  of  juries  have  been  dif- 
cuffed  in  almofl  every  company — ignorantly  enough 
no  doubt.  But  the  people,  ever  jealous-of  their  liber 
ties, 


r  195  ] 

ties,  are  ready  to  take  alarm  on  any  appearance  of 
danger,  without  regarding  the  quarter  from  whence 
the  invaiion  arifes,  or  the  motives  that  induced  it : 
the  robes  of  office  are  not  long  enough  to  fcreen  the 
invader  from  cenfure,  nor  the  feemingly  harmlefs 
motive  of  pride  palliate  the  offence.  Are  our  li 
berties  fafe  or  are  they  not  ?  is  the  only  queftion 
with  the  people  at  large.  Friends  may  explain, 
and  fycophants  may  flatter,  but  drift  right  knows 
neither  friends  nor  flatterers. 

FOR  my  own  part,  I  confefs  I  am  no  lawyer  5 
and  wonder  how  it  fliould  come  to  pafs  that  I 
fhould  appear  in  the  Pennfylvania  Packet  on  a  law 
fubject — but  the  thing  is  unavoidable — as  I  feel 
myfelf  urged  by  what  I  conceive  to  be  a  fenfe  of 
duty. 

I  had,  fome  how  or  other,  acquired  a  notion 
that  there  were  but  two  fcreens  between  the  fub- 
jeft  and  the  rigour  of  the  law.  I  mean  the 
grand  jury,  and  the  power  of  pardon,  lodged  fomc- 
where  in  every  fyflem  of  government.  The  firft, 
as  a  fecurity  to  the  innocent  accufed,  -that  he  may 
not  be  brought  to  a  difgraceful,  vexatious,  and  ex- 
penfive  trial ;  and  the  other,  a  merciful  interference 
to  relax  the  rigid  cords  of  convi&ion,  in  cafes 
where,  though  the  crime  may  have  been  fufficient- 
Ni  '  ly 


r  196-  ] 

ly  afcertaincd,  yet  concomitant  circumftances  may 
juftify  an  extenfion  of  pardon. 

I  imagined  that  the  grand  inqueft  of  the  county, 
when  duly  returned,  compofed  a  body  of  truft  and 
power  inferior  to  none  but  the  legiflature  itfelf. 
That  they  are  conftitutionally  independent  of  every 
influence  and  controul  in  the  line  of  their  office,  and 
not  accountable  for  their  decifions,  unlefs  in  cafes 
of  manifeft  corruption  and  breach  of  the  laws. 
That  they  are  fupcrior  to  and  not  the  fervants  of 
the  court,  in  as  much  as  the  court  with  all  its 
powers  cannot  proceed  againft  a  citizen,  or  any 
individual  in  the  criminal  line,  without  the  fanc- 
tion  and  confent  of  this  grand  inquefl  (except  in 
cafes  of  attainder  or  contempts  in  the  face  of  the 
court).  For,  as  to  the  doftrine  of  proceeding  by 
information,  I  do  not  fully  underftand  it ;  yet 
know  enough  to  hope  it  will  never  gain  an  efta- 
blifhment  in  this  country. 

I  thought  the  power  of  a  grand  jury,  indepen 
dent  as  it  is,  could  never  give  any  jufl  caufe  of 
jealoufy  ;  becaufe  it  is  lodged  in  a  kind  of  repre- 
fentation  of  the  people  of  the  county,  if  the  flie- 
riff  does  his  duty  with  integrity  and  difcretion — in 
a  number  of  men  haftily  drawn  together,  between 
whom  there  could  not  have  exifted  any  previous 

Golle&ive 


r  197  ] 

colle&ive  connection,  and,  therefore,  no  danger 
of  collufion  ;  and  particularly  becaufe  their  office 
and  power  are  fo  temporary  that  there  is  not  time 
to  form  any  fyflematical  abufes  of  either. 

I  had  further  conceived,  that  as  the  grand  jury 
were  impannelled  merely  for  the  purpofe  of  pro- 
te£ting  the  innocent,  by  bringing  the  guilty,  and 
none  but  the  guilty,  to  an  open  trial,  they  muft  of 
courfe  have  a  right  to  make  a  ftrift  enquiry,  ac 
cording  to  the  tenor  of  their  official  oath — that  is, 
to  command  to  be  brought  before  them  all  manner 
of  legal  teftimony,  of  what  nature  foever,  that 
may  in  any  wife  tend  to   the  difcovery  of  truth, 
and  of  the  whole  truth  ;  and  that  they  may  and 
ought  to  do  this  of  right,  uninfluenced,  and  unau- 
thorifed  by  any  interfering  power.     Becaufe,  if 
the  grand  jury  were  prohibited  from  all  teftimony 
but  fuch  as  the  court  mould  furnifti,  and  obliged 
to  receive  as  authentic,  nothing  but  the  di£lates  of 
the  judges  or  the  attorney  general  (who  in  truth 
ought  to  be  no  more  than  affiftants  and  advifers  of 
the  grand  jury  in  matters  of  form  only),  they  would 
be  an  unneceflary  wheel  in  the  political  machine, 
and  ferve  no  purpofe  but  that  of  giving  a  legal 
fan&ion  to  the  will  of  the  court. 

N  T  THESE 


r  .98  j 

THESE,  and  fome  other  extravagant  notions, 
found  myfelf  poflefled  of  whenever  1  converfedxm 
the  fubjeft,  but  could  not  recoiled  the  fource  from 
whence  I  had  drawn  my  ideas. 

AT  length  I  faw  a  piece  in  the  Freeman* s 
"Journal  of  the  i5th  inftant,  figned  ADRIAN  ;  and 
was  horribly  fhocked  to  find  fentiments  and  doc 
trines  advanced  on  this  fubjeft  fo  very  contrary  to 
thofe  which  I  had  entertained.  As  I  doubt  not  but 
this  performance  muft  have  been  written  by  a  very 
great  man,  from  the  elegance  of  the  ftile,  and  by 
a  very  great  lawyer,  from  the  fubtlety  of  the  rea- 
foning,  I  began  to  fear  that  I  was  all  in  the  wrong. 
I  thought  of  it  night  and  day,  till  at  laft  I  difco- 
vered  that  the  {lore  from  which  I  had  taken  all  my 
prejudices  was  clofe  at  my  elbow.  You  mud  know 
that  we  have  in  the  houfe  an  old  folio  book  which 
my  grandfather  had  brought  with  him  from  Kng- 
land.  My  father  had  made  no  other  ufe  of  it 
but  to  flrap  his  razor  on  the  leathern  cover  thereof 
when  he  had  occafion  to  {have  himfelf ;  and  as  it 
concerned  the  politics  of  a  difbnt  country  one 
hundred  years  ago,  and  as  our  family  were  no  po 
liticians,  it  had  lain  for  a  long  time  neglected  on 
the  upper  flielf  of  a  clofet.  I  recolle&ed,  how- 
cver,ithat  about  twelve  or  fourteen  years  ago, I  had 
in  fome  idle  hour,  taken  up  this  book,  and  read 

with 


[     199     3 

with  fomc  attention  a  piece  therein  refpe&ing  the 
rights  and  powers  of  a  grand  jury. 

I  hope  our  new  pope  is  not  as  infallible  as  his 
predeceflbr  of  the  fame  name :  if  he  is,  my  au 
thor,  and  confequently  myfelf,  muft  be  greatly  mif- 
taken.  I  fliall  not  pretend  to  fay  which  is  moft 
to  be  depended  upon  ;  but  as  the  doctrine  refpefts 
a  very  important  right  of  the  people,  I  (hall  con- 
traft  the  two  authors,  and  leave  the  decifion  to 
abler  judges. 

THE  book  to  which  I  refer  is  entitled  "  STATE 
"  TRACTS,  being  a  collection  of  fever  al  choice  trea- 
"  fifes  relating  to  government  from  the  year  1660 
"  to  1689."  And  the  treatife  which  had  engaged 
my  particular  attention  is  entitled  "  The  fecurity 
"  of  Englifhmen' s  lives  ;  or  the  truji,  power ,  and 
"  duty  of  the  grand  juries  of  England  ;  explained 
"  according  to  the  fundamentals  of  the  Englifh  go- 
"  vernment,  and  the  declaration  of  the  fame  made  in 
e:  parliament  by  manyjlatutes." 

IN  the  preface  to  this  book  we  are  told — "  This 
"  is  a  colleftion  that  will  in  general  fet  forth  the 
"  true  and  legal  conflitution  of  our  ancient  famous 
"  Englifh  government — In  particular,  here  will 
."  be  feen  the  truft,  power,  and  duty  of  grand 

"  juries, 


r 

"juries,   and  the  great  fecurity  of  Englifhmens 
"  lives  in  their  faithful  difcharge  thereof." 

WITH  refpeft  to  Adrian's  performance,  I  am 
willing  to  fuppofe  that  his  narrative  of  the  cafe  in 
queftion  may  be  true,  not  having  had  an  opportu 
nity  of  informing  myfelf  more  certainly.  All  that  I 
know  of  the  matter  is  that  a  writer  in  Mr  Ofwald's 
paper  had  prefumed  to  cenfure  the  conduct  of  the 
chief  juftice  in  two  inftances :  for  which  offence 
two  indictments  had  been  fent  to  the  grand  jury 
againft  Mr  Ofwald  as  a  publisher  of  libels.  Had 
the  teftimony  been  fufficient  to  fupport  thefe  in- 
di&ments :  had  the  jury  returned  them  true  bills, 
and  had  a  conviction  enfued,  the  confequence 
would  have  been,  at  lead  this — that  one  citizen 
having  offended  another,  would  have  been  thrown 
into  the  power  of  the  offended  party  to  be  puni- 
fhed  according  to  that  meafureof  refentment  which 
his  wounded  pride  might  infligate 

ADRIAN  is  pleafed  to  fay — "  For  thefe  falfe  and 
fcandalous  libels  on  the  court  and  the  juftice  of  the 
country,  which  ought  not  only  to  be  above  impu 
tation  but  free  of  fufpicion,  Mr  Ofwald  was  arre- 
fted." — Thefe  libels,  fays  Adrian^  were  falfe  ;  but 
nineteen  honefl  and  impartial  men,  declare,  upon 

oath? 


[       201       ] 

©ath,  that  they  were  not  falfe* — and  not  only 
upon  oath,  but  according  to  Adrian's  own  afferti- 
on,  "  after  keeping  the  bill  two  days,  and  hear- 
"  ing  divers  testimonies."  It  appears  then  that 
the  grand  jury  did  deliberately,  and  not  haflily,  or 
unwarily,  rejeft  thofe  bills. 

NOTWITHSTANDING  the  oath  of  fecrecy  ta 
ken  by  the  grand  jury,  Adrian  thinks  he  has 
fiftied  out  the  reafons  by  which  they  were  gover- 
ne'd — "  It  is  faid,  (fays  he,)  that  upon  examining 
"  feveral  other  perfons  it  was  made  ow,fome  how^ 
"  that  the  printer  had  been  mifinformed  :  thence 
?'  it  was  inferred,  that  miftake  merely  involved 
f6  no  guilt. 

ADRIAN  had  juft  before  obferved,  that  the  juf- 
tice  of  the  country  fhould  not  only  be  above  im 
putation  but  free  of  fufpicion.  Now,  I  am  inclined 
to  think,  that  the  grand  jury,  for  the  time,  more 
nearly  reprefents  the  juftice  of  the  country  than 
even  the  learned  judges  themfelves  :  and  yet 
Adrian  fufpe&s  that  they  made  out  testimony  fome 
how  or  other — an  infmuation  at  lead  that  they  had 

afted 

*  Ofwald's  publication  confided  merely  of  a  narrative  of  the  con- 
du£l  of  the  court  in  a  particular  cafe :  the  jury  on  enquiry,  found 
that  the  narrative  was  ftri&ly  true,  and  therefore  could  not  find  the 
biH. 


[       202       *) 

unfairly — whether  they  did  fo  or  not,  I  leave 
to  themfelves  to  anfwer — I  am  not  their  champion 
in  this  particular  inftance — I  contend  only  for  ge 
neral  principles  ;  and  fhall  proceed  to  feleft  from 
Adrian's  performance  fome  doftrinal  paffages, 
which  feem  to  be  inconfiftent  with  the  tenor  of 
my  old  book. 

"  WAS  there  not,  (fays  he,)  the  ufual  probable 
"  evidence  for  an  open  enquiry  by  a  petit  jury?  If 
"  there  was,  why  ftifle  the  caufe  in  the  chamber  of 
"  the  grand  inqueft  ?"  Probable  evidence^  vndftifle 
a  caufe — horrid  language  !  are  men's  lives,  repu 
tations,  and  fortunes  to  be  hung  upon  the  tenter 
hooks  of  logical  probabilities :  and  is  the  fair  ac 
quittal  of  a  fellow-citizen  from  a  heinous  charge  to 
be  called  a  ftifled  caufe  ? — Oh,  fovereign  pontiff, 
have  mercy  upon  us  !  "  Upon  this,  the  chief-ju- 
"  (lice  feemingly  provoked  at  their  irregularities  (I 
"  hopcitwasin  appearance  only)  alked  the  grounds 
"  on  which  the  grand  jury  had  proceeded,  and  how 
tc  they  came  to  receive  witneffes  not  admitted  by 
"  the  court  ?"  This,  dilated  into  plain  language, 
will  ftand  thus  : — Gentlemen,  you  are  enjoined  by 
your  oath  of  office,  diligently  to  enquire,  and  pre- 
fentment  make,  of  the  truth,  the  whole  truth,  and 
nothing  but  the  truth.  Bur,  remember  you  arc 
to  {hut  your  ears  againft  all  teflimony  but  fuch  as 

I  mall 


C    203    j 

I  (hall  fend  you,  otherwife  ycni  may  perhaps  find 
this  fellow  innocent  of  the  charge,  when  it  is  my 
defire  that  he  {hould  be  punifhed. 

"  THEY  declined  (or  one  for  the  reft  did  fo) 
"  giving  any  reafons  for  their  conduct,  under 
"  pretence  that  they  were  fworn  not  to  reveal  the 
"  fecrets  of  the  ftate,  or  their  fellows ;  as  if  this 
"  oath  reftrained  them.'*  Adrian  then  promifes, 
that  he  will  hereafter  fliew  the  public — "  the  true 
"  nature  and  conftitution  of  a  grand  jury,  that 
"  part  of  legal  machinery,  compofed  of  unlearned 
"  men,  (to  ufe  the  phrafeology  of  the  profeffion,) 
"  which  is  regulated  and  controlled  by  the  law, 
"  as  other  juries,  at  every  ftep,  and  in  every  m- 
"  ftance  of  their  truft,  and  fubmitted  to  the  legal 
"  direftion  of  the  court."  Obferve,  reader,  how 
irreverently  his  holinefs  fpeaks  of  one  of  the  mo  ft 
refpeftable  bodies  in  our  government — little  reve 
rence,  indeed,  would  be  due,  if  they  were  no  other 
than  what  he  reprefents  them  to  be :  I  wifli  to 
know  what  truft  can  be  faid  to  be  committed  to  a 
body  of  men  who  are  to  be  regulated  and  controll 
ed  at  every  ftep  and  in  every  inftance  ?  But  let 
us  contraft  thefe  modern  doftrines,  and  this  Adrl- 
anatic  idea  of  a  grand  jury  with  felect  paffages  from 
an  au  thor  of  the  laft  century. 


[       204      ] 

HE  firfl  fpeaks  of  the  laws  and  government  of 
England,  in  general,  and  gives  the  conftruftion  of 
grand  and  petit  juries,  but  fays — "  It  is  not  de- 
"  figned  at  this  time  to  undertake  a  difcourfe  of 
"  of  petit  juries  :  but  to  confider  the  nature  and 
"  power  of  grand  inquefts  :  and  to  fhew  how 
**  much  the  reputation,  the  fortunes,  and  the  lives 
•'  of  Englishmen  depend  on  the  confcientious  per- 
"  formance  of  their  duty. 

"  IT  was  abfolutely  neceflary  for  the  fupport  of 
"  government,  that  fome  fliould  be  entrufted  to  en- 
"  quire  after  all  fuch,as  by  treafons,  felonies,  or  lef- 
"  fer  crimes,  diflurbed  the  peace,  that  they  might 
"  be  profecuted  and  brought  to  condign  punifh- 
"  ment ;  and  it  was  no  lefs  needful  for  every  man's 
"  quiet  and  fafety,  that  the  truft  of  fuch  inquifitions 
<f  fhould  be  put  into  the  hands  of  perfons  of  under- 
"  {landing  and  integrity,  indifferent  and  impartial : 
"  that  might  fuffer  no  man  to  be  falfely  accufed  or 
"  defamed,  nor  the  lives  of  any  to  be  put  in  jeopar- 
"  dy,  by  the  malicious  confpiracies  of  great  or 
"  fmall;  or  the  perjuries  of  any  profligate  wretch- 
"  es.  For  thefe  neceflary  honeft  ends  was  the 
"  inftitution  of  grand-juries. 

"  OUR  anceftors   thought  it  not  beft  to  truft 
"  this  great  concern  of  their  lives  and  interefts  in 

"the 


r  205  i 

"  the  hands  of  any  officer  of  the  king's,  or  in  any 
"  judges  named  by  him,  or  in  any  certain  number 
"  of  men  during  life,  left  they  (hould  be  awed  or 
"  influenced  by  great  men,  corrupted  by  bribes, 
"  flatteries,  or  love  of  power,  or  become  negligent, 
"  or  partial  to  friends  and  relations,  or  purfue  their 
"  own  quarrels,  or  private  revenges,  or  connive  at 
"  confpiracies  of  others,  and  indicl:  thereupon." 

HE  then  goes  on  to  ihew  what  fort  of  men  a 
grand  jury  ought  to  be  compofed  of,  and  in  what 
character  the  law  confiders  them,  viz. — Men  "  mod 
"  honeft  and  mod  fufficient  for  knowledge  and  abi- 
"  lity  of  mind  and  eftate." — And  not,  according 
to  the  phrafeology  of  ADRIAN,  a  legal  machine^ 
compofed  of  unlearned  men. 

"  I  knew   too  well,  fays  my  author,  that 

"  the  wifdom  and  care  of  our  anceftors  in  this  in- 
"  ftitution  of  grand  juries,  hath  not  been  of  late 
"  confidered  as  it  ought,  nor  the  laws  concerning 
"  them  duly  obferved,nor  have  the  gentlemen,  nor 
"  other  men  of  eftates  in  the  feveral  counties,  dif- 
"  cerned  how  infenfibly  their  legal  power  and  ju- 
"  rifdiftion  in  their  grand  and  petit  juries  is  decay- 
"  ed,  and  much  of  the  means  to  preferve  their 
"  own  lives  and  interefls  taken  out  of  their  hands. 
"  'Tis  a  wonder  they  were  not  more  awakened 

"  with 


L    206    ] 

"  with  the  attempts  of  the  late  lord  chief  j  allied 

"  K ,  who  would  have  ufurped  a  lordly  difta- 

"  torial  power  over  the  grand  jury  of  Somerfet- 
"  fhire,  and  commanded  them  to  find  a  bill  of  in^ 
"  di&ment  for  murder,  for  which  they  faw  no  evi- 
"  dence;  and  upon  their  refufal, he  not  only  threat- 
"  ened  the  jury,  but  afiumed  to  himfelf  an  arbitra- 
"  ry  power  to  fine  them.  Here  was  a  bold  battery 
"  made  upon  the  ancient  fence  of  our  reputations 
**  and  lives.  If  that  juftice's  will  had  paffed  for  law, 
"  all  the  gentlemen  of  the  grand  jury  mud  have 
"  been  the  bafeil  valTals  to  the  judges,  and  have 
"  been  penally  obliged  jurare  in  verbo  maglftri^  to 
"  have  fworn  to  the  directions  or  dictates  of  the 
"  judges.     But,  thanks  be  to  God !  the  late  long 
"  parliament  (though  filled  with  penfioners)  could 
"  not  bear  fuch  a  bold  invafion  of  the  Englifli  li- 
"  berties;  but  upon  the  complaint  of  one  fir  Hugh 
"  Windham,  foreman  of  the  faid  jury,  and  a  mem- 
"  ber  of  that  parliament,  the  commons  brought 
"  the  then  chief  juflice  to  the  bar  to  acknowledge 
"  his  fault,  whereupon  the  profecution  ceafed. 

"  GRAND  juries  are  our  only  fecurity,  inafmuch 
"  as  our  lives  cannot  be  drawn  into  jeopardy  by 
"  all  the  malicious  crafts  of  the  devil,  unlefs  fuch  a 
"  number  of  our  honed  countrymen  fhall  be  fatif* 
"  fied  in  the  truth  of  the  accufation. 

"  THERE- 


<e  THEREFORE  every  grand  juryman  is  fworn  as 
"  the  foreman,  in  the  words  following,  viz.  Tou 
"  Jhall  diligently  enquire,  and  true  prefenttnent  make 
"  of  all  fuch  articles,  matters,  and  things,  as  fh  all  be 
"  given  you  in  charge  ;  and  of  all  other  matters 
"  and  things  as  Jhall  come  to  your  own  knowledge, 
"  touching  the  prefent  fervice:  the  (king's}  counfel, 
"  your  fellows,  and  your  own,  you  fh  all  keepfecret  : 
"  you  Jhall  prefent  no  man  for  hatred  or  malice,  nei- 
"  ther  Jhall  you  leave  any  one  unprefented  for  favour 
"  or  affection,  for  love  or  gain,  or  any  hopes  thereof  ; 
"  £&tf  ;'«  #//  things  you  Jhall  prefent  the  truth,  the 
truth,  and  nothing  but  the  truth,  to  thebejl 
knowledge  :  So  HELP  YOU  GOD  ! 


"  HENCE  it  evidently  appears,  that  every  grand 
"jury  is  bound  to  enquire  diligently  after  the 
"  truth  of  every  thing  for  which  they  fhall  indift 
"  or  prefent  a  man.  —  When  a  grand  jury  is  fworn 
"  to  enquire  diligently,  it  is  natural  and  neccffary 
"  to  their  bufmefs  to  think  of  whom  they  fliould 
"  enquire  ;  and  it  is  plainly  and  eafily  refolved 
"  that  they  ought  to  enquire  of  every  man  that  can 
"  or  will  inform  them.-  —  It  feems,  therefore,  from 
"  the  words  of  the  oath,  that  there  is  no  bound 
"  or  limit  fet  (fave  their  own  underftandin^  or 

»  O 

"  confcience)  to  any  number  er  fort  of  perfons  of 
"  whom  they  are  bound  to  enquire.   They  ought 

"fifft 


[        208       1 

"  firft  and  principally  to  enquire  of  one  another,, 
"  mutually  what  knowledge  each  of  them  hath  of 
"  the  matter  in  queflion  before  them.  The  law 
"  prefumes  that  fome  at  lead  of  fo  many  fufficient 
"  men  of  the  county  mud  know  or  have  heard  of 
"  all  notable  things  done  againfl  the  public  peace. 
"  — If  the  parties,  and  the  fafts  whereof  they  are 
"  accufed,  be  known  to  the  jury  or  any  of  them, 
"  their  own  knowledge  will  fupply  the  room  of 
"  many  witneffes.  Next,  they  ought  to  enquire 
"  of  all  fuch  witneffes  as  the  profecutors  will  pro- 
u  duce  againft  the  accufed.  They  are  bound  to 
;c  examine  all  fully  and  prudently,  to  the  beft  of 
"  their  fkill.  Every  juryman  ought  to  afk  fuch 
"  queftions  (by  the  foreman  at  leaft)  as  he  thinks 
*'  neceffary  to  refolve  any  doubt  that  may  arife  in 
"  him,  either  about  the  faft,  or  witneffes,  or  other- 
<e  wife,  if  the  jury  be  then  doubtful,  they  ought  to 
"  receive  all  fuch  further  teftimony  as  lhall  be  of- 
"  fered  them,  and  to  fend  for  fuch  as  any  of  them 
"  do  think  able  to  give  teflimony  in  the  cafe  de- 
"  pending. 

*'  No  directions  can  legally  be  impofed  upon 
"  them  by  any  court  or  judges.  An  honeft  jury 
"  will  thankfully  accept  good  advice  from  judges, 
"  as  they  are  affiflants ;  but  they  are  bound  by 
"  their  oaths  to  prefent  the  truth,  the  whole  truth, 

<;  and 


L    209   ] 

"  and  nothing  but  the  truth,  to  the  befl  of  their 
"  own,  riot  the  judge's,  knowledge  ;  neither  can 
*'  they,  without  a  breach  of  that  oath,  refign  their 
"  confciences,  or  blindly  fubmit  to  the  diftates  of 
"  others ;  and  therefore,  ought  to  receive  or  rejeft 
*'  fuch  advices,  as  they  judge  them  goad  or  bad. 

"  THE  language  wherein  the  oath  is  penned,  is 
"  known  and  underftood  by  every  man,  and  the 
*'  words  in  it  have  the  fame  fignification  as  they 
"  have  wherefoever  they  are  ufed.  The  judges 
"  (without  afluming  to  themfelves  a  legiflative 
"  power)  cannot  put  a  new  fenfe  upon  them,  other 
"  than  according  to  their  genuine  common  mean- 
<c  ing.  They  cannot  magifterially  impofe  their 
"  opinions  upon  the  jury,  and  make  them  forfake 
*'  the  direft  words  of  their  oath  to  purfue  their 
"  glolfes.  They  are  carefully  to  examine  what 
"  fort  of  men  the  witnefles  are. — It  is  undoubtedly 
"  law  which  we  find  reported  in  Stiles,  that  though 
"  there  be  witnefles  to  prove  the  bill,  yet  the  grand 
"  inqueft  is  not  bound  to  find  it  if  they  fee  caufe  to 
"  the  contrary." — St.  Rep.  n. 

MY  author  then  confidcrs  the  nature  and  intent 
of  the  fecrecy  impofed  on  the  grand  jury  by  their 
oath  j  which  is  chiefly  to  prevent  combinations  of 

O  "  wit- 


r  210  j 

^  cfcapes  of  the  guilty,  and  confpiracies  a- 
gainfl  the  accufed :  and  then  fays, 

"  IF  it  fliould  be  faid,  that  whatfoever  reafons 
"  there  are  for  this  oath  of  fecrecy,  yet  it  cannot 
"  deprive  the  king  of  the  brnefit  of  having  the  evi- 
"  dence  made  public,  if  he  defires  it,  and  that  the 
C£  grand  jury  do  not  break  their  oaths  when  the 
"  king,  or  the  profccutor  for  him,  will  have  it  fo, 
"  'tis  not  hard  to  ftiew  that  fuch  notions  have  no 
"  foundation  in  law  or  reafon,  and  feem  to  come 
u  from  men  who  have  not  well  ftudied  the  firfl 
"  principles  of  the  Englilh  government. 

"  IT  ought  to  be  taken  for  a  fcandal  upon  the 
**  Tung,  when  he  is  reprefented  in  a  ccurt  of  juftice, 
*l  as  if  he  werepanially  concerned  j  or  rather  in- 
*c  clined  to  defire,  that  a  party  accufed  fliould  be 
"  found  guilty,  than  that  he  fhould  be  declared 
**  innocent,  if  he  be  fo  in  truth.*  Queen  Eliza- 
**  beth  had  a  true  fenfe  of  our  law,  when  the  lord 
*'  Burleigh,  upon  fir  Edward  Coke,  her  then  at- 
"  tofney,  coming  into  her  prefence,  told  her,  this 
"  is  he  who  profecutes  pro  domina  regina  :  for  our 
"  lady  the  queen  ;  and  ihe  faid  ilie  would  have  the 

ce  form 


*  Adrian  fays,  why  ftifle  a  caufe  in  the  chamber  of  the  grand 
inqueft  ? 


C 

"  form  of  the  record  altered,  for  it  fhould  be  attor* 
"  natus-generalis  qui  pro  domino,  veritate  fequitur : 
"  the  attorney-general  who  profecutes  for  our  lady 
"  the  truth. 

"  Now  fuppofe  a  man  perfectly  innocent  and  in 
"  fome  meafure  knowing  in  the  law,  fhould  be  ac- 
'*  cufcd  of  treafon  or  felony:  if  the  judges  fliould 
"  deny  unto  the  grand  jury  the  liberty  of  examin- 
"  ing  any  witnefles  except  in  open  court,  where  no- 
"  thing  fhall  be  offered  that  may  help  to  clear  the 
"  prifoner,  but  every  thing  aggravated  that  gives 
"  colour  for  the  accufation ;  fuch  perfons  only  pro- 
"  duced  as  the  king's  counfel  or  the  profecutor 
"  (hall  think  fit  to  call :  how  can  innocence  fecurc 
"  any  man  from  being  arraigned  ? 

**  FEW  men  at  firft  fee  the  danger  of  little  chan- 
*-*  ges  in  fundamentals;  and  thofe  who  defign  them 
"  ufually  a<^l  with  fuch  craft,  as,  befides  giving  fpe- 
tf  cious  reafons,  they  take  great  care  that  the  true 
"  reafon  (liall  not  appear.  Every  defign,  there- 
ec  fore,  of  changing  the  conftitution,  ought  to  be 
"  moft  warily  obferved,  and  ftri&ly  oppofed. 

"  THERE  are  two  vulgar  errors  concerning  the 
"  duty  of  grand  juries,  which,  if  not  removed, 
"  will  in  time  deftroy  all  the  benefit  we  can  expeft 

O  2  "  from 


r  212  i 

"  from  that  conflitution,  by  turning  them  into  a 
<c  mere  matter  of  form,  which  were  deiigned  for 
"  fo  great  ends.  Many  have  of  late  thought,  and 
"  affirmed  it  for  law,  that  the  grand  jury  is  neither 
"  to  make  fo  flrift  enquiry  into  matters  before 
"  them,  nor  to  look  for  fo  clear  evidence  of  the 
*c  crime  as  the  petit  jury ;  but  that  their  prefent- 
"  ments  being  to  pafs  a  fccond  examination,  they 
"  ought  to  indift  upon  a  fuperficial  enquiry,  and 
"  bare  probabilities.  Whereas,  fhould  either  of 
"  thefe  opinions  be  admitted,  the  prejudice  to  the 
"  fubjeft  would  be  equal  to  the  total  laying  afide 
"  grand  juries.  There  being  in  truth,  no  differ- 
"  ence  between  arraigning  without  any  prefent- 
"  ment  from  them  at  all,  and  their  prefenting  upon 
"  flight  grounds. — For  the  firft,  that  grand  juries 
"  ought  not  to  make  fo  drift  enquiry  :  it  were  to 
"  be  wifhed,  that  we  might  know  how  it  comes  to 
"  pafs,  that  an  oath  mould  be  obligatory  unto  a 
"  petit  jury  and  not  unto  the  grand.  The  truth 
"  is,  that  grand  juries  have  both  a  larger  field  for 
"  their  enquiry,  and  are  in  many  refpefts  better 
"  capacitated  to  make  a  ftrift  one  than  the  petit 
"  juries.  Thefe  laft  are  confined,  as  to  the  perfon 
"  and  the  crime  fpecified  in  the  indiftment ;  but, 
"  they  are  at  large  obliged  to  fearch  into  the  whole 
"  matter  that  any  way  concerns  every  cafe  before 
"  them. — The  petit  jury  are  bound  to  move  with- 

"  in 


C    213    1 

"  in  the  circle  of  the  indiament  made  by  the  grand 

"  jury.— 'Tis  true  that  upon  hearing  the  party  or 

4  his  witneffes,  the  petit  jury  may  acquit  or  judge 

:<  the  faas  in  the  indiament  to  be  lefs  heinous  or 

'  malicious  than  they  were  prefented  by  the  grand 

"  jury,  but  cannot  aggravate  them ;  which  being 

'•<  confidered,  it  will  eafily  appear,  by  the  intent 

"  and  nature  of  the  powers  given  unto  the  grand 

"juries,  that  they  are  by  their  oaths  obliged  to 

«  keep  all  injuftice  from  entering  the  firft  gates  of 

16  courts  of  judicature,  and  to  fecure  the  innocent 

;<  not  only  from  punifhment,  but  from  all  difgracc, 

tf  vexation;  expence  or  danger. 

6  IT  is  neceffary  to  know  what  they  mean  by  a 

*  probable  caufe  or  evidence,   who  fay  that  our 

'  law  requires  no  more  for  an  indiament.  Proba- 

•'  ble  is  a  logical  term,  relating  to  fuch  propofitions 

"  as  have  an  appearance,  but  no  certainty  of  truth. 

:  Thcfe  may  be  allowed  in  rhetoric,  which  work- 

:<  eth  upon  the  paffions :  but  courts  of  juftice  are 

1  not  ereaed  to  bring  men  into  condemnation,  but 

;<  to  find  who  deferves  to  be  condemned;  and  thofe 

"  rules  are  to  be  followed  by  them,  which  are 

61  leaft  liable  to  deception.     If  the  word  probable 

'  be  taken  in  a  common,  rather  than  a  ftria  Jogi- 

;c  cal  fenfe,  it  fignifies  no  more  than  likely,  or  ra- 

"  ther  likely  than  unlikely.     AVhen  a  matter  is 

03  "  found 


*e  found  to  be  fo,  the  wager  is  not  even— there  Is 
"  odds  upon  one  fide.  And  this  may  be  very  good 
"  betting  in  a  Tennis-court  or  at  a  horfe  race ; 
"  but  he  that  would  make  the  adminiflration  of 
•6  juftice  to  depend  upon  fuch  points  feems  to  put 
"  a  very  fmall  value  upon  the  fortunes,  liberties, 
"  and  reputations  of  men;  and  to  forget  that  thofe 
"  who  fit  in  courts  of  juftice  have  no  other  bufi- 
*'  nefs  there  than  to  preferve  them." 

"  IT  hath  been  faid  (in  a  book  entitled  tht 
"  grand  jury 'man's  oath  and  office}  that  their  work 
"  is  no  more  than  to  prefent  offences  fit  for  trial, 
"  and  for  that  reafon  give  in  only  a  verifimilar  or 
"  probable  charge  :  And  others  have  affirmed  that 
"  a  far  lefs  evidence  will  warrant  a  grand  jury's 
"  indictment,  than  a  petit  jury's  verdicl.  But 
"  nothing  can  be  more  oppofite  to  the  juftiee  of 
"  our  laws  than  fuch  opinions.  All  laws,  in 
"  doubtful  cafes,  direft  a  fufpenfion  of  judgement, 
"  or  a  fentence,  in  favour  of  the  accufed  perfon  : 
et  but  if  this  were  hearkened  to,  grand  juries 
"  Ihould  upon  their  oaths  affirm  him  criminal,  when 
•  "  the  evidence  is  upon  fuch  uncertain  grounds,, that 
"  they  cannot  but  doubt  whether  he  is  fo  or  not." 

"  'Tis  fcarcely  credible  that  any  learned  in  our 
"  laws  fhould  tell  a  grand  jury   that  a  far  lefs 

"  evidence 


r  "5  ] 

"  evidence  will  warrant  their  indictment  (being 
"  but  an  accufation)  than  the  petit  jury  ought  to 
"  have  for  their  verdict" — "  There  is  no  real 
"  difference  between  affirming  in  writing  that  an 
"  indictment  of  treafon  is  true,  as  is  the  practice 
"  of  grand  juries,  and  faying  that  the  party  indic- 
"  ted  thereupon  is  guilty  of  the  treafon  whereof 
"  he  is  indicted,  as  is  the  courfe  of  petit  juries. 
"  They  are  both  upon  their  oaths,  which  are 
"  equally  obligatory  unto  both.  The  one  there- 
M  fore  muft  expect  the  fame  proof  for  their  fatif- 
"  faction  as  the  other,  and  as  clear  evidence  muft 
"  be  required  for  an  indictment  as  for  a  ver- 
"  diet." 

— "  WHATEVER  ground  this  doctrine  of  in- 
"  dieting  upon  flight  proofs  may  have  got  in  our 
"  days,  it  is  (as  we  have  feen)  both  againft  law 
<e  and  reafon,  and  contrary  to  the  practice  of  for- 
"  mer  times.  My  lord  Coke,  in  his  comment  on 
"  Weftm.  2d.  tells  us,  that  in  thofe  days  (and  as 
"  yet  it  ought  to  be)  indictments  taken  in  the 
"  abfence  of  the  party,  were  formed  upon  plain 
"  and  direct  proofs,  and  not  upon  probabilities 
"  and  inferences.  Herein  we  fee  that  the  practice 
"  of  our  forefathers,  and  the  opinion  of  this  great 
"  and  judicious  lawyer,  were  directly  againft  this 
"  new  doctrine  j  and  fome  that  have  carefully 

"  looked 


C    216   ] 

"  looked  backwards  obferved  that  there  are  very 
^-  few  examples  of  men  acquitted  by  petit  juries, 

"  becaufe  grand  juries  of  old  were  fo  wary  in  can? 
?c  vaffing  every  thing  narrowly,  and  fo  fenfible  of 
"  duty  in  proceeding  unto  truth  upon  fatisfaftory 
"  evidence,  that  few  or  none  were  brought  unto 
"  trial  till  their  guilt  feeraed  evident." 

"  THEREFORE  let  the  grand  juries  faithfully 
"  perform  their  high  truft,  and  neither  be  cheated 
<e  nor  frighted  from  theirduty.  Let  them purfue  the 
*e  good  old  way,  fmce  no  innovation  canbe  brought 
"  in,  that  will  not  turn  to  the  prejudice  of  the  ae- 
"  cufed  pcrfon  and  themfelves.  Let  them  not  be 
66  deluded  with  frivolous  arguments,  fo  as  to  in- 
"  validate  a  confiderable  part  of  our  law,  and  ren- 
"  der  themfelves  infignificant  cyphers,  in  expec- 
"  tation  that  petit  juries  will  repair  the  faults  they 
"  commit ;  lince  that  would  be  no  lefs  than  to 
"  flight  one  of  the  befl  fences  that  the  law  provide? 
"  for  our  lives  and  liberties,  and  very  much  to 
"  weaken  the  other." 

SUCH  are  the  quotations  I  have  thought  fit  to 
make  from  this  valuable  old  book  j  and  wifh  the 
whole  treatife  on  this  fubjeft  were  reprinted. 

I  fhall 


[       2I7      1 

I  (hall  be  told,  I  fuppofe,  that  this  is  not  law, 
and  is  of  no  authority— Of  this  I  do  not  pretend  to 
judge — but  fure  I  am  that  it  is  reafon  ;  and  if  it  is 
not  law,  it  ought  to  be.  What  is  generally  called 
law  authority  is  the  opinion  or  decifion  of  fome 
learned  judge  on  the  point  in  queftion;  but  it 
ftiould  be  obferved,  that  grand  juries  are  not  like 
to  have  any  contefts,  nor  have  they  ever  had  any 
that  I  know  of,  except  with  the  learned  judges 
themfelves  :  now,  if  the  judge's  opinion  is  to  de 
termine  the  point  and  become  law  authority,  there 
can  be  little  doubt  but  he  will  do  it  as  much  in 
favour  of  his  own  power,  and  that  of  his  fuccef- 
fors,  as  poilible, 

IT  does  not  appear  by  my  old  folio  book,  who 
was  the  author  of  this  treatife  on  grand  juries  ;  it 
contains,  however,  the  fentiments  of  a  freeman 
one  hundred  years  ago ;  and  hath  been  deemed  fo 
judicious  a  performance  as  to  gain  a  place  amongft 
a  valuable  colle&ion  of  authentic  papers  ;  and 
to  be  particularly  pointed  at  and  ftrongly  recom 
mended  in  the  preface  to  this  collection. 

How  very  different  are  the  opinions  and  doc 
trines  of  this  writer  from  thofe  of  Adrian  !  He 
is  for  giving  the  accufed  all  poffible  chance  for  his 
vindkation,  even  before  he  is  brought  to  the  teft 

of 


r 

of  a  petit  jury — Adrian  is  for  giving  him  no  chance 
at  all,  in  the  firft  inftance,  but  feems  to  think  that 
nothing  lefs  than  the  abfolute  impofftbility  of  pro 
curing  even  probable  proof  againft  him  fhould 
acquit  him  there,  and  juftice  will  be  done  af 
terwards  by  the  petit  jury.  And  that  he  may  be 
thankful  for  his  final  efcape,  after  having  been 
ruined  in  health,  reputation,  and  eftate  by  con 
finement,  infamy,  fees  and  cofts — my  good  old 
author  feems  to  be  of  opinion,  that  it  (hould  be  a 
caufe  of  fatisfa&ion  and  joy  when  a  fellow-citizen 
is  acquitted  of  a  crime  laid  to  his  charge ;  but 
Adrian  thinks  a  man  accufed,  and  not  hanged,  is 
a  caufe  ftifled.  Laftly,  my  author  efteems  the 
grand  inqueft  for  the  county  as  a  moft  refpeftable 
body,  in  which  the  law  hath  placed  the  higheft 
truft  and  confidence ;  but  our  new  pope  declares 
that  it  is  no  more  than  a  legal  machine^  to  be  go 
verned  and  controlled  in  all  its  movements  by  the 
judges  of  the  court — which  of  thefc  do&rines  is 
mod  likely  to  be  founded  in  truth,  to  promote 
the  adminiiiration  of  juftice,  and  fecure  the  liberty 
of  the  fubject,  let  the  public  determine. 


ONE  OF  THE  PEOPLE. 

January    1783. 

To 


C     2I9    J 


TO      THE      PEOPLE. 

J.  HE  rights  and  duty  of  a  grand  jury  and  the 
prerogatives  of  the  bench,  are  fubjefts  now  fairly 
brought  before  you  :  and  as  they  are  of  high  im 
portance  to  good  order  in  government,  on  the  one 
hand,  and  to  the  fecurity  of  the  lives  and  liberties 
of  the  people,  on  the  other,  I  hope  they  will  be 
attended  to  with  the  circumfpe&ion  they  deferve. 

IT  is  precifely  the  time  to  inyefligate  this  fub- 
je£.  We  know  not  what  fort  of  judges  we  may 
have  hereafter.  Our  druggies  for  liberty  are  not 
yet  over.  Our  apprehcnfions  have  been  roufed  by 
the  war,  and  are  yet  feelingly  awake.  If  under 
thefe  circumftances  you  tacitly  fubmit  to  the  doc 
trines  lately  advanced  from  the  bench  of  the  fu- 
preme  court,  and  in  the  publication  of  Adrian 
and  Jurifperitus,  it  will  be  difficult  for  a  future 
patriot  to  encounter  fo  ftrong  a  precedent,  as  he 
will  be  told  that  there  was  neither  corruption, 
force,  or  inadvertency  m  the  cafe  ;  but  the  people, 
after  warning  given,  voluntarily  fubmitted  to  and 
acquiefced  in  the  doftrine. 

WHILST  our  heroic  officers  and  brave  citizens 

are 


[       220       ] 

arc  in  the  field  fighting  for  our  liberties  and  de 
fending  our  rights,  let  us  who  remain  at  home, 
at  lead  take  care  of  the  houfhold— -Obferve  the 
following 

FABLE. 

A  CERTAIN  man  had  an  undoubted  right  to  a 
valuable  farm.  It  was  his  living — it  was  his  all. 
A  powerful  lord  wiflied  to  poffefs  this  farm,  and 
lent  his  fervants  to  take  the  title  deeds  by  force. 
The  good  man  locked  up  his  papers  in  his  clofet, 
and  arming  himfelf  at  all  points,  went  forth  to 
combat  his  adverfary  :  but,  alas !  whilft  he  was  in 
the  field,  the  rats  were  gnawing  his  deeds  in  the 
clofet. 

THE  common  people  arc  afraid  of  the  word 
law .  They  think  it  is  full  of  inexplicable  myf- 
tery.  It  is  not  fo  in  the  text ;  it  is  too  much 
fo  by  the  expofition.  All  law  is,  or  ought  to 
be,  founded  in  reafon,  and  hath  for  its  objeft 
the  adminiftration  of  general  juflice  or  the  pro 
motion  of  general  good.  Every  man  of  common 
fenfe  is  capable  to  judge  of  law,  provided  all  cir- 
cumftances  and  all  confequences  are  made  known 
to  him.  Let  any  one  be  afked,  For  what  purpofe 
do  you  think  grand  juries  were  inflituted  ?  He  will 
fay,  I  do  not  underfland  the  law,  but  I  fuppofe 

they 


they  muft  have  been  inftituted  to  bring  the  guilty, 
and  none  but  the  guilty,  to  a  further  trial  by  a  pe 
tit  jury.  There  is  no  myftery  in  this — thegreatefl 
lawyer  could  not  give  a  better  anfwer.  Aik  this 
plain  man  further — Why  he  thinks  fo  ?  and  he 
will  probably  reply — for  three  reafons :  Firfl,  be- 
caufe  it  is  highly  neceffary  that  the  innocent 
fhould  have  this  fecurity  againfl  falfe  or  malicious 
profecutions.  Secondly,  becaufe  a  grand  jury 
cannot  poflibly  be  of  any  other  ufe.  And,  third 
ly,  becaufe  their  oath  of  office  is  full  to  this  pur- 
pofe,  and  to  no  other.  But  flop,  my  friend,  fays 
a  learned  judge,  your  firfl  reafon  is  good  for  no 
thing,  your  fecond  is  no  better,  and  your  third  is 
flatly  contradicted  in  4th  Blackflone,  page  300. 
Let  us  fee  how  this  matter  flands — a  grand-jury 
man's  oath  is  in  thefe  words  : 

"  Youjhall  diligently  enquire,  and  true  prefent- 
"  ment  make,  of  all  fuch  articles,  matters,  and 
"  things  as  fhall  be  given  you  in  charge :  and  of 
*'  all  other  matters  and  things  as  fhall  come  to  your 
"  own  knowledge,  touching  this  prefent  fervice : 
"  the  flate's  council,  your  fellow's,  and  your  own, 
"  you  fhall  keep  fecret ;  you  {hall  prefent  no  perfon 
"  for  hatred  or  malice,  neither  fhall  you  leave  any 
"  one  unprefented  for  favour  or  affection,  for  love 
"  pr  gain,  or  any  hopes  thereof:  but  in  all  things 

"  you 


[       222       T 

"  you  fliall  prefent  the  truth,  the  whole  truth,  and 
<e  nothing  but  the  truth,  to  the  beft  of  your  know- 
46  ledge :  So  HE:LP  YOU  GOD!*' 

THIS  is  certainly  very  plain  Englifh,  and  incapa 
ble,  one  would  fuppofe,  of  mifconftruftion.  But, 
let  us  obferve  how  Jurifperitus,  with  the  help  of 
Blackftone,  can  tranflate  thefe  very  intelligible 
words  out  of  common  fenfe  into  common  law.  The 
oath  in  Englifti  fays,  you  Jhall  diligently  enquire  : 
in  law,  you  (hall  fit  and  receive  indictments,  and 
only  hear  evidence  on  the  part  of  the  profecution. 
You  Jhall  diligently  enquire,  and  true  prefentment 
make,  faith  the  oath — You  are  to  confider  your 
prefentment  only  in  the  nature  of  an  accufation, 
faith  the  law,  or  rather  the  lawyer.  You  Jhall  pre 
fent  the  truth,  the  whole  truth,  and  nothing  but  the 
truth,  fays  the  oath  —You  are  only  to  enquire, 
faith  the  judge,  whether  there  be  fufficient  caufe 
to  call  upon  the  party  to  anfwer.  Now  fome  have 
faid,  that  fufficient  caufe  means  probable  caufe  ; 
and  probable  means  likely  ;  and  every  thing  that 
is  likely;  is  at  leaft  poffible :  and  fo,  by  an  irre- 
fragible  chain  of  reafoning,  we  may  be  hung  in 
chains,  according  to  the  good  pleafure  of  the 
judges  and  learned  expounders  of  the  law. 

FOR  my  own  part  I  honour  judge  Black/lone  as 

a  pro- 


a  profoand  and  liberal  expofitor  of  law,  except 
only  where  prerogative  comes  in  queftion.  The 
rays  of  prerogative  are  apt  to  warp  the  bench  of 
juftice,  make  it  of  what  ftirff  you  pleafe. 

LET  us  fee  how  far  the  authority  of  this  fame 
judge  Blackftone  will  carry  us : — Turn  to  v61.  i. 
p,  107,  108 — "  Our  American  plantations,  (fays 
"  he,)  being  obtained  either  by  right  of  conqueft 
"  and  driving  out  the  natives,  or  by  treaties,  the 
ce  common  law  of  England,  as  fuch,  has  no  allow- 
*c  ance  or  authority  there  ;  they  being  no  part  of 
4e  the  mother  country,  but  diflincl:  dominions  fub- 
"  ject  to  the  controul  of  parliament."  And  in 
p.  109: — "  And  becaufc  feveral  of  the  colonies  had 
"  claimed  the  fole  and  exclufive  right  of  impofing 
'"  taxes  upon  themfelves,  the  ftatute  of  the  6th  of 
*'  Geo.  HI.  chap.  1 2,  exprefsly  declares,  that  all  his 
"  majefty's  colonies  and  planfations  in  America, 
"  have  been,  are,  and  of  right  ought  to  be,  fubor- 
"  dinateto  and  dependent  upon  the  imperial  crown 
'"  and  parliament  of  Great-Britain  :  who  have  full 
"  power  and  authority  to  make  laws  and  ftatutes 
"  of  fuiEcient  validity  to  bind  the  colonies  and 
"  people  of  America,  fubjefts  to  tlie  crown  of 
"  Great-Britain,  in  all  cafes  whatfoever." 

Now,  good  people,  you  have  thought  it  efTenti- 
i  ally 


r  224  i 

ally  neceflary  to  your  happinefs,  to  deny  the  au 
thority  of  judge  Blackftone,  vol.  i.  p.  108  ;  altho1 
fortified  by  the  ftatute  of  the  6th  of  Geo.  III. — > 
But  you  have  only  done  your  bufinefs  by  halves, 
unlefs  you  will  as  firmly  rejeft  the  authority  of  the 
faid  judge  Blackftone,  vol.  iv.  p.  300,  although 
fupported  by  the  authority  of  Jurifperitus  the  firft. 

WHY  did  Jurifperitus  ftop  juft  where  he  did, 
when  he  was  quoting  Blackftone  ? — Anfwer. 
— Becaufe  the  very  next  fentence,  which  is  but  a 
fliort  one,  and  concludes  the  paragraph,  unfortu 
nately,  does  not  fupport  the  doctrine  of  probable 
tejlimeny  he  wifhes  to  eftablifh. — The  fentence 
{lands  thus : — "  a  grand  jury,  however,  ought  to 
"  be  thoroughly  perfuaded  of  the  truth  of  an  in- 
"  diftment,  fo  far  as  their  evidence  goes,  and  not 
"  to  reftfatisfied  merely  with  remote  probabilities  ; 
''  a  do&rine  that  might  be  applied  to  very  eppre/five 
"  furpofes.'' — State  Trials,  vol.  iv.  p.  183. 

THIS  device  of  picking  out  a  part  of  a  fentence, 
is  like  Lord  Peter's  method  of  expounding  his 
father's  will. 

BUT  what  fays  judge  Adrian?  He  tells  us 
that  a  grand  jury  is — that  part  of  legal  machinery 
compofed  of  unlearned  men,  to  ufe  the  phrafeology  of 

3  *be 


C 

the  profejfion.,  which  is  regulated  and  controlled 
&c.  &c.  yetjudge  Black/tone^  vol.  IV.  page.  302, 
fays  that  "  to  form  a  grand  jury  the  flier  iff  of  every 
*'  county  is  bound  to  return  &c.  twenty-four  good 
"  and  lawful  men  of  the  county.  That  they  ought 
"  to  be  freeholders,  but  to  what  amount  is  uncer- 
"  tain — however,  they  are  ufually  men  of  the 
"  beft  figure  in  the  county." 

I  have  thought  a  good  deal  of  this  fame  idea 
of  a  legal  machine ',  and  am  of  opinion  that  Adrian 

mufl  have  drawn  his  idea  from  the  pillory^  which 
is,  in  truth,  a  legal  machine?  and  very  like  his  no 
tion  of  a  grand  jury.  A  poor  devil  is  fixed  neck 
and  hands  in  this  engine  of  the  law  by  his  accufer. 
The  court  furniflies  rotten  eggs,  and  the  attorney 
general  pelts  \i\rn.  fecundum  artem  ;  whilft  the  fuf* 
ferer  is  not  permitted  to  wipe  away  even  the  flime 
of  a  fmgle  egg.  After  he  has  been  fufficiently 
befmeared  to  the  entire  fatisfa&ion  of  his  enemies, 
he  is  taken  in  this  filthy  condition  to  the  petit  jury, 
who  may,  if  Adrian  pleafes,  reprefent  another 
legal  machine,  called  ^gallows — there  he  is  to  make 
himfelf  clean,  if  he  can,  and  if  he  cannot,  he  is 
taken  clear  off  to  be  hanged.  If,  however,  he 
fliould  be  fo  fortunate  as  to  efcape,  he  is  to  fall 
down  upon  his  knees,  "  cry  out  God  fave  the 
"  commonwealth  and  the  honourable  court!"  pay 

P  all 


[      226      ] 

all  cofts  and  charges,  and  go  about  his  bufmefs : 
and  this  is  called  jujlice.  But  if  this  is  indeed 
juftice^  it  is  fo  manufactured  that  the  original  am 
ple  is  loft  in  the  compound. 

BUT,  my  good  fellow  citizens,  let  us  not  be  de 
ceived  by  a  parade  of  idle  authorities,  and  more 
idle  reafonings  upon  them.  You  mufl  all  fee  and 
know  that  the  ufe  of  grand  juries  is  to  guard  the 
firfl  entrance  into  the  law,  to  prevent  any  one's 
being  unneceffarily  expofed  to  its  rigour.  If 
grand  juries  do  their  duty,  an  enemy  mall  not  have 
it  in  his  power  to  come  behind  a  man  and  pufh 
him  unawares  into  that  pool  of  perdition,  from 
which  it  is  fo  difficult  to  efcape,  that  the  clerk  of 
the  court,  when  he  has  arraigned  the  prifoner, 
always  adds,  God  fend  you  a  good  deliverance  ! 

THOUGH  judge  Mansfield,  judge  Blackftone^ 
judge  yurifperitus,  judge  Adrian,  and  all  the  jud 
ges  fince  the  reign  of  Chares  I.  mould,  with  one 
voice,  tell  you  that,  after  a  grand  jury  hath  taken 
the  oath  above  recited,  they  may  indict  a  man  upon 
flight  grounds  and  probable  teftimony — believe, 
them  not.  That  they  will  have  made  diligent  in 
quiry,  when  in  fact  they  have  made  no  inquiry 
at  all,  but  only  received  fuch  evidence  as  the  pro- 
fecutor  fliall  offer — believe  them  not.  That  a 

grand 


r  227  j 

grand  jury  is  nothing  more  than  a  legal  machine, 
contrived  to  give  a  formal  fandlion  to  the  will  of  the 
judge — believe  them  not.  But  rather  watch  thofe 
who  dare  to  advance  doctrines  fo  dangerous  to  the 
Jives,  eitates,  and  reputations  of  the  citizens  of  a 
free  government. 


CAUTION. 

February  ift.   1783. 


P<z  A  D  E  S- 


[   228   j 


A     DESCANT    ON    ADRIAN'S 

Affertion,  that  a  grand  jury  is  nothing  more  than  a  legal  machine, 
fubjedt  to  the  direftion  and  controul  of  the  court. 


"  I'VE  A  THOUGHT — WHAT'S  IT  LIKE  ?" 

JL  WAS  winter — round  the  focial  hearth 
Devoted  all  to  glee  and  mirth, 
A  focial  few,  in  humour  gay, 
Were  fporting  half  the  night  away ; 
And  ftill  fome  quaint  device  was  found, 
As  laughter,  wit,  and  wine  went  round. 

ATTEND,  fays  DIDIUS,  if  you  will, 
I'll  make  a  trial  of  your  fkill ; 
A  thought  hath  juil  popp'd  in  my  mind, 
Let  every  one  a  likenefs  find ; 
And  he  that  can't  a  likenefs  fit 
Shall  take  a  glafs  to  whet  his  wit. 
For  wine  is  known  to  be  fpecific 
In  making  barren  brains  prolific  : 
And  'tis  paft  doubt,  a  bumper  will  him  eafc 
Who  is  hard  bound  in  making  fimilies. 
A  thought  doth  now  my  fancy  ftrike ; 
Pray  tell  me  what  my  thought  is  like. 


Ti* 


Tis  like  a  broom,  a  door,  a  lock, 
A  waggon,  lute,  a  barbels-block. 

\ 

QUOTH  Dldhis,  what  a  medley's  here  f 
Things  fo  diffimilar,  I  fear, 
Cannot  by  any  flail  be  fhewn 
Like  to  a  fingle  thing  unknown. 
But  now  the  group's  together  brought, 
I'll  tell  you  what  it  was  I  thought. 

A  learned  author,  ADRIAN  hight, 
Did  late  in  Bailey's  *  journal  write, 
And  plainly  prov'd,  by  dint  of  law, 
That  jurymen  are  men  of  ftraw ; 
And  for  no  other  ufe  defign'd 
But  to  confirm  the  judge's  mind  ; 
That  they've  no  confcience  of  their  own, 
But  from  the  bench  muft  take  their  tone; 
And  have  no  eyes  to  fee  what's  right, 
Unlefs  the  court  affords  them  light  -, 
And  tho'  their  doings  may  feem  tragic, 
They're  phantoms  rais'd  by  legal  magic ; 
Whom  conj 'ring  judges  take  to  court, 
To  fhew  their  fkill  in  making  fport ; 
To  tofs  about  like  any  jack-flone, 
And  for  authority  quote  Black/lone ; 
Referring  us  to  page  three  hundred ; 
As  if  judge  Blackftone  never  blunder'd. 

All 


*  Printer  of  tke  Freeman's  Journal. 


L     23°     J 


All  this  did  Adrian  in  his  fury, 
Pronounce  againfl  a  late  grand  jury  ; 
And  prov'd  that  animal  rationale 
With  jurymen  will  never  tally: 
Becaufe  'tis  plainly  to  be  feea 
A  jury's  but  a  mere  machine. 
My  thoughts  thus  on  grand  juries  ran; 
Make  out  a  likenefs  if  you  can. 

TITIUS. 

THAT  juries  are  like  brooms,  I  trow, 
Is  not  fo  very  hard  to  {hew  :  — 
Pray  doth  not  Betty  with  her  broom 
Sweep  dirt  and  duft  from  every  room, 
And  tho'  the  floors  are  trod  by  many  j 
Will  keep  them  clean  as  any  penny  : 
But  fhould  the  wench  a  flattern  prove, 
Not  willing  all  the  dirt  to  move, 
She  heaps  it  in  a  corner  fly, 
And  hides  it  fnug  from  ev'ry  eye  ; 
Where  with  the  broom  'tis  cover'd  over, 
No  mortal  can  the  fraud  difcover. 
So  a  grand  jury's  but  a  befom, 
Which  judges  ufeas  it  may  pleafe  'em 
To  fweep  poor  rogues  and  felons  great 
From  all  the  precinfts  of  the  ftate  ; 
Or  elle  to  cover  o'er  a  flaw 
From  the  fliarp  notice  of  the  law. 
Further,  ftiould  Dick,  with  faucy  tongue, 
Do  madam  Betty  any  wrong, 

She 


[       231       ] 

She  lays  the  broom-flick  o'er  his  back, 
'Till  one  or  t'other's  fure  to  crack : 
So  jfhould  a  bafe  plebeian  cenfure 
The  conduct  of  the  learned  bench,  or 
Laugh  at  their  worfhips  of  the  quorum, 
The  culprit  foon  is  brought  before  'em ; 
When  by  the  means  of  broom-flick  jury 
Their  honours  vent  their  rage  and  fury  ; 
And  by  inflructive  bonds  and  fetters 
Teach  him  to  reverence  his  betters. 
But  fhould  this  feem  too  round-about 
To  make  a  real  likenefs  out, 
With  your  good  leave,  I'll  try  again, 
And  make  the  matter  flill  more  plain. 

DOUBTLESS  you've  often  heard  it  told, 
Or  may  have*  read  in  flories  old — 
A  witch,  when  fhe  would  take  an  airing, 
Hath  neither  coach,  or  chaife,  or  chair,  in 
Which  (he  can  with  convenience  ride, 
But  on  a  broom-flick  fits  aflride : 
Thus  mounted,  fhe  thro'  wind  and  weather 
Will  feud  away,  like  any  feather : 
And  fo  by  means  of  blafls  and  breezes 
Will  any  mifchief  do  fhe  pleafes. 
Now  the  broom-flick,  it  is  well  known, 
Hath  no  fuch  virtue  of  its  own, 
Nor  can  it  do  or  harm  or  good 
More  than  another  flick  of  wood, 
Until  'tis  warm'd  by  magic  breech 

Of 


L    232    ] 

Of  pow'rful  fuper  flraddling  witch. 
So  jurymen,  plac'd  fide  by  fide, 
Are  flicks  whereon  the  judges  ride ; 
But  have  no  pow'r  to  fpeak  or  budge 
Until  infpir'd  by  tail  of  judge. 
For  when  his  honour's  fairly  feated, 
The  bench  will  thereby  foon  be  heated, 
Conveying  fympathetic  fury, 
From  tail  of  judge  to  head  of  jury : 
Who,  tho'  they  torpid  flood  before, 
And  dead  as  any  naU  in  door, 
Are  animated  to  obey 
Whate'er  their  honours  pleafe  to  fay  j 
And  ignoramus^  or  true  bill,  find 
According  to  the  judge's  mind. 

So  necromancers  raife  the  devil 
To  anfwer  queflions  good  or  evil. 

BUT  fhould  his  honour  raife  bum-fiddlea 
The  charm  would  break  off  in  the  middle, 
And  jurymen  be  left  of  courfe 
In  former  plight,  if  not  much  worfe. 

A  feather  thus,  by  learn'd  inftruclor, 
Fix'd  nicely  on  the  prime  conductor, 
Will  fwell  its  plumage  in  a  minute, 
And  ftart  as  if  the  devil  was  in  it : 
But  let  the  electric  fpark  be  drawn, 
And  all  its  animation's  gone. 


L     233     1 

OF  juries  'tis  a  known  law  canon, 

The  judge  is  caufafme  qua  non  : 

And  this  muft  be  what  Adrian  means, 

In  faying  they  are  MERE  MACHINES. 

SEMPRONIUS. 

A  jury's  like  a  door,  no  doubt, 
The  hardmip  is  to  make  it  out  j 
Yet  by  the  help  of  tongue  and  brain, 
I  hope  to  make  the  likenefs  plain. 

JURIES,  like  doors,  empannel'd  are, 
And  both  fecur'd  by  a  bar  : 
Exactly  balanc'd  doors  fhould  be, 
On  equal  hinges,  turning  free  : 
So  juries  right  from  wrong  divide, 
Not  leaning  falfe  to  either  fide ; 
But  on  two  hinges  juftly  aft, 
The  one  call'd  law,  the  other  faff, 
A  door  is  made  to  turn  about, 
To  let  folks  in,  or  mut  them  out  j 
And  with  a  lock  and  key  made  certain, 
To  keep  the  door  and  port  from  parting. 
So  to  the  duties  of  his  ftation,  ~) 

A  jury's  bound  by  admin'frration      > 
Of  oath,  or  folemn  affirmation  ;        _) 
Which  like  a  lock  mould  keep  them  tight 
To  ports  of  juftice  fix'd  upright; 
But  then  the  judge  flill  keeps  in  pocket 
A  key  to  lock  or  to  unlock  it ; 

Knows 


C     234     ] 

Knows  all  the  wards,  and  fprings,  and  fcrews 

That  bolt  it  faft,  or  let  it  loofe  ; 

For  by  the  law,  expounding  confcience, 

He'll  make  an  oath,  or  fenfe,  or  nonfenfe; 

Extent  of  affirmation  meafure, 

Moft  learnedly  bj  will  and  pleafure  : 

And  prove  that  words  in  fenfe  may  vary, 

And  two  oppofed  meanings  carry  -, 

The  one  for  thofe  of  common  fort, 

The  other  for  the  learned  court : 

And  fo  warp  juries  to  that  fide 

Which  moft  fhall  pleafe  his  wrath  or  pride, 

Surrounding  them  with  legal  fences, 

Until  they've  almoft  loft  their  fenfes  : 

Then  blind  their  eyes,  that  he  may  {hew 

The  way  in  which  they  ought  to  go. 

And  this  explains  what  Adrian  means, 

By  calling  juries  mere  machines. 

EUDOCIUS. 

Tis  well — if  this  is  reafoning  right, 
I'm  not  in  fuch  a  woeful  plight} 
But  in  few  words  can  make  it  clear 
That  jurymen  like  clocks  appear. 
A  clock  is  form'd  with  curious  art, 
And  wifdom  fhewn  every  part : 
And  weights,  and  wheels,  and  fprings  combine 
To  prove  that  motion's  the  defign  : 
But  whether  it  fhall  go  or  flop, 
Depends  upon  the  winding  up : 

For 


For  of  itfelf  it  hath  no  power 

To  point  the  time,  or  ftrike  the  hour , 

The  matter's  over-ruling  hand 

Hath  all  its  movements  at  command  : 

He  turns  a  fcrew  to  make  it  go, 

Juft  as  he  pleafes,  faft  or  tlow : 

To  STRIKE,  or  SILENT,  fets  a  pin 

According  to  the  humour  he's  in. 

The  poor  machine,  without  difpute, 

Or  dins  our  ears,  or  ftands  quite  mute. 

The  clock  prefumes  to  point  at  four, 

The  matter  fays,  'tis  falfe  I'm  fure ; 

And  by  his  arbitrary  power, 

Soon  makes  it  tell  another  hour. 

And  thus  the  clock  the  time  lhall  meafure, 

Not  by  the  fun,  but  his  good  pleafure. 

And  what's  a  jury  but  a  fort 

Of  paflive  time-piece  for  a  court ; 

A  clock,  the  key  of  which  in  truft  is 

Of  learned  judge,  or  unlearn'd  juttice. 

A  jury's  power  exifts  or  ceafes, 

According  to  the  court's  caprices, 

Nor  dare,  or  to  releafe,  or  damn  us, 

By  a  true  bi/l,  or  ignoramus ; 

Unlefs  the  judge  firft  gives  the  cue, 

T'inform  them  what  they  ought  to  do. 

That  this  is  law  I  do  aver, 

And  for  authority  refer 

To  Bailey'?,  journal,  where  you'll  find 

The  doftrine  clear,  by  Adrian  fign'd. 


DION. 


DION. 

WHO  cannot  make  his  likenefs  fit, 
Muft  take  a  glafs  to  help  his  wit ; 
Becaufe,  'tis  faid,  Madeira  wine 
Will  fharpen  wit,  or  make  it  mine, 
Juft  like  a  {having  in  a  blaze,  or 
A  hone  or  {trap,  will  whet  a  razor, 
But  I'm  in  hopes  to  drive  my  waggon, 
Without  the  help  of  glafs  or  flaggon, 
If  you'll  allow  fix  horfes  ftrong 
To  drag  my  fimile  along. 
Doth  not  a  jury's  foreman  feem 
Juft  like  the  fore-horfe  of  a  team  ? 
Where  e'er  he  leads,  up  hill,  down  hollow, 
The  reft  can  do  no  lefs  than  follow. 
The  judge  the  driver  may  referable, 
With  whip  in  hand,  to  make  them  tremble, 
To  lafh  them  well  with  points  of  law, 
Should  they  prefume  to  GEE  or  HAW; 
Or  ftand  ftock  {till,  or  change  their  ftation,     " 
Againft  his  honour's  inclination. 

QUOTH  Didiusy  ftop  ! — you  drive  fo  faft, 
You'll  find  yourfelf  bemir'd  at  laft. 
Can  things  inanimate  compare 
With  thofe  that;  living  creatures  are  ? 
A  mere  machine  be  found  at  all 
Like  a  felf-moving  animal  ? 
A  horfe  hath  each  effential  part 
Like  us — as  brains,  and  lungs,  and  heart ; 
Hath  tendons,  finews,  mufcles,  nerves, 

And 


[     237    J 

And  each  aa  equal  purpofe  ferves 
In  him  and  us — th'  intent  the  fame, 
Nor  varied  ought  in  form  or  name. 
Philofophers  of  nice  difcerning 
Have  fearch'd  the  very  depths  of  learning, 
And  held  the  moft  profound  difputes 
About  the  mortal  fouls  of  brutes  ; 
Yet  cannot  to  this  hour  determine 
What  animates  the  meaneft  vermin. 

SOME  will  infift,  that  each  dumb  creature 
Is  ruled  by  th'  inftincl:  of  his  nature  j 
That  what  they  do  is  done  of  courfe, 
Not  by  volition,  but  per  force  j 
Nature  impelling  them  to  do 
What  looks  like  reafon  at  firft  view : 
But,  what's  this  inftincl:,  what  their  mind, 
No  metaphyfics  yet  could  find. 
Whillr,  others  boldly  reafon  thus ; 
That  brutes  have  fouls  as  well  as  us ; 
That  when  a  horie  remembers  where 
He  has  been  fed  and  nars'd  with  care, 
His  memory  is  the  fame  with  ours, 
The  fame  in  kind,  tho'  not  in  powers  : 
Aver  a  dog  can  form  a  projeft, 
And  argue  fhrewdly  in  dog  logic, 
And  fhew  more  wifdom  in  his  plan, 
Than  an  untutor'd  ftupid  man ; 
Will  fay,  the  Ivwejl  of  our  race 
Should  to  the  beft  of  their's  give  place : 
Reafon  with  inftincl:  blending  fo, 

That 


C     *38      1 

That  none  their  real  bounds  can  know. 

But  I  fhallnot  prefume  to  fay, 

In  this  difpute,  which  fhould  give  way. 

Doubtlefs  there  many  cafes  are,     . 

Where  men  with  brutes  may  well  compare. 

But  mere  machines  cannot  at  all 

Be  liken'd  to  an  animal ; 

Nor  can  a  man,  unlefs  in  drink, 

Say  clocks  or  juries  ever  think; 

Their  movement  may  deceive  our  eyes, 

And  look,  indeed,  like  fomething  wife, 

But  'tis — and  fuch  is  Adrian's  notion, 

A  foreign  force  that  gives  them  motion, 

Deriving  all  their  power  to  budge 

From  gravity  of  the  earth  or  judge. 

So  that,  altho'  your  fimile's  bold, 

I  find  the  likenefs  will  not  hold  : 

Befides,  you  firfr,  a  waggon  brought, 

Alledging  it  was  like  my  thought, 

And  now  attempt  to  {hew,  which  worfe  is, 

A  jury's  like  a  team  of  horfes  ; 

You've  chang'd  your  ground,  artful  indeed, 

But  tho'  your  labour  can't  fucceed, 

At  leaft  we  thank  you  for  your  rhyme, 

And  wifti  you  luck  another  time. 

CETERA  DESUNT. 


A    NEW 


[     29° 


A    NEW    GAME    WITH    CARDS     FOU    THE    IM 
PROVEMENT     OF     ORTHOGRAPHY. 


a  pack,  confifling  of  104  cards,be  prepared, 
by  printing  on  each  card  —  (with  engraved  orna 
ments,  if  you  pleafe)  a  letter  ;  fo  that  there  may 
be  four  fets  of  the  alphabet  viz.  ift.  a  fet  of  red 
capitals  ;  2d.  red  fmall  letters  ;  3d.  black  capitals  ; 
4th,  black  fmall  letters  —  Thus  there  will  be  four 
fuits,  as  in  common  playing  cards  ;  each  fuit  con 
fifling  of  26  cards,  or  letters,  of  one  colour  and 
kind. 

As  many  as  pleafe  may  play  at  this  game  :  but 
the  number  cannot  conveniently  be  lefs  than 
five. 

BEFORE  the  cards  are  dealt,  every  player  mould 
take  a  number  of  counters,  fuppofe  a  dozen, 
which  muft  all  be  thrown  into  a  faucer  or  pool. 

THE  pack  having  been  well  muffled,    is  fet  on 

the  table,  and  the  dealer  takes  from  the  top  as  ma- 

ny  as  he  may  judge  fufficient  for  a  deal  (  becaufe 

it  may  be  inconvenient  to  handle  fo  large  a  pack), 

i  and 


and  then  deals  round  by  twos  till  each  perfon 
has  got  10  cards.  The  remainder,  if  any,  he  mud 
again  lay  on  the  pack.  This  done,  each  perfon 
forts  his  hand.  The  cards  rank  according  to  the 
rank  in  which  the  letters  they  refpeftively  bear 
ftand  in  the  alphabet — Thus,  an  (a)  is  fuperior 
to  a  (b),  and  to  any  fubfequent  letter  of  its  own 
clafs.  Capitals  bear  alike  rank  amongft  them- 
felves ;  but  the  lowed  capital  is  fuperior  to  the  high- 
eft  fmall  letter  of  its  own  colour — Therefore  a  capi 
tal  Z  will  win  a  fmall  (a)  of  the  fame  colour  ;  but 
it  fliould  be  obferved  that  the  red  letters  are  always 
fuperior  to  the  black  ;  fo  that  a  fmall  red  (Z)  will 
take  a  capital  black  (A).  The  red  letters  are  to 
be  confidered  as  trumps.  There  is  no  other  diftinc- 
tion  of  powers  in  the  letters,  except  this  viz.  that 
the  capital  red  ( W)  (which  fliould  be  diftinguiih- 
ed  by  particular  ornaments  in  honour  of  the  name 
of  WASHINGTON)  is  fuperior  to  any  other  card 
or  cards  whatever  ;  it  may  be  played  down  at  any 
time  the  poifeffor  pleafes,withoutregard  to  the  lead, 
and  always  wins  the  trick  in  which  it  is  played  ;  an- 
fwering  to  t\\efpadU\v\.  quadril,  or  pam  in  hi. 

TuEcardsbeing  dealt,  the  eldeft  hand  plays;  fup- 

pofe  a  fmall  black  letter,  the  next,  and  all  the  reft, 

mud  play  a  black  letter  alfo,  but  it  may  be  either  a 

fmall  or  a  capital   letter.     If  the  perfon  to  play 

3  cannot 


r  «4i  3 


cannot  follow  the  colour,  he  may  trump,  that  s, 
play  down  any  red  letter  he  has  got.  When  all 
have  played,  he  wins  the  trick,  who  hath  played 
the  letter  of  the  higheft  rank  ;  the  trick  muft  then 
be  gathered  up  and  laid  by  itfelf,  not  mixing  it 
with  other  tricks  that  may  be  won  afterwards. 

To  avoid  confufion  and  difputes,  it  will  be  bed 
for  every  perfon,  when  he  plays,  to  lay  his  card 
down  before  him,  and  not  throw  the  cards  toge 
ther  in  the  middle  of  the  table  as  at  whift  ;  in 
order  that  it  may  be  certainly  known  what  card 
each  perfon  hath  played,  and  who  hath  won  the  trick. 

THE  firfl  trick  being  gathered  up,  the  winner 
Jeads,  and  the  play  goes  on  as  before. 

WHEN  all  the  10  cards  in  each  hand  have  been 
played  out,  the  eldefl,  if  he  hath  been  a  winner, 
begins  by  fpreading  one  of  his  tricks  open  on  the 
table.  If  there  fliould  be  fix  players,  each  trick 
will  confifl  of  fix  cards  or  letters  ;  if  feven,  of 
feven,  &c.  He  is  then,  out  of  the  letters  of 
each  trick,  to  compofe  as  many  well  fpelled  Eng- 
lifh  words  as  he  can  ;  but  he  mud  not  ufe  or  mix 
the  letters  of  one  trick  with  thofe  of  another, 
fhould  he  have  more  than  one  :  And  for  every 
word  fo  compofed  he  is  to  draw  a  flake  or  (lakes 
from  the  pool. 

(  No 


r  242  ] 

No  word,  however,  muftconfift  of  Jefs  than  three 
letters,  and  the  names  of  perfons  and  places  are 
not  to  be  admitted. 

IN  forming  the  words,  no  regard  is  to  be  had 
whether  the  letters  are  black  orred,  capital  or  fmall 
— all  the  letters  of  a  fingle  trick  may  be  ufed  pro- 
mifcuoufly,  except  that  if  the  party  can  make  out 
a  word  with  all  red  letters,  he  is  to  draw  double 
flakes  for  it.  T  aflly,  a  flake  is  to  be  drawn  for 
every  fyllable  of  which  the  word  confifls — always 
drawing  double  for  what  is  performed  with  red 
letters  only. 

AFTER  a  winner  hath  examined  his  trick,  and 
drawn  from  the  pool,  or  thrown  it  afide  as  af 
fording  nothing,  if  any  other  player  can  difcover 
a  word  in  that  trick  which  the  winner  did  not  ob- 
ferve,  the  difcoverer  {hall  draw  the  flakes  due  for 
that  word  for  himfelf. 

THE  tricks  being  all  examined,  the  whole  pack 
muft  be  well  fhuffled,  and  the  next  in  turn  deal 
ing,  the  game  goes  on  as  before.  When  the 
pool  is  exhaufted.  thofe  who  have  gained  more 
th;m  thc-ir  firfl  depofit  are  the  winners,  and  thofe 
who  are  deficient  are  by  fo  muchlofers. 

OBSER- 


OBSERVATION. 

A  S  the  cards  are  not  all  dealt  out  in  one  hand, 
no  one  can  tell  what  letters  will  be  againft  him  in 
each  round,  he  will,  therefore,  be  cautious  or 
bold,  according  to  circumftances,  in  rilking  his 
bed  letters.  As  fuccefs  does  not  depend  on  the 
number  of  tricks  won,  but  on  the  words  fuch 
tricks  will  furniih,  each  player  will  be  careful  of 
his  vowels,  without  which  no  word  can  be  form 
ed,  and  of  fuch  confonants  as  experience  (hall  (hew 
to  be  mod  ferviceable  in  the  compofition  o  f  words. 
If,  therefore,  he  is  likely  to  lofe  the  trick,  he  will 
throw  down  fuch  a  letter  as  he  {hall  judge,  from  a 
view  of  the  cards  played,  may  lead  benefit  the  win 
ner;  but,  if  he  thinks  he  fhall  make  the  trick  his 
own,  he  will  enrich  it  with  a  vowel,  or  fome  valu 
able  confonant,  as  far  as  the  rules  of  the  game 
(hall  permit. 

THE  letters  having  thefe  powers  affigned  to 
them,  according  to  their  rank,  colour,  and  fize, 
will  admit  of  great  varieties  and  improvements  in 
play ;  but  as  this  game  is  chiefly  intended  for 
children,  a  too  great  intricacy  is  purpofely  avoided. 

2  N.  B.  The 


244     ] 

N.  B.  The  fame  letters  in  any  one  trick  may 
be  ufed  again  and  again,  provided  they  can  be 
made  to  form  different  words.  For  example ; 
fuppofe  the  letters  of  a  trick  mould  be  P,  S,  E, 
T,  R,  C,  E, — they  will  compofe  the  follow 
ing  words,  viz.  fet^  pet,  fpetter  and  feeder  ;  and 
would  draw  8  (lakes,  or  16  if  they  fhould  be 
all  red  letters. 

Two  perfons  may  play,  if  they  agree  before 
hand  how  many  cards  mall  make  a  trick  ;  for  in- 
flance,  4  or  5  ;  otherwife  there  would  be  but  two 
luters  to  a  trick,  which  would  not  do. 


SOME 


[     245     ] 


AND   MO1T   COMMODIOUS   METHOD    OF 


WRITING,- 


THEREBY  AN  AUTHOR  OF  LITTLE  OR  NO  GENIUS  WILL  BE 
ENABLED  TO  EXPRESS  HIMSELF  WITH  MECHANICAL  PRO 
PRIETY.  INVENTED  AND  FIRST  MADE  KNOWN  BY  A.  B. 


VrENIUS  is  the  gift  of  heaven,  and  manifefts  it- 
felf  by  emanations  altogether  unexpected  and 
furprifing.  Its  powers  are  not  to  be  obtained 
by  application  and  ftudy,  but  they  may  be  affifted 
by  art.  When  genius  hath  brought  forth,  art  takes 
up  and  nurfes  the  child,  and  carefully  confult- 
ing  its  features,  deduces  rules  for  a  happy  con 
ception. 

SUCH 


r  246  3 

SUCH  being  the  connexion  between  genius  and 
art,  it  is  but  reafonable  that  a  mutual  intercourfe 
of  good  offices  {hould  fubfiil  between  them.  For 
my  own  part,  I  muft  confefs  that  nature  hath  not 
been  over  bountiful  to  me  in  the  article  of  genius  ; 
but  I  am  defirous  of  exerting  the  little  flic  hath 
given  inbehalf  of  thofc  who  may  have  no  more  than 
myfelf.  For  this  purpofe  I  have  dcvifed  a  method 
of  writing  on  any  fubjeft;  in  which  not  only  the 
found  may  be  an  echo  to  the  fenfe,  if  any  fenfe 
there  be,  but  the  eye  alfo  fhall  be  gratified  with  an 
exhibition  of  mechanical  elegance  and  propriety  ; 
the  only  elegance  perhaps  to  which  fuch  writers 
can  attain. 

BY  this  fcheme  the  conftruftion  of  a  paragraph, 
the  progrefs  of  a  line,  and  even  the  difpofition  of 
the  words,  may  all  contribute  to  enforce  the  idea 
intended. 

IT  would  be  a  tedious  talk  to  form  a  fyflem  of 
rules  for  this  new  method  of  writing,  or  to  give  a 
defcription  at  large  of  my  ufeful  device  ;  one  ex 
ample  will  fully  explain  the  whole,  fo  as  to  enable 
an  author  of  the  meaneil  capacity  to  underftand 
and  profit  by  the  defign  j  and  a  little  practice  will 
make  it  familiar  to  him. 

A  SAM- 


[     »47    I 

A      SAMPLE      OF     GOOD      WRITING. 

height 
to  the 

rife 

AN  author  who  wiihes  to         of  excellence  of 
good   -writing,    muft     OQ  to  call  in  me- 


chanical  propriety  to    his   aid.     He  cannot  be 

fublirae  : 
all  at  once  but     tf* 


to  the 

profound, 


f 

to  elegance, 


AND  whether  he  writes  in  plain  profe  j 

Or 


[     248     ] 

C)r  would  in  verfe  his  thoughts  convey, 
His  rhyming  talents  to  difplay  ; 

and  the  di&ion 
ftrift  propriety   fhould  prevail, 

and  the  fenfe 

run  parallel  to  each  other  ;  pleafmg   as  well  the 
eye  as  the  ear. 

SOME  have  a  happy  talent  for  expreffion,  where 
by  they  compenfate  for  the  want  of  fentiment  by 
the  enchanting  melody  of  their  ftile.  Their  lan 
guage 


**'*«* 


, 
/cadence. 

and  the  mind  lull'd  in  a  pleafmg  repofe. 

OTHERS,  without  giving  to  grammar  rules  of 
fence,  fhall  arrange  fo  unfkilfully  their  words  ; 
breaking  as  it  were,  and  interrupting  the  fenfe  (or 
rather  nonfenfe)  they  mean  to  communicate,  by 
frequent  (and  oft  times  unneceffary)  parenthefis, 
that  the  ear  flumbles  over  their  rugged  paragraphs, 


as 


r  249  I 

as  the  feet  would  ftumble  in  fcramblmg  through 

a  ftreet,  when  the 

^  <  up;  over 

pave     A      ^beeo.        <%  bricks, 

#  °*  :s  and 

\'  fu       ly.  "V 

*T^-  'l^a^i        *  vA 

O->  ICQ  ^J 

together  c°* 


THE  mind  of  the  reader  is  more  fa ti 

gu ed  by  travelling   through  a  fentence  fo 

conftrufted,  than  it  would  be  in  gliding  through  a 
whole  page  of  harmonious  phrafeology. 

YOUR  precife  grammarians  are  mod  apt  to  write 
in  this  ftile,  thinking  that  they  have  well  acquitted 
themfelves,  if  the  drift  rules  of  fyntax  are  in  no 
inftance  violated.  The  labourer  who  mixes  the 
mortar,  and  he  who  carries  the  hod,  may  as  well 
pretend  to  fkill  in  archite&ure,  as  thefe  haberdafh- 
ers  of  moods  and  tenfes  may  pretend  to  ta.de  and 
elegance  in  compofition. 

OTHERS  there  are  who  aiFecl  a  fmgularity  of 

above 

ftile  It  is  indubitable  verity,  that  their 

the  vulgar. 

phrafes 


phrafes  are  collated  from  the  moft  approved  au 
thors,  and  applied  with  the  moft  becoming  apti 
tude,  even  to  the  very  point  of  precifion  in  pro 
priety  ,  every  period  is  poliihed  and  rounded  off 


as   fo 


O 
• 


•a 

I 


Whilft  others  fcorn  the 


of  language,  deal  in  demonftration    ^  ' 


BY  the  foregoing  example  it  is  evident,  that  not 
only  an  author's  fentiments  may  be  more  forcibly 
impreffed  on  the  mind,  but  the  reader's  memory 
will  alfo  be  greatly  aflifted,  if  happily  any  thing  fo 
written  ihould  be  worth  remembering. 

ANOTHER  advantage  is,  that  fuch  performan 
ces  may  with  great  eafe  be  reduced  to  a  kind  of 

fliort 


C     »5'     1 

fhort  hand.     For  inflance,  the  above  example  will 
(land  thus : 


o — n 


*  AN 


(tf  AN  ail  of  aflembly  pafTed  in  April  1781,  directing  all  the 
trees  in  the  ftreets  of  Philadelphia  to  be  cut  down  and  removed  ; 
the  following  publication  appeared  in  oppofition. 

THE  law  was  never  executed,  and  foon  after  repealed. 


For  the  Pennsylvania  Gazette. 

.LOOKING  over  a  file  of  papers,  which  lay  on 
my  table,  I  found  a  very  extraordinary  fpeech, 
delivered  by  a  very  extraordinary  orator,  in  our 
houfe  of  aifembly  in  April  lad,  which  I  had  taken 
down  in  fhort  hand,  but  not  from  the  mouth  of 
the  fpeaker.  I  muth  wonder  that  this  oration, 
with  the  furprifmg  circumflances  that  attended  it, 
have  not  been  noticed  in  any  of  the  public  prints  : 
I  hope  the  following  account  of  that  tranfa&ion 
will  not  be  thought  unworthy  of  a  place  in  the 
Pennfylvania  Gazette. 

ON  the  1 2th  of  April  laft,  the  houfe  took  into 
confideration,  and  debated  by  paragraphs,  a  bill 
entitled,  "  An  afl  for  regulating  party-walls  and 
"  partition-fences,  in  the  city  of  Philadelphia,  &c." 
when,  to  the  amazement  of  all  prefent,  the  bufmefs 
was  interrupted  by  a  voice,  perfectly  articulate, 
proceeding  from  the  capital  of  one  of  the  columns 
which  fupported  the  ceiling  of  the  room. 

THIS 


THIS  voice  claimed  a  right  to  be  heard  on  th« 
fubjecl  of  the  bill  then  before  the  houfe. 

AFTER  the  firft  furprife  at  fuch  an  unufiml  pro 
digy  had  a  little  fubfided,  the  right  of  a  column  to 
interfere  in  the  bufmefs  of  the  houfe  was  confi- 
dercd  and  objected  to  ;  and  it  was  urged,  that  no 
inftance  had  ever  occured  where  a  wooden  mem 
ber — a  blockhead — had  prefumed  to  fpeak  in  that 
affembly :  that  this  column  could,  by  no  con- 
ftruclion  of  law,  be  admitted  as  the  reprefen- 
tative  of  any  part  or  diftridt  of  Pennfylvania, 
having  never  been  ballotted  for,  elected,  or 
returned  as  a  member  of  aiTembly — That  the 
houfe,  when  fully  met,  neceflarily  confided  of 
a  certain  number  of  members,  and  no  more, 
and  that  this  number  is  full  and  complete,  by 
the  returns  from  the  feveral  counties,  as  ap 
pears  by  the  records  of  the  houfe  :  therefore, 
if  this  column  fliould  be  allowed  a  voice,  there 
mud  be  a  fupernumerury  member  fomewhere, 
which  would  be  an  abfolute  violation  of  the  con- 
ftitution.  And  laftly,  that  it  is  contrary  to  the  order 
of  nature  that  an  inanimate  log  mould  interfere 
in  the  affairs  of  rational  beings  ;  providence  ha 
ving  been  pleated  to  diftinguifli  fo  obvioufly  be 
tween  men  and  things. 

To  all  this  the  column  firmly  replied — That  he 

was 


C    254   1 

was,  properly  fpeaking,  -A.ftanding  member  of  that 
houfe,  having  been  duly  fixed  in  his  flation  by 
thofe  who  had  the  right  and  power  to  place  him 
there — That  he  -was  the  true  reprefentative  of 
a  numerous  race,  defcended  in  a  direft  line  from 
the  aborigines  of  this  country — thofe  venerable 
anceftors  who  gave  the  name  of  Pennfyhania 
to  this  ftate,  and  whofc  pofterity  now  inhabit  eve 
ry  county  in  it — That  he  was  not  only  a  member 
of  the  houfe,  but  one  of  its  principal  fupporters, 
in  as  much  as  they  could  never  make  a  houfe  with 
out  him — That  he  had  faithfully  attended  the  pub 
lic  bufmefs,  having  never  been  fined  as  an  abfentec 
. — And  that  thofe  very  members  who  now  oppofed 
him,  had  confided  in  his  wifdom  and  intregrity,  by 
conflantly  appealing  to  him  *  in  every  conteft 
about  the  rules  and  internal  economy  of  the  houfe. 
And,  laftly,  that  as  the  bill  under  confideration  fo 
nearly  concerned  his  fellow  creatures;  and  as  he 
found  himfelf  miraculoufly  endowed  with  the  power 
of  fpeech  for  this  occafion,  he  was  determined  to 
make  ufe  of  it  in  behalf  of  thofe  who  could 
not  fpeak  for  themfelves.  After  much  debate, 
it  was  determined  that  the  houfe  would  hear 
what  this  importunate  port  had  to  fay  refpe£- 

ing 

*  The  rules  of  the  houfe  are  framed  and  hung  up  againft  one  of 
the  columns. 


r 

ing  the  bill  before  them:  but  peremtorily  re- 
fufed  to  allow  him  a  vote  on  this  or  any  other 
bufmefs  in  that  affembly. 

THE  columnar  orator,  having  obtained  leave, 
addrefTed  the  houfe  in  the  following  and  words. 

"  I  am  happy,  oh  !  fellow  citizens  that  fpeech 
hath  been  given  me  on  this  important  occafion : 
and  that  I  have  your  permiffion  to  exercife  a 
power,  thus  wonderfully  obtained,  in  the  caufe 
of  truth  and  juftice. 

"  I  ftand  here  this  day  an  upright  advocate  for 

injured  innocence.    What  fury — what  madnefs — 

oh!  deluded  fenators!  hath  induced  you  to  propofe 

the  extirpation  of  thofe  to  whom  you  are  indebted 

for  fo  many  of  the  elegancies,  comforts,  and  blef- 

fmgs  oi  life?    If  the  voice  of  juftice  is  not  to  be 

regarded  within  thefe  walls,  let  your  own  inte- 

refts  influence  your  conduct  on  this  occafion.    For 

I  hope  to   fliew  that   your  fafety  and  happinefs 

are  much  more  deeply  concerned,  in  the  bufmefs 

you  are  upon,  than  you  are   at   prefent  aware 

of. 

"  By  the   iath  feftion  of  the  bill  now  depen- 
pending,  it  is  propofed  to  cut  down  and  remove 

all 


all  the  trees  {landing  in  the  flreets,  lanes,  or  alleys 
of  this  city — What!  do  we  then  hold  our  lives  on 
fuch  an  uncertain  tenure?  Shall  the  refpeftable  and 
inoffenfive  inhabitants  of  this  diy  Jland  or  fall 
according  to  the  caprice  of  a  few  ignorant  petiti 
oners?  And  will  this  houfe  without  remorfe,  with 
out  even  the  form  of  trial,  give  its  fanction  to  an 
edict,  which  hath  not  a  parallel  lince  the  fangui- 
nary  days  of  Herod  of  Jewry!  But  I  hope  to  con 
vince  this  honourable  houfe  that  trees,  as  well  as . 
men,  are  capable  of  enjoying  the  rights  of  citizeu- 
{hip,  and  therefore  ought  to  be  protected  in 
thofe  rights — that  having  committed  no  offence, 
this  arbitary  edict  cannot  conjiitutionally  pafs  a- 
gainft  them — and  that  your  own,  and  the  wel 
fare  of  your  condiments,  is  nearly  concerned 
in  their  prefervation  and  culture. 

*e  THE  fuperiority  which  man  hath  afTumed  over 
what  he  calls  the  irrational  and  inanimate  parts 
of  the  creation,  is  a  fuperiority  only  founded  in 
in  his  own  pride  and  ignorance  of  our  nature 
and  faculties — The  lame  divine  hand  that  for 
med  you  formed  us  ;  alfo  the  fame  elements  that 
nouriih  you  nouriih  us  like  you  ;  we  are  compe 
ted  of  bones,  blood- veiTds,  fibres,  and,  for 
ought  you  know,  mufcles  and  nerves — Wit- 
i  nefs 


r  257  j 

nefs  the  whole  clafs  of  fenfitive  plants,  wherein, 
involuntary  motion  is  made  fenfible  even  to  your 
grofs  vifion — like  you,  we  die,  and  return  to 
the  earth  from  which  we  fprang,  and  then 
even  the  wifeft  amongft  you  cannot  diftin- 
guifh  between  the  dud  of  an  tlm  and  of  a 
emperor* 

"  BUT  I  go  much  farther,  and  affert  from  your 
own  authorities,  that  we  fleep  and  wake  ;  that 
we  are  male  and  female  ;  that  we  are  married  and 
given  in  marriage  ;  and  that  we  propogate  our 
fpecies  to  fuller  effe&,  and  in  a  manner  fomewhat 
fimilar  to  what  you  do  yourfelves.  In  fupport  of 
thefe  do&rines,  I  could  cite  many  refpeftable  au 
thorities  from  the  ancients  j  and  amongft  the  mo- 
derns  Grew,  Millington,  Ray,  Camerarius,  More- 
land,  Geoffrey ,  Vaillant,  and  above  all,  your  favou 
rite  Linnaus. 

"  WHEREIN  then  doth  the  vaft  difference  be 
tween  men  and  the  vegetable  kingdom  confift  ?  I  am 
bold  to  alk,  wherein  doth  it  confift  ?  Oh  !  cries  yon- 
der  loquacious  lord  of  the  creation,  wecan 
wecanra7/o«:Oh!  criesyonder  reftlefs 
member,  we  can  move  from  place  to  place.  To  the 
latter  I  anfwer,  fo  can  an  afs,  an  ow/9  an  Ee/,  and  to 
much  better  advantage  than  he  can,  with  all  his 
R  locomotive 


L 

locomotive  faculties.  The  former  requires  a  more 
ferious  reply. 

u  WE  can  converfe^c  can  reafon.  Be  it  fo.  Man, 
arbitrary  man,  hath  affixed  certain  ideas  to  certain 
founds.  If  thefe  founds  or  noifes  are  adapted  to  his- 
miferable  apprehenfion,  they  are  called  language  y 
reafon,  mufic^  and  what  not.  But  if  the  man  fhould 
not  be  wife  enough  to  underftand  the  meaning  of 
the  ndife  he  hears,  he  does  not  hefitate  to  pro 
nounce  it  jargon,  nonfence,  unintelligible  fluff- — 
Thus,  for  inftance,  a  man  ftands  up  and  makes  a 
longnoife,  called  philofophy, divinity  Ja-w,  &c.anafs 
lifts  up  his  head,  and  makes  a  much  greater  noife,  and 
it  is  called  braying  :  yet  to  his  own  fpecies,  the  afs 
is  an  intelligent  creature,  and  his  language  is  well  un- 
derftood  by  them.  If  then  man  can  thus  miftake  the 
matter  with  refpeft  to  brutes,  although  he  fees 
that  nature  hath  given  them  the  apparent  organs 
of  fpeech,  and  daily  hears  them  exercife  thefe 
organs  for  the  purpofes  intended,  may  he  not  alfo 
be  miftaken  with  refpecl:  to  the  languageof  plants  ? 
a  language  too  refined  to  make  any  impreflion 
on  his  grofs  and  callous  fenfes  ?  That  fuch  a 
language  doth  actually  exift,  might  be  proved 
from  the  authority  of  holy  writ;  wherein  we  arc 
frequently  told,  that  the  valleys  rejoice  and  fmg, 
and  the  cedars  of  Lebanon  praife  the  Lord.  But 

I  fhall 


r  259  ] 

I  fhall  content  myfelf  with  reading  to  your  honours 
a  paffage  to  this  purpofe  from  that  ingenious  au 
thor  Cyrano  de  Bergerac — Voyage  to  the  Moon 
p.  91. 

" — THIS  fancy  of  eating  by  himfelf  made  me  cu- 
"  rious  to  know  the  reafon  of  it.  I  was  anfwered, 
"  that  he  chofe  not  to  tafte  either  the  odor  of 
"  meats  or  of  herbs  ,unlefs  they  had  died  fpontane- 
"  oufly :  becaufe  he  imagined  them  beings  capable 
."  of  grief.  I  am  not  much  furprifed,  replied  I,  that 
<c  fome  orders  of  people  here  abftain  from  flefh 
"  and  things  that  have  fenfitive  life ;  yet  it 
"  feems  to  me  ridiculous  to  fear  hurting  a  cab- 
"  bage  in  the  cutting.  For  my  part,  replied  the  de- 
<c  mon,  I  mud  own  there  appears  to  me  good  rea- 
"  fon  for  fuch  an  opinion.  For  is  not  a  cabbage 
<c  a  being  exifling  in  nature  as  you  are  ?  Have 
"  you  not  both  her  equally  for  your  mother  ? 
*c  and  (he  is  more  immediately  fo  to  the  vegetable 
"  than  to  the  rational  prod-uclion.  The  generation 
"  of  the  latter  Hie  hath  left  to  the  whim  of  a  pa- 
"  tent:  a  rigour  fhe  doth  not  extend  to  the  former, 
*6  in  as  much  as  me  obliges  one  to  produce  ano- 
"  ther.  And  whilft  one  man  is  fcarcely  able  to  get 
*c  more  than  a  fcore  of  his  fpecies  at  beft,  a  head  of 
*4  cabbage  lhall  produce  four  or  five  hundred  of 
R  2  "  its 


[       260      ] 

ce  its  own  fort.  Should  we  fay  that  nature  hath  a 
66  greater  efteem  for  a  man  then  {he  has  for  a  cub* 
cc  bage,  it  would  be  only  with  a  view  to  make  us 
"  laugh  ;  for  nature  is  in  incapable  of  paffion,  and 
"  can  neither  love  nor  hate.  If  {he  was  fufceptible 
"  of  love,  (he  certainly  would  have  a  greater  ten- 
"  dernefs  for  the  inoffenfive  cabbage,  than  for  the 
'-*  unrelenting  man  who  deflroys  it."  And  again 

P-  95- 

" Who   has   given  us   the   knowledge 

•"  of  certaiii  beings  fuperior  to  us,  to  whom  we 
"  are  neither  related  nor  proportioned,  and  whofe 
"  exiflence  we  find  it  as  difficult  to  conceive,  as 
"  the  manner  in  which  a  cabbage  can  addrefs  loelt 
"  to  its  own  fpecies  ?  To  underftand  which  com- 
*'  munication  ourfenfes  are  too  weak,  remember, 
"  if  you  can,  amongft  all  the  fpecies  of  animals  one 
*'  more  proud  than  the  cabbage  :  who,  while  you 
"  deftroy  him,  is  above  complaining ;  yettho*  he 
cc  difdains  to  murmur,  he  thinks,  neverthelefs,  the 
*c  more.  If  he  wants  fuch  organs  as  you  are  mailer 
"  of,  formed  for  wailings  and  tears,  yet  he  has  o- 
"  thers  where-with  to  implore  heaven  to  revenge 
"  the  injury  done  him,  and  expeds  it  will  not  be 
"  with-held.  It  is  not  unlikely  but  you  may  afk, 
"  how  I  know  the  cabbage  has  thefe  fine  thoughts? 
"  but  inform  me  firft,  can  you  prove  it  has  not  ? 
«<  or  that,  at  the  clofe  of  the  night,  the  Ruffia  cab- 

"  bagc 


C 

*e  bage  docs  not  fay  to  the  favoy,  goodfavoy,  your 
"  Woft  humble  fervant'" 

"  BUT  (till,  fays  man,  we  have  rationality  and 
rifibility  to  diftinguifh  us  from  the  reft  of  the 
creation  j  that  is,  when  nature  gave  one  man  the 
power  to  reafon,  fhe  gave  another  the  power  to 
laugh  at  him.  For  our  parts,  we  confefs,  we  never 
reafon  ;  we  are  fatisfied  with  being  direfted  by  the 
laws  of  nature,  which  fully  enable  us  to  anfwer  the 
end  of  our  creation.  We  pretend  not  to  be  wifer 
than  the  hand  that  madje  us,  and  therefore  we 
are  gviilty  of  BO  follies  or  excefles.  We  employ 
none  of  our  powers  in  deviling  means  for  the  more 
fpeedy  and  effectual  deftru&ion  of  our  fpecies  : 
we  do  all  the  good  we  can  ;  and  when  we  can  dp 
no  more,  we  retire  from  our  prefent  form  of  exi- 
flence  to  make  room  for  our  fucceflbrs. 

"  THIS  rationality,  on  which  you  fo  much  value 
yourfelves,  is,  in  my  opinion,  a  flriking  mark  of 
imbecility  and  difgrace,  a  punimment  infli&ed 
on  your  race,  doubtlefs,  for  fome  heinous  offence 
heretofore  committed.  The  intelligent  beings  of 
the  fpiritual  world  never  reafon  ;  they  fee  truth 
intuitively;  they  know  the  whole  chain  of  caufes 
and  effefts ;  they  fee,  that  in  a  triangle,  the  great- 
«ft  angle  muft  be  fubtended  by  the  longeft  fide, 
R  3  without 


r  262  j 

Without  any  reafoning  upon  the  problem.  And 
in  terrefirial  nature  there  is  no  creature  but  man 
that  is  obliged  to  reafon.  They  all  perform  their 
refpeftive  functions  with  precifion  and  certainty 
under  the  influence  of  a  law  that  cannot  err; 
whilfl:  your  reafon  is  ever  involving  you  in  difficul 
ties  and  abfurdities ;  is  ever  deducing  falfe  con- 
clufions  from  falfe  premifes  ;  and  the  wifer  you 
think  yourfelves  the  more  mifchief  you  generally 
do  :  what  is  reafon  one  day  is  not  reafon  ano 
ther.  About  thirty  years  ago  you  reafoned  upon 
the  difeafe  called  the  fmall-pox  ;  and  thoufands  in 
every  city  and  country  fell  facrifices  to  your  ra 
tional  fyftem.  But  you  have  now  difcovered  that 
your  fyftem  is  no  longer  rational,  and  have  adopt 
ed  a  quite  different  mode  of  practice.  Accident, 
not  reafon,  difcovered  your  error  ;  and  fad  and 
nature  contradicted  the  learned  arguments  of  ma 
ny  a  lengthy  treatife  on  the  fubjecT: :  and  this  has 
been  the  cafe  in  every  art  and  fcience  ;  the  folid 
reafonings  of  one  age  have  been  difputed,  found 
fallacious,  and  defpifed  by  another. 

BESIDES  this,  your  reafon  teaches  you  to 
fquare  all  nature  by  your  ideas  of  truth,  and  you 
know  not  what  truth  is :  For  inflance,  you  eat,  and 
drink,  and  walk, and  you  fay  I  have  life:  but  yonder 
willow  can  do  none  of  thefe,  therefore  it  is  inani 
mate, 


t  263  ] 

mate.  Deluded  man!  Can  your  weak  intelle'&s 
difcover  all  the  nice  gradations  of  life — from  the 
flone  to  the  mofs  that  grows  upon  it ;  from  the 
mofs  to  the  fenfitive  plant,  fo  called ;  from  the 
fenfitivc  plant  to  the  polypus  ;  from  the  polypus 
to  the  oyfler  ;  from  the  oyfler  to  the  ape  ;  from 
the  ape  to  the  man  ;  from  the  man  to  the  angel  j 
from  the  angel  to  an  infinite  feries  of  beings  whom 
you  know  nothing  of  ?  Do  you  not  fee  that  all 
the  exhibitions  in  nature  are  but  fo  many  different 
modifications  and  manifeflations  of  one  original 
effence  or  principle  ?  Is  not  the  gravity  which  re 
tains  Jupiter  in  his  orbit,  the  fame  gravity  which 
operates  on  a  grain  in  the  fcales  of  a  Jew  ?  .The 
intelligent  beings  above  you  amufe  themfelves  with 
the  ridiculous  blunders  your  rationality  is  continu 
ally  making.  They  defpife  the  wretch,  who,  flretch- 
cs  every  faculty  of  his  mind  to  amafs  a  hoard  of 
wealth,  which  he  has  not  the  fpirit  to  enjoy  j  they 
pity  the  inevitable  fate  of  the  voluptuous,  and  the 
vain  toils  of  ambition  ;  but  they  laugh  inceflantly 
at  the  folly  of  him  who  ranfacks  the  earth  to  ga 
ther  flicks  and  flones,  fhells  and  bones,  and  after 
fpending  years  in  arranging  them  to  his  mind, 
makes  a  raree-fhow  of  his  colle&ion,  and  firms  a 
fbilofopher,  full  of  felf-importance  and  vain  conceit. 


IF 


t  264  J 

"  IP  follies,  abfurdities,  and  miftakes,  were  the 
only  cffe&s  of  your  boafted  reafon,  they  might  be 
patiently  borne  with  j  but  when  you  exercife  it  to 
over-reach,  ruin,  and  deflroy  each  other  ;  when 
you  exert  its  powers  to  conceal  or  embarrafs  truth; 
to  eftablifli  falfehood  and  injuftice  ;  to  lead  the 
blind  out  of  his  way,  and  the  lame  into  a  ditch  ; 
to  render  yourfelves  more  ingenioufly  wicked, 
and  more  effectually  mifchievous ;  thofe  divine  in 
telligences  look  down  with  difgufl  and  horror  on, 
your  boafted  reafon.  They  turn  afide  from  the 
hateful  object,  and  contemplate  with  pleafurc 
the  ftately  oak  and  the  wide  fpreading  beech ; 
the  water-loving  willow,  and  the  fruitful  vine  ;  e- 
ven  all  the  vegetable  creation,  which  from  the 
pine  that  waves  on  the  mountains'  height,  to  the 
herb  that  drinks  the  dew  of  the  valley,  fill  with 
exaft  propriety  their  refpeftive  ftations,  and 
are  invariably  governed  by  the  laws  of  nature, 
which  are  the  laws  of  truth  and  wifdom. 

AFTER  all,  your  reafon  is  but  inftincl:  broke 
lofe ;  or  rather  inftincl  is  reafon  confined  within 
proper  limits,  and  directed  to  the  proper  objefts. 
Do  not  then  prefume  upon  a  faculty  which,  upon 
the  whole,  will  be  found  to  be  the  curfe  of 
your  fpecies.  To  prove  this,  you  need  only  look 
into  hiltory  for  the  facls  and  characters  of  former 

times  5 


C 

times ;  or  to  look  round  you  for  thofe  of  the 
prefent. 

"  J  might  now,  may  it  pleafe  your  honours, point 
out  many  circumftances  wherein  nature  hath  evi 
dently  and  moft  advantageoufly  diftinguimed  the 
vegetable  part  of  her  works  from  man,  by  giv 
ing  them  a  real  and  fubftantial  fuperiority.  But, 
left  I  fliould  wander  too  far  in  fo  large  a  field, 
and  encroach  upon  your  patience,  I  will  confine 
myfclf  to  one  inftance  only — when  a  man  dies, 
when  he  can  no  longer  perform  the  functions  of 
life,  his  body  becomes,  in  a  few  hours,  a  loath- 
fome  mafs  of  corruption,  which  his  nearefl  friends 
hurry  away,  and  put  out  of  fight  forever.  It  is  not 
fo  with  us,  witnefs  my  appearance  here  this  day. 
It  is  now  many  years  fince  1  loft  my  vegetable  life  by 
the  fatal  ax — my  Ikin  was  ftript  off,  and  my  limbs 
lopt  away — and  yet  you  fee  my  body  is  ftill  of  ufe, 
and  I  ftand  here  firm,  found,  and  hearty.  And, 
barring  an  accident  from  all  confuming  fire,  I  fliall 
attend  future  debates  in  this  houfe,  when  thofe 
whom  I  have  the  honour  now  to  addrefs  fhall  be 
no  more. 

"  HAVING,  as  I  hope,  fully  proved  that  trees, 
as  well  as  men,  are  capable  of  citizenfhip,  I  fliall 
now  proceed  to  confider  the  crimes  with  which 
the  trees  of  this  city  have  been  charged,  and  which 

the 


[     266     I 

the   1 2th  fe&ion  of  che  bill  before  the  houfe  is 
intended  to  punifh. 

"  THE  preamble  to  this  fe&ion  fets  forth — 
"  Whereas  trees  growing  in  the  public  flreets, 
"  lanes,  and  alleys  of  the  faid  city  of  Philadelphia 
"  do  obftrucl  the  profpect  and  paffage  through 
"  the  fame,  and  alfo  difturb  the  water-courfes 
"  and  foot-ways,  by  the  extending  and  encreafe  of 
<e  the  roots  thereof,  and  mufl  tend  to  fpread  fires 
"  when  any  break  out  within  the  faid  city  :  Be 
"  //  therefore  enatted"  &c. 

"  YOUR  honours  have  an  old  faying, called  ajpro- 
verb,  which  naturally  occurs  on  this  occafion  :  // 
is  eajy  to  find  a  flick  to  beat  a  dog.  That  is,  a  man 
is  never  at  a  lofs  for  a  reafon  for  puniming  thofe 
who  are  in  his  power,  and  whom  he  wifhes  to  op- 
prefs.  But  thefe  trees,  it  feems,  obftruft  the  pro- 
fpe& — of  what  ?  of  many  wretched  buildings  and 
fome  dirty  alleys.  For  I  deny  that  any  one  ele 
gant  ftreet  or  building  in  this  city  is  more  ob- 
itrufted  by  trees  than  is  neceffary  to  the  comfort 
of  the  inhabitants,  and  to  give  beauty  to  the  pro* 
fpeft.  Men  of  tafle  have  always  thought  that  a 
due  mixture  of  trees  and  buildings — the  beauties 
of  nature  and  art  harmonizing  with  each  other 
— elegant  architecture  difcovered  through  luxu 
riant 


t  267  1 

riant  foliage,  compofe  an  exhibition  truly  delightful 
and  fublime.  But  it  feems  your  honours  think 
otherwife.  This  preamble,  therefore,  {hould  have 

ftood  thus  —  "  Whereas  a  modera-te  proportion  of 
"  trees  is  fuppofed  to  be  a  great  ornament  to  a 

"  city,  and  whereas  we  have  no  tafte  whatever  for 
"  elegance  and  ornament  :  Be  it  therefore 


"  IT  is  faid,  that  thefe  trees  obftruft  the  paffage  : 
but  furely  this  charge  is  not  fupported  by  faft. 
They  have  modeftly  ported  themfdves  as  clofe  to 
the  gutters  and  water-courfes  as  they  can,  leaving 
both  foot-way  and  cart-way  free  and  open.  If,  how 
ever,  any  ftraggler  {hould  be  found  fo  obftrufting 
the  paffage,  let  him  die  the  death  —  I  have  nothing 
to  fay  in  his  behalf  :  but  it  is  farther  urged,  that 
the  aforefaid  trees  difturb  and  diforder  the  water- 
courfes  and  foot-ways  by  the  extenfion  of  their 
roots  —  if  fo,  cut  off  the  offending  roots,  but  do 
not  deftroy  the  whole  tree.  When  juftice  exceeds 
her  limits,  (he  forfeits  her  name.  Laftly,  trees  com 
municate  fire  —  Now,  a  tree  hath  no  greater  ene 
my  in  nature  than  fire  :  cut  him  into  inch  pieces, 
grind  him  into  duft,  it  will  {till  exift  as  wood  for  ma 
ny,  many  years.  Fire  alone  can  fuddenly  feparate 
its  component  parts,  and  deftroy  its  name.  How 
then  can  it  be  apprehended  that  we  fhould  unite 

with 


r  268  i 

with  our  moft  inveterate  foe  for  the  deftru&ion  of 
the  city,  or  join  in  the  mifchievous  purpofes  of  a 
common  incendiary,  whofe  power  we  have  rnoft 
reafon  to  dread  ? 

*6  BES  i  DES  the  charges  laid  in  the  bill, two  others 
have  been  fuggefted  againft  thefe  devoted  trees, 
viz.  that  they  obftruft  the  operation  of  the  engines 
in  cafe  of  fire ;  and  that  they  are  not  well  affe&ed 
to  the  prefent  government,  becaufe  they  remained 
with  the  enemy  when  they  had  pofTeilion  of  the 
city. 

te  As  to  the  firft,  little  need  be  faid  in  anfwer. 
"When  the  cafe  occurs,  let  the  obftacle  be  re 
moved.  It  is  as  f  afy  to  procure  an  ax  as  an  aft  of 
alTembly ;  and  the  removal  may  be  eafily  and 
fpeedily  accomplifhed.  But  to  depopulate  a  whole 
city,  for  the  poifible  offence  of  a  few  individuals,  is 
furely  neither  law  nor  reafon. 

"  IN  reply  to  the  fecond  charge,  I  would  afk, 
Will  any  one  pretend  to  fay,  that  the  leaving  or 
not  leaving  the  city  on  the  approach  of  the  ene 
my  marks  the  true  line  of  diftinftion  between 
•whig  and  tory  ?  It  is  confeffed  that  we  remained 
when  others  fled  j  wre  ftood  our  ground,  and  heroic 
ally  fuffered  in  our  country's  caufe,  Turn,  worthy 

fenarors ! 


C   269   ] 

fenators !  Turn  your  eyes  to  yonder  fields !  Look 
towards  the  banks  of  the  Schulkyl!  Where  arc 
now  thofe  verdant  groves  that  ufed  to  clofe  the 
profpe£t  and  enrich  the  fcene  ?  Where  are  now 
thofe  venerable  oaks,  that  o'er  the  evening  walk  of 
fober  citizen,  of  mufmg  bard,  of  fportive  youths, 
and  iighing  nymphs  and  fwains,  were  wont  to 
fpread  their  hofpitable  {hade  ?  Alas  !  nought  now 
remains  but  lifelefs  flumps  that  moulder  in  the 
fummer's  heat  and  winter's  froft — the  habitations 
fit  of  poifonous  funge,  toads,  and  ever  gnawing 
tvorms.  Hlnc  ilia  Lachrymal  Thefe  were  thy 
feats,  oh,  Howe  !  Excufe,  great  Sirs,  this  weaknefs 
in  a  poft,  or  rather  join  your  fympathetic  tears 
xvith  mine — the  lofs  is  yours — a  lofs,  the  import 
ance  of  which  you  have  not,  perhaps,  duly  confi- 
dered  5  which  I  fliall  now  endeavour  to  prefent  to 
your  attention. 

"  HAVING  fhewn/and  I  hope  to  the  fatisfaftion 
of  my  hearers,  the  rank  my  fellow-trees  hold  in 
the  fcale  of  beings :  their  capacities  of  pleafurc 
and  pain,  having  alfo  obviated  the  charges  brought 
againfl  them,  and  touched  upon  their  fufferings  in 
the  great  political  revolution  in  this  country,  I 
come  now  to  the  laft  argument  intended  for  their 
defence,  I  mean  the  great  ufe  and  importance 
they  are  of  to  mankind.  And  here  I  fhall  be  ve- 


ry  concifc,  avoiding  to  mention  thofe  numerous 
circumftances  in  which  trees  obvioufly  contribute 
to  the  pleafure, convenience,  and  profit  of  men, con 
fining  myfelf  to  on-eferious  confideration,viz.  How 
far  the  healths  and  lives  of  the  citizens  of  Phila 
delphia  may  be  concerned  in  the  bufmefs  you  have 
now  in  hand.  A  few  hours  will  be  fufficient  to 
execute  this  fatal  law  ;  but  it  will  take  many  years 
to  repair  the  damage  when  you  {hall  have  difco- 
vered  your  error.  Confider,  therefore,  oh  !  raih 
and  capricious  mortals,  what  you  are  about  to  do  j 
whilft  confideration  may  be  of  any  ufe,  caution  is 
never  too  late,  repentance  may  be.  Know  that 
thefe  trees,  whom  you  are  about  to  extirpate, 
are  your  bed,  your  fafeft  phyficians ;  the  health 
of  your  citizens  depends  upon  their  prefervation 
and  growth  ;  and  you  are  now  to  decide,  not  only 
upon  the  exigence  of  a  few  trees,  but  poflibly  on 
the  lives  of  hundreds  of  your  fellow-creatures. 
I  fay,  thefe  trees  are  your  beft,  your  fafeft  phyfi 
cians.  They  have  published  no  books,  therefore 
they  have  no  fyftems  to  defend.-  Their  practice 
is  ever  uniform,  dictated  by  nature,  and  eftablifh- 
ed  by  fuccefs,  and,  therefore,  they  make  no  whim- 
fical  experiments,  uncertain  in  every  thing  but  mi- 
fery  and  death.  In  a  word,  they  have  no  occaikm 
to  kill  one  hundred  in  order  to  learn  how  to  cure 
one. 

lyr 


r  271  3 

•  "  IN  the  autumn  they  modcflly  drop  tlieir  foli 
age,  to  admit  the  comfortable  rays  of  the  fun  to 
your  dwellings,  their  leaves  being  then  of  no  far 
ther  ufe  to  you.  But  no  fooner  does  the  fpring 
advance,  but  they  arm  themfelves  in  your  defence; 
they  fee.  the  enemy  approach — innumerable  little 
deaths,  in  various  fubtle  forms.  Thefe  are  by  the 
fermenting  heats  of  fummer,  generated  in  every 
pool,  gutter,  and  common  fewer,  and  in  all  the 
murky  filth  of  your  city.  No  fooner  have  the 
poifonous  atoms  acquired  fufEcient  malignity,  but 
they  leave  their  native  cells  and  float  in  air.  One 
of  thefe  inhaled,  infects  the  blood;  and  foon  a  huf- 
band,  fon,  or  father  falls.  To  prevent  this,  the 
friendly  tree  fpreads  its  broad  and  numerous  foli 
age.  Every  leaf  is  expanded  to  intercept  and  ab- 
forb  the  floating  mifchief.  And  thus  receiving 
and  digefling  the  noxious  particles,  they  purify  the 
ambient  air.  For  this  important  philofophy,  you 
are  indebted  to  Prieftley^  Ingenhoufe,  and  Fonta- 
na.  The  enemy  had  ftudied  thefe  authors,  when 
they  cut  the  trees  from  yonder  plain :  hoping 
thereby  to  leave  the  atmofphere  poifoned  for  your 
deftru&ion.  -Is  it  not  obvious  that  difeafes  mod 
prevail  when  vegetation  begins  to  ceafe?  About 
the  middle  of  Auguft  moil  leaves  have  acquired 
their  utmoft  growth  ;  they  are  then  faturated  with 
the  noxious  vapours,  and  can  no  longer  perform 

their 


F    272   I 

their  friendly  office :  and  from  that  time,  to  the 
firfl  froit  of  the  feafon,  (which  concludes  the  ge 
neration  of  thefe  pernicious  airs,)  fkknefs  and 
deaths  are  mofl  frequent. 

"  AND  will  you  then,  oh,  guardians  of  the  peo 
ple  !  will  you,  by  a  fata)  decree,  banifh  from  among 
you,  thofe  falutary  citizens,  to  whom  you  are  fo 
much  indebted  for  the  bleffings  of  health,  with 
out  which,  every  other  temporal  bleffing  is  of  little 
value  ?  And  what  advantage  do  you  propofe  to 
yourfelves  by  the  execution  of  this  law?  your 
ftreets  and  alleys,  indeed,  will  not  be  obftru&ed 
by  trees,  but  they  may  be  obftrufted  by  frequent 
funerals  and  mournful  proceffions. — I  will  not  pro* 
long  the  fubjeft — If  your  honours  will  but  balance 
the  imaginary  good  with  the  real  dangers  that  will 
attend  your  prefcnt  purpofe,  I  am  confident,  that 
your  zeal  for  the  public  fafety,  will  induce  you  to 
remove — not  the  trees  from  the  ftreets  of  this  city, 
but  the  12th  feftion  from  the  bill  under  confide- 
ration. 

"  I  have  but  one  thing  more  to  add  ;  and  that  is, 
that  by  the  15th  feftion  of  your  conftitution,  you 
are  enjoined  not  to  pafs  any  law,-  except  on  occa- 
fions  of  fudden  neceflity,  until  the  next  feflion  af 
ter  the  fame  hath  been  propofed  and  publiihed  for 
4  confi- 


C    273    J 

corifideration.  No  fuch  neceflity  appears  in  the 
prefent  cafe — the  roots  and  branches  of  thefe  de 
voted  trees  will  not  encreafe  to  fuch  a  ruinous  and 
enormous  fize,  between  this  and  the  next  feffion  of 
aflembly,  as  to  render  immediate  amputation  ne- 
ceffary. 

<c  I  would  be  far  from  fuppofing  this  honourable 
houfe  capable  of  malice  or  partiality  ;  yet  I  muft 
obferve,  that  this  bill  hath  been  hurried  through 
the  forms  of  legiflation  with  unufual  fpeed.  You 
have  fpent  much  precious  time  in  determining  whe 
ther  A.  or  B.  fliould  fit  for  a  certain  time  in  a  cer 
tain  chair ;  but  do  not  hefitate  to  doom  to  death  a 
number  of  quiet,  harmlefs,  and  beneficent  citizens, 
without  remorfe,  without  enquiry,  without  even 
the  common  forms  of  juftice." 

HERE  the  orator  ceafed,  and  was  dumb.  The 
houfe  was  more  furprifed  at  the  manner,  than  at 
tentive  to  the  matter  of  this  curious  fpeech.  The 
queftion  was  put,  and  the  claufe  paffed  without  a 
diffenting  voice;  notwithftanding  the  importunate 
eloquence  of  this  philofophic  poft. 

SILVESTER. 

Auguft,  1782. 

S  DE- 


r  274  ] 

DESCRIPTION    OF    A    MACHINE 


r  o 


MEASURING  A  SHIP's  WAY  THROUGH  THE  SEA. 


JL  HE  errors  and  uncertainties  incident  to  the 
mariner's  log,  are  too  obvious  not  to  be  univerfally 
acknowledged.  Were  it  not  for  the  obfervations 
navigators  are  accuftomed  to  make  of  a  Chip's  pro- 
grefs  by  the  apparent  paffage  of  the  water  along 
fide,  and  the  figns  that  ufually  prefent  on  approach 
ing  the  land,  the  log  alone  would  be  a  very  unfafe 
dependence. 

SEVERAL  attempts  have  therefore  been  made  to 
improve  the  log,  and  render  its  indications  more 
accurate,  but  without  fuccefs.  All  the  machines 
of  this  kind,  that  I  have  heard  of,  were  compofed 
of  a  number  of  wheels,  which  were  to  be  put  in 
motion  by  the  twitting  of  a  line  let  out  aftern, 
having  a  drag  at  the  end,  fo  conftruckd,  as  to 
whirl  round,  fafter  or  flower,  according  to  the 
progreffive  motion  of  the  jQiip. 

THE  objections  to  a  machine  fo  conftrufted  arc; 
firft,  if  the  line  is  not  very  long,  the  drag  will  be 

con- 


r  275  ] 

considerably  affefted  by  the  {hip's  wake ;  and  if 
it  is  very  long,  the  twiftings  will  be  irregular, 
and  the  line  liable  to  kink.  Secondly ,  if  the  drag  is 
fo  heavy  as  to  fink  below  the  bottoms  of  the 
waves,  when  the  fliip  fails  faft,  it  will  be  too  heavy, 
and  fink  too  deep,  when  (lie  is  under  little  way : 
or  otherwife,  if  the  drag  is  of  a  proper  weight  when 
the  {hip  is  under  little  way,  it  will  Ikip  from  wave 
to  wave  when  fhe  fails  with  a  brilk  gale,  and  fo  be 
of  no  ufe.  And,  thirdly,  it  will  be  liable  to  mod 
of  the  other  irregularities  to  which  the  log  in  com 
mon  ufe  is  expofed. 

THE  machine  now  propofed,  will,  it  is  hoped, 
be  free  from  at  leaft  fome  of  thefe  objections.  And 
although  it  may  not  be  able  to  afcertain  a  {hip's  way 
through  the  fea  to  perfect  precifion,  yet  if  it  fliould 
be  found  to  anfwer  the  purpofe  better  than  any 
inftrument  hitherto  contrived,  it  may  be  admitted 
as  an  acquifition  to  the  art  of  navigation. 

THIS  machine,  in  its  moft  fimple  form,  is  repre- 
fented  by  fig.  i. — A  B  is  a  ftrong  rod  of  iron, 
moveable  on  the  joint  or  fulcrum  ;  C  D  is  a  thin 
circular  plate  of  brafs,  rivetted  to  the  lower  extre 
mity  of  the  rod  ;  E  an  horizontal  arm,  conne&ed 
at  one  end  with  the  top  of  the  rod  A  B  by  a 
moveable  joint  F,  and  at  the  other  end  with  the 
S  2  bottom 


C    276    ] 

bottom  of  the  index  H  by  a  like  moveable  joint  5 
G  H  is  the  index  turning  on  its  centre  I,  and  tra 
velling  over  the  graduated  arch  K ;  and  L  is  a 
ftrong  fpring,  bearing  againft  the  rod  A  B,  and 
c cjjflantly  countera&ing  the  preflure  upon  the  pa 
late  D.  The  rod  A  B  fhould  be  applied  clofe  to 
one  fide  of  the  cut- water  or  flem,  and  mould  be  of 
fuch  a  length  that  the  palate  D  may  be  no  higher 
above  the  keel  than  is  neceflary  to  fecure  it  from 
injury  when  the  veffel  fails  in  fhoal  water,  or 
is  aground.  As  the  bow  of  the  fhip  curves 
inward  toward  the  keel  Ms  the  palate  D  will  be 
thrown  to  a  diftance  from  the  bottom  of  the  (hip, 
although  the  perpendicular  rod  to  which  it  is  ri- 
vetted  lies  clofe  to  the  bow  above,  and  therefore 
it  will  be  more  fairly  afted  upon.  The  arm  E  mould 
enter  the  bow  fomewherc  near  the  hawfer-hole, 
and  lead  to  any  convenient  place  in  the  forecaftle, 
where  a  fmooth  board  or  plate  may  be  fixed,  hav 
ing  the  index  H,and  the  graduated  arch  K,  upon  it. 

IT  is  evident  from  the  figure,  that  as  the  fhip  is 
urged  forward  by  the  wind,  the  palate  D  will  be 
prelTed  againft  the  water  with  a  greater  or  lefs 
force,  according  to  the  progreffive  motion  of  the 
iliip ;  and  this  will  operate  upon  the  levers,  fo 
as  to  immediately  affeft  the  index ;  making  the 
leafl  encreafe  or  diminution  of  the  fliip's  way  vifible 

on 


on  .the  graduated  arch.  The  fpring  L  always 
counteracting  the  preffure  upon  the  palate,  and 
bringing  back  the  index  on  any  relaxation  of  the 
force  imprefled. 

A  fhip  going  through  the  fea  opens  a  paflage 
for  herfelf,  making  a  hole  in  the  water  equal  to 
her  imerged  bulk.  As  flie  pafles  on,  this  vacancy 
is  filled  up  by  the  tumbling  in  of  the  water  from 
each  lide,  and  at  the  {tern  with  great  violence;  fo 
that  there  is  a  ftrong  current  of  water  from  her 
bow  to  her  ftern,  paffmg  under  the  bottom  and  at 
the  fides  of  the  (hip  ;  and  the  force  of  this  current 
is  in  direct  proportion  to  the  velocity  of  her  pro- 
grefiive  motion.  This  machine  is  therefore  ad- 
vantageoufly  placed  at  the  bow  of  the  fhip,  where 
the  current  firft  begins,  and  a£ts  fairly  on  the  pa 
late,  in  preference  to  the  ftern,  where  the  tumul 
tuous  clofing  of  the  waters  caufes  a  wake  vifible  to 
a  great  diftance.  The  palate  D  is  funk  nearly  as 
low  as  the  keel,  that  it  may  not  be  affefted  by  the 
Reaping  up  of  the  water,  and  the  dailiing  of  the 
waves  at  or  near  the  water-line.  The  arch  K  is 
to  afcertain  how  many  knots  or  miles  flie  would  run 
in  one  hour,  at  her  then  rate  of  failing  :  but  the 
graduations  on  this  arch  muft  not  be  equal ;  be- 
caufe  the  refiftance  of  the  fpring  L  will  encreafe  as 
it  becomes  more  bent ;  fo  that  the  index  will  tra- 
S  3  vel 


t  V*  1 

vcl  over  a  greater  fpace,  from  one  to  five  miles, 
(which  I  fuppofe  to  be  a  medium)  than  from  five 
to  twelve.  Laftly,  the  palate,  rod,  fpring,  and 
all  the  metallic  parts  of  the  inftrument  mould  be 
covered  with  a  ftrong  varniih  to  prevent  ruft  from 
the  corrofive  quality  of  fait- water  and  fea-air. 

IMPROVEMENT     OF     THIS    MACHINE. 

LET  the  rod  or  fpear  A  B,  fig.  i.  be  a  round 
rod  of  iron  or  fleel ;  and  inftead  of  moving  on 
the  fulcrum  or  joint,  as  at  C,  let  it  pafs  through 
and  turn  freely  in  a  focket,  to  which  focket  the 
moveable  joint  muft  be  annexed,  as  reprcfented 
in  fig.  2.  The  rod  muft  have  a  moulder  to  reft  on 
the  upper  edge  of  the  focket  and  prevent  it  from 
flipping  down.  The  rod  muft  alfo  pafs  through 
a  like  focket  at  F,  fig.  i.  The  joint  of  the  lower 
focket  muft  be  fixed  to  the  bow  of  the  ftiip,  and 
the  upper  focket  muft  be  connected  with  the  hori 
zontal  arm  E.  Gn  the  top  of  the  uppermoft 
focket  let  there  be  a  fmall  circular  plate,  bearing 
the  32  points  of  the  mariner's  compafs,  and  let  the 
top  of  the  rod  AB  come  through  the  center  of  this 
plate,  fo  as  to  carry  a  fmall  index  upon  it,  as  re- 
prefented  in  fig.  3.  This  fmall  index  muft  be  fix- 
ed  to  the  top  of  the  rod  on  a  fquare  :  fo  that  by 

turning 


r  379  j 

turning  the  index  round  the  plate,  the  rod  may  alfo 
turn  in  the  fockets,  and  of  courfe  carry  the  plate 
D  round  with  it,  the  little  index  always  pointing 
in  the  dire&ion  of  the  face  of  the  palate.  The 
fmall  compafs-plate  fliould  not  be  failened  to  the 
top  of  the  focket,  but  only  fitted  tight  on,  that  it 
may  be  moved  at  pleafure. 

SUPPOSE  then,  the  intended  port  to  bear  fouth- 
weft  from  the  place  of  departure,  the  plate  mud  be 
turned  on  the  focket  till  thefouth  weft  point  thereon 
points  dire&ly  to  the  {hip's  bow,  fo  that  the  S.  W. 
and  N.E.  line  on  the  compafs-plate  maybe  precifely 
parallel  with  the  {hip's  keel :  and  in  this  pofition 
the  plate  muft  remain  during  the  voyage.  Suppofe 
then  the  {hip  to  be  failing  in  the  direct  courfe  of 
her  intended  voyage,  with  her  bow  fprit  pointing 
S.  W.  let  the  little  index  be  brought  to  the  S.  W. 
point  on  the  compafs-plate,  and  the  palate  D  will 
neceffarily  prefent  its  broad  face  towards  the  port 
of  deftination  :  and  this  it  muft  always  be  made 
to  do,  be  the  {hip's  failing  courfe  what  it  may. 
If,  on  account  of  unfavourable  winds,  the  fhip  is 
obliged  to  deviate  from  her  intended  courfe,  the 
little  index  muft  be  moved  fo  many  points  from  the 
S.  W.  line  of  the  compafs-plate,  as  the  compafs  in 
the  binnacle  {hall  mew  that  {he  deviates  from  her 
true  courfe.  So  that,  in  whatever  direction  the 

{hip 


[      28o      ] 

fliip  fliall  fail,  the  palate  D  will  always  look  full 
to  the  S.  W.  point  of  the  horizon,  or  towards 
the  port  of  deftination  ;  and,  confequently  will 
prefent  only  an  oblique  furface  to  the  refitting  me 
dium — more  or  lefs  oblique  as  the  {hip  deviates 
more  or  lefs  from  the  true  courfe  of  her  voyage. 
As,  therefore,  the  refiftance  of  the  water  will  ope 
rate  lefs  upon  the  palate  in  an  oblique  than  in  a 
direft  pofition,  in  proportion  to  its  obliquity,  the 
index  H  will  not  fliew  how  many  knots  the  vefiel 
runs  in  her  then  courfe  ;  but  will  (it  is  expefted) 
indicate  only  how  many  me  gains  in  the  direct 
line  of  her  intended  voyage.  Thus,  in  fig.  5.  if 
the  {hip's  true  line  of  her  intended  courfe  is  AB, 
but  flie  can  fail  by  the  wind  no  nearer  than  AC  : 
fuppofe  then  her  progreffive  motion  fuch  as  to  per 
form  AC,  equal  to  5  knots,  yet  on  account  of 
the  obliquity  of  the  palate  D,  the  index  H  will  on 
ly  point  to  4  on  the  graduated  arch,  {hewing  that 
ftie  gains  no  more  on  the  true  line  of  her  voyage, 
viz.  from  A  to  B.  Thus  will  the  difference 
between  her  real  motion  and  that"  pointed  out 
by  the  index,  be  always  in  proportion  to  her  devia 
tion  from  the  port  of  deftination,  until  flie  fails  in 
a  line  at  right  angles  therewith,  as  AD;  in  which 
cafe  the  palate  would  prefent  only  a  thin  marp  edge 
to  the  refifting  medium,  the  preffure  of  which 
fliould  not  be  fufficient  to  overcome  the  bearing 

of 


of  the  fpring  L  ,  and  the  friction  of  the  machine. 
So  that  at  whatever  rate  the  fliip  may  fail  upon 
that  line,  the  index  will  not  be  affected,  but 
point  to  O,  (hewing  that  (he  gains  nothing  on  her 
true  courfe.  For  in  this  cafe,  and  alfo  when  the 
veflel  is  not  under  way,  the  action  of  the  fpring 
L  fliould  caufe  the  index  to  point  to  O  ;  as  re- 
prefented  by  the  dotted  lines  in  fig.  i.  and  4. 

'  As  the  truth  of  this  inftrurncnt  mud  depend  up 
on  the  equal  preffure  of  the  water  againft  the  pa- 
lateD  according  to  the  (hip's  velocity,  and  the  pro 
portionable  action  of  the  fpring  L,  there  fhould  be 
a  pin  or  fcrew  at  the  joints  C  and  F,  fo  that  the 
rod  may  be  readily  unfliipped  and  taken  in,  in  order 
to  clean  the  palate  from  any  foulnefs  it  may  con 
tract,  which  would  greatly  encreafe  its  operation 
on  the'Jndex  H,  and  thereby  render  the  graduated 
arch  falfe  or  uncertain, 

FURTHER,  the  fpring  L  may  be  expofed  too 
much  to  injury  from  the  \reather  and  falt-water 
if  fixed  on  the  outfide  of  the  {hip's  bow.  To  re 
medy  this,  it  may  be  brought  under  cover  by 
conftructing  the  machine  as  reprefented  by  fig.  4  : 
where  AB  is  the  rod,  C  the  fulcrum  or  centre 
of  its  motion,  D  the  palate,  E  the  horizontal  arm 
leading  through  a  fmall  hole  into  .the  forecaftle,  M 


is 


t 

is  a  ttrong  chain,  fattened  by  one  cad   to   the 
arm  E,  and  by  the  other  to  a  rim  or  barrel  on  the 
wheel  G,  which  by  means  of  its  teeth  gives  mo 
tion  to  the  femicircle  I  and  index  H.     The  fpring 
L  is   fpiral,   and  enclofed  in  a  box  like  the  main 
fpring  of  a  watch  :  A  fmall  chain  is  fixed  to,  and 
paffing  round  the  barrel,  is  fattened  by  the  other 
end  to  the  fuzee  W  ;    this  fuzee  is  connected  by 
its   teeth  with  the  wheel  G,  and  counteracts   the 
motion  of  the  palate  D ;    NN  are  the  two  fockets 
through  which  the  rod  AB  paffes,  and  in  which 
it  may  be  turned  round  by  means  of  the  little  in 
dex  R ;  S  is  the  fmall  compafs-plate  moveable  on 
the  top  of  the  upper  focket  N.     The  plate  S  hath 
an  upright  rim  round  its  edge,  cut  into  teeth  or 
notches,  fo  that  when  the  index  R  is  a  little  raifed 
up,  in  order  to  bring  it  round  to  any  point,  it  may 
fall  into   one  of  thefe  notches  and  be  detained 
there :  otherwife  the  preffure  of  the  water  will 
force  the  palate  D  from  its  oblique   pofition,  and 
turn  the  rod  and  index  round  to  the  direction  in 
which  the  fhip  {hall  be  then  failing. 

SHOULD  it  be  apprehended  that  the  palate  D 
being  placed  fo  far  forward,  may  affect  the  iliip's 
fteerage,  or  obttrufther  failing,  itlhould  be  confi- 
dered  that  a  very  fmall  plate  will  be  fufficient  to 
work  the  machine.  I  fhould  fuppofe  that  one  of 

three 


three  or  four  inches  diameter,  or  lefs,  might  be  fuf- 
ficient  for  the  purpofe. 

THE  greateft  difficulty,  perhaps,  will  be  in  gra 
duating  the  arch  K  (if  the  machine  is  conftrufted 
as  in  fig  i.)  the  unequal  divifions  of  which  can 
only  be  afcertained  by  aftual  experiment  on  board 
of  each  (hip  refpeftively  ;  in  as  much  as  the  truth 
of  thefe  graduations  will  depend  on  three  circum- 
flances,  viz.  The  pofition  of  the  fulcrum  C,  with 
refpecl:  to  the  length  of  the  rod,  the  fize  of  the 
palate  D,  and  the  ftrength  of  the  fpring  L.  When 
thefe  graduations,  however,  are  once  afcertain 
ed  for  any  one  veffel,  they  will  not  require  any 
future  alteration,  provided  the  palate  D  be  kept 
clean,  and  the  fpring  L  retains  its  elafticity. 

BUT  the  unequal  divifions  of  the  graduated 
arch  will  be  unneceiTary  if  the  inflrument  be  made 
as  at  fig.  4.  For  as  the  chain  goes  round  the  bar 
rel  L,  and  then  winds  through  the  fpiral  channel  of 
the  fuzee  W,  the  force  of  the  enclofed  fpring  will 
operate  equally,  or  nearly  fo,  in  all  pofitions  of  the 
index,  and  confequently  the  divifions  on  the  arch 
K  may  in  fuch  cafe  be  equal. 

AFTER  all,  it  is  not  expe&ed  that  a  fhip's  lon 
gitude  may  be  certainly  determined  by  this  in- 

ftrnment. 


ftrument.  The  irregular  motions  and  irapulfes  to 
which  a  {hip  is  continually  expofed,  make  fuch  an 
accuracy  unattainable  by  any  machinery  ;  but  if  it 
fliould  be  found,  as  I  flatter  myfelf  it  will,  on  fair 
experiment,  that  it  anfwers  the  purpofe  much  bet 
ter  than  the  common  log,  it  may  be  confidered  as 
an  acquifition  to  navigation. 

IT  ihoujd  be  obferved  that  in  afcertaining 
a  fhip's  longitude  by  a  time  piece,  this  great 
inconvenience  occurs,  that  a  final!  and  trifling  mi- 
flake  in  the  time  will  make  a  very  great  and  dan 
gerous  error  in  the  diilance,  run,  or  longitude  ; 
whereas  the  errors  of  this  inftrument  will  operate 
no  further  than  their  real  amount,  which  can  never 
be  great  or  dangerous,  if  corre&ed  by  the  ufual 
obfervations  made  by  mariners  for  corre&ing  the 
common  log.* 

Alike 


*  An  ingenious  mechanic  would  probably  conftrucl  this  machine 
to  better  advantage  in  many  refpecls.  The  author  only  meant  to 
fugged  the  principle,  experiment  alone  can  point  out  the  beft  me 
thod  of  applying  it.  He  is  fenfible  of  at  leaft  one  defect,  viz.  that 
the  little  index  R,  tig.  4.  will  not  be  ftrong  enough  to  retain  the 
palate  D  in  an  oblique  pofition  when  a  fhip  is  failing  by  the  wind  ; 
more  efpecially  as  the  compafs-plate  S,  in  whofe  notched  rim  the 
index  Ris  to  fall,  is  not  fixed  to,  but  only  fitted  tight  on  the  focket 
N;  fome  means,  however,  might  be  contrived  to  remedy  this  in 
convenience. 


Alike  machine  made  in  its  fimple  form,  (as  at 
fig.  i.)  fo  conftrufted  as  to  fliip  and  unfhip,  might 
occafionally  be  applied  along  fide,  about  mid-fliips, 
in  order  to  afcertain  the  lee- way.  As  to  fea  cur 
rents,  this,  and  all  other  machines  hitherto  inven 
ted,  rnufl  be  fubjeft  to  their  influence:  for  thefe  the 
ufual  allowances  mufti  be  made,  according  to 
the  ikill  of  the  navigator. 

LASTLY.  Some  difcretion  will  be  neceiTary  in 
taking  obfervations  from  the  inflrument  to  be  en 
tered  on  the  log-book.  The  mofl  favourable  and 
equitable  moment  fliould  be  chofen  for  the  obfer- 
vation.  Not  whilft  the  fhip  is  rapidly  defcending 
the  declivity  of  a  wave,  or  is  fuddenly  checked  by 
a  ftroke  of  the  fea,  or  is  in  the  very  aft  of  plun 
ging.  In  all  cafes,  I  fuppofe,  periods  may  be 
found,  in  which  a  (hip  proceeds  with  a  true  average 
velocity  ;  to  difcover  which,  experience  and  at 
tention  will  lead  the  Ikilful  mariner. 

O&ober.  1782. 


AN 


[       286 


A      N 


IMPROVED      METHOD 


o    F 


QJJ  ILLING    A    HARPSICHORD. 


1  HE  firings  of  a  Harpfichord  are  made  to 
vibrate  by  the  impulfe  of  fmall  pieces  of  a  crow- 
quill  :  thefe,  from  the  manner  in  which  they 
are  applied,  are  compelled  to  perform  their  office 
to  fuch  difadvantage  that  many  become  weak  and 
fail,  with  little  ufe,  and  what  is  called  the  touch  of 
the  inftrumcnt,  becomes  thereby  unequal  and  dif- 
agreeable  both  to  the  performer  and  hearer ; 
unlefs  frequently  repaired,  which  is  one  of  the 
mod  troublefome  and  difficult  operations  in  keep 
ing  the  inftrument  in  order. 

I  attempted,  two  or  three  years  ago,  to  re 
medy  this  imperfection.  My  firft  idea  was  to 
encreafe  the  length  of  quill,  that  it  might 
aft  more  like  a  fpring  than  it  can  do  in  the  way 

it 


r 

it  is  now  applied.  I  efFefted  my  purpofe,  by  mount 
ing  the  quill  in  the  manner  reprefented  by  fig.  i. 
By  this  means  the  fpring  of  the  quill  was  advan- 
tageoufly  encreafed  without  its  horizontal  length, 
which  from  the  conftruction  of  the  inftrument  can- 
no  tbe  more  than  about  i -4th  of  a  inch.  ABfig.  i.  is 
the  tongue  of  the  jack  in  profile,  C  is  the  quill  fixed 
tight  in  a  hole  punched  fl  anting  down  wards  through 
the  tongue  according  to  the  dotted  line.  The  quill  is 
then  bent  upwards  and  made  to  pafs  through  an 
other  hole  D,  punched  through  the  upper  pait  of 
the  tongue,  and  then  proceeds  horizontally  the  ne- 
ceffary  length.  This  lafl  hole  is  made  large  e- 
nough  for  the  quill  to  have  free  play  in  it,  fo  that: 
the  fpring  of  the  quill  may  be  in  the  curve  CD  ; 
which  will  not  break  or  fail  by  any  fervice  it  has 
to  perform. 

4 

THIS  contrivance  feemed  to  anfwer  very  well ; 
but  it  was  objected,  that  the  quill  being  thus  forci 
bly  bent,  was  apt  to  fpring  back,  in  fome  instances, 
fo  that  not  only  the  point  of  the  quill  became  too 
fliort  to  reach  the  firing  it  fhouldflrike,  but  the  cur 
ved  part  would  interfere  with  the  firing  next  behind 
it.  And  although,  in  the  experiment,  this  inconve 
nience  rarely  occured,  and  wras  rather  a  fault  in 
4  the 


[     288     ] 

the  execution  than  in  the  defign,  yet  the  pro] eft 
was  not  adopted  becaufe  of  the  uncertainty. 

MY  next  device  was  to  throw  afide  the  quills 
altogether;  and  taking  hard  and  well  feafoned 
foal  leather,  I  cut  therefrom  the  intended  tongues  *, 
which  I  mounted  on  fprings  as  in  fig.  2.  Where 
A  is  the  palate  feen  in  profile,  having  a  mortoife  cut 
through  it  for  the  reception  of  the  leathern  tongue 
B,  which  is  moveable  in  the  mortoife  on  a  fmall 
pin;  C  is  aback  view  of  the  fame  palate,  (howing 
the  zig-zag  fpring  by  which  the  tongue  is  govern- 
ned.  The  fpring  is  of  fine  wire,  and  is  fattened  by 
one  end  to  the  root  of  the  tongue,  as  at  D,  and  by 
the  other  to  a  fmall  flaple  at  E. 

THIS  contrivance  produced  in  efFeft  an  admi 
rable  fulnefs  of  tone,  and  promifed  permanency, 
becaufe  the  elafticity  required  is  not  in  the  tongue 
which  gives  the  ftroke,  but  in  the  wire  fpring, 
which,  if  properly  annealed  will  not  be  likely  to 
fail. 

THE  objection  was,  that  the  touch  was  not  fo 
lively  and  agreeable  as  that  of  the  common  quill  5 

but 

*  What  is  commonly  called  the  tongue,  I  fhall  now  call  the 
palate,  and  my  fubftitute  for  the  crow-quill  I  (lull  denominate  the 
tongue. 


C   289   ] 

but  principally  that  the  machinery  was  too  complex 
and  delicate   for  general  ufe. 

BOTH  thcfe  methods  are  fully  defcribed  in  the 
fecond  volume  of  the  tranfa&ions  of  the  American 
philofophical  fociety  of  Philadelphia. 

ENCOURAGED  by  at  lead  a  partial  fuccefs,  I 
again  endeavoured  to  attain  the  objeft  I  had 
in  view,  and  flatter  inyfelf  that  I  have  now  fully 
fucceeded. 

THE  defideratum  is,  a  fubftance  to  fupply  the 
place  of  the  crow-quill,  fufficiently  elaftic  for  the 
purpofe,  which  fhall  afford  an  eafy  and  brilliant 
touch,  mall  draw  a  full  and  pure  torte  from  the 
firing,  be  applied  with  as  much  fimplicity  as  the 
common  quill,  and  be  permanent  in  itfelf. 

AFTER  fair  experiment  and  long  trial,  the  fol 
lowing  method  oftongueing  a  harpfichord  hath  been 
found  to  anfwer  all  the  above  requifites. 

I  took  what  is  called  velvet-corky  of  the  befl 
kind,  free  from  dolts,  cracks  or  blemifhes.  I  cut 
this  cork  into  plates,  about  one  quarter  of  an  inch 
thick,  and  glued  upon  them  thin  and  well  polifhed 
leather  ;  from  thefe  plates  I  cut  the  tongues,  and 
T  preffcd 


prcffed  them  tight  into  mortoifcs  cut  for  the  purpofc 
through  the  palates,  in  the  fame  manner,  and  with 
the  fame  cafe  that  the  common  quill  is  fixed  in  the 
little  hole  punched  for  its  reception.  The  cork  mufl 
then  be  fhaved  off  underneath,  flanting  from  the 
point,  where  it  mufl:  be  very  thin,  to  the  face  of 
the  palate,  and  then  nibbed  like  a  pen  to  the  pro 
per  length.  The  touch  may  afterwards  be  nicely 
regulated  by  (having  away  more  of  the  cork  from 
underneath,  if  requifite,  with  a  fliarp  pen-knife  or  a 
fine  file. 

REMARKS. 

I.  THE  cork  (as  before  obferved)  mufl  be  of 
the  kind  called  velvet-cork,  of  an  elaflic  fubilance, 
and  free  from  imperfections  of  every  kind. 

II.  THE  Leather  fliould  be  thin,  well  ftretched, 
and  of  a  poliihed  furface — That  which  I  ufed  was 
(tripped  from  the  cover  of  a  bound  book,  which 
anfwered  very  well,  after  I  had  fcraped  and  well 
waflied  its  under  furface. 

III.  1  HE  pqfte  or  glue.    In  my  firft  experiment 
I  made  common  glue  pretty  thin,    and  with  this  I 
glued  the  leather  on  the  cork  ;   but  found  after 
wards,  that  in  very  dry  and  frofly  weather,  the 

touch 


r  291  3 

touch  became  harfli  and  difagrecable,  becaufe 
glue  in  fuch  weather  becomes  as  hard  as  horn.  I 
then  diflblved  a  little  Ifmglafs,  or  fifli  glue,  in  hot 
water,  and  with  the  addition  of  fome  flour  I  made 
a  moderately  thin  pafte  ;  and  with  this  I  parted  the 
leather  upon  the  cork,  putting  the  plates  under  a 
prefs  till  dry  :  and  I  found  it  to  anfwer  well. 

IV.   IN  cutting  the  tongues  from  thefe  plates  of 
cork  faced  with  leather,  care  muft  be  taken    that 
the  grain  of  the  cork  fhall  run  lengthwife  from 
end  to  end,  and  not  a  crofs  the  tongue.     The  rea- 
fon  is  plain. 

I  have  found  thefe  tongues  to  anfwer  every  requi- 
fite.  The  cork  is  fufficiently  elaftic  for  the  fervice 
it  is  to  perform,  and  affords  a  lively  and  pleafanc 
touch.  The  poliihed  leather  prcfents  a  mod  agree 
able  furface  of  contact  with  the  metal  ftring,  and 
ftiields  the  cork,  which  would  be  foon  cut  through 
by  the  firing.  The  tone  produced  is  full,  and  ve 
ry  pure,  being  perfectly  free  from  that  clicking 
noife  which  the  ftrokes  of  a  quill  unavoidably 
produce,  and  which  has  been  juftly  complained 
of  in  the  bed  harpfichords.  And  laftly,  the 
tongue  thus  made  will  be  durable,  I  may  judge  if 
from  the  experience  of  eighteen  months  and  al- 
Biofl  daily  ufe,  very  few  having  failed  in  that 
T  2  time 


time,  and  thofe  only  where  there  was  fome  impcr- 
feftion  in  the  cork,  or  the  grain  lay  acrofs  the 
tongue.  But  when  this  happens,  nothing  is  eafier 
than  to  cut  and  iliape  a  new  tongue  from  the  plate 
of  cork  and  leather,  which  may  be  fitted  to  the 
mortoife  and  adjufted  irl  as  little  time  as  a  common 
quill,  and  with  as  little  trouble.  Harpfichords, 
quilled  in  the  ufual  way,  may  be  furnifhed  in  the 
manner  now  recommended,  by  difmounting  the  pa 
lates  and  cutting  mortoifes  of  a  proper  fize  ;  the 
little  hole  in  which  the  quill  had  been  fixed  ferving 
for  the  upper  limit  of  the  mortoife  in  which  the 
cork  tongue  is  to  be  fitted. 

1787. 


D  E  S  C  R  I  P- 


r  293  i 


DESCRIPTION 


O     F        A 


CANDLE-CASE. 


J-  HE  defigii  of  this  machine  is  to  fcrecn  the 
flame  of  a  candle  from  being  flaired  by  the  wind 
in  fummer,  or  drawn  by  the  current  of  air  to 
wards  the  chimney  in  winter. 

THE  flame  of  a  candle  is  at  all  times  much  agi 
tated  by  the  air.  Every  perfon  muft  have  ob- 
ferved,  in  reading  or  writing  by  candle  light,  that 
the  light  will  fometimes  acquire  a  rapid,  vibratory 
motion,  which  occafions  the  letters  on  the  book  or 
paper  to  appear  and  difappear  in  quick  fucceffion. 
This  twinkling  is  fo  painful  to  the  eye,  that  the 
perfon  is  frequently  obliged  to  look  from  the  book 
or  paper  for  a  moment,  or  to  ftroke  his  eyes  with 
his  hand.  The  fenfation  is  very  difagreeable  ;  and 
no  wonder,  when  it  is  confidered,  that  the  iris  of 
the  eye  contrafts  and  dilates  in  correfpondence 
with  every  motion  of  the  flame. 

T3  THE 


294     ] 

THE  machine  I  have  contrived  will  mield  the 
flame  from  the  undulations  of  the  air,  and  caufe 
it  to  burn  with  a  fteady  and  uniform  light.  Fig.  i. 
reprefents  this  machine  fattened  by  fcrews  to  a 
common  candlcftick.  A,  the  candleftick  ;  BB, 
two  femicircular  plates  of  brafs  which  embrace 
the  top  of  the  candleftick  ;  thefe  are  furnifhed 
with  cheeks  on  each  fide,  which  are  drawn  clofe 
together  by  means  of  the  fcrews,C  C  ;  and  thereby 
the  machine  is  firmly  fixed  to  the  candleftick,  and 
may  be  removed  at  pleafure  by  taking  out  the 
fcrews.  (See  the  femicircular  plates  reprefented 
feparate  at  fig.  2.)  One  of  thefe  plates  has  an 
arm,  D,  connected  with  a  crotchet  E  E.  In  the 
two  ends  of  this  crotchet  there  are  fquare  holes, 
for  the  reception  of  the  long  fquare  wire  F. 
This  fquare  wire  flips  eafily  up  and  down  through 
the  fquare  holes ;  and  that  it  may  ftand  fupported 
in  all  pofitions,  and  flide  with  an  uniform  fri&ion, 
there  is  a  fmall  piece  of  watch-fpring,  G,  rivetted 
to  the  middle  of  the  crotchet,  and  preffing  with  its 
two  ends  againft  the  fquare  wire.  H  is  an  arm 
fixed  to  the  long  wire,  bearing  a  fmall  ring,  I ; 
this  ring  is  a  little  larger  than  a  common  candle, 
and  its  ufe  is  to  keep  the  candle  upright,  and  pre 
vent  its  falling  againft  the  glafs,  hereafter  men 
tioned,  if  it  fhould  be  too  loofe  in  the  focket,  or 
not  fet  perpendicular  in  the  candleftick.  K  is  ano 
ther 


r  295  i 

•ther  arm  fixed  on  the  top  of  the  long  wire,  and 
carrying  another  ring,  L,  larger  than  the  one 
jufl  mentioned.  This  ring  is  for  the  reception  and 
Support  of  the  glafs,  M,  which  furrounds  the 
flame  of  the  candle,  and  caufes  it  to  burn  with  a 
ileady  light.  The  glafs,  M,  is  one  of  thofe  ufed 
for  the  new  patent  lamps :  it  is  a  tube,  open  at  both 
ends,  of  2^  inches  diameter,  and  abouc  4  inches 
long,  and  has  a  rim  round  the  top,  by  which  it 
hangs  on  the  ring,  L.  As  the  candle  waftes,  the 
glafs  muft  be  flipped  down  by  means  of  the  knob, 
N  j  or  if  it  fhould  require  to  be  fnuffed,  the  gJafs 
may  be  raifed  or  lowered  fo  as  to  expofe  the  wick 
for  the  purpofe.  Fig.  3  reprefents  the  machine 
detached  from  the  candleilick,  and  without  the 
glafs.  The  fame  letters  of  reference  are  put  to  the 
correfponding  parts  with  fig.  i. 

OBSERVATION. 

THIS  contrivance  fully  anfwered  the  purpofe 
intended,  of  keeping  the  flame  fteady  and  the  light 
uniform ;  but  an  inconvenience  occurred  which 
was  not  expected.  It  occafioned  the  candle  to 
gutter  ;  that  is,  the  melted  wax  or  tallow  would 
colleft  in  an  undue  quantity  round  the  bottom  of 
the  wick,  and  run  down  the  fides  of  the  candle. 
This  was  not  owing  to  the  heat  of  the  glafs,  as  I 

at 


r 

at  firfl  imagined  ;  for  a  ftrong  current  of  air  occa- 
fioned  by  the  flame,  kept  the  glafs  fo  cool,  that 
pieces  of  wax  or  tallpw  would  adhere  to  it 
without  melting,  and  the  glafs  might  be  handled 
without  inconvenience.  I  know  not  the  reafon  of 
this,  unlefs  it  be,  that  the  inner  circular  furface  of 
the  glafs  concenters  the  heat  to  a.  focus  in  that 
place  by  reflection,  or  that  the  current  of  air  bears 
up  the  flame,  fo  that  it  does  not  confume  the 
wax  as  fad  as  it  melted.  It  was  obfervable  that 
the  flame  was  confiderably  elongated,  and  that  it 
did  not  follow  the  wafle  of  the  wax  as  clofe  as 
common,  but  left  an  unufual  portion  of  wick  be 
tween  it  and  the  melted  wax. 


A  FULL 


L    297    j 


FULL    AND    TRUE     ACCOUNT 


OF  A 


TERRIBLE        UPROAR 


WHICH    LATELY    HAPPENED  IN  A  VERY 


EMINENT      F    A    M.  I    L     Y. 


AT  is  not  long  fmce  the  lady  Pcnnfyfoa,  a  pcrfon 
of  high  diftinftion,  and  much  efleemed  for  her  wif- 
dom,  wealth,  and  importance,  was,  to  the  furprifc 
of  every  one,  delivered  of  fine  boy.  She  was 
dotingly  fond  of  this  infant ;  and  the  mcwre  fo  as  the 
tongue  of  flander  had  endeavoured  to  cafl  infamy 
on  her  and  the  child,  by  plainly  calling  her  a  whore 
and  the  boy  a  baftard.  But  it  was  well  known 
to  her  intimate  acquaintance  that  Ihe  had  been  pri 
vately  married  to  Patriotifm,  a  very  worthy  and 
honourable  gentleman,  who  was  indeed  the  father 
of  the  child.  But  Patriotifm  unfortunately  died 
foon  after  the  lady  Pennfylva  was  brought-to-bed. 

THE 


C 

THE  untimely  death  of  the  father  greatly  en 
deared  the  fon  to  the  difconfolate  widow  ;  and 
more  efpecially,  as  the  boy  bore  a  finking  likenefs 
of  her  loft  hufband. 

SHE  called  him  Independence ;  (he  nurfed  him 
with  care  and  attention,  and  endeavoured  to  pro 
cure  fuch  fervants  in  her  family  as  would  feed  and 
tend  him,  rather  from  motives  of  real  affection 
than  from  mercenary  views.  But  fuch  difmterefted 
perfons  were  not  eafily  found.  Jealoufies  had  al 
ready  taken  place.  Some  envied  others  for  their 
flations  and  wages,  and  hatred  and  contempt  in 
fected  the  family,  till  at  laft  the  jarring  views  and 
interefls  of  the  fervants  broke  out  into  an  open 
rupture — The  cafe  was  this — 

THE  lady  Pennfyfaa  had  hired  a  wct-nurfe  for 
her  child — her  name  was  Rced'ma — and  no  one 
doubted  but  that  lhe  had  a  fmcere  affection  for 
the  baby.  Neverthelefs,  ihe  had  but  an  uneafy 
time  of  it.  Having  not  the  bed  temper  in  the 
world,  {he  not  only  had  many  quarrels  of  her  own 
upon  hand,  but  ihe  took  part  alfo  in  thofe  of  the 
other  fervants  ;  in  which  fhe  did  not  exercife  upon 
all  occafions  an  impartiality  becoming  the  ftation 
ihe  filled  in  the  family.  In  fliort,  (he  fuffered  her- 
felf  to  be  influenced  by  thofe  who  were  not  her 

equals 


[     299 

equals  in  abilities ;  and  who  made  ufe  of  her 
power  and  influence  to  gratify  their  own  ambitious 
views. 

IN  due  courfe  of  time,  Reedina's  milk  dried  a- 
way,*  and  it  became  necefTary  to  get  another  nurfe 
for  the  infant. 

RE$DINA>  though  ncceffarily  removed  from  her 
ftation,  was  not  willing  to  refign  her  fway  in  the 
family  ;  but  wifhing  to  have  it  dill  in  her  power  to 
fliew  favour  to  thofe  whofe  party  {he  had  efpoufed, 
and  to  punifli  thofe  who  had  been  too  free  in  their 
itri&ures  on  her  conduct,  flie  found  out  one  ma 
dam  Pottering  and  ftrongly  recommended  her  as  a 
fit  perfon  to  fupply  her  place. 

MADAM  Potterini  was  a  very  good  fort  of  wo 
man,  and  truly  attached  to  young  Independence  ; 
but  then  flic  was  altogether  unflcilful  in  the  affairs 
of  a  nurfery.  She  knew  not  how  to  drefs  the  ba 
by  with  propriety  ;  and  in  cafe  of  teething,  lax, 
belly-ach,  or  other  diforders  incident  to  the  tender 
(late  of  infancy,  (lie  was  ignorant  of  the  treatment 
proper  on  fuch  occafions  ;  having  never  had  the 
opportunity  of  acquiring  that  kind  of  knowledge. 

Ree- 

*  By  the  conftitution  of  Pennfylvania,  a  new  prefidcnt  muft  be 
elected  every  three  years. 


r  300  i 

)  ncvcrthelefs,  recommended  her  in  the 
ftrongeft  terms  as  a  fuitable  nurfe  for  the  child, 
and  got  all  thofe  fervants  who  were  in  her  intereft 
to  join  in  the  recommendation  j  not  that  ilie  thought 
madam  Potterini  equal  to  the  ta£k,  for  (he  well 
knew  to  the  contrary :  but  expefted  that  Potteri 
ni' s  ignorance  in  the  bufmefs  of  a  nurfery  would 
render  her  dependent  upon  her  for  advice  in  all 
things,  fo  that  fhc  in  faft  might  govern  the  family 
as  heretofore,  although  out  of  place. 

THOSE  who  hated  Reedina,  faw  through  this 
defign,  and  oppofed  a  Mrs.  Richardfon  to  madam 
Potterini,  as  a  perfon  better  qualified  to  do  honour 
to  the  ftation. 

No  fooner  was  this  rivalfhip  known, but  Reedina's 
party  became  outrageous — every  thing  that  calum 
ny  could  invent,  or  malice  infmuate,  was  poured 
forth  againft  Mrs.  Richardfon,  and  high  panegyrics 
wrought  up  in  favour,  of  madam  Potterini.  Thefe 
were  all  anfwered  with  equal  malignity  by  the 
partizans  of  the  other  fide  againft  Reedina  and  her 
adherents.  Nothing  but  railing  and  reviling  was 
heard  in  the  houfe — abufe  was  anfwered  by  abufe, 
and  flander  ballanced  by  ilander. 

AT  length  the  good  lady  Pennfyfoa,  hoping  to 

pur 


r 

put  an  end  to  thefe  difgraceful  altercations,  made 
her  ele&ion,  and  committed  the  care  of  her  fon, 
and  the  fuperintendency  of  her  family  to  Mrs. 
Rkhardfon.  But  this  determination  had  not  the 
defired  effeft  :  fcolding,  lying,  and  abufe  were  car 
ried  to  greater  heights  than  ever ;  the  fervants 
were  all  formed  into  parties,  and  the  peace  of 
the  family  was  entirely  broken  up. 

Now  the  principal  parti zans  had  arranged  them- 
felves  in  the  following  order : 

ON  one  fide,  was  Mrs.  Richardfon,ihc  wet  nurfe: 
to  her  adhered  Kitty  Ofivald,  one  of  the  chamber 
maids;  mifs  Jackfon,  the  feemftrefs  ;  Peggy  Rufo, 
the  cook ;  her  brother  Jacob,  the  clerk  ;  Tom 
Falhn,  the  fcullion,  with  many  others. 

ON  the  fide  of  the  malecontents,  appeared  Res- 
dina,  the  late  nurfe  ;  Thomas,  the  chief  Reward  ; 
George,  the  under  fteward;  Fanny  Belly,  the  fecond 
chamber-maid  ;  cock-eyed  Moll  and  Doll  Froiv- 
fey,  her  underftrappen  ;  together  with  Jonathan, 
the  late  coachman;  Wilkins,thc  footman  ;  Henry, 
the  lick-fpit,  and  feveral  more. 

THESE  perfons,  however,  oppofed  to  each 
other,  equally  profefled  a  warm  attachment  to 


r  302  j 

young  Independence,  and  to  the  interefts  of  the  fa 
mily  ;  but  neither  fide  would  allow  that  the  other 
had  any  fmcerity  in  thefe  profelfions.  They  mu 
tually  charged  each  other  with  difaffe&ion,  and 
terms  of  obloquy  and  reproach  were  dealt  about 
without  the  leaft  regard  to  common  decency. 

THEIR  difputes  and  animofities  were  at 
length  wrought  up  to  fuch  a  pitch  of  rancour  and 
inveteracy  as  to  break  out  in  a&ual  warfare: — 
but  all  things  in  order — Before  a  poor  mortal  un 
dertakes  a  talk  fo  arduous,  he  mould,  out  of  decen 
cy  and  in  compliance  to  ancient  cuftom,  invoke 
fupernatural  help  :  and,  if  he  fhouldhave  creduli 
ty  enough  to  believe  that  afliftance  hath  been  grant 
ed,  and  even  fancy  that  he  feels  himfelf  infpircd, 
there  is  no  doubt  but  he  will  perform  his  talk  with 
a  vigour  and  fpirit  proportionable  to  the  ftrength 
of  his  faith. 

COME  then,  thou  heavenly  mufe  !  who  haft  af- 
fifted  in  defcribing  the  bloody  frays  of  wrangling 
mortals,  from  the  famous  fiege  of  Troy  in  ancient 
times,  to  the  more  famous  fiege  of  York-town  in 
Virginia,  of  recent  date  !  Or,  if  there  fliould-  be 
two  of  your  divinitymips,  one  more  Ikilled  in 
the  mortal  comefts  of  the  field,  and  the  other  bet 
ter  verfed  in  private  broils  and  warfare  of  the  fifl 

and 


L 

and  tongue — even  thou,  who  heretofore  didft 
guide  the  pen  of  Butler,  when  he  fang  the  frays  of 
Hudibras,  with  rabble  rout — thou,  who  didft  thy 
aid  afford  when  Fielding,  in  exalted  profe,  defcrib- 
ed  the  valorous  feats  of  Molly  Seagrim,  in  the 
field  of  death,  or  Mrs.  Partridge,  in  domeftic 
ftrife — refufe  me  not  thy  help  !  but  teach  me  how 
to  fcold  ! — Alas  !  my  invocation  is  in  vain — the 
goddefs  hears  me  not — I  muft  therefore  try  what 
mere  mortal  ftrength  can  do ;  and  with  no  other 
help  or  infpiration,  but  what  Kitty  Ofwald  and 
Fanny  Belly  can  afford,  mud  venture  to  proceed. 

IT  was  on  a  Friday  morning — a  day  of  the  week 
branded  with  ill  fortune  from  the  earlieft  times  ; 
the  lady  Pennfylva  had  gone  abroad  on  fome  occa- 
fion  or  other.  Kitty  and  Fanny,  the  two  chamber 
maids,  were  about  their  ordinary  occupation,  when 
Kitty's  brufli,  in  fweeping  the  room,  happened  to 
ftrike  againft  Fannys  heel,  as  {he  was  making  up 
the  bed :  whereupon  the  following  dialogue  en- 
fued. 

"  I  think,  mifs  Kitty  ^  it  would  be  well  for  you 
"  to  learn  to  handle  a  brufli  before  you  pretend  to 
"  the  bufmefs  of  a  chamber-inaid  in  a  gentlcwo- 
"  man's  family  :  and  I  think  it  very  hard  that  peo- 
"  pie,  who  have  ferved  as  I  have  done,  fliould  be 
A  "  in- 


C     3°4     I 

u  infulted  by  every  upftart  hufTey  that  comes  into 
"  the  houfe." 

"  UPSTART!  (exclaimed  Kitty  with  fome  heat) 
"  and  pray  who  are  you  ?  you  fix -penny  retailer  of 
"  fcandal  and  lies. — You  were  in  high  luck,  to  be 
*'  fure,  when  George,  the  under-fteward,  and  Jona- 
"  than,  the  coachman,  fent  for  you  out  of  the 
*e  country  to  do  their  dirty  work.*  I  think  nurfe 
"  Reedina  had  little  to  do  when  flie  fuffered  fuch  a 
"  mifchievous  baggage  to  come  into  a  decent  fa- 
"  mily  ;  I  know  of  no  good  you  and  your  under- 
"  flrappers,  cock-eyed  Moll  and  Doll  Frowfey,  have 
"  done,  unlefs  fetting  the  fervants  together  by  the 
"  ears,  and  difturbing  the  peace  of  the  whole  fa- 
"  mily,  may  be  called  doing  good." 

"  GET  out,  you  b — ch  !"  replied  Fanny — 

BUT,  gentle  reader,  to  avoid  trouble  to  myfelf, 
and  not  to  offend  nice  ears,  I  propofe  to  omit  the 
flowers  of  fcurrillity  which  bloomed  on  this  occa- 

fion; 

*  F B ,   a   pr'mier  at  Lancafter,  was  fent  for  to  the  city, 

to  ferve  the  purpofes  of  a  party,  and  fet  up  a  newfpaper  fill'd  with 

perfonal  fcandal  and  abufe.     After  fome  time,  E O fet  up 

a  .like   paper  in  oppoiition,,  and  foon  out-did  B in  his  own  way. 

Between  the  two,  calumny  an.l  (lander  were  carried  to  greater  ex- 
*ait  that  was  ever  known,  perhaps,  in  a  civilized  city. 


r  305  i 

fion  ;  yet  for  the  benefit  of  thofe  who  wilh  to  have 
this  dialogue  feafoned  according  to  the  tafte  of  the 
times,  I  ihall  direcl  this  narrative,  in  the  future 
editions  thereof,  to  be  printed  with  blanks  in  the 
proper  places,  which  the  reader  may  fill  up  accord 
ing  to  his  fancy  out  of  Tom  Brown,  Ned  Ward,  or 
the  more  modern  eloquence  of  the  FREEMAN'S 
JOURNAL,  and  INDEPENDENT  GAZETTEER. 

— — "  GET  out,  you  b — ch  !  (replied  Fanny) 
"  you  had  betternot  mention  nurkReedina,George, 
"  the  fleward,  and  Jonathan,  the  coachman  : — > 
«  pray  who  are  Jenny  Richardfon,  Pegg  Rufh, 
"  and  all  the  gang  of  you  ? — Did  not  nurfe  Ri- 
tc  chardfon  call  young  mafter  a  baftard  before  he 
"  was  born? — Yes,  you  jade — and  after  he  was 
"  born,  {he  would  have  feen  him  ftarve  before  (lie 
*c  would  have  given  him  a  pannykin  of  pap  j  and 
"  jeijhe  mud  be  fet  up, to  be  fure,over  the  heads  of 
"  better  people  than  and  herfelf :  as  for  Peggy,  the 
'*  cook,  fhe  had  better  by  half  attend  to  her  bufi- 
"  nefs,  and  not  employ  her  time  in  fomenting  quar* 
ct  rels  in  the  houfe,  and  fetting  miftrefs  againft  her 
44  beft  fervants:  for  it  is  well  known,  that  Pegg  told 
*c  my  lady,  that  all  thofe  who  aflifted  at  her  lying- 
"  in,  were  rabfcallions  and  tatterdemallions  :*  and 
"  fo,  mifs  Kitty,  before  you  fet  about  abufing 
U  «  other 

*  This  alludes  to  »  particular  publication. 


C    306   1 

"  other  people,  pleafe  to  look  at  home  at  your 
"  own  troop  of  trumpery." 

"  SINCE  you  come  to  that,  madam  Trollop,  (an- 
"  fwered  Kitty,}  I  can  foon  be  even  with  you.— 
"  Did  not  George,  the  fteward,  and  Jonathan,  the. 
"  coachman,  your  great  patrons  and  friends,  cabal 
"  and  rail  againft  general  Worthy,  our  mailer  Pa' 
"  triotifm's  chief  friend,  and  now  his  executor  ? 
"  and  did  not  he  fay  he  ought  to  be  turned  out  of 
"  the  houfe  ?  for  which  Jonathan  got  a  good 
"  flogging  with  his  own  horfe-whip  !  and,  more- 
"  over,  did  not  nurfe  Reedina  treat  with  a  villain 
"  about  poifoning  young  mafler  foon  after  he  was 
"  born? — yes,  flic  did — and  Peggy  Rufh  knows,  or 
"  at  lead  fays  flic  knows,  that  Reedina  would 
"  ftrangle  him  this  moment  if  fhe  could." 

THERE  is  fuch  an  intimate  fympathy  between 
the  tongue  and  the  hands,  that  when  the  former  is 
in  fuil  exercife,  the  latter  cannot  long  remain  inac 
tive  :  for  words  like  trumpets  are  but  preludes  to 
battle.  Fanny  replied  only  by  fpitting  full  in  Kit' 
/y's  face  :  and  fo  to  fifty-cuffs  they  went  without 
further  ceremony,  and  with  as  keen  an  appetite  as 
ever  Dr.  *****  fat  down  to  a  turtle  fcaft. 

As  a  dog,  which  hath  not  only  a  natural  hatred, 

but 


C    307    1 

bur  a  contempt  for  the  cat,  (who,  though  the 
weaker  animal,  excels  in  cunning  and  malice,) 
fliould  pufs  prefume  to  lift  her  paw  againft  him,  fei- 
zes  and  (hakes  her  until  his  mouth  is  filled  with  hair, 
the  fpoils  of  the  enemy :  juft  fo  the  enraged  Kitty  fell 
furioufly  upon  poor  mifs  Belly,  and  tore  from  her 
head,  not  only  her  gauze  cap,  but  a  handful  of 
thofe  ornaments,  in  which,  like  Sampfon's,her  chief 
flrength  lay:  for  Fanny  was  proud  of  her  locks,  as 
they  were  very  pliable,  and  would  fet  any  way  her 
admirers  chofe  they  fliould:  Ihe,  however,  like  gri 
malkin  aforefaid,  flew  upon  her  adverfary,  and  in 
a  moment  imprinted  eight  lines  of  vengeance  on 
Kitty's  cheeks,  which  lamented  the  injury  in  tears 
of  blood. 

SOME  authors  have  inadvertently  mentioned  ten 
marks  of  retaliation  t  but  it  fliould  be  obferved 
that  the  thumbs  feldom  do  execution  on  thefe  occa- 
fions.  Be  it  as  it  may,  this  is  certainly  a  very  an 
cient  method  of  wiping  off  oldfcores  by  making 
new  ones. 

THE  noife  of  this  battle  foon  brought  the  family 
together.  Kitty  being  Fanny's  fuperior  in  ftrength, 
and  finding  her  ftrength  encreafed  by  pain  and 
rage,  grafped  her  antagonift  round  the  waift,  lifted 
her  from  the  floor,  and  in  the  prefence  of  the  whole 
U  2  houf- 


C   308   I 

houfhold,  turned,  up  her  coats,  and  fpanked  her 
right  foundly  with  the  duft-pan.  Cock-eyed  Molt 
and  Doll  Frowfey  feeing  their  principal  thus  expof- 
ed,  and  in  the  hands  of  the  enemy,  foufed  the  con- 
terns  of  two  chamber-pots  in  Kitty's  face. 

THE  company  immediately  arranged  themfelves 
according  to  their  refpeftive  parties,  and  the  battle 
became  general.  PeggV,  the  cook,  emptied  a  hot 
dripping-pan  on  Rcedina's  head,  whilft  Jacob,  the 
clerk,  fpattered  her  with  a  bottle  of  ink ;  Felon, 
the  fcullion,  threw  a  quart  of  flufli  on  Gwrge,  the 
fteward's  old  fcarlet  cloak  ;  but  George  avoided 
fighting  openly,  and  only  flily  pinched  his  adverfa- 
ries  as  opportunities  offered  ;  Rccdina  attacked 
nurfe  Rtchardfon  with  a  carving  knife,  with  which 
{he  not  only  ilafhed  her  cloaths,  but  gave  fome  ug 
ly  wounds  in  the  flefli  :  whilft  Mrs.  Richardfan  en 
deavoured  to  defend  herfelf  with  a  pillow  fnatched 
from  the  cradle.  All  was  uproar  and  confuilon, 
and  in  the  tumult,  the  cradle  was  overfet,  and  little 
Independence  lay  fprawling  and  bawling  upon  the 
floor,  unnoticed  and  unpitied  by  the  furious  com 
batants. 

IN  the  midft  of  the  ftorm,  up  rofe  Thmass  the 
chief  fie  ward,  and  with  great  folemnity  commanded 
filence  in  the  name  of  the  lady  Pennfyha*  Hofti- 

lities 


J 

Jitics  being  fufpended,  he  called  upon  Kitty,  and 
feverely  reprimanded  her  as  being  the  author,  or 
at  leaft  the  encourager,  of  all  this  animofity  :  he 
reproached  her  as  a  virago,  a  common  fcold,  and 
threatened  to  have  her  well  ducked  and  turned  out 
of  doors :  he  emphatically  rebuked  her  for  abufing 
poor  Fanny,  the  chamber-maid,  and  fwore  that  flic 
ihould  anfwer  for  her  conduit  to  her  miflrefs. 

Kfrrr,  who  had  fpunk  enough,  could  not  bear 
this : — "  Yes,  Mr.  Thomas,  (faid  flie,)  you  may 
"  well  fland  up  for  poor  Fanny  the  chamber-maid r, 
"  as  you  call  her,  and  good  reafon  why,  truly, 
"  for  all  the  houfe  knows  flie  is  your  whore. 
*'  How  long  is  it,  pray,  fmce  flie  brought  forth  .a 
"  bailard  in  the  fliape  of  a  law-book  ?*  Its  features 
**  are  too  like  its  precious  father  to  be  miftaken : 
"  you  are  a  fit  perfon,  truly,  to  preach  up  order 
"  and  decency — you,  who  have  fecretly  encouraged 
"  your  trollop  in  ail  her  provoking  infolence,  and 
"  fcandalouslies.  Fanny  may  fay  what  flie  pleafes — 
"  it  is  all  proper — it  is  all  right — flie  is  a  girl  of  fpirit, 
"  and  will  make  people  know  their  places : — but,  if 
"  I  open  ray  mouth,  k  is  all  calumny,  flander,  and 
"  breach  of  the  peace — and  what  not.  As  to 
*'  your  threats,  I  fcorn  them ;  nature  gave  me  a 
U  3  "  tongue, 

*  The  new  edition  of  the  laws  of  Peanfylvania. 


<£ 


[    3"    3 

tongue,  and  I  will  make  ufc  of  it  in  fpite  of  you 
or  your  pitiful  whore — You  filence  me ! — you 
duck  me,  and  turn  me  out  of  doors ! — I  hope 
we  are  not  come  to  that  pafs  yet,  that  no  one  it 
to  be  allowed  freedom  of  fpeech  in  this  family, 
without  your  gracious  licence :  but  I  will  afk 
my  lady  when  me  comes  home,  whether  or  no, 
*'  flie  has  thought  proper  to  put  the  keys  of  our 
"  mouths  into  your  pocket.  I  know  you  think 
«'  yourfelf  a  very  great  man,  Mr.  Thomas— -and 
'*  you  are  a  very  great  man,  Mr.  Thomas,  to  be 
"  furc  ;  but  for  all  that,  I  hope  poor  fervants  may 
"  perform  the  functions  of  nature  without  waiting 
ic  for  your  permiffion — and  fo  for  the  future,  Mr. 

"  Thomas" Her  tongue  was  running  on  at 

this  rate,  like  the  din  of  a  brafs  candleftick  tumb 
ling  down  flairs,  when  a  thundering  rap  at  the 
door  announced  the  arrival  of  lady  Pennfylva:  hav 
ing  heard  of  the  terrible  uproar  in  her  family,  from 
fome  of  the  neighbours,  fhe  had  hurried  home, 
and  was  no  fooner  admitted  into  the  houfe,  but  flie 
ruflied  to  the  fcene  of  action. 

THE  firft  object  that  drew  her  attention,  was 
the  poor  infant  kicking  and  fcreaming  under  the 
cradle,  which  had  been  turned  topfey^turvey  over 
him.  She  took  him  up  from  the  floor,  and  footh- 
cd  him  in  fcer  bofom  with  maternal  tendernefs ; 

fhe 


[    3"     J 

fhe  then  took  a  furvcy  of  the  belligerent  powers, 
as  they  flood  before  her,  reeking  hot  with  the  fury 
of  battle,  and  exclaimed  with  horror  : — "  Heaven 
."preferve  me!  what  do  I  fee?  can  thefe  be  the 
?c  fervants  of  my  houfe  ?  can  thcfe  be  the  chofen 
•"  few  in  whom  I  have  placed  fo  much  confidence, 
"  and  to  whofe  nurture  and  care  I  have  entrufled 
"  my  darling  child  ? — the  hope  of  my  family  ? — 
"  Go,  miferable  wretches ;  go,  and  cleanfe  your- 
"  felves  from  filth,  and  repair  your  difordered 
*'  drefs  j  for  I  will  not  hold  converfe  with  you 
"  in  your  prefent  tattered  and  befpattered  conditi- 
"  on :  and  fee  that  you  all  meet  me  an  hour  hence 
"  in  the  great  hall  : — but  firft,  Rcedina,  give  up 
*'  that  carving  knife  j  would  you  make  a  flaugh- 
"  ter-houfe  of  my  apartments  ? — oh,  fliame ! 
"  ftiame !"  Saying  this,  fhe  hurried  away  to  .her 
chamber,  oppreffed  with  grief:  and  the  comba 
tants  filently  floie  off,  fome  one  way,  fomc  another, 
to  prepare  as  well  as  they  could,  for  the  meeting 
in  the  great  hall, 

AT  the  appointed  tune,  the  lady  Pennfyha  re 
paired  to  the  hall,  and  feating  herfelf  in  an  armed 
chair,  with  her  little  fon  in  her  lap,  fhe  rang  the 
bell;  a fummons  which  foon  brought  all  the houfe- 
Jaold  into  her  prefence.  After  a  few  moments  of 

ferious 


C   31*   3 

ferious  and  cxpreflive  filence,  Hie  thus  addreffe# 
them. 

ce  WHERE  is  now  that  heroic  ardour  which 
"  once  animated  my  friends  in  the  defence  of  my 
"  righteous  caufe,  againft  a  cruel  and  powerful 
"  foe?  Where  is  now  that  difmterefted  zeal — that 
"  divine  enthufiafm,  which  once  determined  you 
"  to  brave  every  extremity,  in  fupport  of  me  and 
"  my  infant  fon,  when  a  cloud,  black  with  ven- 
"  geance,  hung  heavy  over  the  fortunes  of  my 
"  houfe?  Where  is  now  that  virtuous  magnanimity, 
"  which,  like  a  tower  of  ftrength,  flood  firm  a- 
"  gainft  the  moft  fevere  attacks  ? — But,  why  do  I 
"  afk  where  ?  alas  !  I  know  too  well,  that  they  all 
<c  lie  buried  in  thefacred  tomb  of  my  departed  lord. 

"  Yotf,  for  your  abilities  and  fuppofed  attach- 
*e  ment  to  me  and  mine, have  been  fele&cd  to  be  the 
*e  fpecial  guardians  of  my  honour  and  interefts;  but 
"  you  have  moft  ungratefully  exercifed  thofe  abili- 
<e  ties  in  fowing  difcord  in  my  family,and  diftrafting 
<c  my  affairs.  When  you  thus  attack  each  otherwith 
ke  all  the  rancour  and  malice  of  mutual  enemies, 
*'  you  weaken  my  ftrength,  and  forward  the  views 
"  and  wifhes  of  thofc  who  feck  the  downfall  of 
"  my  houfe.  Look  at  this  darling  infant,  and  con- 
**  iider  for  a  moment,  how  nearly  his  life  is  con- 

"  netted 


t?  ne£cd  with  your  conduft  : — Would  you  with  to 
*'  fee  him  branded  with  infamy  ? — cad  out,  and 
"  torn  by  dogs  ?" — Here  the  good  lady  (bed  tears 
in  abundance. — "  I  believe  you  would  not — or  do 
<e  you  wifli  to  fee  him  live,  and  grow  to  a  date  of 
"  manhood,  and  become  aprote&or  and  ableffing 
**  to  you  and  your's  ? — If  fo,  for  heaven's  fake, 
"  ceafe  thefe  inteftine  broils — he  lives  in  your  unl- 
**  on — rhe  dies  in  your  difcord. 

"  BUT  mould  thefe  bafe  and  vulgar  quarrels  be 
"  produftive  of  no  fuch  ferious  confequences ;  they 
"  at  lead  affe&,  nay,  deeply  wound,  the  reputation 
"  of  my  family.  What  muft  my  friend  the  French 
*'  nobleman  think  of  us  ?  What  muft  the  Dutch 
"  merchant  next  door,  or  the  Spanijh  don  over 
*'  the  way,  think  of  us  ?  Perhaps  you  care  not — 
"  But,  I  aik,  what  do  you  think  of  yourfelves  ?  I 
"  appealto  your  own  confciences,  whether  in  thefe 
66  inveterate  altercations,  you  find  your  paffions 
*'  raifed  by  a  zeal  for  me,  and  a  jealoufy  for  my 
"  \velfare,  for  this  is  what  you  all  pretend — or, 
"  whether  ambition,  revenge,  or  avarice  is  not  the 
"  true  fource  of  thefe  animofities  ?  It  is  eafy  to 
*'  gild  a  foul  defign  with  a  fair  motive ;  but  the 
44  touch-ftone  of  adverfity  will  expofe  the  bafer 
"  metal ;  and  God  only  knows  how  foon  your 
"  fmcerity  may  be  brought  to  the  ted.  My  heart 

"  is 


r  314  j 

«  is  full  and  heavy ;  I  (hall  not  enlarge— I  Iov« 
"  you  all ;  and  my  warmeft  wifli  is,  that  thofe 
"  whom  I  love,  may  love  one  another. 

"  WHAT  I  had  principally  in  view  in  ordering 
"  your  attendance  here,  was  to  inform  you,  that 
"  my  dear  deceafed  hufband  hath  dire&ed  by  his 
"  will,  that  at  the  end  of  every  feven  months,  pro- 
"  per  perfons  ihall  be  appointed  to  enquire  into  the 
"  ceconomy  of  my  family,  and  the  conduft  of  my 
"  fervants  ;*  they  are  to  be  fevere  and  impartial 
"  judges.  The  time  of  this  enquiry  is  now  near  at 
"  h;uid  ;  I  (hall,  therefore,  not  invefligate  the  oc- 
ct  cafion  and  circumftances  of  this  day's  uproar  ; 
"  but  refigu  you  to  thofe  judges,  who  will  not  fail 
"  to  puniih  the  guilty,  and  rectify  all  abufes  :  in 
*'  the  mean  time,  however,  I  would  earneftly  and 
"  mnft  pathetically  recommend  it  to  you,  Mrs. 
"  Richardfon,  and  to  you,  Mr.  Thomas,  to  exert 
"  yourfelves  in  preferring  the  peace  of  the  family, 
"  by  difcouraging  all  acrimonious  altercations,  re- 
"  conciling  jarring  interefls,  and  diflributingjuftice 
tc  with  moderation  and  impartiality. — Away  !  and 
"  leave  me  to  the  digeilion  of  that  forrow,  from 
"  which  you  alone  can  relieve  me  by  your  future 
66  harmony  and  good  conducV' 

SHI 

*  The  council  of  ccnfors. 


C   3's    J 

SHE  ceafed,  and  the  company  immediately  dif- 
perfed  in  filence ;  but,  in  going  out,  Fanny  could 
not  refift  an  opportunity  that  offered  of  treading 
upon  Kitty9 s  toes ;  and  then,  with  great  formality 
afked  her  pardon  for  the  accident.* 


A  RE- 


*  The  above  was  written  with  a  view  to  check  the  rage  of  party, 
during  Mr.  Dickenfon's  prefidentfhip. 


r  3-6  J 


REMARKABLE    HISTORICAL    FACT, 

Mentioned  in  the  records  of  the  empire  of  CHIKA,  to  be  found 
in  the  great  library  of  the  royal  city  of  PEKING,  'vol.  3458  .- 
tranjlated  from  the  original,  by  an  Englijh  gentleman  ivho  refided 
many  years  in  that  country,  and  now  firjl  published  in  the  Englijt 
language. 


xN  the  reign  of  HOANG-TI,  who  was  co-tempo 
rary  with  Noah,  a  cacoethes,  or  malignant  diilem- 
per,  raged  amongft  the  officers  and  fervants  of  the 
emperor's  court.  The  fymptoms  by  which  it  ma- 
manifefled  itfelf,  were  a  moft  licentious  delirium, 
and  a  virulent  apathy,  without  any  apparent  caufe 
of  phrenzy,  or  vifible  diminution  of  health  and 
ftrength :  the  infected  violently  attacked  each 
other,  and  even  ftrangers,  if  they  crofTed  their  way, 
by  difcharging,  periodically,  a  black  corrofive  fali- 
va,  which  always  ftained  and  fometimes  infecled 
thofc  on  whom  it  fell,  to  the  great  annoyance  of 
the  whole  court. 

WHEREUPON  the  great  emperor  HOANG-TI, 
ever  careful  for  the  good  of  his  people,  iiTued  his 

royal 


L    317   3 

royal  mandate,  commanding  Cu-tan-fta-afo,  his 
chief  furgeon,  and  Roif-on-al,  his  chief  phyfician, 
and  Whim-Jic-~al,  his  chief  metaphyfidan,  to  take 
the  infe&ed  parties  under  their  care  ;  and  after  ex- 
amining  into  the  caufe  of  this  extraordinary  difeafe, 
to  apply  the  proper  remedies,  and  then  make  re 
port  to  him  of  the  whole  matter. 

IN  purfuance  of  this  mandate  of  the  emperor 
HOANG-TI,  many  perfons  were  apprehended,  and 
carried  to  the  grand  infirmary.  Amongft  thefe 
were  Chink-Chink,  the  poet,  who  was  one  of  the 
royal  council  ;  Tiving-Twang9  the  mufician,  who 
was  alfo  a  mandarine;  Fee-fa-fwn,  of  the  military; 
Quil-king'gum^  the  fcribe  ;  RuJh-Tufo,  the  politi 
cian  ;  Tfang-hU)  and  Van-leo-ai^  men  of  letters  ; 
with  Fal-fool-fi-reb-randj  Van-hoc^  and  many  others 
of  inferior  note. 


n-JIa-a/h,  the  furgeon,  Poi-fon-al,  the 
phyfician,  and  Whim-fic-al,  the  metaphyfician,  had 
duly  confidered  the  cafe,  they  were  unanimoufly  of 
opinion,  that  this  difeafe  was  occafioned  by  obftruc- 
tions  in  ihepori  be/arii,  duftus  hypaticus,  and  dudus 
pancrvaticus  :  that  in  confequence  of  thefe  obilruc- 
tions,  the  bile  not  being  duly  elaborated  by  the 
liver,  or  Aveetened  and  correfted  by  the  pancrea 
tic  juice,  was  extravafated  into  the  abdomen,  from. 

whence 


C   318   1 

whence,  afcending  through  7thc  epigaftric  region 
into  the  thorax,  it  foon  reached  the  falival 
glands,  and  fo  mixed  with  the  chyle  :  that  a  great 
part  was  uftially  difcharged  through  the  mouth  by 
fpitting  and  fputtering  ;  but  the  remainder  being 
fwallowed  into  the  flomach,  pervaded  the  whole 
circulation  of  digeflion,  and  finally  went  off  in  foetid 
urine,  or  in  a  clammy  and  offenfive  fweat. 

HAVING  thus  difcovered  the  diagnoftic  fymp- 
toms,  the  curative  indications  readily  prefented, 
viz.  to  deterge  the  inteflincs  by  potent  cathartics, 
to  diflodge  the  obftructions  by  vigourous  concuffi- 
ons,  and  to  open  a  way  for  the  virulent  matter,  by 
promoting  fenfible  and  infenfible  perfpiration  :  and 
after  much  deliberation,  it  was  concluded,  that  all 
thefe  purpofes  might  be  affe&ed  by  one  fimple  ope- 
ration,  viz.  THE  BASTINADO  ;  provided  it  mould 
be  adminiftered  to  the  patient  ufque  adfudorem  £9* 
putorem. 

AGREEABLY  to  this  determination  of  Cu-tan- 

J!a-afh,t\\t  furgeon,  Poif-on-a/,  the  phyfician,  and 

Wbim-Jic-al)  the  metaphyfician,  the  patients  were 

forthwith  bound  hand  and  foot,  and  the  operation 

adminiftered  with  great  alacrity. 

THE  effeft  was  truly  aftonifhing  :  fome,  indeed, 

required 


required  more,  and  others  lefs,  of  the  falutary  cx- 
ercife,  according  to  the  ilrength  of  the  difeafe,  and 
obitinacy  of  the  patient :  but  in  the  end,  all  reco 
vered  and  were  releafed  ;  except  only  the  unfortu 
nate  S£uil-king-guni)  in  whom  the  diitemper  was  fo 
inveterate,  that  he  died  under  the  operation,  be 
fore  any  favourable  fymptoms  appeared  :  this  be- 
in^  the  cafe,  it  was  agreed  between  Cu-tan-JIa-afl), 
Poif-on-al  and  Whim-fic-al,  that  the  body  of  the  de- 
ceafed  (hould  be  opened,  in  order  to  a  more  certain 
difcovery  of  the  nature  of  this  extraordinary 
difeafe. 

THIS  was  accordingly  done,  "and  thefe  learned 
men  having  made  the  inveftigation  with  great  fkili 
and  attention,  formed  a  report  of  the  cafe,  and 
laid  the  fame  before  the  emperor,  in  obedience  to 
his  royal  mandate. 

THE  report  was  in  thefe  words. 

"  To  the  great  and  mighty  HOANG-TI,  empe 
ror  of  CHINA,  governor  of  the  world,  the  inven 
tor  of  arts,  and  the  father  of  his  people  : 

"  THE  report  of  Cu-tan-jla-afh^  his  chief  furge- 
on ;  and  of  Poif-on-al,  his  chief  phyfician,  on  in- 
fpefting  the  body  of  £>uil-king-£i(n:,  the  fcribe, 
deceafed. 

"Ix 


•  "  IN  obedience  to  the  royal  command,  we  have 
attended  ro  the  cacoethical  difeafe  which  had  fcized 
many  perfons  belonging  to  your  imperial  court ; 
and  we  are  mod  happy  in  informing  your  majefty, 
that  we  have  by  proper  applications  rcftored  all  the 
patients  that  fell  under  our  care,  to  compofure, 
health  and  harmony,  except  the  fcribe  £>uil-king+ 
gum,  who,  unfortunately  expired  under  the  opera 
tion  neceffary  to  his  cure.  This  circumltance, 
however,  hath  afforded  us  an  opportunity  of  dif- 
covering,  by  occular  teftimony,  the  nature  and  feat 
of  his  difeafe. 

"  THE  deductions  from  thefe  fa£h  we  leave  to 
the  learned  Whim-fic-al,  your  majefty 's  chief  meta- 
phyfician. 

ce  WE  have  only  to  add,  that  in  order  to  con 
firm  the  cure  of  thofc  patients,  whom  we  have 
been  fo  fortunate  as  to  reftorc,  we  have  prepared 
emollient  cataplafms  of  fpices  and  aromatic  herbs, 
to  be  applied  to  the  bread,  with  a  view  to  foften, 
fweeten,  and  correct  any  remaining  malignity 
about  the  region  of  the  heart," 

SIGNED,  Cu-ian-fla-ofo^  with  the  fignature  of 
•A  human  fkull.  Poif-on-at,  with  the  fignature  of 
leaf  of  hemlock. 


To 


,"  To  the  great  Hoang-ti,  emperor  of  China,  go 
vernor  of  the  world,  the  inventor  of  arts,  and  the 

father  of  his  people. 

"  THE  report  of  ivhim-jic-al,  the  metaphyfician, 
on  confidering  the  cafe  of  Quil-k  ing-gum,  the 
fcribe,  as  fet  forth  in  the  report  of  Cu-tan-Jla-aJb* 
the  furgeon,  and  Poif-on-al^  the  phyfician. 

"  YOUR  majefty's  chief  furgeon  and  chief  phy 
fician,  having  carefully  and  judicioufly  reprefented 
the  remarkable  circumflances,  which  occurred  in 
opening  the  body  of  <£uil-king~gum  the  fcribe  ;  it 
is  my  duty  to  explain  to  your  majefty  how  this  de 
rangement  in  the  corporeal  fyftem  became  the  ef 
ficient  caufe  of  that  obliquity  of  conduct  and  acri 
mony  of  temper  fo  confpicuous  in  the  life  and  man 
ners  of  the  deceafed. 

"  EVER  zealous  to  gratify  the  defires  of  my 
fovereign,  it  is  with  great  concern  I  find  myfelf 
under  the  neceffity  of  praying  your  majefty's  in 
dulgence  in  this  particular,  until  I  (hall  have  com 
pleted  a  work  which  has  been  the  attention  and 
ftudy  of  my  whole  life. 

X  "Tms 


I  322  ] 

"  THIS  work  which  I  {hall  have  the  honour  of 
laying  at  the  feet  of  the  great  Hoang-ti,  will  c^n- 
tain  a  full  and  fktisfa&ory  account  of  the  original 
elements  of  the  fpiritual  and  material  kingdoms  : 
It  will  trace  the  various  phenomena  that  arife  from 
t;.e  innumerable  combinations  of  thefe  elementary 
principles. 

"  I  {hall  Ihew  that  in  this  vifible  world  all  things 
are  but  fo  many  different  exhibitions   of  one  ori 
ginal  eiTence ;  as  the  leaves,  flowers,  and  fruit  of 
a  plant  are  only  varied  difplays  of  the  fame  nu 
tritious   juice. 

"  I  ihall  fliew  that  fire  is  only  condenfed  light, 
air  is  condenfed  fire,  water  condenfed  air ;  that 
earth  is  condenfed  water,  and  that  metals,  flones, 
and  all  the  foffile  kingdom  are  different  modifica 
tions  of  condenfed  earth. 

"  So  alfo  with  regard  to  fpirit ;  I  fliall  con 
vince  your  majefty,  and  I  hope,  the  whole  world, 
that  fpirit  or  mind,  abftra&ed  from  all  adjuncts, 
is  a  fimple  effence  or  unity ;  not  compounded  of 
parts,  but  of  powers  only  :  That  there  can,  there 
fore,  be  no  original  difference  between  fouls  ;  in- 
afmuch  as  one  unity  cannot  differ  from  another, 

except 


t   323   ] 

except  only   in  identity,  and  their  powers  being 
all  ejftntial  muft  therefore  be  all  equal. 

"  THAT  to  accomplifh  the  infcrutable  purpofes 
of  the  great  Creator,  fpirit  became  connected 
with,  and  inclofed  in  material  organs  :  and  being 
fo  incorporated  cannot  exhibit  or  exercife  any  of 
its  powers,  but  fuch  as  the  organization  of  the 
body  with  which  it  is  conne&ed  is  capable  of 
making  manifeft. 

"  THAT,  upon  thefe  principles,  differences  in 
temper  and  abilities  are  not  occafioned  by  an  ori 
ginal  difference  of  fouls,  but  are  the  confequences 
of  a  different  organization  of  bodies.  Inferring 
from  this  fyflem,  that  the  foul  of  an  ideot,  when 
difengaged  from  the  faulty  body  with  which  it  was 
united,  hath  all  the  powers  and  faculties  of  the 
foul  of  a  philofopher.  And,  further,  that  the  foul 
of  an  horfe  is  as  truly  fpirimal  as  the  foul  of  a  man. 

"  I  (hall  have  the  honour  alfo  to  {hew,  that,  not- 
withftanding  this  hypothecs,  virtue  and  vice  are 
not  merely  the  effeft  of  mechanifm  ;  but  that  the 
foul  having  an  innate  fenfe  of  right  and  wrong, 
and  a  power  of  comroul  over  the  body,  can  at  plea- 
fure,  reflrain  or  encourage  its  mechanical  propen- 
X  2  fities ; 


C    3*4    J 

fities ;  of  which  I  {hall  give  a  var/ety  of  convinc 
ing  examples.  The  body  is  the  flave  of  an  aftfve 
foul,  but  may  by  inattention  and  indulgence  be 
come  the  matter.  When  the  will  of  the  foul  is 
flrong,  it  is  in  vain  for  the  body  to  plead  laffitude, 
weaknefs,  or  pain.  Hence  it  is  that  the  failor 
braves  contending  elements,  the  foldier  faces  fire 
and  fword,  arid'  the  martyr  fmiles  amidft  fur- 
rounding  flames.  For  Volition  is  an  eflential  qua 
lity  of  the  foul,  and  however  poorly  it  may  exhi 
bit  its  powers,  according  to  the  circumflances  of 
the  material  engine  with  which  it  is  fo  intimately 
conne&ed,  it  is  always  free  to  will. 

"  IN  this  work  I  {hall  alfo  explain  to  your  ma- 
jefty's  comprehenfion  all  the  myfteries  of  volun 
tary  and  involuntary  motion  ;  and  trace  the  fpirit 
from  her  firft  pantings  in  the  punflum  fallens,  to 
the  laft  ftruggles  of  animal  life. 

"  YOUR  majefty  will  then  plainly  fee,  that  the 
character  and  conduct  of  the  late  guil-king-gum 
was  perfectly  confonant  with  the  frame  and  con- 
ftitution  of  his  body,  as  reprefented  by  Cu-tan-Jla- 
afh,  your  chief  furgeon,  and  Poif-on-aly  your  chief 
phyfician  j  and  you  will  know  alfo  how  far  he 

night, 


might,  and  how  far  he  could  not.,  have  counter 
acted  the  propenfities  of  his  mechanical  nature. 

"  FOR  the  prefent,  I  can  do  no  more  than  give 
a  fhort  abftraft  of  deductions  from  his  cafe. 

"  BUT  the  phyfical  and  metaphyfical  laws  by 
•which  the  temper  of  the  foul  becomes  thus  confo- 
nant  with  certain  arrangements  and  derangements 
of  body,  are  fo  fubtile,and  fo  deeply  involved  in  the 
great  arcana  of  nature,  that  the  mod  fimple  and 
common  phenomenon  cannot  be  fully  account 
ed  for  without  developing  the  whole  wonderful 
fyftera. 

"  THUS  when  I  fhall  explain  to  your  majefty 
the  caufe  by  which  a  philofopher  in  a  fever  be 
comes  a  madman,  and  in  a  lethargy  a  fool,  you 
will  know  all  the  myfteries  of  fpirit  and  matter, 
feparate  or  conjoined :  you  will  fully  comprehend 
the  caufe  of  waking,  fleeping,  and  dreaming.: 
you  will  fee  the  fource  from  whence  the  artift  de 
rives  his  fancy,  and  the  poet  his  £re. 

"  IN  all  thefe  points  I  ftiaH  have  the  honour  to 
give  the  great  Hoang-ti  full  fatisfaftion,  when  1 
{hall  have  completed  the  arduous  work  I  have  in 
hand*] 

X3  IN 


"  IN  the  mean  time,  I  pray  your  majefty  to 
fufpend  that  ardent  thirft  for  knowledge  which 
charafterifes  your  aufpicious  reign,  and  extend 
your  royal  indulgence  to  your  faithful  flave." 

Signed  WHIM— SIC— AL 

With  the  fignature  of  an  Air  Bubble* 


SOME 


r 


SOME      ACCOUNT 


OF    A    NEW    WORK    ENTITLED 


•DIALOGUES     OF     THE     DEAD. 


JL  HIS  manufcript  was  not  found  in  digging  the 
vaults  of  the  new  Quaker  meeting  houfe  in 
Arch  Street ;  nor  was  it  difcovered  in  a  leaden 
box  by  the  labourers  employed  in  the  regulation 
of  Seventh  Street ;  neither  was  it  wafhed  out  by 
a  flood  through  the  fubterraneous  aquedu&s  of 
the  city  into  that  place  of  general  contribution 
the  Dock  ;  but  it  was  found,  where  it  might  natu 
rally  be  expe&ed,  in  the  pocket  of  the  author. 

LUCIAN,  in  antient,  and  Lord  Littleton  in-modern 
times,  with  many  others,  wrote  dialogues  of  the 
dead  ;  and  the  pious  Mrs.  Roive  eftablilhed  a  regu 
lar  poft  between  the  fpiritual  and  temporal  king- 
rdoms.  £fop  alfo  caufed  birds,  beads,  and  fillies,  to 
.hold  familiar  conventions,  like  fo  many  chriflians, 

in 


[  3*8  r 

in  good  decent  language.  Thefe  were  bold  ftrokes 
in  literature.  But  our  author  outftrips  them  far. 
That  intelligent  beings,  under  any  form  of  exift- 
ence,  fliould  be  capable  of  a  mutual  communica 
tion  of  ideas,  is  not  an  abfurd  or  improbable  fuppo- 
fition.  That  the  brute  fpecies,  manifeftly  poffefled 
of  ideas  and  furnifhed  with  at  leaft  apparent  or 
gans  of  fpeech,  might  maintain  a  friendly  converfa- 
tion  is  not  difficult  to  conceive :  but  that  dead 
carcafes  fhould  uttsr  fentiments,  and  hold  recipro 
cal  intercourfe,  feems  to  be  a  fliocking  violation 
of  the  bounds  of  probability.  Our  author,  how 
ever,  attempts  to  juflify  the  ground  he  hath  cho- 
fen  by  a  fyftem  of  philofophy,  whimfical  enough, 
of  which  the  principal  outlines  arc  thcfe. 

HE  ftates  the  pofition,  that  whatever  exifts 
Hath  identity,  or  that  which  diflinguifhes  it  from 
another  being  however  iimilar.  That  bodies  arc 
fenfible  of  their  identity,  which  is  manifeftcd  by  the 
refinance  they  make  to  any  change  of  form,  or 
to  any  diminution  or  addition  of  fubflancc.  That 
all  material  bodies  have  atmofphercs  adhering  to 
their  fuperficies,  or  rather  that  thofe  atmofpheres 
are  the  component  parts  of  the  bodies  themfelves, 
expanded  and  rarefied  to  an  imperceptible  degree 
of  finenefs.  So  that  bodies  have,  in  fact:,  no  per 
ceptible  out-lines.  What  appears  to  us,  he  fays, 

to 


to  be  the  external  outlines  of  any  body,  is  no 
thing  more  than  that  line  of  divifion  in  its  atmo- 
fphere  which  feparates  thofe  particles  which  are 
grofs  enough  to  become  the  objects  of  vifion, 
from  thofe  which  are  too  refined  for  that  purpofe. 
And  therefore,  he  infers,  to  no  two  men  does 
the  fame  object  appear  of  equal  magnitude,  unlefs 
their  eyes  fh'ould  be  formed  exactly  alike,  and  pof- 
felTcd  of  precifely  equal  powers.  From  which  he 
concludes,  that  no  one  can  certainly  fay  here  this 
body  ;'/,  but  there  it  is  not. 

HE  aflerts  further,  that  thefe  atmofpheres,  fur- 
rounding  not  only  the  whole,  but  every  molicule 
of  a  body,  mud  ever  prevent  an  actual  contact  of 
parts  however  clofely  preiTed  together  ;  and  there 
fore,  there  is  riot  to  be  found  in  all  nature  a  truly 
folid  body.  That  when  bodies  lye  fo  near  each 
other  that  their  atmofpheres  interfere,  there  muft. 
be  an  actual  intercourfe  of  parts  between  them,  of 
which  they  are  more  or  lefs  fenfibk  according  to 
the  vigour  and  activity  of  their  refpective  atmo 
fpheres.  And  that  by  fuch  an  interference  of  at 
mofpheres,  fentiments  may  be  communicated,  efpe- 
cially  if  the  component  parts  of  the  effluvias  have 
been  highly  fublimated. 


r  33°  ] 

OK  this  hypothefis  our  author  founds  his  work, 
entitled  Dialogues  of  the  Dead.  One  of  thefe  dia 
logues  is  felefted  as  a  fpecimen  of  his  manner.  It 
is  the  third  dialogue  of  the  fecond  book  ;  fuppofed 
to  pafs  between  the  careafes  of  a  dog  and  a  cat 
lying  in  one  of  the  (beets  of  this  city. 

DIALOGUE      III. 

CAT.  So  neighbour !  you  are  welcome  into 
our  fraternity.  Which  of  the  flreet  commiffioners, 
pray,  ordered  you  here  ? 

DOG.  I  know  nothing  of  the  ftreet  commif- 
fioners — not  I  — I  had  got  a  bad  cold,  which  oc- 
cafioned  a  defluxion  from  my  nofe.  This  was 
foon  perceived.  The  cry  of  mad  dog  was  raifed, 
and  the  boys  knocked  me  in  the  head — Street 
commiilioners,  indeed !  I  fuppofe  if  one  of  them 
fhould  pafs  this  wray,  he  would  foon  order  both 
you  and  me  into  a  dirt  cart,  and  pack  us  off  to 
the  commons. 

CAT.  I  perceive  that  you  are  very  ignorant. 
You  feeni  to  know  nothing  of  the  late  improve 
ments  in  the  police  of  this  city.  Don't  you  know 
that  I  lie  here  by  exprefs  order  of  the  ftreet  com- 

miflioners, 


L     33'     ] 

miffioners,  tliofe  guardians  of  the  heal  ill  and  con 
venience  of  the  citizens  of  Philadelphia  ?  and  that 
thefe  ftreets  are  regularly  fupplied  with  dead  cats 
at  a  very  confiderable  expence  ? 

DOG.   You  furprife  me  very  much  !  — Pray,  to 
what  purpofe  ? 

CAT.  I  will  inform  you.  It  has  been  difcover- 
ed,  and  proved,  particularly  by  a  Doctor  Alex 
ander,  profeflbr  in  Edinburgh,  that  filth,  nafli- 
nefs,  and  corruption,  are  the  only  fure  prefer vers 
of  health.  He  made  nuinberlefs  experiments  to 
afcertain  this  truth.  He  procured  fome  of  the  li 
quor  from  a  pool  near  Edinburgh,  into  which  the 
carcafes  of  dogs,  cats,  horfes,  &c.  and  the  general 
filth  of  the  city  are  ufoally  thrown.  This  he  put 
into  a  glafs,  vifcous,  green,  and  frothy,  as  he 
found  it .:  he  took  alfo  fome  fair  fpring  water  and 
put  it  into  another  glafs.  Two  pieces  of  freib. 
meat  were  fufpended  in  thefe  waters,  and  placed 
in  the  fame  degree  of  heat.  In  a  few  hours,  the 
meat  immerfed  in  fair  water  began  to  fmell  oiTen- 
five,  and  foon  after  became  putrefcent ;  whilft  the 
other  remained  fweet  for  feveral  days  ;  and,  be-- 
ing  broiled  on  the  coals,  made  an  excellent  fteak 
for  the  curious  doftor  to  regale  himfelf  withal. 
Convinced  by  this  experiment,  our  commUTioners 

have 


r  332  3 

have  directed  as  many  carcafes,  and  as  much  filth 
as  can  be  collected,  to  be  difperfed  through  the 
Ifreets  of  this  city.  And  it  is  owing  to  their 
attention  that  there  is  now  no  ftreet  or  alley 
without  at  lead  a  reafonable  fiipply  of  putrefcent 
matter. 

DOG.  Well !  but  I  am  fure  there  is  a  law  for 
cleanfmg,  pitching  and  paving  the  ftreets  of  this 
city,  and  a  pretty  heavy  tax  levied  for  the  purpofe. 
I  am  fure  I  have  heard  my  mafter  curfe  and  fwear 
bitterly  whilft  he  paid  it.  Pray,  what  becomes  of 
all  that  money  ? 

CAT.  What  becomes  of  it !  The  commuTioners 
pay  it  away  in  premiums  to  boys  who  kill  cats  for 
the  fupply  of  this  large  city.  Only  confider — there 
are  at  this  time  not  lefs  than  three  hundred  dead 
cats  lying  in  our  ftreets  and  alleys.  But,  alas  !  what 
is  a  poor  cat  ? — not  made  of  fteel — (he  cannot  lad 
forever — continually  run  over  by  waggons  laden 
with  cord-wood — by  drays,  carts,  coaches,  and 
and  chains,  and  perpetually  kicked  about  by 
horfes*  hoofs.  I  fuppofe  the  oldeft  and  toughed 
ram-cat  that  can  be  got  will  not  wear  more  than  a 
month.  Well !  three  hundred  cats  per  moath  make 
three  thoufand  fix  hundred  neceflary  for  the  an 
nual  fupply  of  this  city — and  thefe  are  not  to  be 

had 


[    333    3 

had  gratis.  The  time  is  not  far  off  when  the  Ic- 
giflature  will  find  it  neceffary  to  pafs  a  law  for  en 
couraging  the  breed  of  cats,  and  even  allow  a 
handfome  bounty  on  their  importation.  Our 
worthy  ftreet  commiffibners  already  find  cats  fo 
fcarce,  that  they  are  fometimes  obliged  to  put  the 
city  to  an  allowance.  But  they  make  up  the  defi 
ciency,  by  encouraging  houfekeepers  to  throw  in 
to  the  ftreets,  all  the  offals  of  their  kitchens ; 
fuch  as  guts,  garbage,  bones,  feathers,  oyfter- 
Ihells,  &c.  And  they  allow  the  foap-boiler  to 
pile  up  before  his  door,  the  dregs  of  his  trade — 
the  ftinking  fkimmings  of  putrid  fat,  and  the  ca- 
put-mortiium  of  a  whole  winter's  firing. 

DOG.  This  fyftem  of  police  is  entirely  new  to 
me,  and  I  believe  not  generally  understood.  I 
have  known  many  to  curfe  the  commiffioners  for 
the  dirtinefs  of  our  ftreets,  and  pay  with  grudg 
ing  a  tax  for  which  they  fay  there  is  not  value 
received. 

CAT.  Mere  effects  of  ignorance  and  prejudice ! 
It  is  now  known  to  the  learned,  that  the  volatile 
falts  arifmg  from  putrefcent  fubftances  are  the  mod 
powerful  antifeptics  in  nature.  It  mufl  be  owing 
to  the  extreme  cleanlinefs  of  Conftantinople  that  it 
is  fo  often  vifitcd  with  the  plague.  For  cleanli 
nefs 


[     334     ] 

nefs  is  part  of  the  religion  of  a  Mahometan — but 
Chriflians  know  better.  The  king  of  Spain  once 
undertook  to  cleanfe  the  ftreets  of  Madrid,  by  or 
dering  the  inhabitants  to  accommodate  themfelves 
with  neceffaries  ;  but  this  had  well  nigh  caufed  an 
infurredtion  in  that  great  city.  And  the  phyfi- 
cians,  one  and  all,  joined  in  a  remonflrance  to  the 
crown,  declaring  that  the  health  of  the  inhabi 
tants  depended  upon  there  being  a  fufficient  quan 
tity  of  human  ordure  fpread  over  the  ftreets  of 
Madrid. 

MANY  of  the  good  people,  who  live  on  the  eaft 
fide  of  Front  Street,  between  Arch  and  Vine 
Streets,  hold  the  fame  philofophical  creed.  Who 
ever  will  (troll  through  that  neighbourhood,  from 

O  O  ' 

ten  to  twelve  o'clock  at  night,  (whether  he  goes 
along  Front  or  Water  Streets)  will  not  fail  to  fee 
the  nymphs  ruih  fudclenly  out,  and  pour  forth 
plentiful  libations  to  the  goddefs  Cloadna  from 
their  facred  urns.  And  whoever  walks  that  way 
early  in  the  morning,  might  fuppofe  that  Jupiter^ 
enamoured  with  the  Danacs  of  that  diftricl,  had 
acrrJn  defcended  in  a  golden  fhower.  Delicate 

o  o 

conilitutions,  fubjecl'  to  nervous  and  hyflerical  af- 
feclions,  are  fure  cf  finding  relief  by  taking  the 
air  of  that  neighbourhood.  And  it  is  faid  the 
flreet  commiffioners  frequently  direct  their  morn 
ing 


[    335    ] 

ing  walk  that  way  to  procure  an  appetite  for 
breakfaft.  Moreover,  it  is  expecled,  that  as  the 
feafon  advances,  the  urinous  falts  will  be  fo  fubli- 
med  by  the  heats  of  the  fummer  fun,  as  to  ge 
nerate  a  natural  phofphorus :  in  which  cafe  that 
neighbourhood  will  apply  for  an  exemption  from 
the  lamp-tax  as  an  unneceffary  impofition  on  that 
part  of  the  city,  whofe  inhabitants,  like  the  fru 
gal  fire-fly,  can  furnifh  light  from  their  own  tails. 

DOG.  And  is  this  new  doctrine  of  health  the 
the  only  reafon  why  our  commhTioners  fuifer  the 
ftreets  to  remain  in  fo  nafty  a  condition  ? 

CAT.  No— there  are  even  pleafures  and  conve 
niences  as  well  as  real  advantages  arifmg  from  it. 
I  ihall  only  give  you  one  inftance.  The  ftreets 
being  covered  three  or  four  inches  thick  with  foft 
mud,  and  femi-fluid  filth,  the  carriages  pafs  eafily 
and  lilently  along,  without  diflurbing  the  fick  by 
the  rattling  of  their  wheels,  or  jarring  the  teeth 
out  of  the  jaws  of  the  riders,  as  is  the  cafe  in 
driving  over  a  clean  (tone  pavement.  Befides,  a 
coach  cannot  run  far  without  encountering  the 
body  of  a  cat:  the  wheels  muft  unavoidably  break 
three  or  four  ribs  of  the  carcafe,  and  this  will  af 
ford  an  agreeable  cra/h9  to  the  great  amufement 
of  the  ladies  and  gentlemen  within. 

D'oo. 


r  336  i 

;  DOG.  From  what  you  have  faid,  I  begin:—;  at 
this  inftant  a  dray  laden  with  a  hogfhead  of  fugar 
came  along,  and  one  of  the  wheels  rolled  dire&ly 
over  the  head  of  the  dog.] 

CAT.   Ha !  ha !    ha !    What  a   curfed  figure 
you  make  !  why  your  head  is  as  flat  as  a  pancake. 

DOG.  Yes.  That  booby,  who  has  gonewhif- 
tling  along,  little  thinks  how  wonderfully  the  ma 
chine  was  conftructed  which  he  has  fo  carelefsly 
deftroyed.  If  all  the  rational  powers  of  his 
whole  genealogy,  from  the  firil  of  his  name,  who 
was  got  behind  a  hedge  in  Ireland,  to  the  lafl  of 
of  his  family  who  will  be  hanged  in  America  for  a 
robbery,  could  be  united  in  one  individual,  he 
would  not  be  able  to  combine  matter  to  fuch  afto- 
nifliing  efFeft,  as  it  was  arranged  in  the  little 
caiket  he  hath  now  cruuied  to  pieces.  Good 
God !  what  work  he  has  made  !  Cerebrum,  ce 
rebellum,  pia  mater,  dura  mater,  pineal  gland, 
medullary  fubflance,  nerves,  lymph,  venal  and  ar 
terial  blood,  oftium  and  peri-oftium,  all  confound 
ed  together.  Thanks,  however,  to  bountiful  na 
ture,  who  hath  fo  ordered  it,  that  no  derangement 
of  the  machine,  after  what  is  called  death,  lhall  oc- 
cafion  pain.  But  I  was  faying,  from  what  you  have 
obferved,  I  begin  to  fee  things  in  a  different  light. 
4  CAT. 


r  337  ] 

CAT.  Ha!  ha!  ha! — You  may  well  fee  things 
in  a  different  light,  truly-rr-Why,  your  eye-balls 
are  turned  out  of  their  fockets  into  open  funfhine, 

DOG.  No  matter ;  let  me  aik  you— was  there 
not  an  attempt  made  to  have  this  city  incorporated, 
with  a  view  to  its  better  government,  and  for  the 
removal  of  what  are  called  nuifances,  abufes,  and 
impofitions? 

CAT.  Yes ;  but  the  cry  of  mad  dog  was  raifed 
againft  the  bill,  as  in  the  cafe  of  your  worfhip  ; 
and  it  was  knocked  on  the  head. 

DOG.  Don't  you  think  the  thing  may  be  again 
attempted  with  fuccefs  ? 

CAT.  Doubtlefs  ;  provided  the  principal  oppo- 
fer  be  recommended  as  mayor  ;  the  next  in  vocife 
ration  recorder ;  and  the  reft  aldermen.  For, 
depend  upon  it,  this  is  a  true  republican  maxim  : 
"  Power  is  a  very  dangerous  weapon  ;  yet  if  you 
will  put  it  into  my  hands,  I  mall  ufe  it  with  fo  much 
lenity  and  difcretion,  as  to  make  it  a  public  blef- 
.fmg  :  but  no  man  elfe  ought  to  be  unified." 

DOG.  Have  you  any  thing  more  to  fay,  for  in 
truth  I  grow  tired  of  your  converfation  ? 

Y  CAT, 


C   338    J 

CAT.  Only  this :  it  is  whifpcred  that  the  ftreet 
commiflioners  hold  a  monthly  feaft  ;  at  which  the 
principal  difti  is  two  large  ram-cats,  fmothered  in 
onions.  Numbers  obferved,  or  might  have  ob- 
ferved,  two  flunned  cats,  lying  in  Chemut-flreet, 
near  Third-ftreet :  thefe  had  been  prepared  for 
this  fame  love-feafl :  but  as  the  gentlemen  are  ve 
ry  nice  in  their  eating,  they  were  thought  not  fat 
enough  for  their  table,  and  fo  were  thrown  into 
the  common  flock  in  the  flreet,  and  a  brace  of 
better  fed  cats  provided  for  the  entertainment. 

You  grow  impatient,  or  I  meant  to  fay  fome- 
thing  of  the  dock,  that  great  ornament  of  our  city : 
I  could  alfo  give  you  a  hint  of  a  remarkable  revo 
lution  in  politics,  which  is  even  now  working  its 
way,  and  will  ftiortly  {hew  itfelf — a  revolution, 
which 

A  carriage  pafllng  fwiftly  along  at  this  inflant, 
ran  acrofs  the  cat,  and  turned  her  fairly  over ;  fo 
that  the  fide  which  had  been  next  the  ground  was 
now  uppermoft,  which  circumftance  totally  chang 
ed  the  fubjeft  of  converfation  :  for,  as  was  before 
obferved,  this  dialogue  was  maintained  by  an  inter 
ference  ofatmofpheres.  Now,  the  volatile  particles 
which  had  been  for  many  days  fweltering  next  the 
earth,  were  of  a  very  different  nature  from  thofe 

which 


C     339    3 

which  emanated  from  a  furfacc  cxpofed  to  the 
open  air,  and  of  courfe  had  a  very  different  effeft. 

SOMETHING  like  this  may  be  obferved  in  ani 
mal  life.  If  a  man,  when  he  goes  to  bed,  indulges 
a  train  of  thoughts,  lying  on  his  left  fide,  when  he 
turns  on  his  right  fide,  the  whole  train  of  ideas 
vanifhes  j  and  he  can  fcarcely  by  any  efforts  of  the 
mind,  recover  the  fame  thread  of  cogitation,  unlefs 
the  fubjeft  was  of  a  very  interefting  nature.  So, 
in  dreaming,  a  change  of  pofition  in  the  body 
never  fails  to  change  the  whole  fcencry  in  which 
the  imagination  had  been  engaged. 

A.  B, 

March  1784. 


y  2  wo. 


r  340  j 

MODERN     LEARNING: 

EXEMPLIFIED     B  Y     A 

SPECIMEN 

*f     A 

COLLEGIATE     'EXAMINATION. 


METAPHYSICS. 

*PROF.  WHAT  is  a  SALT-BOX  ? 
STU.  It  is  a  box  made  to  contain  fait. 
PROF.  How  is  it  divided  ? 
STU.  Into  a  falt-box,  and  a  box  of  fait. 
PROF.  Very  well ! — fhew  the  diftin&ion. 

STU.  A  falt-box  may  be  where  there  is  no  fait; 
but  fait  is  abfolutely  neceffary  to  the  exiftence  of 
of  a  box  of  fait. 

PROF- 

*  Prof,  profeflbr;  Siu.  (Indent  j  gov.  governor  of  the  inftitution. 


r  34-  3 

PROF.  Are  not  falt-boxes  otherwife  divided  ? 

STU.  Yes  :  by  a  partition. 

PROF.  What  is  the  ufe  of  thi3  partition  ? 

STU.  To  feparate  the  coarfe  fait  from  the  fine. 

PROF.  How  ?  —  think  a  little. 

STU.  To  feparate  the  fine  fait  from  the  coarfe. 

PROF.  To  be  fure  :  —  -it  is  to  feparate  the  fine 
from  the  coarfe  :  but  are  not  falt-boxes  yet  other- 
wife  diftinguifbed  ? 


STU.  Yes:  W\Q  pojfible,  probable 

PROF.  Define  thefe  feveral  kinds  of  fak-bexes. 

STU.  A  pojjlble  falt-box  jb  «i  falt-bas  yet  ijinfoU 
in  the  hands  of  the  joiner. 

PPOF.  Why  fo  ? 

STU.  Becaufe  it  hath  never  yet  become  a  fak- 
box  in  fad.,  having  never  had  any  fait  in  it  j  and 
it  may  pofiibly  be  applied  to  fome  other  ufe. 

PROF.  Very  true  :  —  for  a  felt-box  which  never 
had,  hath  not  now,  and  perhaps  never  may  have, 
any  fait  in  it,  can  only  be  termed  a  foffible  -fait- 
box.  What  is  a  probable  falt-box  ? 

Y  3  STU. 


r  342  j 

STU.  It  is  a  falt-box  in  the  hand  of  one  going 
to  a  (hop  to  buy  fait,  and  who  hath  fix-pence  in 
his  pocket  to  pay  the  grocer :  and  a  po/itive  falt- 
box  is  one  which  hath  actually  and  bonafide  got 
fait  in  it. 

PROF.  Very  good : — but  is  there  no  inflancc  of 
a  pofitive  falt-box  which  hath  no  fait  in  it  ? 

STU.  I  know  of  none. 

PROF.  Yes :  there  is  one  mentioned  by  fomc 
authors  :  it  is  where  a  box  hath  by  long  ufe  been 
fo  impregnated  with  fait,  that  although  all  the  fait 
hath  been  long  fmce  emptied  out,  it  may  yet  be 
called  a  falt-box,  with  the  fame  propriety  that  we 
fay  a  fait  herring,  fait  beef,  &c.  And  in  this  fenfe 
any  box  that  may  have  accidentally,  or  otherwife, 
been  long  fleeped  in  brine,  may  be  termed pojitively 
a  falt-box,  although  never  defigned  for  the  purpofc 
of  keeping  fait.  But  tell  me,  what  other  divifion 
of  falt-boxes  do  you  recollect  ? 

STU.  They  are  further  divided  into  fubftantive 
and  pendant :  a  fub/lanti've  falt-box  is  that  which 
ftands  by  itfelf  on  the  table  or  drelfer  j  and  a  pen 
dant  is  that  which  hangs  upon  a  nail  againfl  the 
wall. 

PROF. 


[     343     3 

RROF.  What  is  the  idea  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  It  is  that  image  which  the  mind  conceives 
of  a  falt-box,  when  no  falt-box  is  prefent. 

PROF.  What  is  the  abftraft  idea  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  It  is  the  idea  of  a  falt-box.  abftra&ed  from 
the  idea  of  a  box,  or  of  fait,  or  of  a  falt-box,  or  of 
a  box  of  fait. 

PROF.  Very  right: — and  by  thefe  means  you 
acquire  a  moft  perfeft  knowledge  of  a  falt-box  : 
but  tell  me,  is  the  idea  of  a  falt-box  a  fait  idea  ? 

STU.  Not  unlefs  the  ideal  box  hath  ideal  fait 
ink. 

PROF.  True: — and  therefore  an  abftraft  idea 
cannot  be  either  fait  or  frefti ;  round  or  fquare  5 
long  or  Ihort :  for  a  true  abftraft  idea  mud  be  en 
tirely  free  of  all  adjuncts.  And  this  Ihews  the  dif 
ference  between  a  fait  idea,  and  an  idea  of  fait. — 
Is  an  aptitude  to  hold  fait  an  ejftntial  or  an  acci 
dental  property  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  It  is    ejfential ;  but  if  there  ihouldbea 
crack  in  the  bottom  of  the  box,  the  aptitude  to 

fpiU 


r  344  3 

fpill  fait  would  be  termed  an  acddentul  property  of 
that  falt-box. 

PROF.  Very  well  !  very  well  indeed  !  —  What  is 
the  fait  called  with  refpeft  to  the  box  ? 

STU.  It  is  called  its  contents. 
PROF.  And  why  fo  ? 

STU.  Becaufe  the  cook  is  content  quoad  hoc  to 
to  find  plenty  of  fait  in  the  box. 

PROF.   You  are  very  right  —  I  fee  you  have  not 
mifpent  your  time  :   but  let  us  now  proceed  to 

LOGIC. 

PROF.  How  many  parts  are  there  in  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.   Three.   Bottom,  top,  ari 


PROF.   HoW  many  modes  are  there  in   falt- 
boxes  ? 

STU.   Four.   The  formal,  the  fubftantial,  the 
accidental,  and  the  topfey-htrvey. 

PROF. 


[    345    ] 
PRO.    Define  tlicfe  feveral  modes, 

STU.  The  formal  refpefts  the  figure  or  {hape 
of  the  box,  fuch  as  round,  fquare,  oblong,  and 
fo  forth  ;  the  fiibftantial  refpe&s  the  work  of  the 
joiner ;  and  the  accidental  depends  upon  the  firing 
by  which  the  box  is  hung  againft  the  wall. 

PROF.  Very  well — And  what  are  the  confe- 
quences  of  the  accidental  mode  ? 

STU.  If  the  firing  fliould  break  the  box  would 
fall,  the  fait  be  fpilt,  the  falt-box  broken,  and  the 
eook  in  a  bitter  paffion  :  and  this  is  the  accidental 
mode  with  its  confequences. 

PROF.  How  do  you  diflinguhli  between  the 
top  and  bottom  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  The  top  of  a  box  is  that  part  which  is 
uppcnnoft,  and  the  bottom  that  part  which  is 
lowed  in  all  pofitions. 

PROF.  You  fliould  rather  fay  the  lowed  pan  is 
the  bottom,  and  the  uppermod  part  is  the  top.— 
How  is  it  then  if  the  bottom  fliould  be  the  upper- 
mod? 

STU.  The  top  would  then  be  the  lowermoft  ; 
and  fo  the  bottom  would  become  the  top,  and 

the 


[     34*     ] 

the  top  would  become  the  bottom :  and  this  is 
called  the  topfey-turvey  mode,  which  is  nearly  al 
lied  to  the  accidental,  and  frequently  arifes  from  it, 

PROF.  Very  good — But  'are  not  falt-boxes 
fometimes  fmgle  and  fometimcs  double  ? 

STU.    Yes. 

PROF.  Well,  then  mention  the  feveral  combi 
nations  of  falt-boxes  with  rcfpeft  to  their  having 
fait  or  not. 

STU.  They  are  divided  into  fmgle  falt-boxes 
having  fait ;  fmgle  falt-boxes  having  no  fait  j 
double  falt-boxes  having  fait ;  double  falt-boxes 
having  no  fait ;  and  fmgle  double  falt-boxes  hav 
ing  fait  and  no  fait. 

PROF.  Hold  !  hold ! — you  are  going  too  far. 

Gov.  We  cannot  allow  further  time  for  logic, 
proceed  if  you  pleafe  to 


NATURAL 


f    347    3 

NATURAL   PHILOSOPHY. 
PROF.   Pray  Sir,  what  is  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  It  is  a  combination  of  matter,  fittecl* 
framed,  and  joined  by  the  hands  of  a  workman  in 
the  form  of  a  box,  and  adapted  to  the  purpofe  of 
receiving,  containing,  and  retaining  fait. 

PROF.  Very  good — What  are  the  mechanical 
powers  concerned  in  the  conftruclion  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  The  ax,  the  faw,  the  plane,  and  the 
hammer. 

PROF.  How  are  thefe  powers  applied  to  the 
purpofe  intended? 

STU.  The  ax  to  fell  the  tree,  thcfaiv  to  fpfit 
the  timber. 

PROF.  Confidcr.  It  is  the  property  of  the 
mall  and  wedge  to  fplit. 

STU.  The  faw  to  Jlit  the  timber,  the  plane  to 
fmooth  and  thin  the  boards. 

PROF. 


C     343     J 

PROF.   How  !  Take  time  !   Take  time  ! 

STU.   To  thin  and  fmooth  the  boards. 

PROF.  To  be  fare — The  boards  are  firft  thin 
ned  and  then  fmoothed — go  on — 

STU.  The  plane  to  thin  and  fmooth  the  boards, 
and  the  hammer  to  drive  the  nails. 

PROF.  Or  rather  tacks — Have  not  fome  philo- 
fophers  ccnfidcred  glue  as  one  of  the  mechanical 
powers  ? 

STU.  Yes ;  and  it  is  '{till  fo  confidered,  but  it  is 
called  an  inverfe  mechanical  power :  becaufe, 
whereas  it  is  the  property  of  the  dircft  mechanical 
powers  to  generate  motion,  and  feparate  parts ; 
glue,  on  the  contrary,  prevents  motion,  and  keeps 
the  parts  to  which  it  13  applied  fixed  to  each 
other. 

PROF.  Very  true — What  is  the  mechanical  law 
of  the f aw? 

STU.  The  power  is  to  the  refinance,  as  the 
number  of  teeth  and  force  impreiFed  multiplied  by 
the  number  of  ftrokes  in  a  given  time. 

PROF. 


C     349     1 

PROF.    Is  tliefaiv  only  ufed   in  flitting  timber 
into  boards  ? 

STU.    Yes,  it  is  alfo  employed  in  cutting  boards 
into  lengths. 

PROF.   Not  lengths :  a  thing  cannot  properly  be 
faid  to  have  been  cut  into  lengths. 

STU.   Into Jhortneffes. 

PROF.   Certainly — into  fliortneffes.  Well,  what 
are  the  mechanical  laws  of  the  hammer  ? 

Gov,   The  time  waftes  faft  j  pafs  on  to  another 
fcience. 


MATHEMATICS. 

PROF.   What  is  ifalt-box  ? 

STU.    It  is  a  figure   compofed   of  lines  and 
fur  faces. 

PROF.   What   are   the   external  figures  of  a 
falt-box  ? 

STU. 


J 

STU.   Four  parallelograms  and  two  fquares. 
PROF.   How  are  thefe  difpofed  ? 

STU.  The  four  parallelograms  are  thus  dif 
pofed  :  The  fuperior,  or  top  ;  the  anterior,  or 
front ;  the  inferior,  or  bottom  ;  and  t&cpqflerior, 
or  back ;  and  the  two  fquares  from  the  two  ends. 

PROF.   Very  good — Let  us  now  confider  one  of 
the  fquares  at  the  end  of  the  falt-box.     Suppofc 
then  a  diagonal  line  to  be  drawn  from  one  of  the 
angles  of  this  fquare  ^o-thc-oppoihe  angle  of  the 
fame,  what  will  be  the  confequence  ? 

STU.  It  will  divide  the  fquare  into  two  equal 
and  fimilar  triangles. 

PROF.  Very  true. — But  can  you  demonflrate 
that  thefe  two  equal  and  fimilar  triangles  are  equal 
to  each  other  ? 

STU.    I  draw  the  fquare  A  B  C  D,  whofe  fides 
.B  are   all  equal,  and  the  contained 
angles,  all  right  angles.     I  then 
draw  the  diagonal  B  C,  dividing  the 
fquare  into  two  equal  parts.  Then  I 
'D  fay,  that  one  of  thofe  equal  parts, 

viz. 


C    35'     ] 

riz.  the  triangle  A  B  C  is  equal  to  the  other 
equal  part  or  triangle  BCD;  and  further, 
that  thofe  two  triangles  are  not  only  equal, 
but  fimilar.  For  by  the  io5th  proportion  of 
the  4qth  book  of  Euclid,  if  in  two  triangles, 
all  the  lines  and  angles  of  the  one,  are  equal 
to  all  the  correfponding  lines  and  angles  of:  the 
other,  thofe  two  triangles  will  be  equal  and 
fimilar.  But  the  leg  A  B  of  the  triangle  ABC, 
is  equal  to  the  leg  C  D  of  the  triangle  BCD,  be- 
caufe  they  are  two  of  the  fides  of  the  fquare 
A  B  C  D,  equal  by  conftruftion  :  and  the  leg  A  C 
is  equal  to  the  leg  B  D  for  the  fame  reafon  ;  and 
becaufe  the  hypothenufe  B  C  is  common  to  both 
triangles,  therefore  the  hypothenufe  of  the  tri 
angle  ABC  is  equal  to  the  hypothenufe  of  the 
triangle  BCD.  Now,  becaufe  by  the  1 15th  pro- 
poikion  of  the  fame  book,  equal  legs  fubtend  e- 
qual  angles  of  the  fame  radii ;  it  follows,  that  all 
the  angles  of  the  triangle  ABC  are  equal  to  the 
correfponding  angles  of  the  triangle  B  D  C : 
ergo,  thofe  two  triangles  are  equal  and  iimilar  : 
and  ergo,  if  a  fquare  be  cut  by  a  diagonal  line  into 
two  equal  parts,  thofe  parts  will  be  equal.  Q^C  D. 

PROF.  Very  well !  very  well  indeed  ! — Suppofe 
now  a  right  line  to  be  let  fall  from  a  given  point 
above  a  fult-box,  till  It  {hall  touch  the  fuperior 

paral- 


C     352     1 

parallelogram,  and  another  right  line  to  be  let  fall 
from  the  fame  point  till  it  ihould  touch  the  inferior 
parallelogram  of  the  fame  falt-box,  can  you  de- 
monftrate  that  thefe  two  lines  muil  be  unequal : 
Or,  in  other  words,  can  you  prove  that  a  line  of 
j  2  inches  is  fhorter  than  a  line  of  1 8  inches  in 
length  ? 

STU.   If  two  lines — 

Gov.  We  have  juil  received  intelligence  that 
dinner  is  almoft  ready  ;  and  as  the  medical  clafs  is 
yet  to  be  examined,  we  cannot  afford  time  for  this 
demonftration.  Let  the  medical  gentlemen  come 
forward. 


ANATOMY. 

PROF.  What  is  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  It  is   a  body  compofed  of  wood,  glue, 
nails  and  hinges. 

PROF.  How  is  this  body  divided  ? 
STU.    Into  external  and  internal, 

PROF. 


C     353     ] 

PROF.  Very  good — external  and  internal — very 
proper  indeed — And  what  are  the  external  parts  of 
a  falt-box  ? 

STU.    One  fundamental,  four  laterals  and  one 
fuperlaterah 

PROF.  And  how  do  you  find  the  internal  parts 
of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  Divided  by  a  vertical  membrane  or  parti 
tion  into  two  large  cavities  or  fmuffes. 

PROF.   Are  thefe  cavities  always  equal  ? 


STU.  They  ufed  to  be  fo  formerly  ;  but  mo 
dern  joiners  have  thought  it  bed  to  have  them  un 
equal,  for  the  more  convenient  accommodation  of 
the  vifcera  or  contents ;  the  larger  cavity  for  the 
reception  of  the  coarfer  vifcera,  and  the  fmaller 
for  the  fine. 


PROF.  Very  true — thus  have  modern  joiners, 
by  their  improvements,  excelled  the  firft  maker  of 
falt-boxes — Tell  me  now  what  peculiarity  do  you 
obferve  in  ihefitperlateral  member  of  a  falt-box  ? 

STU.  Whereas  all  the  other  members  are  fixed 
Z  and 


C     354     ] 

and  ftationary  with  refpeft  to  each  other,  the  fu« 
perlateral  is  moveable  on  a  pair  of  hinges. 

PROF.  To  what  Purpofe  it  is  fo  conftrufted  ? 

STU.  For  the  admiffion,  retention,  and  emiffion 
of  the  faline  particles. 

Gov.   This  is  fufficient — Our  time  is  fhort — 
dinner  muft  not  wait — let  us  now  proceed  to 


SURGERY,  AND  THE   PRACTICE  OF  PHYSIC. 

PROF.  Mention  a  few  of  the  principle  diforders 
to  which  a  falt-box  is  liable. 

STU.  A  cracked  and  leaky  fundamental  ;  a 
gaping  of  the  joint  in  the  laterals ;  luxation  of 
the  hinges ;  and  an  acceffion  and  concretion  of  filth 
and  foulnefs  external  and  internal. 

PROF.  Very  well— How  would  you  treat  thofe 
diforders  ? — begin  with  the  firfl. 

ST}[.  I  would  caulk  the  leaky  fundamental 
with  pledgets  of  tow,  which  I  would  fecure  in  the 
fiiTure  by  a  flrip  of  linen  or  paper  pafted  over. 

For 


t     355    J 

For  the  ftarting  of  the  lateral  joints,  I  would  admi- 
nifter  powerful  aftringents,  fuch  as  the  gluten  cor- 
neum  ;  and  would  bind  the  parts  together  by 
triple  bandages  until  the  joints  ftiould  knit. 

> 

PROF.  Would  you  not  affift  with  chalybeates  ? 

STU.  Yes — I  would  at — tack  the  difeafe  with 
prepared  iron,  in  dofes  proportioned  to  the  ftrength 
of  the  parts. 

PROF.  How  would  you  manage  the  luxation  of 
the  hinge  ? 

STU.  I  would  firft  examine  whether  it  was  oo 
cafioned  by  the  ftarting  of  the  points  which  annex 
the  procefies  to  \h^  fuper  lateral  or  its  antagoriift^ 
or  to  a  lofs  of  the  fulcrum,  or  to  an  abfolute  frac 
ture  of  the  futures.  In  the  firft  cafe,  I  would  fecure 
the  procefs  by  a  fcrew  ;  in  the  fecond,  I  would 
bring  the  futures  together,  and  introduce  the  ful 
crum  ;  and  in  the  laft,  I  would  entirely  remove 
the  fraftured  hinge,  and  fupply  its  place,  pro  tern* 
fore,  with  one  of  leather. 

PROF.  Very  will,  fir  ! — very  well  !— New  for 
your  treatment  in  cafe  of  accumulated  foulnefs,  ex- 

Z  2  ternal 


[     356    ] 

terhal  and  internal— But  firft  tell  me,  how  is  this 
foulnefs  contra&ed  ? 

STU.  Externally,  by  the  greafy  hands  of  the 
cook;  and  internally,  by  the  folution  and  adhefion 
of  the  faline  particles. 

PROF.  True — And  now  for  the  cure, 

STU.  I  would  firfl  evacuate  the  abominable  veflel, 
through  the  prima  via.  I  would  then  exhibit  de 
tergents  and  diluents;  fuch  as  the  faponaceous  pre 
paration,  with  great  plenty  of  aquafontana. 

PROF.   Would  not  aqua  coeleftis  do  better  ? 

STT.  Yes — Plenty  of  aqua  ccc/e/tir  with  the 
marine  fand.  I  would  alfo  apply  the  fri&ion  brufli, 
with  a  briik  and  ftrong  hand,  until  the  excremen- 
titious  concrete  fhould  be  totally  diffolved  and 
removed. 

PROF.  Very  proper — What  next? 

STU.  I  would  recommend  the  cold  bath,  by 
means  of  a  common  pump  ;  and  then  apply  lintal 
abforbents ;  and  finally  exficcate  the  body  by  ex- 

pofition 


C    357    J 

pofition  either  in  the  fun,  or  before  the  kitchen 
fire. 

PROF.  In  what  fituation  would  you  leave  the 
fuperlateral  valve  during  the  exficcating  ope 
ration  ? 

STU.  I  would  leave  it  open  to  the  -extent,  in 
order  that  the  rarefied  humidities  might  freely  ex- 
hale  from  the  abominable  cavities  or  fmuffes. 


CHEMISTRY. 

PROF.    You  have  mentioned  the  faponaceous 
preparation  —  Pray,  how  is  that  procured? 

STU.   By  the  a&ion  of  a  vegetable  alkaline 
fait  upon  a  pinguidinous  or  un&uous  fubflance. 

PROF.   What  is  fait  ? 


STU.  It  is  a  fubftancey^/^^ra,  pungent  to  the 
tafte,  of  an  antifeptic  quality,  and  is  produced  by 
cryftallizatiou  on  the  evaporation  of  the  fluid  in 
which  it  is  fufpended. 

PROF.  How  many  kinds  of  fait  occur  in  a  falt- 
box  ? 

Z  3 


r  358  i 

STU.  Two — coarfe  and  fine. 

PROF.  You  have  faid  that  the  faponaceous  pre 
paration  is  produced  by  the  action  of  a  vegetable 
alkaline  fait  on  a  pinguidinous  or  unctuous  fub- 
ftance — defcribe  the  procefs. 

STTJ.  If  a  greatquantity  of  ftrong7/>  be  procured 
by  palling  water  through  woodafhes,  and  if  a  very 
large  body  of  a  pinguidinous  habit  fhould  be  im- 
merfed  in  this  //>,  and  expofed  to  a  confiderable 
heat,  the  action  of  the  //>,  or  rather  of  the  faks 
with  which  it  abounds  upon  the  pinguidinous  body, 
would  caufe  the  mixture  to  coagulate  and  [Here 
the  examiner  looked  very  four,  for  he  was 
very  fat. ~\ 

AT  this  indant  a  fervant  announced  that  dinner 
was  on  the  table — The  examination  was  conclu 
ded,  and  the  parties  feparated — One  rejoicing  in 
the  anticipation  of  a  feaft,  and  the  examined  hap 
py  in  finding  the  fiery  trial  over. 

May  1784. 


AN 


I     359    1 


ADDRESS 

TO       THE 

AMERICAN    PHILOSOPHICAL    SOCIETT, 

HELD  AT   PHILADELPHIA,   FOR  PROMOTING    USEFUL 
KNOWLEDGE: 

(Delivered  January  16, 1784.) 


.O.AVING  obferved,  with  real  concern,  the 
flate  of  fupinenefs  and  negleft  into  which  this  fo- 
ciety  feems  to  have  fallen,  I  cannot  fupprefs  the 
zeal  that  urges  me  to  attempt  fomething  that  may 
draw  your  attention  to  the  important  purpofes  for 
which  the  legiflature  hath  incorporated  you  as  a 
philofophical  fociety,  and  to  propofe  fome  regu- 
gulations  which  may,  in  my  opinion,  prove  benefi- 
ciaUo  this  inftitution. 

PRE- 


PREVIOUS  to  the  late  war  our  fociety  was  ma 
king  confiderable  progrefs  towards  becoming  ufe- 
ful  and  famous :  it  had  already  attracted  the  notice 
of  learned  men  in  Europe.  The  communica 
tions,  by  members  at  home  and  abroad  were  fre 
quent  and  valuable  ;  fo  that  in  its  infant  flate,  it 
was  enabled  to  publifh  a  volume  of  tranfaftions 
which  flamped  a  credit  on  the  fociety,  and  made  it 
an  object  worthy  of  public  encouragement. 

THIS  fair  profpeft,  however,  was  totally  over- 
cafl  by  the  dreary  tempeft  of  war.  The  {till  voice 
of  philofophy  could  not  be  heard  amidfl  the  hoflile 
din  of  arms,  the  thunder  of  the  cannon,  and  the 
horrible  confufion  of  ravaged  countries  and  plun 
dered  cities. 

BY  the  bleffing  of  Almighty  God,  the  prudent 
and  heroic  conduct  of  the  citizens  and  foldiers  of 
America,  and  the  friendly  afliftance  of  a  powerful 
ally,  this  war,  which  threatened  fo  loudly,  hath 
terminated  in  the  eflablifhment  of  our  indepen- 
dance,  and  a  peace  highly  honourable  and  advan 
tageous  to  us. 

IT  is  now  time — it  is  high  time — that  philofophy 
ftiould  again  lift  up  her  head.  Political  fovereignty 
being  thus  fecured  to  us,  the  eyes  of  Europe  are 

turned 


C   361    1 

turned  towards  America — And  with  what  view  ? 
Not  altogether  to  contemplate  the  peculiarities  of 
our  government.  If  our  fyftems  fliould  be  bad, 
we  fliall  be  the  chief  fufferers ;  if  they  are  wife 
and  good,  we  {hall  reap  the  chief  advantage — • 
foreign  nations  are  not  directly  interested  in  this 
fpeculation.  But  they  look  towards  us  as  a  coun 
try  that  may  be  a  great  nurfery  of  arts  and  fcien- 
ces — As  a  country  affording  an  extenfive  field  of 
improvement  in  agriculture,  natural  hiflory,  and 
other  branches  of  ufeful  knowledge.  They  look 
to  thofe  future  philofophers,  who  fliall  fearch  nature 
in  her  hidden  receiTes  ;  in  regions  yet  unexplored; 
in  depths  and  caverns,  which  the  light  of  day  hath 
never  yet  illumined. 

No  fooner  were  the  glad  tidings  of  peace  an 
nounced,  but  many  of  the  literati  of  Europe  were 
hafly  to  encourage  our  purfuits  by  their  friendly 
notice.  The  many  letters,  with  prefents  of  ufeful 
and  curious  books  we  have  lately  received,  evince 
this. 

IN  what  an  interefting  fituation,  then,  are  we 
placed  ?  And  in  this  interefting  lituation  permit 
me  to  alk,  what  are  we  doing  ?  I  am  truly  forry 
that  the  anfwer  to  this  queftion  fliould  amount  to 
little  more  than  this — we  are  returning  very  civil 

acknow- 


C    36*    1 

acknowledgements  for  the  letters  and  prefents  fo 
received. 

IT  may,  indeed,  reafonably  be  fuppofed,  that  c- 
very  citizen  of  America  mud  find  himfelf  intimately 
intereiled  in  the  political  concerns  of  his  country; 
left  in  an  unfcttled  ftate  by  the  confufions  of  war  ; 
and  deeply  engaged  in  the  arrangement  and  efta- 
blimment  of  a  new  empire,  to  which  the  late  im 
portant  revolution  hath  given  birth. 

BUT  thefe  excufes,  however  fubftantial," cannot 
avail  us  long.  If  it  lhall  be  perceived,  that  year 
after  year  elapfes,  and  nothing  interefling  is  pro 
duced,  no  difcoveries  made,  or  even  attempted  to 
be  made :  when  it  fliall  be  perceived,  that  our 
barrennefs  mud  be  occafioned,  either  by  a  want  of 
abilities,  or  which  is,  indeed,  the  truth,  by  a 
ihameful  want  of  attention,  we  mufl  unavoidably 
fink  into  contempt :  and  when  this  fhall  be  the 
cafe — I  will  venture  to  prophefy — this  fociety  will 
never  regain  its  loft  ground.  Some  other  future 
philofophical  fociety,  better  modelled,  and  compof- 
ed  of  more  zealous  members,  may  rife  into  notice, 
and  become  ufeful :  but  this  fociety  will  fink  into 
oblivion. 

I  hope  we  are  yet  at  a  confiderable  diftance 

from 


[     3*3     ] 

from  fuch  difgrace ;  but  as  I  apprehend  we  are 
rather  verging  towards  it,  my  concern  would  not 
fufler  me  to  withhold  this  warning. 

To  prove  that  my  fears  are  not  altogether  with 
out  foundation,  I  appeal  to  three  notorious  cir- 
cumftances  ;  our  fhameful  neglect  of  the  flated 
meetings  of  the  fociety,  the  great  fcarcity  of  phi- 
lofophical  communications,  and  the  tenor  and  com- 
plexion  of  our  book  of  minutes. 

NEVER  was  there  an  aera  in  which  philofophi- 
cal  ptirfuits  were  more  encouraged,  or  pufhed  with 
more  fuccefs,  than  the  prefent.  The  difcoveries 
which  have  been  made  in  every  part  of  Europe, 
are  mod  interefling  and  important.  Some  have 
contrived  means  to  feparate  the  different  kinds  of 
air,  compounded  in  bodies,  and  to  inveiligate  and 
prove  experimentally  their  refpe&ivc  properties  : 
others  have  plunged,  as  it  were,  into  the  element 
of  fire,  to  fearch  out  its  fubtle  powers,  and  deve- 
lope  that  great  fecret  of  nature,  the  generation  of 
animal  heat :  fome  are  puriuing  electrical  experi 
ments,  with  the  mod  promifing  afTiduity :  others  are 
adding  new  worlds  to  our  fyllem  :  and  others,  on 
principles  hitherto  undifcovered,  fend  up  the  vaft 
balloon,  and  float  in  regions  deemed  inacceffible 
to  man. 

THE 


C    364   J 

THE  door  to  knowledge  feems  to  be  wider  open 
than  ever  it  was :  the  authority  of  the  fchools  is  dai 
ly  giving  way  to  the  authority  of  nature.  It  is  now 
perceived,  that  it  is  not  abfolutely  neceffary  that  a 
man  {liould  be  what  is  called  learned  in  order  to 
be  a  philofopher.  A  judicious  and  careful  ex 
amination  of  the  phenomena  of  nature,  and  ex 
periments,  fimple  and  eafily  made,  may,  and 
often  do,  lead  the  attentive  enquirer  to  mofl 
important  difcoveries ;  even  without  any  know 
ledge  of  what  are  called  the  learned  langua 
ges,  or  of  the  fyflematical  do&rines  of  the 
fchools. 

MANY,  I  am  perfuaded,  have  fuppreffed  ftrong 
inclinations  for  experimental  purfuits,from  a  notion 
than  none  can  be  a  philofopher,  or  ought  to  meddle 
with  philofophical  enquiries,  unlefs  he  has  had  what 
is  generally  called  a  learned  education.  The  pofi- 
tion  is  not  true  in  reafon  or  in  faft  : — it  is  not 
true  in  faft ;  for,  many  of  the  greateft  advances 
in  philofophical  knowledge  have  been  made  by 
men  not  eminent  for  their  learning :  and  many 
of  the  mod  ufeful  improvements  in  mechanics  have 
been  produced  by  men  of  the  moft  fcanty  educa 
tion.  That  defervedly  and  univerfally  admired 
philofopher  the  worthy  prefident  of  this  fociety,* 

made 

*  Dr.   Franklin. 


C    365   ] 

made  fome  of  his  mod  important  difcoveries  before 
he  had  acquired  any  confiderable  knowledge  in 
fchool  learning  ;  for  he  had  not  a  liberal  educati 
on  his  youth.  The  pofition  is  not  true  in  reafon; 
for  the  language  of  nature  is  not  written  in  Hebrew 
or  Greek ;  the  underflanding  thereof  is  not  involv 
ed  in  the  contemptible  quirks  of  logic,  nor  wrapt 
in  the  vifionary  clouds  of  metaphyfical  hypothecs. 
The  great  book  of  nature  is  open  to  all — all  may 
read  therein — and  who  can  read  and  underftand, 
without  worfhipping  the  God  of  nature,  who  thus 
manifefts  himfelf  in  the  fimplicity  and  power  of  his 
works  ? 

THE  idolatrous  veneration  heretofore  paid  to 
the  theoretical  philofophy  of  thofe  fages,  who  de 
rive  half  their  reputation  from  the  grofs  ignorance 
of  the  ages  in  which  they  lived,  is  now  in  a  great 
meafure  done  away  :  men  begin,  without  fear  of 
condemnation,  to  lay  afide  faith  in  philofophy,  and 
bring  doftrines  to  the  tefl  of  faft.  The  impene 
trable  myfteries  and  fupernatural  influences  of 
chymiftry  have  vaniilied  with  the  fmoke  of  the  fur 
nace,  and  we  fee  that  chymical  proceffes  are  gover 
ned  by  the  unalterable  mechanical  laws  of  nature, 
which  want  nothing  but  fair  invefligation  to  be 
underftood.  The  fatal  fabric  of  fyftematical  phy- 
fic — that  ilaughter-houfe  of  one-fourth  part  of  the 

human 


r  355  j 

human  fpecies,  is  now  falling  to  ruin.  The  mo 
dern  phyfician  fimplifies  his  practice,  by  attending 
to  nature  and  fact,  and  following  their  indications 
in  preference  to  the  dilates  of  Galen.  In  a  word, 
men  do  not  now,  as  heretofore,  act  peremptorily 
on  what  may  appear  to  be  reafon  ;  but  reafon 
cautiouily  on  what  appears  to  be  fact :  and  this 
mud  furely  be  the  right  and  fafe  road  to  the  know 
ledge  of  truth. 

WHAT  a  glorious  cera  for  the  advancement  of 
true  philofophy  !  The  road  to  knowledge  laid 
open,  and  the  fafhion  of  the  times  leading  into  it. 

IN  the  midd  of  fuch  advantageous  circumftances, 
{hall  I  again  aik  the  mortifying  queftion — What 
are  we  doing  ? — I  avoid  the  anfwer — I  would  not 
offend — my  defign  is  only  to  roufe  the  fociety 
from  that  date  of  fupinenefs  and  lethargy  into 
which  it  feems  to  have  fallen,  and  to  ilimulate  its 
members  to  a  more  active  attention. 

OUR  deficiency,  I  am  confident,  is  not  owing  to 
a  want  of  men  of  ftrong  natural  abilities,  or  a  funi- 
ciency  of  acquired  learning  amongft  us.  Ameri 
ca  hath  been  noted  for  the  fagacity  of  her  citizens. 
The  very  climate  is  favourable  to  the  production 
of  genius ;  and  the  uncultivated  abilities  of  the 

lowefl 


[    36?    J 

lowed  clafs  of  the  natives  of  this  country,  feera  to 
be  as  keen  and  difcerning  as  thofe  of  any  country 
whatever.  Our  deficiency,  then,  muft  be  owing 
merely  to  a  want  of  attention,  which,  in  our  fitua- 
tion,  is  unpardonable. 

BUT,  as  I  have  prefumed  to  point  at  the  evil,  it 
is  but  a  reafonable  expectation  that  I  fliould  alfo 
attempt  to  fuggeft  a  remedy.  This  I  will  readily 
do  according  to  my  ideas  of  what  may  be  benefi 
cial  to  the  fociety. 

IN  the  firft  place,  I  think  it  requifite  that  this 
corporation  fliould  have  a  building  of  its  own,  pro 
perly  conftrufted  for  the  accommodation  of  our 
library,  nafural  curiofities,  and  philofophical  appa 
ratus,  with  a  convenient  hall  for  the  meetings  of 
the  fociety,  public  orations,  ledtures,  &c.  To  this 
building  there  fliould  be  annexed  an  obfervatory, 
a  fmall  chymical  laboratory,  and  a  botanical  gar 
den.  To  accomplifh  fo  great  a  delign,  the  fituation 
of  our  treafury  is  certainly  far  inadequate.  A  mo 
derate  revenue  would  ferve  all  the  purpofes  of  the 
inftitution,  if  we  were  once  provided  with  a  build 
ing  and  apparatus  j  to  efFeft  which,  I  know  of  no 
way,  but  that  of  a  general  fubfcription,  and  an  ap 
plication  to  the  legiflature  for  fome  aiMance.  This 
once  accomplifhed,  our  annual  income  might  be 
4  augment- 


r  553  j 

augmented,  by  obliging  every  new  member  (ho 
norary  members  in  diflant  countries  excepted)  to 
pay  eight  dollars  for  his  certificate,  and  to  fign  an 
obligation  to  contribute  twenty  Jhillings  per  annum, 
to  the  iupport  of  the  funds  ;*  and  to  be  prohibited 
from  voting,  or  being  voted  for  to  any  office,unlefs 
all  arrears  be  paid  up  :  and  if  any  member  mould" 
refufe  or  negleft  to  pay  his  annual  fubfcription  for 
three  years  fucceflively,  it  mould  be  deemed  a  vo 
luntary  withdrawing  himfelf  from  the  fociety,  un- 
lefs  in  cafe  of  abfence  from  the  country  beyond 
fea,  or  other  manifedly  reafonable  excufe. 

I  would  propofe,  that  in  the  election  of  counfel- 
lors,  particular  refpect  mould  be  had  to  choofe 
fuch  as  would  probably  duly  Attend  the  flated 
meetings  of  the  fociety  ;  and  that  the  counfellors 
fo  chofen,  iliould  underiland,  that  however  other 
members  may  be  at  liberty  to  attend  or  not,  as 
inclination  or  convenience  may  permit,  it  will  be 
expected  of  them,  that  they  mall  regularly  afiemble 
at  the  Mated  times  for  promoting  the  purpofes 
of  the  inftitution ;  and,  therefore,  they  (hall  be 
noticed  by  written  or  printed  tickets,  at  lead  twelve 
hours  before  the  time  of  meeting. 

THIS 

*  At  this  time  nev  members  paid  nothing  on  their  election,  and 
the  annual  fubfcription  was  only  ten  {hillings  from  the  members, 
and  that  far  frcr.i  being  punctually  paid. 


:  369  : 

THIS  particular  notice,  however,  mould  not 
imply  the  exclufion  qf  any  other  member  or  mem 
bers,  fummoned  only  by  public  advertifement,  who 
may  choofe  to  attend. 

.  THE  counfellors,  befides  the  ftated  meetings, 
may  hold  meetings  on  their  own  adjournments,  or 
may  call  themfelves  together,  whenever  it  mail  be 
thought  neceflary ;  but  (hall  do  nothing  decifivc 
concerning  the  fociety,  in  their  own  adjourned 
meetings,  but  only  digeft  and  plan  mere  matters 
of  bufmefs,  to  be  recommended  and  determined 
upon  at  the  next  flated  meeting  of  the  fociety. 

MY  objeft  herein  is,  that  all  matters  of  bufinefs, 
being  duly  confidered  and  prepared,  the  attention 
of  the  fociety  may  not  be  too  much  engaged  in 
matters  of  little  importance  to  philofophy  ;  fo  that 
the  converfations  at  the  ftated  meetings,  may  be 
moftly  employed  in  philofophical  fubjects  with  as 
little  interruption  as  poffible. 

BUT  above  all,  and  as  a  principal  objeft,  I  would 
recommend  that  at  every  ftated  meeting  of  the 
fociety,  or  at  leaft  as  often  as  may  be  convenient, 
one  or  more  philofophical  experiments  fhould  ac 
tually  be  exhibited.  The  particular  experiment  to 
be  determined  upon  at  the  preceding  meeting,  in 

A  a  order 


[    37°    ] 

order  that  the  curators,  whofe  fpecial  duty  it  fliould 
be,  may  provide  the  requifites,  and  fee  that  the 
fleceffary  apparatus  be  in  order  for  the  purpofe : 
and  if  any  experiment  be  fuggefted  by  a  member, 
it  fhall  be  performed  at  the  expence  of  the  treafury, 
provided  a  majority  of  members  prefent  when  it  is 
propofed  fhall  fo  determine:  and  every  experiment 
made,  with  the  view  in  making  it,  and  the  final  re- 
fult  £hould  be  fully  recorded  in  a  book  to  be  kept 
for  that  purpofe. 

SUCH  are  the  outlines  of  a  reform,  which  I 
think  would  remedy  the  evils  complained  of — and 
for  the  following  reafons  : — firft,  as  to  the  neglect 
in  attending  the  meetings  of  the  fociety.  The 
exhibition  of  curious,  and  fometimes  new  experi 
ments,  with  the  ccnverfations  and  reafonings  which 
fuch  experiments  would  naturally  occafion,  muft, 
I  think,  unavoidably  engage  the  attention  of  many 
who  now  abfent  themfelves  for  want  of  induce 
ments  of  entertainment  or  inflruction.  Secondly, 
the  fcarcity  of  philofophical  communications :  this 
would  alfo  probably  be  remedied,  as  the  feeing 
experiments  performed,  and  the  poffefTmg  conve. 
nient  opportunities  of  bringing  conceived  truths  to 
the  teft  of  faft,  would  incite  and  produce  cffays  on 
many  ufeful  and  curious  points,  which  now  live 
only  in  idea,  and  die  in  neglect.  And,  thirdly, 

our 


L    37i     3 

our  book  of  minutes  would  fhew  that  they  record 
the  proceedings  of  a  philofophical  fociety. 

To  conclude,  I  wilh  this  addrefs  may  be  confi- 
dered  as  preparatory  to  a  motion  I  {hall  now  make 
— which  is — 

"  THAT  a  committee  may  be  appointed  to  take 
into  confideration  the  constitution,  laws,  and  regu 
lations  of  the  fociety  ;  and  to  propofe  fuch  alte 
rations,  amendments,  and  additions  thereto, as  they 
may  think  moft  likely  to  advance  this  fociety,  and 
promote  the  good  purpofes  for  which  it  was  infti- 
tuted :  and  that  the  faid  committee  propofe  the 
moft  promifing  means  by  which  a  building,  and  a 
complete  philofophical  apparatus,  may  be  procu 
red  ;  and  report  at  the  next  meeting,  or  as  foon  as 
may  be  convenient." 


Aas  AC 


Of    A 


WORM    IN    A    HORSE'S    EYE 

(Read  in  the  Philofophlcal  Society,   Sept.  26, 


JTIAVING  been  myfelf  a  witnefs  to  the  follow 
ing  curious  faft,  I  thought  it  (hould  not  pafs  un 
recorded,  efpecially  as  it  occured  in  this  city,  un 
der  the  immediate  notice  of  the  philofophical 
fociety. 

A  report  prevailed  laft  fummer,  that  a  horfe  was 
to  be  feen,  which  had  a  living  ferpent  in  one  of 
his  eyes.  At  firft  I  difregarded  this  report ;  but 
feveral  of  my  acquaintance,  who  had  been  to  fee 
the  horfe,  confirming  the  account,  I  had  the  curi- 
ofity  to  go  myfelf,  taking  a  friend  along  with  me. 

THE  horfe  was  kept  in  Arch-flreet,  and  belonged 
to  a  free  negro.  I  examined  the  eye  with  all  the 
attention  in  my  power,  being  no  ways  difpofed  to 
credit  the  common  report,  but  rather  expe&ing 

to 


[     373     3 

to  deteft  a  fraud  or  vulgar  prejudice ;  but  was 
much  furprifed  to  fee  a  real  living  worm  within 
the  ball  of  the  horfe's  eye.  This  worm  was  of  a 
clear  white  colour,  in  fize  and  appearance  much 
like  a  piece  of  white  bobbin  ;  it  feemed  to  be  from 
2^  to  3  inches  in  length,  which,  however,  could 
not  be  exaftly  afcertained,  its  whole  length  never 
appearing  at  one  time,  but  only  fuch  a  portion 
thereof  as  cculd  be -feen  through  the  iris,  which 
was  greatly  dilated.  The  creature  was  in  a  con- 
ftant,  lively,  vermicular  motion,  fometimes  retiring 
fo  deep  in  the  eye  as  not  to  be  feen  at  all,  and  at 
other  times  approaching  fo  near  to  the  -  iris  as  to 
become  plainly  and  diftinftly  feen ;  at  lead  fo 
much  of  it  as  was  within  the  field  of  the  iris.  I 
could  not  diftinguim  its  head,  neither  end  being 
perfectly  exhibited  whilft  I  viewed  it;  and,  indeed, 
its  motion  was  fo  briik  and  conftant  as  not  to  ad 
mit  of  fo  nice  an  examination. 

THE  horfe's  eye  was  exceedingly  inflamed, 
fwoin,  and  running  ;  I  mean  the  mufcles  contigui 
ous  to  the  eye-ball,  and  he  feemed  to  be  in  great 
pain  ;  fo  that  it  was  with  difficulty  the  eye  could 
be  kept  open  for  more  than  a  few  feconds  at  a 
time  :  and  I  was  obliged  to  watch  favourable  mo 
ments  for  a  diilincl:  view  of  this  tormentor. 

A  a  3  I  be- 


r     374     ] 

I  believe  the  horfe  was  quite  blind  in  that  eye, 
for  it  appeared  as  if  all  the  humours  were  con 
founded  together,  and  that  the  worm  had  the 
whole  orb  to  range  in  ;  which,  however,  was  not 
of  a  diameter  fufficient  for  the  worm  to  extend  tp 
its  full  length,  as  far  as  I  could  difcover.  The 
humours  of  the  eye  were  beginning  to  grow  opake, 
like  a  chilled  jelly,  and  foon  afterwards  became  al 
together  fo,  as  I  was  informed. 

As  this  is  an  uncommon  circumftance,  and  may 
affecl:  fome  philofophical  doctrines,  it  is  much  to  be 
lamented,  that  the  horfe  had  not  been  purchafed, 
and  the  eye  differed  for  better  examination. 

THAT  there  was  a  living,  felf-moving  worm  in 
the  ball  of  this  horfe's  eye,  free  from  all  deception 
or  miftake,  I  am  mod  confident.  How  this  worm 
got  there,  or  (if  bred  in  fo  remarkable  a  place) 
where  its  parents  came  from,  or  how  they  con 
trived  to  depofit  their  femen,  or  convey  their  egg 
into  the  eye  of  an  horfe,  I  leave  for  others  ta 
determine. 


AN 


375    ] 


PROPOSED  TO  MR.  RITTENHOUSE,  AND  SOLVED  BY  HIM. 


Philadelphia,  March  16,   1785. 
DEAR    SIR,. 

L  TAKE  liberty  of  requefting  your  attention  to 
the  following  problem  in  optics.  It  is,  I  believe, 
entirely  new,  and  the  folution  will  afford  amufe- 
ment  to  you,  and  inftru&ion  to  me. 

SITTING  at  ray  door  one  evening  laft  fummer, 
I  took  a  filk  handkerchief  from  my  pocket,  and 
ftretching  a  portion  of  it  lightly  between  my 
two  hands,  I  held  it  before  my  face,  and  viewed 
through  the  handkerchief  one  of  the  flreet 
lamps,  which  was  about  one  hundred  yards  diflant, 
expe&ing  to  fee  the  threads  of  the  handkerchief 
much  magnified.  Agreeably  to  my  expe&ation, 
I  obferved  the  threads  were  magnified  to  the  fize 
of  coarfe  wires  ;  but  was  much  furprifed  to  find, 
that  although  I  moved  the  handkerchief  to  the 
right  and  left  before  my  eyes,  the  dark  bars  did 
not  feem  to  move  at  all  j  but  remained  permanent 

before 


before  the  eye.  If  the  dark  bars  were  occafioned 
by  the  interpofition  of  the  magnified  threads  be 
tween  the  eye  and  the  flame  of  the  lamp,  I  fup- 
pofed  that  they  would  move  and  fucceed  each  o- 
ther  as  the  threads  were  made  to  move  and  pafs 
in  fucceilion  before  the  eye  ;  but  the  facl:  was  o- 
therwife. 

To  account  for  this  phenomenon,  exceeds  my 
{kill  in  optics.  You  will  be  fo  good  as  to  make 
the  experiment ;  and  if  you  find  the  cafe  truly 
Hated,  as  I  doubt  not  you  will  I  fliall  be  much 
obliged  by  a  folution  on  philofophical  principles. 

I  am,  Sir,  with  all  fincerity 
Your  affe&ionate  friend, 
And  very  humble  fervant, 

FRANCIS  HOPKINSON. 

David  Rittenhoufe,  Efq. 


MR. 


C     377     1 


MR.     R.ITTE  NHOV  SE's    ANSWER. 


DEAR     SIR, 

X  HE  experiment  you  mention  with  a  (ilk  hand 
kerchief,  and  the  diftant  flame  of  a  lamp,  is  much 
more  curious  than  one  would  at  firft  imagine.  For 
the  objeft  we  fee  is  not  the  web  of  the  handker 
chief  magnified,  but  fomething  very  different,  as 
appears  from  the  following  confiderations. 

i ft.  A  diftinft  image  of  any  objeft  placed  clofe 
to  the  eye,  cannot  be  formed  by  parallel  rays  or 
fuch  as  ilTue  from  a  diftant  luminous  point  ;  for  all 
fuch  rays  pafling  through  the  'pupil,  will  be  col- 
le&ed  at  the  bottom  of  the  eye,  and  there  form 
an  image  of  the  luminous  point.  The  threads  of 
the  handkerchief  would  only  intercept  part  of  the 
rays,  and  render  the  image  lefs  brilliant. 

2dly.  If  the  crofs  bars  we  fee  were  images  of 
the  filk  threads,  they  muft  pafs  over  the  retina, 
whilft  the  threads  are  made  to  pafs  over  the  pupil ; 

but 


r  378  3 

but  this,  as  you  obferve,  does  not  happen  for  they 
continue  ftationary. 

3<lly.  IF  the  image  on  the  retina  was  a  pi&ure 
of  the  obje£l  before  the  eye,  it  muft  be  fine  or 
coarfe  according  to  the  texture  of  the  handker 
chief.  But  it  does  not  change  with  changing  the 
filk,  nor  does  it  change  on  removing  it  farther 
from  the  eye.  And  the  number  of  the  apparent 
threads  remains  the  fame,  whether  ten,  twenty, 
or  thirty  of  the  filk  threads  pafs  acrofs  the  pupil  at 
the  fame  time.  The  image  we  fee  muft,  therefore, 
be  formed  ic  fome  different  manner ;  and  this  can 
be  no  other  than  by  means  of  the  inflexion  of  light 
in  paffing  near  the  furfaccs  of  bodies  as  defcribed 
by  Newton. 

IT  is  well  known  in  optics,  that  different 
images,  of  the  different  points  of  objects  without 
the  eye,  are  formed  on  the  retina  by  pencils  of 
rays,  which  before  they  fall  on  the  eye  are  inclined 
to  each  other  in  fehfible  angles :  and  the  great  ufe 
of  telefcopes  is  to  encreafe  thefe  angles  regularly, 
in  a  certain  ratio,  fuflering  fuch  rays  as  were  pa 
rallel  before  they  enter  the  telefcope  to  proceed 
on  parallel  after  paffing  through  it.  The  ex 
tended  image  which  we  fee  in  this  experiment  muft 
therefore  be  formed  by  pencils  of  rays,  which  be- 
2  fore 


[     379    1 

4bre  they  entered  the  eye,  had  very  confiderablc 
degrees  of  inclination  with  refpeft  to  each  other. 
But  coming  from  a  fmail  diftant  flame  of  a  lamp, 
they  were  nearly  parallel  before  they  patted 
through  the  filsc  handkerchief.  It  was  therefore 
the  threads  of  filk  which  gave  them  fuch  different 
dire&ions. 

BEFORE  the  filk  is   placed  to  the   eye,  parallel 
rays  of  light  will  form  a  imgle  lucid  fpot  as  at  A 


in  the  figure,  and  this  fpot  will  ftill  be  formed  af 
terwards  by  fuch  rays  as  pafs  through  the  little 
meflies  uninfluenced  by  the  threads.  But  fuppofe 
the  perpendicular  threads  by  their  action  on  the  rays 
to  bend  a  part  of  them  one  degree  to  the  right  and 
left,  another  part  two  degrees  ;  there  will  now  be 
four  images  formed,  two  on  each  fide  of  the  origi 
nal  one  at  A.  By  a  iimilar  aftion  of  the  horizontal 
threads,  this  line  of  five  lucid  fpots  will  be  divid 
ed 


L    380    ] 

cd  into  five  other  lines,  two  above  and  two  be 
low,  making  a  fquare  of  25  bright  fpots,  fepara- 
ted  by  four  perpendicular  dark  lines  and  four 
horizontal  ones  ;  and  thefe  lucid  fpots  and  dark 
lines  will  not  change  their  places  on  moving  the 
web  of  filk  over  the  eye,  parallel  to  any  of  its 
threads.  For  the  point  of  the  retina  on  which  the 
image  (hall  fall,  is  determined  by  the  incidence  of 
the  rays  with  refpecl:  to  the  axis  of  the  eye,  and 
not  by  the  part  of  the  pupil  through  which  they 
pafs. 

IN  order  to  make  my  experiments  with  more 
accuracy,  I  made  a  fquare  of  parallel  hairs  about 
half  an  inch  each  way  ;  and  to  have  them  near 
ly  parallel  and  equidiftanr,  I  got  a  watch  maker 
to  cut  a  very  fine  fcrew  on  two  peices  of  fmall  brafs 
wire.  In  the  threads  of  thefe  fcrews,  r  06  of  which 
made  one  inch, the  hairs  were  laid,  50  or  60  in  num 
ber.  Looking  thro*  thefe  hairs  at  a  fmall  opening 
in  the  window  fhutter  of  a  dark  room,  i-3oth  of 
an  inch  wide  and  three  inches  long,  holding  the 
hairs  parallel  to  the  flit,  and  looking  towards  the 
iky,  I  faw  three  parallel  ••  lines,  almoft  equal  in 
brightnefs,  and  on  each  fide,  four  or  five  much 
fainter,  and  growing  more  faint  coloured  and  in- 
di(lin£l  the  further  they  were  from  the  middle  line, 

which 


which  I  knew  to  be  formed  of  fuch  rays  as  pafs 
between  the  hairs,  uninfluenced  by  them. 

THINKING  my  apparatus  not  fo  perfeft  as  it 
might  be,  I  took  out  the  hairs,  and  put  in  others, 
fomething  thicker  ;    of   thefe  1 90  made  one  inch, 
and  therefore  the  fpaces  between  them  were   a- 
bout  the  i-25oth  part  of  an  inch.  The  three  mid 
dle  lines  of  light  were  no\r  not  fo  bright  as  they 
had  been  before,  and  the  others  were   ftronger 
and  more  diftinft ;  and  I  could  count  fix  on  each 
fide  of  the  middle  line  feeming  to  be  equally  di- 
ftant  from  each  other,  eftimating  the  diftance  from 
the  centre  of  one  to  the  centre  of  the  next.  The 
middle  line  was  ftill  well  defined  and  colourlefs, 
the   next  two  were  likewife  pretty   well  defined, 
but  fomething  broader,   having  their  inner  edges 
tinged  with  blue,  and  their  outer  edges  with  red  : 
the  others  were  more  indiitinft,  and  confifted  each 
of  the  prifmatic  colours,  in  the  fame  order,  which, 
by  fpreading  more   and  more,   feemcd  to  touch 
each  other  at  the  fifth  or  fixth  line,  but  thofe  near- 
eft  the  middle  were   feparated  from   each  other 
by  very  dark  lines,  much  broader  than  the  bright 
lines. 

FINDING  the  beam  of  light  which  came  through 
the  window-fluuter  divided  into  fo  many  diftincT: 

pencils, 


pencils,  I  was  defirous  of  knowing  the  angle* 
which  they  made  with  each  other.  For  this  pur. 
pofe  1  made  ufe  of  a  fmall  prifmatic  telefcope  and 
micrometer,  with  which  I  was  favoured  by  Dr 
Franklin.  I  faftened  the  frame  of  parallel  hairs 
before  the  objecl:  glafs,  fo  as  to  cover  its  aperture 
entirely :  then  looking  through  the  telefcope,  I 
meafured  the  fpace  between  the  two  firft  fide  lines, 
and  found  the  angular  diftance  between  their  inner 
edges  to  be  13'  i$"  ;  from  the  middle  of  one  to 
the  middle  of  the  other  15'  30" ;  and  from  the 
outer  edge  of  one  to  the  outer  edge  of  the  other 
if  457/.  In  the  firft  cafe,  I  had  a  fine  blue  (break 
in  the  middle  of  the  objeft,  and  in  the  laft  a  red 
ftreak.  The  other  lines  were  too  faint,  when  feen 
through  the  telefcope  to  meafure  the  angles  they 
fubtended  with  accuracy  ;  but  from  fuch  trials  as 
I  made,  I  am  fatisfied,  that  from  the  fecond  line 
on  one  fide,  to  the  fecond  on  the  other  fide,  and 
fo  on,  they  were  double,  triple,  quadruple,  &c.  of 
the  firft  angles. 

IT  appears  then,  that  a  very  confiderable  portion 
of  the  beam  of  light  pafled  between  the  hairs  with 
out  being  at  all  bent  out  of  its  courfe ;  that  ano 
ther  fmaller  portion  was  bent,  at  a  medium,  about 
"/  45"  each  way  ;  the  red  rays  a  little  more,  and 
the  blue  rays  a  little  lefs  ;  another  dill  fmaller  por 
tion 


tion  ic'  30";  another  23'  15%  and  fo  on.  But 
that  no  light,  or  next  to  none,  was  bent  in  any  an 
gle  lefs  than  6',  nor  any  light  of  any  particular 
colour  in  any  intermediate  angle  between  thofc 
which  arife  from  doubling,  tripling,  &c.  of  the 
angle  in  which  it  is  bent  in  the  firfl  fide  lines. 

I  was  furprifed  to  find  that  the  red  rays  are  more 
bent  out  of  their  firft  direction,  and  the  blue  rays 
lefs,  as  if  the  hairs  afted  with  more  force  on  the  red 
than  on  the  blue  rays  ;  contrary  to  what  happens 
by  refraftion,  when  light  pafles  obliquely  through 
the  common  furface  of  two  different  mediums.  It 
is,  however,  confonant  to  what  fir  Ifaac  Newton 
obferves  with  refpeft  to  the  fringes  that  border 
the  fhadows  of  hairs  and  other  bodies  ;  his  words 
are — "  And,  therefore,  the  hair,  in  caufing  thefe 
"  fringes,  afted  alike  upon  the  red  light,  or  leafl 
"  refrangible  rays,  at  a  greater  di (lance,  and  upon 
"  the  violet  or  moft  refrangible  rays,  at  a  lefs  dif- 
"  tance ;  and  by  thofe  a&ions  difpofed  the  red 
"  light  into  larger  fringes,  and  the  violet  into  final- 
"  ler  fringes." 

BY  purfuing  thefe  experiments,  it  is  probable 
that  new  and  interefting  difcoveries  may  be  made 
refpecting  the  properties  of  this  wonderful  fub- 
ftance,  light ^  which  animates  all  nature  in  the  eyes 

•       of 


C   384   1 

of  man,  and  perhaps,  above  all  things,  difpofes 
him  to  acknowledge  the  Creator's  bounty.  But 
want  of  leifure  obliges  me  to  quit  the  fubjeft  for 
the  prefent. 

I  am,  dear  fir, 

your  affe&ionate  friend, 

and  very  humble  fervant, 
DAVID  RITTENHOUSE. 

Vide  Am.  Phil.Tranfaft.  Vol.  II.  p.  201. 


END    OF    VOLUME    FIRST. 


•••^ 


AA    000746304    5 


